Adoring William

May, 2007

I didn’t believe in finding love in a chat room. If other people were able to marry complete strangers then that’s their business, but I personally didn’t get it.

So, imagine my complete and utter surprise, when I started having feelings for a guy that I’d been chatting to in a gaming chat room.

For all I knew, the person I was chatting to could be a fifty year old transvestite, living in someone’s basement in China.

We’d been chatting and playing together for over a year now and I was developing a serious crush on someone I’d never even seen. His profile picture was always some fast car and every time I hinted at meeting up for coffee or something, he either ignored me or pretended to be busy.

As far as I could tell, he had no job - although a crap load of money that he accumulated through mysterious means- no friends, save me and no social obligations. His family lived in England and he never went to visit them and they never came here.

So either he really was a transvestite in China or he just had no desire to be around people. Both reasons were a load of crap.

I could sense in him a deep soul, one that longed for human companionship.

About two weeks after we met in cyberspace, I went and bought those gaming earphones that you can talk through, so I knew what his voice sounded like.

I swear I was going to convince him to meet up with me, even if it was the last thing I ever did.

~**~

June, 2007

After another month of pestering, the man, William, finally let me talk him into a visitation. It was his birthday today and I was determined to help him celebrate.

So I baked him a cake and knocked on his door. He’d insisted that we meet at his place. There was a small voice in the back of my mind telling me that showing up, alone and being a woman dressed in a pretty floral dress was a bad idea. This guy could very well be a serial killer.

But I shoved those thoughts aside. It had taken whining and death threats to even get me this far and I wasn’t backing out now.

My determination left me very quickly when the door opened and the room inside was shrouded in darkness. An ominous feeling came over me.

The man who had opened the door was wearing a hoodie and I could see only the right half of his face as he was turned away from me. He also wasn’t looking at me.

“Um, hi, I’m Katherina, but almost everyone just calls me Katherine or Kat. You must be William. It’s lovely to finally meet-” I cut off when he turned to look at me and I could see his entire face. Which wasn’t saying much since almost the entire left side of his face was made up of just sinew and bone.

Everything finally made sense. He didn’t have a job or friends, because he looked like a monster.

He was a scene straight out of a horror film.

It was truly the most terrifying thing I had ever seen in my life.

But, I didn’t let him see that. Instead, after a couple more seconds of staring, I moved past him and put the cake on the counter.

“Would you like some tea?” I asked him, “I’ve brought cake that I made myself, so I hope you like it. Which reminds me, happy birthday William.”

I gave him a big smile and moved to put the kettle on after switching on the kitchen light.

He hadn’t moved and his expression was one of shock.

“Where do you keep the cups and cake plates?” I asked to snap him out of his silence.

He closed the door and came over to help me with the cake and tea. He didn’t say one word, but he was staring at me.

We settled on the couch and I grabbed the remote to put some music on.

Seeing him eat was horrible. He could only chew with the right side of his mouth to keep food from falling out the other side and he drank his tea with a napkin held to the open side of his mouth. After only a few sips, it was drenched in tea.

My heart was very slowly but surely breaking for this man. This was why he didn’t work or go out or have company over. He told me once that he buys all his things online and has it delivered. I’m probably the first person he’s seen in years.

When we’d finished eating, I asked him, “So, was the cake good?”

He gave me a cautious look and replied with a simple “Yes, thank you.”

I sighed, “William, are you going to talk me at all while I’m here?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“We talk almost every day on the phone and sometimes I can barely get you to shut up, but now you have nothing to say.”

He gave a sigh, “It’s easier to talk to someone and pretend you’re normal when they don’t know what you look like.”

“I don’t judge people on the way they look,” I said and he gave a snort. This angered me, “Look William, you’ve been dealt a shitty hand and I’ve no doubt that you have an incredibly difficult life, but you have someone here who truly wants to be your friend. I’ve spent every day for the past year talking to you and getting to know you. I know who you are underneath that face. Don’t you dare go judging me based on your low expectations for the rest of the world. I understand that a whole lot of crap has been coming your way, from a never-ending parade of fickle minded humans, but I am not like that.”

He looked ashamed for judging me unfairly.

“You don’t have to confide in me over your problems, but I won’t judge and I won’t leave. I’m your friend and I care a great deal about you.”

He gave another sigh, “It happened three years ago; a helicopter accident. I was in the British Air Force. I thought it was noble; serving your country. I guess it was. And then I lost half my face and my future. In that moment everything I thought I was, everything I had wanted out of life was over and all that was left; was staring into an abyss of darkness. I cut off all contact with friends and family and I moved to America. I’ve been on the waiting list for a face transplant ever since.”

He was looking away from me as if the memories were too painful. I grabbed one of his hands and
held it in silent comfort. He stared at his hand clasped in mine and softly whispered, “I can’t remember the last time someone held my hand.”

I gave him a small smile, “Well, it’s a good thing I’m here then, isn’t it?”

We were silent for a few more moments when he said, “You know, I have an extra controller…”

“You are so on!”

We spent the rest of the day playing on his Xbox and having fun.