As She Fades

"When I, I wonder why I try,
And I, I wonder why I bother,
And I, I wonder why I cry,
Why I, I go through all this trouble.

I do it for the drugs.
I do it just to feel alive.
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle."
- Smile Empty Soul

Skylar eased his car into the space between a pair of black sedans and turned the key slowly in the ignition. His gaze drifted toward the familiar house, toward its glowing windows, and he wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel and tightened his hold until it hurt.

Desolation was a cold weight in his chest, a block of ice where his heart had once been, and he longed to rid himself of it, but was the Lord really what he needed?

Why am I here? What does this solve? Nothing. It solved nothing, and he knew it.

But I need it. I really do. Would I be here if I didn't?

He just wanted to feel her again. He wanted to have what they had last night, just one more time.

And really, after what she'd said to him, after how coldly she'd left him, would there ever really be another way?

I'll feel better. Less lost, less without a future. He knew it to be true. He knew that being with her again would always help him. But for how long?

He paused and stared at the house, but it was only a matter of time until he gave in to himself. He shoved the car door open and stepped into the slowly chilling night before he could convince himself to stop.

Just one more time.

He entered the house without knocking, same as always. He didn't meet the eyes of the men in the living room, in the hall, on the stairs, same as always. He headed to the study and knocked, and when the Lord's calm voice called him in, he entered without even the slightest hesitation — same as always.

The Lord smiled as Skylar shut the door, and as the human settled into his usual chair at a gesture from the vampire, the Lord chuckled. "I can tell that there's already a new memory you'd like to revisit. When was it?"

"Last night," Skylar answered shakily, unable to meet the Lord's gaze.

The vampire laughed again, leaving his place by the fire to sink into the armchair opposite Skylar. He could feel the Lord's eyes intently upon him, nearly burning a hole in his skull, and the vampire made a soft noise of surprise. "In your car, eh? Well, this should be interesting."

Skylar felt the warmth of embarrassment seeping into his cheeks, but it was soon fading into nothing, lost beneath a haze of Torryn's cotton-candy perfume.

He felt right again.

-?-

The sunset was as beautiful as ever, casting familiar purples and pinks across the darkening sky. Today, however, Torryn could see clouds moving in to taint the vivid colors with dark gray streaks, and she wondered just how long it would be before the rain came. She'd have to hurry.

Shifting her bag into a more secure position on her shoulder — easier said than done, considering the weight of the massive grammar guide that she'd needed for the low-level English course she'd just come from — she reached into her front pocket and retrieved her cell phone. For a moment, she only looked at it, the scratched silver flip phone that was outdated enough to offend even Skylar, but it wasn't Skylar on her mind. It was Antony. Time and time again, he'd offered to buy her a new phone, a smart phone, and a better phone plan to go along with it — when they were together, anyway. It was an odd memory to recall at a time like this. It was odd that an old phone carried that much weight.

She shook herself inwardly and scrolled through her contacts list in search of Raphael's number. Glancing up for the briefest of moments, she saw that her car was coming into view — Antony's old car, she remembered with a fresh sting.

He was everywhere, wasn't he?

She sighed, angry at herself, and pressed the phone to her ear, listening to the roll of the ringer. Raphael's gruff voice came across the line almost instantly. "I don't have any leads today, unless you want one of the harmless loners I've never bothered to act on."

"Well, hello to you, too," she drawled as she pulled open the driver's side door of the car, concentrating on keeping the thoughts of Antony at bay. "It doesn't matter, though. I already have a plan for the night. I'm just calling to let you know that I might still be in for some healing later."

"Just what is it you're planning to do?" he asked, suspicion already a leaden weight in his voice.

She hesitated as she slid behind the wheel and pulled the door shut. He wasn't going to like this — and she couldn't blame him. It was a plan born out of anger at her own uselessness and boredom with the world, and even she would admit that it was foolish. It was possible, though. She still thought she'd come out on top. "I'm going to go see the Lord."

She jumped, startled, when his voice rose to an uncharacteristic shout in her ear. "We've talked about this before, Torryn. Out of the handful of truly dangerous undead that lurk in this Godforsaken town, that son of a bitch is at the top of the list. He's a member of the Big Five, and he's to be avoided at all costs. I've told you all of this before. There's no reason to stop listening to me now."

"I need to save the Progeny he keeps," she retorted, halfway to a shout, herself. "We've got no other leads, and I'm not just going to sit around while he keeps torturing those people. Besides, I'm not going in for a fight. I'm going to try to make a deal with him."

His sigh was an angry whoosh of air in the receiver. "You know that won't work. I've never heard of any favorable deals coming from him, and it wouldn't be worth the risk even if I had."

"I've beaten him before." She shoved the key in the ignition with much more force than necessary and started the car. "If it comes down to it, I'll just do it again."

"That's what I'm worried about," he growled. "Vampires aren't used to being overcome by little girls, especially not little girls with Progeny blood. He's going to be too interested in you after your last battle, and he's —"

"I'm doing this," she snapped, backing out of her parking space dangerously quickly. "Whether you approve or not, I'm going to go see him. Will you heal me if I need it or not?"

For a moment, there was only silence; then — "Of course I will, but I truly hope you won't need me." He hung up before she could thank him, and she flipped the phone shut and tossed it angrily atop her bag in the passenger's seat.

Leaving the parking lot, she took a deep breath. "I can do this," she told herself. "I know I can."

-?-

Skylar could see only darkness, still lost in a haze of feeling but momentarily left without a visual as the Lord searched for a fresh memory to exploit. When Skylar stopped to think about it, it was actually gross, having a vampire he barely knew digging around in his mind, but he was too far gone to care.

He let his attention drift outward, to his physical being, and he noticed that he was no longer drenched in sweat as he would have been when he'd first started coming here. He could feel the bit of dampness that had settled on his brow and his upper lip, but that was nothing compared to the beginning. He used to be desperately in need of a shower and a change of clothes in a matter of minutes, soaked to the bone in his own sweat, but not anymore. His breathing was fairly regular, too, caught every now and again in a hitch of feeling but never leaving him gasping for air as the process had at first.

In a way, he realized, he was building a tolerance to it. He probably could've forced himself out of the trance if he tried hard enough. But why would he ever try? Why would he ever want to leave the bottomless pit of pleasure that the Lord so kindly sent him diving into? It was better than the reality. He felt better in his own head than he did in the real world around him. No one would betray him here.

A voice filled his ears suddenly, echoing to every corner of his blackened mind, a voice that he would never fail to recognize — Torryn. He vaguely wondered what memory the Lord had chosen for him this time, now that the memory of the previous night had been used to its fullest extent. Their first time together again, maybe? The time they'd spent in the shower together when his parents were out?

He felt warmth rushing into his cheek, a soft hand cupping his chin, and he grew confused. He didn't recall any memories that started like this.

The darkness abated in the span of a sharp gasp, and as alertness returned to him, he stared up at Torryn in wide-eyed wonder. She was there, standing over him with his face in her gentle hands, worry furrowing her brow as she gazed down at him — real, in the flesh.

On impulse, he leaned up to kiss her, and he found her lips as delicate and inviting as any memory he'd ever relived.

She's here. She's really here.

-?-

Torryn leaned in to Skylar's kiss, joyful agony washing over her. He was all right; he was in one piece; he was perfectly fine — but he still wasn't quite hers, and he might never be again. Anger drew her away from him after only a moment, however, and she spun to face the Lord, her lip lifted in a human's sad mockery of a snarl. "What the hell were you doing to him, you son of a bitch?"

The vampire chuckled, leaning back into the overstuffed cushions of his armchair and draping an arm along the side of it, as if he had not a care in the world — as if she weren't a growling, trembling ball of anger on his doorstep. "Relax. I was only giving him what he came for. Nothing more, nothing less."

Her rage cooled as confusion flooded her. "And what the hell do you mean by that?"

"You don't know, then? He never told you, his one true love?" He grinned, thin lips parting to bare his fangs. "He's been coming to see me for weeks now, always of his own free will. I merely offered my services to the poor boy."

"Your services?" He didn't mean what she thought he meant, did he? Her mouth went dry, and she struggled to swallow.

He better not have meant what she thought he did.

The way he met her eyes and smiled answered her question even before he spoke. "He's been desperate to have you back, my dear, and I've been kind enough to help him with that." His eyes drifted toward Skylar, who sat deathly silent on the armchair behind her, and the vampire chuckled lowly. "He's been having a grand old time reliving his past encounters with you — and I can't say I haven't been enjoying it right along with him."

"No," she gasped, whirling to face Skylar. "Is he telling the truth? Have you…" He wouldn't meet her eyes, his gaze locked unwaveringly on the floor at her feet, and she shook her head, numb. "Why, Skylar? Why would you willingly put yourself in this kind of danger, why would you purposely surround yourself with vampires who have no regard for your safety, for something as stupid as the past?"

The Lord forced a tired sigh behind her. "Hm, well, I'm sorry to say that I haven't been entirely truthful with him over the course of our business relationship." That brought Skylar's head up, surprise dancing in his wide blue eyes — Because undead vampires are just notorious for being truthful, trustworthy people, right? — and Torryn turned to scowl at the vampire. "You see," he went on, rising to his feet with his hands clasped behind his back, "I've been undertaking quite the challenge with this one. Instead of only bringing his desired memories to the surface, as promised, I've been allowing him what he's asked for while simultaneously rummaging around in his other memories." His smile returned, sinister. "I've been searching for more information on you, the ever-intriguing half-Progeny. After our first fight together, after that first taste of your succulent blood and of your delectable obedience, how could I just let you go?" Fear twisted her gut, and she remembered Raphael's words: "He's going to be too interested in you after your last battle." Why was she the only one who wasn't always right?

Oh, right. Because I think that running into a vampire coven with a claymore is a completely acceptable course of action. Her own stupidity didn't even surprise her anymore — but she couldn't say she regretted her decisions.

The Lord strolled leisurely over to the fireplace, putting his back to her, but she wouldn't dare act on it, not until she knew just what he'd discovered in Skylar's head. "I'll admit, it's never been my most pressing endeavor, but the information I needed wasn't particularly hard to come by. All I needed was a way to circumvent that impressive pheromone tolerance you've developed, and the answer…" He trailed off with a dark laugh. "It came to me in one of Skylar's idle speculations, while he waited for one of his favorite memories to fill his head, and I must say, I'm quite ashamed that I didn't think of it myself." He turned to face her, and she tensed, his smile frighteningly blackhearted. "Antony," he murmured, and she hated how the name rolled off of his tongue. "That weak creature has put quite the spell on you, hasn't he? Even the human knows it. You have always and will always give in to him, so the answer, so obvious that I should've realized it immediately, is to manipulate your memories of him until you're that same writhing, helpless, desperate-to-please creature you were during the early moments of our first precious meeting."

Her breath left her in a gasp as an array of impossible sensations rocked her all at once — the remembered pheromones, the remembered feelings, the remembered feeding, of a night spent with him. She barely felt the dull ache as her knees met the hardwood floor, barely heard Skylar's cry of her name, before that past night tore her senses from her along with the world.

Antony was on her, around her, in her…

And she wasn't sure she wanted to claw her way back to the present.