Tomorrowland

“Where are we, baby?” I ask while my eyes dart across the room. This place looks all too familiar. I know exactly where we are. I know this place all too well. It’s where I’ve spent a good part of my life but I’m hoping against hope that I’m wrong.

“Don’t worry about it. Ok? Please. Just go back to bed.” He whispers so gently into my ear it makes me want to sleep. But I can’t.

His angelic voice can usually calm me down but not tonight. Tonight I’m gone. I’m not who I am. But was I ever really who I claimed to be? My whole life has basically been one big lie. I’m just one big mistake. I just wish I didn’t bring him down with me because of my destructive ways.

I try fighting the tears; I’m desperate to not totally break down in front of Joel. I probably did before he brought me here but I can’t remember anything. I hope I didn’t do anything too rash. I can hear the nurses talking while they wheel me off to some other part of the cold hospital.

They are saying some stuff about what medication I will need but I’m not paying that close attention. My head is spinning and I- I scream in pain. It’s the most intense pain that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I’m burning. I scratch at my arms ‘til the hot red blood spills. Hands are all around me to try and keep me down but I start yelling at them.

“I’M BURNING. I’M ON FIRE!!” I’m practically groveling because of the stinging pain.

They ignore my pleas and focus on keeping me tied to the bed so I can’t hurt myself anymore. I let out another gut wrenching yell. I start panicking even more because I’m not sure where Joel went. My veins feel like someone has opened an enormous wound and took a BIC lighter to it.

“Mr. Monroe, we need you to let hold still. We’re going to give you something to help with the pain.” The doctor says in a mellow tone with his white gloved hands by his face, trying to show that he won’t hurt me. But I don’t trust him. I don’t trust any of them.

“WHERE’S MY BOYFRIEND?!?!” I scream, forgetting the unbearable pain for a moment. I need him.

“Sir, he can’t be here right now. He isn’t biological family. We can legally not let him back here.” He tells me in the same light voice, it makes me so angry that he’s speaking as if it’s all ok.

“I want him. LET HIM BACK HERE” I start violently screaming again because of the physically and emotional pain that is inside me. It’s exhausting and overwhelming.

“Ok. We have to sedate him. Now.”

I overhear the wicked doctor whisper to the nurse. I begin screaming and thrashing on the hard bed. But before I get a fair fighting chance something sharp and cold is shoved inside my forearm and I’m drifting.

My eyelids get heavy and I’m fighting the dark sleep that seductively calls my name. ‘Jayy’ ‘Oh Jayy’ it whispers and beckons me to follow. ‘Jayy’ ‘Jayy’ but I listen closer and it isn’t fate telling me to lay down and be weak. It’s him. It’s Joel. My Joel.

I hear other sounds and his voice is slipping but so am I. I start seeing a vision. A familiar place but this one isn’t a hospital or anything like that. It’s a bar scene. Wreckers, the downtown gay bar I always go to. I start having a clearer image of the bar. I’m seeing us. I’m being transported back to when we first met.

“C’mon. Why don’t you spend the night with me?” He whispers against my neck. His hands grope me under the bar counter and I lock my legs a little.

He’s just some muscle head beef guy trying to pick me up. His eyes look a little red and normally I’d find that hot but on him, it scares me. He has a small black beard that has some white hairs in it. He must be at least 35. I love older guys but something about him makes me want to leave. Even though I can’t because I’m too drunk to even stand on my own.

I try telling him to fuck off but I’m too hammered to speak. When I open my mouth to protest he takes the chance to put his mouth on mine. I lift up my arms to push him away but everything is moving in slow motion and I begin to get dizzy.

I don’t hit him, I’m too much of a mess to fight right now. I let him swirl his beer drenched tongue around my mouth, even if I hate it. If I fight him now, I’ll surely lose. I guess I’m just going to be fucked once again by another guy that I don’t even like.

“Let’s go and have some fun. What do you say, baby?” it’s a question but his tone is so vicious and it sounds more like a demand.
The hard on that I barely had is gone and now I just wish I could be home. I shake my head no, pay for my drinks and stand up to leave. An oversized muscled hand catches my elbow and yanks me back with such force I lose balance and fall on my knees.

I look up at him from the sticky hard wooden bar floor only to look away. He gives me this taunting smile that makes my skin crawl. If you can frighten me, of all people, then there is something very wrong.

I try to pull my phone out to call Dahvie so he can come get me but no matter how hard I squint my screen doesn’t look right. Before I can try typing in the name I’m pulled up by my shirt, forcing my legs to stand.
“You’re going to love the feeling of my cock in your ass.” He whispers and squeezes my ass with both his lumber jack giant hands. I feel so disgusting at this point but I can’t find the energy to tell him no. Thankfully someone does it for me.

“HEY! He doesn’t want you to touch him. Leave the guy alone.” A guy from the bar stool next to us says sternly.

I look over to see a tall and large male with long black hair covering his face and a jean jacket wrapped snuggly around him. He looks at me for a moment and he has the most gorgeous deep brown eyes. Looking down more he has a silver septum piercing that fits his face nicely. His lips look so soft and kissable.

“Shut up. He’s mine. Find your own guy, fag.” The man’s name, -which if I remember correctly is- Richard barks at the beautiful black haired guy next to us. Richard squeezes my ass even tighter and bites my neck so hard I gasp in pain.

The guy who snapped at Richard pulls me to him and holds me protectively towards his chest. I feel as if I’m a little kid who was just found by his mom in Wal-Mart after leaving to look at toys. I don’t even know this man’s name and he doesn't know me. But that is irrelevant to him because right now he’s helping me from an unwanted fate.

This pisses Richard off greatly and he attempts to hit the man holding me. Before Richard can punch either of us an even more muscled security guard picks Richard up and throws him out.
I look up but don’t pull out of my savior’s arms. He stares down at me and our eyes lock on for a second. In that moment the annoying thump of club music and sounds of drunks around us is silenced. As if just the two of us are here, in our own little world, just gazing at one another.

The bar owner comes over and breaks apart our heavenly minute. He tells us we need to leave because we “caused a scene”. Assholes. As if any of this was either of our fault. The beautiful guy and I walk out together but I trip on the way. I’m too drunk to even see my feet. I sit on the ground for a moment, questioning on what I’m going to do.

“Here. Let me help.” The guy says so smoothly, his voice is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

He scoops me up, I know I’m light weight but he literally acts as if it is no effort at all. He carries me out to the parking lot and puts me down by a small silver 2008 Crysler. Which I’m assuming is his car. He puts me inside and buckles me up. Then he gets in the driver’s seat and the car shakes alive.

“Where do you live? I can take you home.” His voice soothes me and I really don’t want to go home just yet.

“I d-d-don’t re-re-remember” I stutter and shake.

The alcohol has left me feeling lost and cold. The booze is really starting to sink in. I love to drink but I hate the feeling of being drunk. Feeling as if you are outside of your body. Not in control.
My eyes are heavy. Things are moving slower. Everything sounds louder and looks brighter. I try to block the noises and sights because it’s making my head throb. I shut my eyes for a moment to get away from it all.
****************
I guess it was more than a moment though because the next time I wake up I’m in an unfamiliar bed while sun rays shine on my face. I look over and see someone lying next to me. A great big smile spreads across his face, his smile is so sweet it makes me smile. It takes me a moment to go back over the events of last night and remember what happened.

I look away, feeling ashamed, remembering how I was nearly fucked by Richard. I feel so embarrassed, like it’s my fault. Why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I tell someone? Why didn’t I leave when I had the chance? I’m shaking which is even more embarrassing. I feel so disgusting, like I can still feel the strong hands touching my sensitive areas. The shame wells up in my eyes and spills down my cheeks.

“Hey. No. No tears. What’s a matter, babe?” He coos into my ear gently. He holds me to his chest like he did last night and the water stains his shirt a little.

“Nothing. My head just hurts a little” I lie but his beautiful brown eyes stare down at me and he can see right through me.

“I’ll get you an aspirin. Now, what’s really wrong?” his arms hold me tighter and his voice is concerned. I tell him everything. How I sleep around to feel loved. How I don’t know what I want, not the slightest clue. How disgusting I feel.

“And I feel so stupid telling you all this but I don’t even know your name.” I tell him staring at the sheets, with his arms wrapped over me.

“Joel Faviere” he says sweet and causally. I look up and stare for a minute. Joel, huh? It fits him.

“That’s a really beautiful name.” I blush a little and he stares down biting his lip.

“What about you?” he asks with that same sweet smile.

“Jayy Von Monroe.” I tell him and shift to get closer in his arms.

“I’ve heard about you somewhere before but I don’t know where.” He tells me and leans closer. So close my mouth is watering with the flaming desire to kiss those beautiful lips.

“Yeah. I sing in a band called BOTDF” I tell him even though I’d rather not talk about work.

“Oh yeah. I remember now. I sing too but I’m a solo artist.” As he says those words, I can only imagine how beautiful it is when he sings. Even when he just talks his voice is perfect.

“Should I take you home now?” he whispers softly and I get chills along with butterflies.

Even though I am disappointed with his question. I know I have to get home though. Dahvie probably already called the police and filed me as a missing person. I nod in reply but before he can move I get closer to him.

“Can I see you again?” I asks nervous, anxious and hopeful. To my surprise he nods and smiles. He hands me a small piece of yellow notepad paper with 10 black digits on it. His number. There’s a little heart next to the number and I blush, red all over.