Worthless

“Say you love me.”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Please,” I whisper softly, looking up at his warm brown eyes.
“I love you, Jade,” Beck whispers, smiling down at me. I smile and let my head fall against his chest. His arms wrap around me and kisses the top of my head.
“Mine,” I say, more to myself than him, as I wind my arms around Beck’s waist. He must hear me, because his chest shakes with soft laughter.
“All yours,” he promises.
We stay there for a long time, standing on my porch. Beck may tease me for being so possessive, but he never makes me feel bad about taking so long to say goodbye everyday. He knows as well as I do that my so called family is shitty at best.
"Babe," Beck's voice brings me back to reality. His arms loosen around me. "Your dad's glaring through the window. I have to go now."
I sigh and nod against his chest, breathing him in one last time. I pull away reluctantly and he kisses me lightly before walking back to his car.

I stay on the porch until Beck's car rounds the corner and disappears. I sigh and trudge inside, instantly in a bad mood.
"I told you, I don't like that boy!" Dad calls after me as I stomp into my room.
"Yeah? Well, I told you I hated your prissy girlfriend but you still married her!" I shout back before slamming my door.

I collapse on my bed, pulling out my phone. I know Beck will text as soon as he gets home. I smile at the lockscreen picture. It's me asleep on Beck in our candy jammies on the cupcake float. He's on his back and I'm on my side, laying almost completely on top of him. My hand is on his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. My hair is covering my sleeping face, but the way Beck is looking at me makes me shiver.
I put in the pin, 2325 (BECK), and again grin at my wallpaper. This picture is Beck and I kissing at the Cow Wow. His hands are on my waist and he's holding me as close as possible.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway pulls me from my thoughts. Wonderful. The stepmonster is here. I hear the front door slam and I cringe. My door opens to reveal the big green eyes of my younger step-brother.
"JayJay, can I hide here? Mommy scares me," he says, crawling onto my bed.
"You know you're safer in your room, Mikey. She hates me; you know that!" I shove him off the bed. "She'll come straight in here and you know it! Go, hurry! Get out of here!" I'm yelling at him and he looks hurt, but it's better that he be safe in his room.
He runs out the door and I hear him mutter: "Just wanted to protect you, JayJay."
Run while you can, kid.

As if on cue, not thirty seconds later, my stepmom bursts into my room.
"There you are, worthless girl!" She screams, waving a piece of paper in my face. I catch a glimpse of the Hollywood Arts seal and think it must be my report card.
"What? What is it now!?" I scream back, snatching the paper from her hands. I glance over my grades and find nothing in particular wrong. They're all A's except for two.
"Two B's, Jade! Your father and I don't pay all your bills and clothe and feed you for you to get B's!"
"You shouldn't have even OPENED it! It's addressed to my parents! And you! Are! Not! My! Mother!" She slaps me then, hard enough to leave a stinging red handprint. The shock is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
“Listen to me,” she is whispering now, low and dangerous. “You will never speak to me that way again, you worthless child.” I notice my dad is standing in the doorway now, watching, saying nothing.
“Such a worthless thing, she is,” the stepmonster comments to my father. “It’s no wonder she came from your first wife. And such a slut. Just like her mother.”
My dad says nothing.
“And that no good boyfriend of hers, too,” she says, walking over to my desk, where a framed picture of Beck and I is sitting. She picks it up. “He’s worthless, too. Probably only wants her so he can get in her pants. Quite the lowlifes, the pair of you.”
“Leave Beck out of this,” I say automatically, standing up a little straighter.
“Excuse me? Did I give you permission to speak?”
“Leave Beck out of this,” I repeat, looking her dead in the eye. “Say what you want about me; I don't give a damn what you think. But you leave Beck alone. Our relationship is none of your business.”
She drops the frame and the glass shatters when it hits the floor.
“Oops,” she smiles sweetly and leaves the room, pulling my dad behind her.

“YOU STUPID BITCH!” I scream, punching the wall in frustration. The sheetrock crumbles under my fingers and when I pull my hand away, my knuckles are bleeding.
Shaking with anger, with tears streaming down my face, I grab the keys to my car and toss them into my bag, along with my phone, and the broken picture of Beck and I.

****
I drive for hours and hours, with no destination. The sun sets and I still keep driving. Finally, without intending to, I end up in Beck’s driveway.

I lean against the outside of the RV, breathing in the cool night air. I pull the broken frame from my bag and look at the picture, absently running my fingertip along the jagged glass.

The photo is Beck and I at lunch in freshman year, one of the first pictures taken after we officially started dating. Beck’s hair is shorter and he’s got braces, but I remember thinking then that he was hot. My hair’s pulled back in some weird hairstyle and I have an excessive amount of eyeliner on, but I guess Beck thought I was hot then, too.

I accidentally cut my finger on the glass and watch in fascination as the blood drops slowly onto the concrete.

“Did you come all the way over here for a band aid, babe?” Beck’s voice startles me and I drop the picture. More glass falls out of the frame.
“Fucking hell, Beck, give me a heart attack, why don't you?” I snap, standing up quickly and dusting myself off. He grabs the frame off the floor before I can get to it.
“I didn't know you still had this,” he says, smiling at the picture. “I know you think you looked terrible in freshman year, but, God, Jade, to me you were so beautiful.” He looked up at me and pressed his lips to mine briefly. “You still are.”
“You're lying,” I state simply, following Beck into the RV. He raises his eyebrows at me in question. “You said I was beautiful, just now. I've got makeup running all down my face, my eyes are red and puffy, and there’s a freakish bruise on my cheek! You're lying. I'm not beautiful.”
“Jade," he says, pushing a stray hair behind my ear. "You are always beautiful to me." He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me to him, kissing me roughly. He pulls away all too soon. "Always," he repeats.

I sit on his bed and he digs around his cabinets until he finds a first aid kit, which he sets next to me. Then he walks into the bathroom and returns with a bottle of my makeup remover, a small hand mirror, and a face towel.
He tends to my slit finger and bloody knuckles while I do my best to get all the makeup off my face. He kisses the band aid on my finger and the gauze on my knuckles when he's done.

"So, what happened to your face?" He asks, pushing the stuff aside and sitting next to me. I just shake my head. "Jade, please, tell me." I open my mouth to tell him, but what comes out instead surprises us both.
"Do you think I'm worthless?" I ask, not daring to look at him.
"Wait-what?" He looks at me in confusion, and then looks alarmed when he sees new tears streaming down my face. "Jade, baby, no, no, no, of course I don't think you're worthless." Beck wraps his arms around me and moves us so we're laying on his bed, facing each other. He has one hand under my neck and the other rubbing circles on my hip.
"M-my stepmom," I choke out. "She said I was worthless, and my dad was behind her, and he didn't say anything because he agreed with her! And she slapped me. And then, she said you were worthless, too. She said we're a pair of lowlifes. Then she broke the frame. But, you, you're not. You're not any of the things she said, because I love you because you're amazing and I-" Beck presses his lips to mine and effectively cuts me off.
"Jade," he says once he's pulled away. "You are not worthless. God, you're worth everything to me. You are my everything. I love you. I love you so much. And sometimes you drive me crazy, but I wouldn't trade you for anything."
"You really mean that?" I ask, crawling closer to him and resting my head against his chest.
"Of course I do."
I smile and breathe in his scent, feeling infinitely better than I did when I got here. Beck rubs comforting circles into my back.

“So how'd you hurt your hand?” He asks.
“I punched a hole in the wall,” I state simply.
“That’s my girl,” Beck says, sounding amused.

"Do you want me to get you something to wear to bed?" Beck asks after a few moments. "I think I still have some of your shirts and-"
"Can I wear one of your shirts?" I interrupt.
"Yeah, of course." He kisses my head and untangles his limbs for mine to go digging in his drawers. He tosses a shirt to me and sits on the bed.
I stand and kick off my heels then immediately pull off my jacket and top. Beck doesn't even try to hide that he's staring at me. I pull his t-shirt over me and bend to pull down my skinny jeans, knowing that my boyfriend had a great view of my ass.

"Enjoy the show, babe?" I ask when I'm done. Beck pulls me into his arms and kisses me.
"Mmm, very much so," he answers between kisses.

"Beck?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you."