Please Remember Me

Standing in the middle of the street in the pouring rain one night, I searched for this little girl. I had only spotted her a few times, but her screams were deafening. I felt adrenaline pump through my veins as I looked one way then the next trying to decipher where the little girl had gone until I saw one of her pink sneakers laying in an alley close by. My breath instantly hitched in my throat as nausea overcame my body. I rushed into the alley searching for the little girl.

“Allie, honey where are you?” I called into the darkness. I don’t remember how I knew her name all I know is it felt natural as it slipped out of my mouth.

I hadn’t realized until now that her screaming had stopped and the only noise I could hear was my ragged breathing. As I stepped further into the alleyway the darker it became until I couldn’t see any sign of light. I heard the little girl scream again as I felt a sharp pain in my side. My hand instantly grabbed at my stomach my fingers felt a gash there as warm blood leaked out. I couldn’t help but gasp for air as shock racked through my body. Suddenly Things were bright enough for me to see, the little girl was hiding besides a dumpster with her hands over her mouth attempting to muffle her own tears. Trying my best to ignore the pain wrenching through my body I crouched down near her.

“Allie, what’s wrong?” I asked the little girl.

“He’s coming back. You need to hide.” She whispered.

“Who’s coming back Allie, tell me who?” I asked her panicking.

“I can’t tell you!” She said scared.

“YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!” I said breathing heavier than ever before.

“It’s too late.” She said pointing behind me.

Before I even had a chance to turn I felt sharp pain after sharp pain as each knife stabbed into me her screams getting louder with each thrust of the knife.

I screamed out into the darkness as I finally came to.

“Gabriella, wake up!” Patrice yelled at me as he held me in his arms.

I couldn’t stop my body from shaking as sweat and tears poured off my body. My heart was going a million beats a second and I couldn’t seem to stop my mind from playing her scream over and over in my head.

“I’ve got you, just breathe.” Patrice said as he rubbed gentle circles into my back, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“He’s coming back.” I whispered as tears continued rolling down my cheeks.

“Who, babe who’s coming back?” He asked me as he pulled me in tighter, “You were only dreaming, it wasn’t real. You have to remember it was just a dream.”

“I can’t… I don’t… Patrice...” I said having a panic attack. I hadn’t had a night tremor this bad in a long time. I usually would be fine a few moments after waking up and realizing I was fine, but there was something about this one dream that I couldn’t get over. It had been ten minutes and I could still hear the girl screaming in my head sending goose bumps all over my body.

“Don’t speak Gabs just breathe, okay? Focus on my breathing. Breathe like me Babe, you can do this. Come on.” Patrice said encouragingly as he still held me tightly to him as if our bodies were fused together. I knew he was just if not more scared as I was. This was hard on both of us, me because I had to go through it and him because he had no way to stop it from happening.

Finally I was able to calm my breathing down once I stopped crying. I relaxed enough to unclench the bed sheets I had fisted in my hands.

“This one lasted the longest by far.” Patrice said slowly, “They’ve been getting worse.” He said in voice barely above a whisper. I could tell seeing me like this had just taken a lot out of him, and it broke my heart.

“I know.” I said still doing my breathing exercises.

“I think maybe we should go back to the doctor in the morning.” He said concerned.

“They can’t do anything for it; they said so the last time.”

“I don’t know what to do Babe.” Patrice said helpless.

“I couldn’t have calmed down if it wasn’t for you. Pat, Baby, you’re doing everything you can, thank you.” I said placing a careful kiss to his lips.

“Was it the same one again?” He asked as he pulled the covers up around our bodies.

“Same one I’ve had all week just worse tonight.” I said sighing heavily. “Let’s not talk about it okay?” I asked hoping we could just let this go. I didn’t like to focus on my night terrors too much knowing that they were starting to take over my life was killing me inside.

“Alright, how about we talk baby names then?” He said snuggling his face in to the crook of my neck letting his scruff scratch at my neck. “I like Aiden for a boy name.”

“What about Noah Benjamin?” I asked throwing some options out there.

“It’s not terrible. How about Charlotte for a girl’s name?” He asked me as he playfully kissed my cheek.

“That’s a good one,” I said yawning heavily, “what about Evalynn?” I asked looking up at him to see he was passed out. I couldn’t help but giggle softly at how cute he was with his chin tilted back and mouth wide open. I wasn’t about to go back to sleep afraid of having another episode so I slipped out of the bed. Careful not to wake him I pulled the covers up around him, tucking him in gently before closing the bedroom door behind me and sneaking down the stairs. I decided I would wash the floors while he was sleeping so he wouldn’t freak out about it. I opened the closet underneath the stairs and found the mop and cleaning supplies.
After I had moved all the furniture out of the way I went to town on the floors until they were sparkling. In four hours I had completely cleaned the entire house. Satisfied with my efforts I relaxed into the couch, but only for a moment when I heard something fall over in the other room.

“Babe?” I asked as I walked into the other room.

~~~~

“OH SHIIIIIIITT!!” Patrice heard me scream from the bedroom. Bolting up out of bed he rushed down the stairs hopping the banister and rushing into the dining room.

“What’s wrong what is it?” He asked grabbing me.

“There was a mouse!” I squealed as I pulled at his shirt trying to get closer to him.

He burst out into laughter, “I thought we had a burglar or something real.” He said running a hand through his hair, “You scared the day lights out of me.”

“I’m sorry baby, go ahead back to sleep.” I said pushing him gently towards the stairs.

“Wait, why are you even up right now?” He looked around the room, “Have you been cleaning?”
“I couldn’t sleep, and yes I have.” I said wringing my hands nervously.

“Let’s turn the TV on then and watch something on the couch.” He suggested as he lifted me up and carried me into the living room.

“I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t so strong.” I said snuggling into his chest.

“Walk.” He said snickering as he placed me down on the couch.

I snuggled in close to his side when he sat beside me on the couch as he covered us in a blanket. Within seconds of turning the TV on he was out cold again. I felt bad for keeping him up like this because I knew how tired he was. He had had back to back games this week and was inches from crashing. I turned the TV off and snuck out of his grasp once again. It was early enough that I could go down to the bakery so I went upstairs and got dressed.

I came back down the stairs quietly hoping that I could sneak out of the house without waking up Pat again. Grabbing my purse from the bench by the door, I turned around and ran straight into Patrice’s chest.

“Where are you sneaking off to?” He asked wrapping his warm arms around me.

“I’m just heading into work.” I said leaning my body against his.

“Why are you going so early, it’s not healthy for you to be doing this kind of stuff.” He said concerned.

“It’s not healthy for me to wait around all day either.” I said wriggling my way out of his arms.

“Will you at least let me drive you?” Patrice asked catching my hand in his grasp as he stopped me in the doorway.

“You need to rest; you’ve got a game tomorrow.” I said cupping his face in my hand, “I’ll be okay, go get some sleep Baby.” I said before placing a kiss to his cheek. Seeing the disappointment on his face was enough to kill me, but I knew it would do me no good to wait around all morning for him. He wouldn’t really get any sleep and I would just get frustrated with myself.

“Babe please.” He said his eyes low with his gloomy face breaking my heart piece by piece.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be, I’ll be home before you even wake up.” I said pulling him in for a kiss.

I could feel him begging me to not pull away, but I did anyways knowing it was for his own good. I placed once last kiss to his lips and walked out the door.

Once in my car I laid my head on the steering wheel as I fought back tears. I didn’t want to leave him there looking at me hopelessly begging me to crawl back into bed with him. Since getting married, Patrice had been even more protective and had expected me to be more dependent. It’s not that I wanted to come and go as I pleased, I was happy to let him know where I was going and when I would be home. What I didn’t want was to be chaperoned everywhere and treated like I was incapable of doing things as simple as breathing. Before I could even calm down my phone buzzed in the cup holder next to me. I checked it to see a text from Patrice.

What’s wrong why haven’t you left yet?

Then another came as I read the first.

Hold on I’m coming out.

I turned the key in the ignition and pulled away as I watched through my rearview mirror our front door open and a frustrated Pat threw his hands in the air. It hurt me inside to drive away, but I felt so suffocated lately that I did anyways. When I reached the first red light at the end of our street my phone had buzzed five times causing me to sigh heavily. I was two weeks into a marriage and already having second thoughts. What the hell was wrong with me?

Before I could put much more thought into it I had arrived at the bakery. I walked up to the front door only to realize I had forgotten the keys to the front door. This fucking pregnancy brain! I felt like screaming as I slid down and sat on the curb. I stuck my face in my hands and started to cry. I can’t do this anymore. I thought feeling so overwhelmed by everything.

I looked up when I heard a car pull up, and almost screamed when I saw it was Patrice’s car. I stood up and walked over to his car.

“Did you forget something?” He asked as he got out waving my keys in the air.

“Yea,” I said wiping at my eyes trying to get rid of the tears. “You didn’t have to bring them all the way down here.” I said taking them from him.

“Well you seemed to be handling things pretty okay on your own, but I thought you could use a hand.” He said smirking at me.

I can’t explain what snapped inside of me at this moment, but it did.

“You think I need you? As if I couldn’t have just driven home and gotten my keys? And honestly the only reason I forgot them is because I have your two babies sucking up all my brain power, and then on top of that I have to convince you to let me leave the house by myself!” I said throwing my hands in the air out of pure frustration.

Patrice sat there staring at me a small smile playing at his lips, “Having a moment?” He asked pushing me further over the edge.

“A MOMENT? A FUCKING MOMENT? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A MOMENT WHEN YOUR COCKY ASS IS STANDING THERE ALL FUCKING PERFECT???” I said hollering at him at the top of my lungs. I had had enough of everything. “God help you if you laugh at me Patrice Bergeron I will slug you harder than you could ever dream of.” I said my voice going low and threatening as I turned around to unlock the door. But fumbling with my keys like an upset mess, I dropped my keys.

“OH FUCKING PERFECT!” I complained as I slowly crouched down the best a huge pregnant women could.

“Here’ Pat said sweeping in and grabbing the keys up for me. He stuck the keys in the door and opened it up for me.

I ignored him as I walked in the bakery slamming the door behind me not even giving a care if it could have harmed him.

I heard the door open behind me, “It’s not an open invitation for you to come in.” I said snippily.

“You left the keys in the door.” He said placing them on a nearby table before heading out, “I love you.” Patrice said before closing the door behind him.

I could have broken a brick with my bare hands in that moment. But instead I pulled at my hair as I screeched in frustration. I went into the back of the kitchen and started to clean working all my frustrations into cleaning the floors, ovens, display cases, and everything else. When I had finished washing the last window Jack came through the front door shocked to see me.

“You’re here early.” He said smiling at me.

“Yea.” I said less than exuberant.

“And in a great mood.” He said laughing as he passed me and walked into the back. He took a look around the spotless kitchen before coming back out, “How long you been here Gabs?”

“I don’t know since like 2.” I said shrugging it off as I started to fills the pans with batters getting ready to start the morning bake.

“I think you should go home and get some sleep then.” He said attempting to take the pans from my hands.

“Jack if you know what’s good for you, you’ll just steer clear of me today.” I said trying my best not to lose it again. I was on a serious edge today.

“What’s got you so bothered.” He asked opening the oven door for me.

“Patrice and I are fighting.” I said rethinking things, “Well actually I’m fighting with him, he seems like it isn’t even fazing him.” I said giving my eyes a roll.

“So you’re being your typical self and drowning yourself in work instead of talking about it with Patrice.” He said giving me a raised eyebrow.

“No.” I said scowling at him.

“You need to talk to him about what’s bothering you instead of bottling it up and then exploding.” Jack said pointing his finger at me.

“What do you know about any of this?” I asked defensively.

“I know that ever since you were a child instead of resolving a problem with words you would hold everything in until you exploded or would drown yourself in projects and exercise and work.”

“I did not.” I said going back to my work making more and more batters.

“Oh really,” He challenged, “How about the time you broke my nose in the ninth grade, or the reason you had all A’s in high school, or how about when you would run ten miles a day until my Dad made you stop and talk about what was wrong. Come on Gabs I’ve know you since you were born you can’t play me.” Jack said smirking at me.

“High school wasn’t easy for everyone.” I said feeling lousier than pond scum.

“You know I’m not saying you had an easy life.” Jack said giving me a hug, “You need to communicate better if you want your marriage, heck any relationship to work”

“You sound so much like your dad.” I said resting my head on his shoulder.

“That’s because I know what I’m talking about, now get outta here and go talk to your husband.” Jack said playfully pushing me out of the kitchen.

“Thanks Jack.” I said smiling as I walked out and got back in my car only to realize I had left all of my keys and stuff back inside. Sighing heavily I walked back inside to retrieve all of my things and hopefully keep my head on straight long enough to drive home.

Pulling up to the curb, I got out of my car and went inside looking for Patrice.

“Patrice.” I called out as I turned the lights on. I looked all through the house only to realize it was 7:00 and that Milan had most likely already come and picked him up for practice. Frustrated I sat on the top of the stairs and cried. That seemed to be my reaction for everything lately, and needless to say it was getting old.

~~~~

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Milan asked Patrice as they walked into Ristuccia Arena.

“For the hundredth time today, I’m fine.” Patrice said sighing as he sat down in his stall rummaging through his bag for his practice gear.

“I know you better than that.” Milan said shoving him jokingly.

“Alright Gabs and I got in a fight is all. I think it’s just her hormones, but I can’t say that, you know man?” He asked running his hands through his hair.

“Yea trust me I know.” Milan said laughing, “So what did you say?”

“I kinda just acted like she wasn’t flipping out at me and tried my best to be helpful.” Patrice said shrugging.

“And how’d that work?” Milan asked smirking at him.

“Not too well.” Patrice said shaking his head.

“Not surprising.” Milan said laughing.

“Hey man it isn’t funny; I don’t have any idea what to do.” Patrice said putting his head in his hands. Talking about this seemed to make things a little more serious to him and he was starting to feel the weight of their situation.

“Well what do you do when you guys usually fight?” Milan asked as he pulled on his gear.

“This is our first real fight.” Patrice admitted.

“No way!” Milan said in disbelief.

Patrice simply nodded yes in response as he laced up his skates.

“You two make me sick.” Milan said smiling, “Honestly I would just give her some space, come over to my place after practice if you’d like. Just whatever you do, don’t text her, call, or go home. Nothing pisses a girl off more than being near the person they are pissed at.”

“I can’t just not text her, she’ll worry.” Pat said shaking his head.

“Give me your phone man trust me she’ll be fine.”

Patrice looked at Milan unsure of what he should do. Undermining his own experience in this type of situation he took Milan’s advice and gave him his phone. “Alright man.” He said still feeling uneasy about this whole situation.

“Let’s hit the ice man.” Milan said giving Pat a slap on the back as they headed out of the locker room.

~~~~

I sat around the house all day waiting for Patrice to respond to my texts and calls but nothing came. Finally I decided that I was just gonna see him before his game. It was just about time for me to leave the house when my phone buzzed. Nervously

I pulled it out of my purse only to find it was from Jack. I figured it was nothing serious and got into my car heading off towards TD.

There was a little traffic on the way there, but other than that the ride went smoothly. I pulled around the back of the Garden and showed the security guard my badge as he let me through into the private parking area. I got out of my car and walked inside trying to remember which way the Locker room was. Finally I got there and timidly knocked on the door. I waited outside awkwardly until Johnny opened it.

“Heeeeeeeyyyy!” He said giving me his classic happy smile as he pulled me in for a hug, “I’m gonna assume you aren’t here to see me so let me grab Bergy for ya.” He said letting me in the room. Everyone gave me a warm hello and a few hugs before Patrice finally looked up to see me as Johnny told him I was here. He looked exhausted making me feel even guiltier for the way I acted earlier.

“Hey.” He said softly as a small smile warmed his face.

“Do you have minute?” I asked feeling shy. I was definitely not the kind of person to be open about their feelings. It was probably one of the hardest things for me to do.

“Yea let’s step outside.” He said leading me out of the dressing room. “Look I need to apologize to you for earlier,” He started once we were in the hall.

“No, please don’t apologize, it really is my fault, I need to communicate better starting now, Babe I love you,” I said cupping his face gently with my hand, “But I really need space. Lately I have felt so overwhelmed and suffocated. I know that it sounds really harsh, but I suck at telling you how I feel. I’m sorry I blew up on you this morning but I feel so useless when you try and do everything for me. I feel like you think I can’t do anything.” I sputtered out trying my best to make sense of everything I was feeling, “And I’m sure my hormones aren’t helping any of this I know today at my bakery I completely lost it and it isn’t okay, I’m really sorry for that.” I said as tears slowly started forming in my eyes, “I just feel like I have no control over anything!” I said frustratedly pointing to my face as tears spilled over. “I hope you forgive me, I know you weren’t answering my calls or texts and you probably don’t want to see me, but I had to apologize to you before this became bigger than it needed to be-“ But before I could ramble any longer Patrice leaned down and kissed me on the mouth shutting me up fair and square.

Patrice softly wiped my tears away as he pulled away, “I’m sorry if I’ve been suffocating you,” He said as he started gently rubbing circles on my cheek with his thumb, “I’ll admit I have been trying to be there more for you when I’m home to compensate for when I’m gone away on road trips. I just… I don’t know I feel guilty leaving my pregnant wife alone all the time so when I’m home I just want to be everything for you. I guess I didn’t realize it was driving you crazy.” Patrice said scratching the back of his neck as he laughed softly, “And I’m sorry baby that I ignored you today, I took some sucky advice from Milan earlier and gave him my phone. I wanted to talk to you all day but thought you needed your space.” Patrice paused as he pulled me in for hug, “I promise I’ll be more laid back, okay?” He asked me as he place a gentle kiss to the top of my head.

“And I promise to express myself better so I don’t explode.” I said snuggling my face into his chest.

“So we’re okay now?” He asked as he pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes.

“We are perfect.” I said going up on my tippy toes to give him a kiss.

“Hey lovebird, Claude says get your ass in here.” Marshy said laughing from the doorway.

“I’ll be there in a sec.’ Pat said over his shoulder be for looking back at me, “That’s my cue.” He said giving me one last kiss.

“Go get ‘em tiger.” I said winking at him before leaving to go sit up in the box with the other wives and girlfriends. I much preferred real seats, but ever since we found out I was pregnant Patrice wanted me to sit up in the box. He thought it was safer for me that way, and he was probably right. It was just harder to watch the game with all the squawking going on in the backround. It didn’t bother me tonight though, I finally felt at peace for the first time this week and absolutely nothing was going to ruin that for me.

I found my way up to the main level and got some food before heading up to the box. That was another thing that sucked about being pregnant at a hockey game, no beer for this lady. Oh Well. I mentally shrugged.

I found a seat next to Brittany and Valentina and set my things down before giving it my best go to get into the high barstools they had. On my second try I was able to get my body into the seat. All the older married women chuckled at me knowing exactly what I was going through.

“It’ll be worth it.” Brittany said giving my back a soft rub.

“I keep telling myself that.’ I said laughing with her before the first puck was dropped.

The game went by really fast, we had won so all the girls were happy. Especially Valentina who kept going on about her daddy’s goal.

“He scored that one for me Mommy!” She said excitedly as the three of us made our way down to the locker to meet the guys.

“Yes he did pumpkin.” Brittany said smiling at her young one.

“Auntie, how come Uncle didn’t score two goals?” Valentina asked me with a concerned look on her face.

“What’s wrong with one goal Cutie?” I asked ruffling her hair softly with my hand.

“Well you have two babies.” She said holding up two of her fingers to me.

“Oh,” I laughed softly understanding her logic, “Well our babies can share their Daddies goal, that’s what siblings do.” I said smiling softly at her. She was such sweet little girl it melted my heart.

“Oh” She aids staying quiet for a moment obviously thinking about what I had said, “I’m glad I don’t have a sister or brother than.” She said honestly.

“How come Vally?” I asked interested in her answer.

“Because Aunty,” She said putting her hands on her hips, “Mommy says I’m not good at sharing.” She said so matter of factly.

I couldn’t help but laugh as Brittany simply shook her head. “Well you’ll have some babies to share with very soon.” I said rubbing my belly gently.

Valentina gave a look that was less than thrilled, “Fine, but not my Daddies goals. That’s what Uncle’s for.” She said very sassy like.

“Valentina,” Brittany said getting her attention, “Stop being so fresh.”

“Okay Mommy.” Valentina said as the guys started piling out of the locker room. I waved goodbye to them as I spotted Patrice and met him off to the side.

“Good game baby.” I said kissing him hard on the mouth.

When I pulled away I could tell he was a little embarrassed. “Stop blushing, we are married after all.” I said giggling. He could be so prim in public.

“I’m not embarrassed about the kiss.” He said laughing as he pointed to some guys holding cameras.

“Who are they?” I asked confused.

“People from Behind the B.” he said as he wrapped an arm around me and led me out of the building.

“So basically what you’re telling me is that I’m going to be accosting you on every television in New England?” I asked understanding why he was blushing.

“Yea you’re pretty much the new Gisele.” He said laughing at me.

“Oh do not go there.” I said playfully shoving him.

“Are you hungry?” He asked once we were inside my car.

“Always.” I said giggling. “What do you have in mind?” I asked taking his available hand in my own lacing our fingers together playfully kissing each of his knuckles.

“It’s a surprise.” He said taking a turn in the opposite direction of our home.

~~~~

Patrice parked the car out back of some restaurant on the harbor. “Do you know where we are?” He asked helping me out of the car.

“Are we going to Joe’s” I asked trying to figure out where we were.

“Nope.” Patrice said as he took my hand as we walked up to a small wooden building on the harbor. “Still no clue?”

Reading the sign outside I knew it was the Sail Loft. I wracked my brain trying to figure out where I knew this place from. Eventually I gave up as we walked in and got a table by a large bay window overlooking the harbor. This cute little restaurant felt homey and it was nice because it was just the two of us over a candle lit dinner looking out at all the boats light up the harbor.

“This is where I took you on our first date.” Patrice said before placing a soft kiss to my cheek.

“Oh my gosh, you’re right!” I gushed. He was so romantic sometimes I could die.

“I’m glad you remembered.” Patrice teased as he looked over the menu.

“I do suffer from memory loss.” I said laughing as I did the same.

“So have you given any more thought to any baby names?” Patrice asked as he took a sip of his drink.

“I like Charlotte Rose, Olivia, and maybe Ella or Evalynn for a girl, and Mason, Alexander, and possibly Nathan.” I said thinking some up, “What about you?”

“I like Isabella, Jocelyn, Maybe even Juliette, Amelia, and as for boy’s I like Mark.” Patrice suggested, “I mean we still have time to figure it out.” He shrugged.

“I Love those.” I said staring deeply into his eyes knowing he was going to be a great father.