Tomorrowland
Chapter 4: Awaken
My eyelids fly open and I yell as loud as I can. Nurses run into the room to see what’s the matter. They’ve gotten me to quiet a little but on the inside I’m still screaming. Those images. The sounds. It felt so real. That’s because it was real but I’m just now remembering.
“Did you do something to him?!” the nurse snaps and turns her attention to the corner.
There sitting on a small hospital chair is him. My angel. My lover. My everything. Joel. I want to run to him and hug him but never let go. I can’t though, the nurses won’t let me get up.
“No. I swear” he tells the older lady and his voice is raspy.
This isn’t my Joel. The man sitting over there might be wearing his clothes but he isn’t my boyfriend. His eyes have dark purple circles under them. His voice sounds like mine when I first woke up. His hair looks greasy, like he hasn’t showered in days. He looks tormented. I did this to him.
The nurses and doctors leave but not without giving me another IV. I guess this is their punishment for me. The doctor gives Joel on final glare before closing the door. Alone. But this time I’m not alone with just my thoughts. I’m alone with my thoughts and Joel.
We look at each other for a second but I drop my eyes first. What can I say to him? What could ever make any of this better? Even his eyes look different. He’s so broken. I hear the screech of a chair as it craps the floor and footsteps. I’m dreading him to come over and talk to me. He’s probably so full of rage. Death would have been the better fate than to live with his disappointment in me.
“I’m so glad you’re back” he whispers next to me with one of his hands petting my hair.
I look up into those lost eyes in shock. I look deeper and deeper into the brown eyes that I first saw at a bar. Those beautiful brown eyes that I longed to see again. Even though I can still see the pain, the lining around his pupils is sincere. He means it. He missed me
“I’m so very sorry.” I tell him in the same hushed tone but I drop my eyes again. My vision becomes blurry as tears of emotions that I’m unsure of overflow.
“I know you are, Jayy. I am too though. I shouldn’t have told you that I was leaving. That idea should have never even crossed my mind. You need me more than ever and I decided to run. I always said I’d be there but this time I just wasn’t…” his voice is so low and pained. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in a tight embrace.
“Don’t do this, Joel. Don’t blame yourself on something that was clearly my fault. We make our own choices in life. It was my actions. If anything you’re a hero. If you hadn’t taken me here, I’d be dead. You really are my angel.” I tell him while tears drip down my face and on his shirt.
“I love you. Ok? I don’t care if you’re a junkie. I’ll help you, if you want to change. Now that I see what I can lose, it only makes me more happy to have you as mine.” He pulls out the embrace but keeps our fingers inter locked. We’re facing each other and the moment has become quiet intense.
“You’re mine….? And I’m still yours….?” I ask with disbelief. He still wants me?
“Yes, Jayy. For the good and bad times, I’ll always have you. As long as you have me.” He leans down and lightly kisses my lips. The electricity that goes between our lips, is the shock, the awakening of realizing I have to change.
“I love you too.” I breathe against his lips.
“And I’ll always want you Joel. For the rest of forever.” I promise him
I gesture for him to come lay next to me. He climbs up on to the bed and wraps his arms around my body.
Hold me close, I think and as if he can read my thoughts he holds me tighter to him. We’re back where we started now. Two guys who are waking up in bed together. It’s a different day. A different city. A different bed. But one thing hasn’t changed. Our love for one another. That’s the one thing that will never change.
“Did you do something to him?!” the nurse snaps and turns her attention to the corner.
There sitting on a small hospital chair is him. My angel. My lover. My everything. Joel. I want to run to him and hug him but never let go. I can’t though, the nurses won’t let me get up.
“No. I swear” he tells the older lady and his voice is raspy.
This isn’t my Joel. The man sitting over there might be wearing his clothes but he isn’t my boyfriend. His eyes have dark purple circles under them. His voice sounds like mine when I first woke up. His hair looks greasy, like he hasn’t showered in days. He looks tormented. I did this to him.
The nurses and doctors leave but not without giving me another IV. I guess this is their punishment for me. The doctor gives Joel on final glare before closing the door. Alone. But this time I’m not alone with just my thoughts. I’m alone with my thoughts and Joel.
We look at each other for a second but I drop my eyes first. What can I say to him? What could ever make any of this better? Even his eyes look different. He’s so broken. I hear the screech of a chair as it craps the floor and footsteps. I’m dreading him to come over and talk to me. He’s probably so full of rage. Death would have been the better fate than to live with his disappointment in me.
“I’m so glad you’re back” he whispers next to me with one of his hands petting my hair.
I look up into those lost eyes in shock. I look deeper and deeper into the brown eyes that I first saw at a bar. Those beautiful brown eyes that I longed to see again. Even though I can still see the pain, the lining around his pupils is sincere. He means it. He missed me
“I’m so very sorry.” I tell him in the same hushed tone but I drop my eyes again. My vision becomes blurry as tears of emotions that I’m unsure of overflow.
“I know you are, Jayy. I am too though. I shouldn’t have told you that I was leaving. That idea should have never even crossed my mind. You need me more than ever and I decided to run. I always said I’d be there but this time I just wasn’t…” his voice is so low and pained. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in a tight embrace.
“Don’t do this, Joel. Don’t blame yourself on something that was clearly my fault. We make our own choices in life. It was my actions. If anything you’re a hero. If you hadn’t taken me here, I’d be dead. You really are my angel.” I tell him while tears drip down my face and on his shirt.
“I love you. Ok? I don’t care if you’re a junkie. I’ll help you, if you want to change. Now that I see what I can lose, it only makes me more happy to have you as mine.” He pulls out the embrace but keeps our fingers inter locked. We’re facing each other and the moment has become quiet intense.
“You’re mine….? And I’m still yours….?” I ask with disbelief. He still wants me?
“Yes, Jayy. For the good and bad times, I’ll always have you. As long as you have me.” He leans down and lightly kisses my lips. The electricity that goes between our lips, is the shock, the awakening of realizing I have to change.
“I love you too.” I breathe against his lips.
“And I’ll always want you Joel. For the rest of forever.” I promise him
I gesture for him to come lay next to me. He climbs up on to the bed and wraps his arms around my body.
Hold me close, I think and as if he can read my thoughts he holds me tighter to him. We’re back where we started now. Two guys who are waking up in bed together. It’s a different day. A different city. A different bed. But one thing hasn’t changed. Our love for one another. That’s the one thing that will never change.