India

India had been slipping back into old habits, a few of them ones she'd swore would never return.
Eating still wasn't an option, for obvious reasons. She was huge. Infact, India felt bigger than she ever had before, which scared her yet also bought with it a new wave of motivation.

It was Friday, and school had been something she'd managed to avoid since the run in with Jack on Monday.
Every word he said still circled in her head. The sure promise that Alex wasn't who she thought. That he would hurt her, just like everyone else.

Maybe thats why she'd chosen to ignore him. No school, no answered texts or calls. Hell, when Alex had tossed pebbles at her window on wednesday night, she'd refused to speak to him.
Laying in her bed surrounded in duvets was to her, the perfect way to spend a cold rainy day. The sound of wateron the tin roof and the way it hit her window was just perfect. Her fairy lights were keeping the bedroom at a low dim, and Green Day was playing softly from her IPod. Ignoring Alex wasnt a permanant solution. She knew that facing him was unavoidable.

"India? Honey?"
She looked up when her bedroom door creaked open, the warm face of her mother peaking around the corner.
"Hey Mum."
"Im headed out tonight, work dinner. I probably wont be home tonight but theres money on the table if you need it." She said.
India just half smiled. "No problem, have fun." She said, eyes darting back down to the book clasped between her hands.
"Is everything okay?"
She looked up again. "Everythings fine, im just not feeling too well. Time of the month and everything." She offered, hoping her Mum would just buy it and leave.
"Do you need some advil or anything?"
"No, I think im just going to finish this chapter and have an early night."
"That sounds good. Be safe." Her Mum half smiled before the door slipped closed, leaving India alone once again.

Theres always something very comforting about being alone. The stillness and
steady sound of your own breathing is something India felt not enough people appreciate.
As her IPod came to the end of its playlist, India was left once again to be consumed into silence, and therefore consumed in herself. The book in her hands, one by an author she'd never even heard of before, soon lost her interest and was discarded onto the pile of read books on her bedside table.
Curling up on her side with the blankets tucked high up under her chin, India started to cry.

She couldnt even remember what had triggered it. Maybe the fact that she had failed to loose enough weight this week. Maybe it was the fresh cuts on her wrists that just seemed to hurt no matter how much she fidgeted. Maybe it was the amount of schoolwork she had, or because of Alex. All she really knew was that by quarter to ten, her throat hurt and her pillow was damp. Her nose felt blocked and the overwhelming feeling of self hatred was at its full force.

Alex sat in the middle of his bed, back pressed up against the wall as she started directly out of his window and across into Indias. Although freezing, and in nothing but sweats, he couldnt find the motivation to reach for a hoodie, a majority of which had already fallen into India's possession.
He didnt understand why she had shut her doors to him again. Things felt like they were picking up, he felt progress. Not being able to speak to her or even know what was going on was killing him inside.
As ten thirty rolled around, Alex gave up. He got up from his bed and grabbed a hoodie from the floor, tugging on a black beanie. If she wasnt going to give him any answers, he figured getting them himself was the only way to go.

Slipping out the back door whilst his parents watched the 10 o'clock news in the living room, Alex made his way over to the back fence and climbed over, like he and Jack had done thousands of times before. He walked up the side of Indias house, making sure to duck as he walked past the living room window.

Heavy rain made the task of climbing the oak tree much harder than he remembered, causing him to loose his footing a total of six times.
Eventually, Alex found himself on the balcony, one of the curtains drawn halfway shut and clothes tossed all over the floor of her bedroom. He knocked.
Once, twice. Three times in total.
And no answer.

"India? Are you there? Please let me in, I just wanna talk." He said loudly to be sure she could hear, his forehead leaning on the wet window as rain soaked his back.
"Go away, you shouldnt be here." He heard, muffled and quit from inside.
"I want to be here, I miss you. Dont shut me out again." He responded, still unable to see her due to the whole curtain issue.
Silence loomed between them for a few minutes, Alex sighing a little as he figured that maybe he should just go home.
The sound of the door unlocking made him look up, her hand peeking through the curtain as she opened the door.
"You're too fucking determined." She mumbled and slid back into bed, pulling the covers up around her.
"And thats a bad thing?" He asked, slipping into her room and shutting the door behind him.
"Its frustrating." She mumbled.
Alex just half smiled and peeled off his wet clothes, leaving them discarded on the floor as he tugged down the duvets on the opposite side of her bed, slipping in beside her.
India's reaction was instant. She slid closer to him and closed the space between them, arms slipping around him.
Alex rolled on his side and brought her closer, pushing blonde hair from her face and letting his arms snake around her waist.
"I miss you." Her voice was quiet,
Alex felt his gut twist as he felt how small she'd become, her ribs exposed and feeling hard underneath his fingertips as he traced shapes on her back.
"I miss you too. You cant do that to me again. I was worried."
"No you werent."
Alex frowned as her breath tickled his neck, pressing his lips to her forehead softly.
"I was. Have you been eating?"
"Dont interrogate me. Just hold me." She said quietly.
"Im not interrogating you, im just worried."
"Stop saying that. Im nothing to worry over."
"No, you stop saying that. You are not nothing. Not to me." He replied, tilting her chin up towards his.
Ocean blue eyes stared back at him, a world of hurt hid behind a thin glaze of the remainder of her tears.
"Were you crying?"
India didnt respond. Alex knew the answer to that just as well as she did. Instead, she leaned up and closed the space between them, her lips once again coming into contact with his.
Alex surrounded her, both physically and emotionally. His arms felt protective and his words comforted her soul. She felt safe. Safety was something she'd never felt with someone else before. Not even with herself.

Alex kissed her back as gently as he could, his hands slipping down to her hips as their bodies pressed closer underneath the blankets. India pulled back just slightly, her hands slipping down to twine with his, pulling them away from her hips.
"You okay?" He asked gently between lazy kisses, twisting his fingers with hers.
"Just been a rough week." She said as her eyes closed, lips pressing to the back of his hand.
"You cant shut me out like that again. Please." He said gently.
"I wont. Im just scared of everything."
"Scared of what?"
"I dont know. How im starting to feel towards you." She said.
Alex half smiled at that, his eyes closing as her hand came up to trace shapes over his collarbones.
"How are you feeling about me now?" He pressed gently, his foreheadleaning down against hers.
"Im too scared to say. Saying things make them real."
"Whats wrong with real?" He questioned her.
"Nothing. Only if all this is real, i just know it will hurt so much more when it doesnt work out."
"Why do you think so cynically about everything?"
India just shrugged, wrapping her arms around his neck as their legs entwined together.
Truth is, she didnt know why she thought of their relationship in such a pessimistic way. Although she craved love, India knew deep down it was something she would never allow herself to obtain. A part of her knew she loved Alex already, or atleast that she was very close to doing so. Yet her logical mind told her it was impossible. There was no way she could love somebody. And furthermore, there was no way that anyone could ever love her.
She was far from perfection, yet perfection was all that Alex could see from her. The way her eyelashes brushed her cheeks as she blinked, and how her lips were just slightly parted as she stared at his. She was perfect in the sense that she saw through him. Saw through the alcohol fueled popular kid with more notches on his bedpost than sense and a head full of crude humour to cover up his insecurities. She saw the gentle side of him that he had hidden away for too many years. A side that not one person yet had been able to bring out.

And although Alex felt he was as far from perfection as possible, India saw the very opposite.
She adored his dark eyes and his cheeky smile. She loved how he held her and how the light stubble on his face felt against her skin as they kissed. And maybe that was the most tragic thing about them. Both saw perfection in the other, but saw nothing but flaws in themselves.
India felt like a lit match who wanted to be with a raging forrest fire.
And Alex felt like the rain hitting the window, when all he wanted was to be with someone as deep and vast as the ocean.

Indias sleepy eyes opened briefly, her hand coming up to rest on Alexs left cheek as the pair held each other as close as possible, not a whisper of air between them.

"Do you feel safe with me?" She asked him quietly.
"I feel more than safe. I feel like im home."