I'll Fight My Corner

"Are you actually going to pay attention, Harry?" I huffed. I was starting to feel the slightest hint of annoyance, as I was trying to help him with his math assignment, but he kept changing the subject.

He held his hands up, smiling. "Sorry, sorry. What did you say?"

I sighed. "Okay. The rational zero test. It's like this really weird way of diving numbers to see if you can-"

He groaned, resting the side of his head down on the table. "Emma, I don't want to learn about this."

I set the pencil down, leaning back and crossing my arms. "Harry. Don't be annoying."

He turned his head so that his chin was on the table. "I'm not being annoying."

"Yes, you are. Please pay attention. The sooner you start paying attention, the sooner we can go home."

He sat up and his eyes were wide and bright. "We? You're coming home with me?"

I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes.

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry, Em. I really am." He reached across for the pencil and turned his book around so that he could read the problem that he was stuck on, comparing his notes with the example problem that I had done for him.

Once he really started to concentrate, I uncrossed my arms and watched him. His tongue stuck out slightly and a small crease formed between his eyebrows. The pencil scratched on the paper and he was finally quiet, just as I had asked him to be.

Finally, he pushed his book back and plopped his pencil down. "I think I understand this now. You're just trying to get zero at the end, aren't you? Just like you said?"

I nodded, almost smiling. "Is there anything else you need help with?"

He shook his head, grabbing his calculator and shoving it in his backpack along with his math book. He slid the lined paper into his binder and then looked up at me. "Will you come home with me now?"

I chuckled. "Yes, Harry."

He smiled and stood up, prompting me to do the same. He walked around the table and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the room.

I looked up at him. "You're getting worse at this concentrating thing, you know. You've barely gotten anything done in the past week."

He chuckled. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'd much rather look at you than my math book."

Blood rushed to my cheeks and I looked back down at my feet. "Harry, stop."

He chuckled again, and almost said something but once I looked up, I saw that we had almost run into Stacy. A smile made its way onto my face. "Hi Stacy!"

She smiled back just as wide. I could feel Harry's hand holding onto mine a little tighter. He didn't greet her and I saw that he was just smiling at her instead. His smile was different from the ones he was giving me earlier; it was tight lipped and he wasn't showing any teeth.

"Hi Emmalee!" She looked at Harry and opened her mouth to say something but thought twice about it.

She asked me how I felt after the party and I said I felt fine and that Harry made sure I was alright. She also asked me about how tutoring was going, and if Harry was improving. As we talked, he fidgeted next to me. He kept adjusting his backpack and running a hand through his hair, and it was obvious that he wanted to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

"Look, I'm really sorry for giving her that weed last weekend," Stacy said. At first, I had thought that she was talking to me, but she was looking at Harry.

Before I could say anything, he mumbled, "Yeah, it's alright, Stace."

"I thought she would be okay, I mean, I was watching over her."

"Stacy, I said it was alright. I would just appreciate it if you didn't do it again."

"I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it though. You used to smoke weed all the time. Now all of a sudden there's nicotine gum in your car and you never have a lighter on you or smokes to spare. And God forbid you come anywhere near a blunt."

My eyes widened slightly and I looked from Harry to Stacy. I had no idea where her comments came from and they seemed to take both of us by surprise.

"I don't do that anymore."

She shook her head. "Why? Are you above it now? Are you better than all of that?" she questioned, scoffing at him.

He took a deep breath and shook his head at her, just like she had done with him. "Why I stopped doing that has nothing to do with you or our friends."

"They told me that they never see you anymore. That you drive off alone after practices and turn down their invitations to parties."

"And how did you hear that? By sleeping with half the team like you did last season?" His tone was much, much angrier and he had let go of my hand to walk away from her.

All I could do was look at her and watch her sniffle as she wiped her red eyes rimmed with tears.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that, Emmalee."

"It's okay. He shouldn't have said what he did." Even though I was making excuses for him, I was starting to see why he usually tried to avoid Stacy. They both had anger towards each other that was pent up, and neither of them had wanted to release it.

I didn't quite know what to think. I could understand why Harry was angry - Stacy had messed with his friends, and he didn't like that. Why would he? Stacy, on the other hand, was angry because Harry was starting to act like he was better than her and his friends, or so she thought.

I gave Stacy a hug and asked if she was okay. Once she nodded, I said goodbye and made my way out into the parking lot and into Harry's car where he had his head resting on the steering wheel and both hands gripped tightly on either side of it. His knuckles were as white as the first time I had met Stacy and he was breathing heavily. Once I had sat down and buckled my seatbelt, he sat up and looked at me.

"Emmalee, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up like that."

I shook my head. "It's okay."

We were silent for a while, and usually I would have said something, but this time the lack of noise didn't bother me. I could hear him taking deep breaths every once in a while and that was enough for me. I just looked out the window and waited for him to calm down. I knew that my words wouldn't help him until he had collected his thoughts, and quite frankly, I didn't know what to say.

Before I knew it, he was starting the engine and the radio turned on. I looked at him and saw him flinch at the noise, so I turned it off. "Thank you," he mumbled quietly.

He backed out of the lot and I had expected him to continue being silent, but he looked at me and he said, "Do you still want to come home with me?"

"Do you still want me to?" I asked, throwing his question back at him.

He nodded. "Please."

"Okay."

Biting his lip, he kept driving and reached over to grab my hand, twisting our fingers together.

While the outburst that Harry had was far from a sign that he needed anger management classes, I had never seen him get that angry. Yes, he got angry with his father, but he never fought back. And when he was angry with Stacy the first time, the anger subsided quickly. This time, he had shut down, going silent and letting it eat him up.

I remembered what he said to me in the drive thru of M&M donuts about his fear of being anything but kind to people. And by the look on his face, I could tell that he was more guilty than angry.

"You weren't being unkind to her, Harry, if that's what this is."

"What?" he said, sounding confused.

"If you're feeling guilty because you think you were unkind to Stacy and that you're being unkind to your friends, you're not."

He sighed. "She's right. I haven't been spending as much time with them."

My eyebrows went up and I asked, "Why?"

"Because I'd much rather spend time with you, and I don't want to bring you to any more parties."

I was frozen in place. Once he had said that, I realized that this was probably my fault. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and I didn't connect with his friends. Harry saw that, so he tried to protect me from them, but pulled away from them while doing that.

"Harry, you don't have to-"

"This isn't your fault, Em."

"It is, though. I didn't ask for you to-"

"I want to."

"But your friends-"

"Emma, please listen to me when I say that you mean much more to me than them."

I shook my head. "No, Harry. I really like spending time with you, but I cannot be the only one in your life. That's not healthy. You need your friends and Stacy and whoever else you had before you met me. I can handle parties. Whatever it is you think you're protecting me from, you're not. Remember our deal? You said you would show me the world but so far, all I've seen is you. And while I love that I have you - I do, trust me - I don't want you to abandon your friends. And if taking me to parties is what you have to do, then do it. It'll be okay. I promise."

He was silent again and I felt like my entire body was on edge, waiting for him to say something.

After a few minutes, all he said was, "Okay."

"All I'm saying is that I don't ever want you to think that I don't want to go to a party, or hang out with your friends, or whatever."

He looked at me, half smiling. "I honestly can't believe that you're mine."

I looked at him like he was crazy. "What?"

"All the other girls I've dated have demanded that I spend time with them instead of my friends. And now that I've found a girl that I would rather see than my friends, she tells me to go see my friends instead of her."

I chuckled. "We're not the most traditional people, are we, Harry?" I asked, using his line on him.

"No, we aren't," he replied, laughing.