I'll Fight My Corner

We turned the corner and I could spot one house that stood out from all the others. There were people littered on the sidewalk and lawn, and the door was wide open. Harry parked the car a few feet away and he turned off the engine, looking at me.

His eyes were pointedly fixed on my hand, which I didn't realize was gripped on the inner door handle so hard that the skin was stretched tight enough to see the bones of my knuckles.

I tried to let go, but my hands only shook. I grabbed the handle again.

"Emma."

All I could hear was the harsh inhale and exhale of air through my nostrils.

"Emma," he repeated.

I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I skipped work for this. I called in sick for this. And now what was I supposed to do?

"You need to let go, Em."

I exhaled and mumbled, "That's a new one. My name is still Emmalee."

"I don't care. You're special so you get a special name that only I can use. So you're Emma to me and only me."

My eyes widened and I looked at him like he was crazy.

"You're making me more nervous. Please don't say things like that."

Why would he say things like that? I was just his tutor. And his friend. A tutor friend.

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was thinking."

I loosened my grip on the handle slightly. "It's okay."

"You'll be okay, you know. I'll be by your side the whole time. And don't tell me that I can't see the future, because I'm making a promise to you. I don't break my promises."

My brows furrowed and I bit my lip. I closed my eyes for a moment and took deep breaths, trying to get my heart to stop beating so fast.

I felt his hand wrap around mine, and slowly he unlatched it from his door handle. It was still balled up into a fist, but he worked on loosening that, too. I turned to him and looked him dead in the eyes. "Please take care of me. Don't break your promise."

"Trust me."

"I'm trying."

"That's all I ask for."

"Okay."

"Let's go."

He let go of my hand and got out of the car, walking around and opening my door. He squatted until we were face to face and he told me it would be alright. I told him I believed him and he stood and took a step backwards as I got out.

Together we walked down the sidewalk and up the walkway of the house that was lit up from the inside out. I expected it to be loud, but it wasn't. I only heard a buzzing of voices and the occasional burst of laughter. Once we stepped into the hallway, my senses were completely overwhelmed.

I saw people everywhere and smelled beer. I knew that smell from work, when people bought drinks at hockey games. I heard music from a direction that I couldn't pinpoint and I could almost taste the blood from biting my lip so hard. And before I could turn around and run away, I felt his hand sliding down my arm and his fingers lacing with mine. I almost told him to stop, but in a way, it made me feel warm and safe. So I let him. I didn't quite know what it meant, but I let him.

"Harry! Hey!" A girl I didn't recognize was hugging Harry, but he didn't hug back because he was holding my hand. I didn't want him to be rude just because of me, so I tried to let go but he only held on tighter. For a second, his eyes met mine and they were wide with a warning: don't let go. She just kept talking and I tuned her out and watched him instead.

His jaw was locked and his smile was tight. He didn't really respond much to what she was saying, and he was slowly inching us away from her. I got the hint and moved my feet little by little.

"Well, it was nice seeing you, Stacy," he said. His voice sounded different.

"You too, Harry! Say hi to your dad for me." She walked out the door and into the night and all I could find were questions as to why he was so tense around her.

When he blinked, his eyes shut for a millisecond longer than usual and when he opened them, he was looking at me.

"Sorry for not introducing you to her. She's a cousin of mine."

I waved his apology away. "It's no big deal."

I looked down at our hands and for once, his knuckles were the white ones. Snow white, capped like mountains in the winter.

"Are you okay?" It felt odd to be the one asking questions like that, but Harry seemed so knocked out of balance that I had to try.

He just kept looking into my eyes until I looked away. "We should move. We're in the way," I told him. I could hear voices behind me and I didn't want to block them from entering.

He cleared his throat and mumbled, "Yeah. Yeah, we should. Let's go. I need a drink."

My brow furrowed and he pulled me into a kitchen with an island piled with bottles and cans. He handed me a Sprite because he knew I wouldn't drink anything else and he went for a shot glass. For the first time since we had arrived, he let go of my hand to pour clear liquid into the tiny little glass and he threw his head back and downed it all in one go.

He set it back on the counter and his eyes started to change. They got the slightest bit darker as he swallowed. He closed and opened them again and ran a hand through his hair.

I repeated my question. "Harry, are you okay?"

And he ignored it. Again.

I rolled my eyes. What a baby.

He just took my hand again and led me out of the kitchen. We walked through the house, and he started to loosen up. Everywhere we went, someone said hello to him and just looked at me.

My blush was getting deeper each time Harry told them, "This is my friend Emmalee," and their eyes then proceeded to travel down to our hands. I reminded myself that he needed my hand more than I did, but Stacy wasn't around anymore. Why was he still holding my hand?

I couldn't get used to Harry saying my full name, seeing as before tonight, he had never said it. But what he said in the car flashed through my mind every time. "You're Emma to me and only me."

When it was a girl he was talking to, they either smiled gently after which I smiled back, or they scowled slightly and I looked down at the floor.

All of the boys that he talked to either ignored me completely, or looked at me oddly. Some were curious and some were not.

I didn't want people to look at me like that anymore, so I tried to pull my hand out of his but he wouldn't let me. Every time I got a stare that made me uncomfortable, I tried again and he held on tighter still.

We walked away from what felt like the fiftieth friend of his and he looked at me and said, "Stop trying to let go of my hand."

My jaw dropped slightly and I deliberately pulled my hand away. "I'll do what I please, Harry Styles. Don't tell me what to do."

He ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was stressed, I noticed. "It's not because I'm trying to control you, Emma. I just don't want to lose you."

"I'm not scared anymore, Harry." And I wasn't. After braving all of those rude looks, I felt like I could survive. No one was talking to me, anyway. No one but him.

After a few seconds, he pursed his lips and sighed. "I'm sorry."

I sighed as well and took his hand, and this time held on less tightly. "It's okay."

He half smiled and led me out of the house and into the back, where less people hung around a few chairs and a built-in fire pit in the middle of the backyard.

He leaned against a wall away from the people around the fire and I stood in front of him. I was still holding onto the Sprite can that I hadn't opened and wondered what to do with it.

And I started to wonder when I crossed the line between nervous and comfortable and I realized that it was when he was talking to his cousin and I started to focus on him instead of me, and that Harry needed me too. I felt that I made him feel safe, just like he did for me. And that made me happy, happy enough to forget that I was not used to this environment and I didn't think that I ever would be.

This time, he used my question on me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and smiled without teeth, reassuring him I was alright. He returned my smile with a lazy one, one that was half turned up.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do your friends look at me like that?"

The area between his brows creased with concern. "Like what?"

"The girls. They look at me like...I don't know. Like I've insulted them or something."

"Oh."

I waited for an answer. His smile faded into a straight line.

"They probably think I'm dating you. They're jealous because I won't date them. I mean, I've fucked them but-"

My eyes widened.

He stopped talking immediately. There were many, many patches of Harry's past and present that I didn't know about, and this was one that I definitely didn't want to know about.

"I'm sorry I asked."

Now he was the one getting red. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Emma. It just slipped out."

And my smile slipped away just as quick as I remembered that we were just tutoring friends.

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"I'll go with you," he insisted.

"Harry, I'm not going to die in a bathroom. I know I made a fuss earlier, but it's seriously just the bathroom."

He pouted slightly and crossed his arms. "Okay."

"Okay. Jeez."

I set my Sprite down on the ground and made my way back inside and found that there was a very, very long line in front of the bathroom door. I opted instead for a breath of fresh air and walked through the front door.

Once I stepped outside, I saw his cousin, Stacy. All the confidence that arose after my conversation with Harry had vanished. She saw me as well and walked towards me. My eyes widened slightly as I remembered how much Harry didn't seem to like her. She waved, and I tried to smile back, but it didn't quite work. I probably looked like a panicked bird, but there wasn't much I could do about that now.

"You're Harry's friend, right?"

I nodded, wanting to get away quickly.

"He didn't introduce me to you. What's your name?"

"Em-Emmalee."

"Well, tell him that I said that my dad wants to see him. I forgot to mention it when we were talking."

I didn't say anything, hoping it was the end of our conversation. I just smiled, hoping that she couldn't hear my heart knocking against its cage.

"How do you know Harry?"

I tried my best not to exhale out of distress, and replied, "I tutor him at school." I decided not to mention the way I found him, drunk on the street.

"Oh, that's nice!"

I noticed she didn't have an accent like Harry's and I wondered if they were blood related.

"Well, I-I have to go to the bathroom. I'll see you later-"

She stuck out her hand and said, "My name's Stacy."

I hesitantly shook it and nodded. "Stacy," I repeated, not bothering to tell her that I already knew her name.

"And don't forget to tell Harry what I told you!"

I nodded again and she started to walk away before turning around and waving. I waved back and immediately headed for the kitchen for a glass of water.

I walked towards what looked like a cupboard and started to open it when someone popped up next to me. "Hi!"

Startled, I turned to the stranger with wide eyes.

"I'm Jason. What's your name?" He was smiling awfully wide and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Emmalee," I mumbled. "Do you know where I can get some water?"

His eyes lit up. "I have some here for you!" He handed me a water bottle that was still filled to the top. I figured it was alright and took it from him. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem. Have fun!" He smiled and walked away.

I unscrewed the cap and took a long drink out of the bottle, but it didn't taste like water at all. It burned my throat, so I stopped drinking. When I looked, I had consumed half the bottle already.

I could feel my cheeks getting warm. I made my way back out to the backyard and found Harry, on his phone, still against the wall.

"Harry?"

He looked up and put his phone back in his pocket, standing up straight. "Emma are you-" His eyes found the bottle and he looked at me and asked, "Where did you get that?"

"He told me it was water but it's not and I drank too much before I realized and-" the words tumbled out of my mouth and he took it from me, unscrewing the cap and smelling the liquid inside.

He closed his eyes and let out air through his nose. "Who gave it to you?" he said once he opened his eyes.

"Some guy named Jason I don't know I only saw him for a second and he disappeared I'm sorry Harry I didn't mean to."

"It's okay, Emma. It's okay."

He put the lid back on and set it down on the ground, next to my Sprite which I knew I should have just come back for.

"I don't feel good."

He placed his hands on my shoulders. "What's wrong?" His voice raised an inch of an octave.

"I feel like I'm gonna-"

"No, don't, Emma I'll take you to the bathroom. Hold it."

He took my hand and pulled me back into the house, running up the stairs and pulling me into a bathroom that didn't have a line in front of it.

I took my hand from in front of my mouth and let out all the liquid I had consumed so quickly. It didn't sit well in my stomach at all.

I felt disgusting. Throwing up was the worst thing to do, and I could feel my stomach tightening with embarrassment. I stood up straight and felt tears running down my cheeks because I felt stupid and gross and I couldn't handle myself because it was my fault. I had walked away from Harry and I talked to his cousin and I took water from a stranger. I felt like a little girl and I hated it.

When the tears wouldn't stop, Harry rubbed my back and kept telling me it was okay. He gave me a wet paper towel and Tic Tacs for my breath. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs and he apologized and I apologized and his apologies started to mix in with mine and we both started to say "I'm sorry for leaving you" and he wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear.

"Oh, Emma James. I'll take care of you, little bird. You'll be safe with me. Just promise you'll take care of me, too."