Status: updates weekly
India
07
India put her bag in the bottom part of the bus along with her classmates on Thursday morning, hoping her things wouldnt get squished by everyone elses on the journey. She bit her lip anxiously and looked around, her backpack slung over both shoulders. She was so excited about this whole trip. New York was one of her top places to go on her bucket list, and she got to spend four days there. It was like a dream come true. She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands, coughing violently into her elbow. Last night had been really bad for her. One sideways glance in the mirror was all it took, and India spent the first part of her night binging and purging, the second part spent crying in her shower. Her arms stung slightly from the razor she had used last night. She didnt cut much, once every week or two. When she did cut however, it was deep. Her razor was tucked away in her wallet, buried in the bottom of her backpack. She couldnt eat for the next four days, it was out of the question. Someone would see her eating far too much and then see her disappear. They would find out, and thats not what India wanted.
Alex showed up late, as always. He dumped his bag in the bottom of the bus and immidiately started looking around for her, smiling when he saw her familiar figure. Her hair was braided today, and he liked it,
"You excited?" Alex asked and stood next to her, startling the blonde girl slightly.
"Very, and you?" She asked, looking up at Alex. His jaw was a little stubbly, and she liked it.
"I am too. I want to show you around New York a bit, just us." He smiled. Alex couldnt help but notice how sad she looked today, and he didnt like it. Not one bit.
"Sure, that sounds fun." She smiled faintly.
"Whats wrong?" He asked, biting his lip slightly as he looked down at her.
"Nothing."
"You're sad."
India sighed. "Its nothing Alex, im okay." She said.
Alex slid his arms around her and hugged her. This wasnt like the hug they shared at his house last week, this one was much longer. His arms wrapped around her in a different way, and she felt safe. Like he would never let go of her. Alex couldnt help but bite his lip at how tiny she was in his arms. It felt like hugging thin air. India loved how strong he was, he held her perfectly. She loved how her head just rested on his chest, his chin ontop of her head. She loved how he smelt, like caramel and cinnamon and a smell she could only describe as Alex.
"You dont have to tell me, but im here if you need me, okay?" He said quietly, resting his forehead on her shoulder. He loved how perfectly she fit in his arms, he didnt want to let her go.
"Thank you." She said quietly in return, and Alex gave her one last squeeze before reluctantly letting his arms drop.
The two of them claimed the entire back row, and nobody questioned them for a second. Alex even gave a few kids a warning look when they sat in the two rows ahead of them, wordlessly telling them to move. Every single one complied.
India wasnt sure if she liked that at all. It didnt seem fair. Then again, she didnt want to be around anyone but Alex.
"Do you want to talk about whats wrong?" Alex asked, leaning back against the bus seat.
"Nothings wrong, I told you that." She replied, sitting in the seat near the window.
"I dont believe you."
"Thats not my problem." India said. She started to cough into her elbow again, her throat sounding hoarse and hollow.
"Your cold is getting worse." Alex commented, and she shrugged.
"I guess im just not used to Baltimore weather yet." She said, looking out the window,
Alex watched her, smiling a little. Every time they were alone, Alex felt like he could be his true self. There was no crude jokes about girls or sex. No mention of alcohol or drugs. No snarky attitude or snide comments. Just Alex. It was starting to concern him how easily she could unintentionally bring out the real him. Nobody had been able to do that in a really long time.
India watched as the last few kids in the class made their way onto the bus, a few of them shooting her looks. She knew she was really gambling with things by hanging out with Alex. She shouldnt even be speaking to him. That was what got her in trouble last time, and that couldnt happen again. Alex probably had a girlfriend, or a million different girls he slept with. He was popular and attractive, and from what she had heard whispered in the hallways at school, he had more notches on his bedpost that any other person in Baltimore. The thought of it almost made her sick.
As the bus drove through the foggy weather, Alex tried his hardest to find out any shred of information about India that he could. Her favourite colour, favourite song, anything.
"Why do you ask so many questions?" India had asked after a while, looking over at him.
Alex shrugged. "I want to find out more about you, you interest me." He said. Alex liked how close they were sitting now. If he were to lean over just a little, he'd feel the side of her body against his.
"And what if i dont want you finding out anything about me?" She asked, looking up at him.
He couldnt help but take a second to appreciate how beautiful she was. Sitting this close, he could see the few freckles dotted across her nose and cheeks, and how her eyes had slightly darker flecks of blue around the iris.
"I will find out more, i promise." He said.
"Promises mean nothing. You cant keep them." She said, glancing at the stubble around his jawline. He really shouldnt be this attractive, it was highly unfair.
"Of course you can. I keep all my promises." He said.
"I dont believe you."
"Why are you so cynical?"
"Theres a difference between being cynical and being realistic." She retorted.
"Exactly, and right now you are being nothing but pessimistic." He shot back.
"Big words there Gaskarth."
"I can use big words, shut up." He pouted and crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat with his eyebrows furrowed together.
A laugh passed Indias lips, and Alex felt his stomach do somersaults. He'd never heard her laugh before, but it was by far the most beautiful sound he had heard.
"You have a cute laugh." Alex said, his shoulders untensing.
"Do not." She said.
There is a huge difference between fishing for compliments, and being genuinely insecure about something. Alex had delt out a million compliments to a million girls, and he knew the difference. Usually they would twirl their hair or giggle stupidly, bite their lips and refuse the compliment before practically begging for another. India did none of those things. She simply sat there, staring straight ahead at the seat infront, arms crossed over her chest and feet tapping silently on the floor. She genuinely didnt believe him, and that killed Alex.
"Why dont you think so?" He asked, sensing how the mood had changed entirely.
"Just dont. Cute isnt a word that describes me." She said and brought her knees up underneath her chin, arms wrapping around her shins.
"I think you're cute. You're adorable." Alex smiled a little, his voice quiet.
"I dont think I am." She said, chin resting on her knees.
"How would you describe yourself in five words?" Alex asked.
She stayed quiet.
"Do you want me to go first?" He asked.
She nodded.
He thought for a moment, biting his lower lip.
"Misunderstood, thoughtful, liar, broken, fake." He said, smiling sadly when she looked over at him.
"Why are you broken?" She asked quietly.
"Stuff happens, the world sucks." He said.
Everything the two were saying was hushed. It wasnt meant to be shared with anyone else.
"Can i ask what happened?" India said quietly.
"Yeah. I lost my brother a couple of years back." Alex said quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Im so sorry. How?" She asked.
"A car accident. He was drunk and hit a tree." Alex replied, playing with his fingers.
"I know what alcohol can do to people, its a horrible thing." She whispered and reached her hand out, taking hold of his.
Alex caught his breath, feeling how tiny her hand really was. He linked his fingers with hers, feeling like he was holding a childs hand.
"Im scared im going to end up like him. He had a really bad drinking problem." Alex said, just watching their hands linked together. It felt so right.
"You wont, you just need to be careful. Do you drink?"
Alex nodded.
"How much?"
"Way too much." He replied. Alex knew he was heading down that path already, and he was only 17.
"You need to stop it, its not good for you. Its dangerous." She said.
"You sound like you know what you're talking about." Alex replied quietly.
"My Dad was an alcoholic. He was a disgusting person when he was drunk and i hate how alcohol ruined my family." She said.
"Im really sorry India." He said, wanting nothing more than to hug her again,
"Its okay, hes not around anymore. No big deal." She said. India thought that maybe, maybe she had misjudged Alex. He had been through a lot, and she could tell not many people knew about his brother.
"How many people know about...?" She trailed off.
"About Tom? Just you and Jack."
"I guess it goes without saying that i wont tell anyone." She said,
"Thanks. Same for you." Alex smiled at her.
India let her head rest on his shoulder, her eyes fixed on their hands. She liked how this felt, how safe he managed to make her feel by hardly doing anything at all.
"You know, you didnt tell me your five words." He whispered after a while.
She sucked in a breath, trying to find five suitable words. She almost felt like she owed it to him to be somewhat honest, after what he had just shared.
"Hurt, shy, disgusting, fat, worthless."
Alex showed up late, as always. He dumped his bag in the bottom of the bus and immidiately started looking around for her, smiling when he saw her familiar figure. Her hair was braided today, and he liked it,
"You excited?" Alex asked and stood next to her, startling the blonde girl slightly.
"Very, and you?" She asked, looking up at Alex. His jaw was a little stubbly, and she liked it.
"I am too. I want to show you around New York a bit, just us." He smiled. Alex couldnt help but notice how sad she looked today, and he didnt like it. Not one bit.
"Sure, that sounds fun." She smiled faintly.
"Whats wrong?" He asked, biting his lip slightly as he looked down at her.
"Nothing."
"You're sad."
India sighed. "Its nothing Alex, im okay." She said.
Alex slid his arms around her and hugged her. This wasnt like the hug they shared at his house last week, this one was much longer. His arms wrapped around her in a different way, and she felt safe. Like he would never let go of her. Alex couldnt help but bite his lip at how tiny she was in his arms. It felt like hugging thin air. India loved how strong he was, he held her perfectly. She loved how her head just rested on his chest, his chin ontop of her head. She loved how he smelt, like caramel and cinnamon and a smell she could only describe as Alex.
"You dont have to tell me, but im here if you need me, okay?" He said quietly, resting his forehead on her shoulder. He loved how perfectly she fit in his arms, he didnt want to let her go.
"Thank you." She said quietly in return, and Alex gave her one last squeeze before reluctantly letting his arms drop.
The two of them claimed the entire back row, and nobody questioned them for a second. Alex even gave a few kids a warning look when they sat in the two rows ahead of them, wordlessly telling them to move. Every single one complied.
India wasnt sure if she liked that at all. It didnt seem fair. Then again, she didnt want to be around anyone but Alex.
"Do you want to talk about whats wrong?" Alex asked, leaning back against the bus seat.
"Nothings wrong, I told you that." She replied, sitting in the seat near the window.
"I dont believe you."
"Thats not my problem." India said. She started to cough into her elbow again, her throat sounding hoarse and hollow.
"Your cold is getting worse." Alex commented, and she shrugged.
"I guess im just not used to Baltimore weather yet." She said, looking out the window,
Alex watched her, smiling a little. Every time they were alone, Alex felt like he could be his true self. There was no crude jokes about girls or sex. No mention of alcohol or drugs. No snarky attitude or snide comments. Just Alex. It was starting to concern him how easily she could unintentionally bring out the real him. Nobody had been able to do that in a really long time.
India watched as the last few kids in the class made their way onto the bus, a few of them shooting her looks. She knew she was really gambling with things by hanging out with Alex. She shouldnt even be speaking to him. That was what got her in trouble last time, and that couldnt happen again. Alex probably had a girlfriend, or a million different girls he slept with. He was popular and attractive, and from what she had heard whispered in the hallways at school, he had more notches on his bedpost that any other person in Baltimore. The thought of it almost made her sick.
As the bus drove through the foggy weather, Alex tried his hardest to find out any shred of information about India that he could. Her favourite colour, favourite song, anything.
"Why do you ask so many questions?" India had asked after a while, looking over at him.
Alex shrugged. "I want to find out more about you, you interest me." He said. Alex liked how close they were sitting now. If he were to lean over just a little, he'd feel the side of her body against his.
"And what if i dont want you finding out anything about me?" She asked, looking up at him.
He couldnt help but take a second to appreciate how beautiful she was. Sitting this close, he could see the few freckles dotted across her nose and cheeks, and how her eyes had slightly darker flecks of blue around the iris.
"I will find out more, i promise." He said.
"Promises mean nothing. You cant keep them." She said, glancing at the stubble around his jawline. He really shouldnt be this attractive, it was highly unfair.
"Of course you can. I keep all my promises." He said.
"I dont believe you."
"Why are you so cynical?"
"Theres a difference between being cynical and being realistic." She retorted.
"Exactly, and right now you are being nothing but pessimistic." He shot back.
"Big words there Gaskarth."
"I can use big words, shut up." He pouted and crossed his arms, leaning back in his seat with his eyebrows furrowed together.
A laugh passed Indias lips, and Alex felt his stomach do somersaults. He'd never heard her laugh before, but it was by far the most beautiful sound he had heard.
"You have a cute laugh." Alex said, his shoulders untensing.
"Do not." She said.
There is a huge difference between fishing for compliments, and being genuinely insecure about something. Alex had delt out a million compliments to a million girls, and he knew the difference. Usually they would twirl their hair or giggle stupidly, bite their lips and refuse the compliment before practically begging for another. India did none of those things. She simply sat there, staring straight ahead at the seat infront, arms crossed over her chest and feet tapping silently on the floor. She genuinely didnt believe him, and that killed Alex.
"Why dont you think so?" He asked, sensing how the mood had changed entirely.
"Just dont. Cute isnt a word that describes me." She said and brought her knees up underneath her chin, arms wrapping around her shins.
"I think you're cute. You're adorable." Alex smiled a little, his voice quiet.
"I dont think I am." She said, chin resting on her knees.
"How would you describe yourself in five words?" Alex asked.
She stayed quiet.
"Do you want me to go first?" He asked.
She nodded.
He thought for a moment, biting his lower lip.
"Misunderstood, thoughtful, liar, broken, fake." He said, smiling sadly when she looked over at him.
"Why are you broken?" She asked quietly.
"Stuff happens, the world sucks." He said.
Everything the two were saying was hushed. It wasnt meant to be shared with anyone else.
"Can i ask what happened?" India said quietly.
"Yeah. I lost my brother a couple of years back." Alex said quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Im so sorry. How?" She asked.
"A car accident. He was drunk and hit a tree." Alex replied, playing with his fingers.
"I know what alcohol can do to people, its a horrible thing." She whispered and reached her hand out, taking hold of his.
Alex caught his breath, feeling how tiny her hand really was. He linked his fingers with hers, feeling like he was holding a childs hand.
"Im scared im going to end up like him. He had a really bad drinking problem." Alex said, just watching their hands linked together. It felt so right.
"You wont, you just need to be careful. Do you drink?"
Alex nodded.
"How much?"
"Way too much." He replied. Alex knew he was heading down that path already, and he was only 17.
"You need to stop it, its not good for you. Its dangerous." She said.
"You sound like you know what you're talking about." Alex replied quietly.
"My Dad was an alcoholic. He was a disgusting person when he was drunk and i hate how alcohol ruined my family." She said.
"Im really sorry India." He said, wanting nothing more than to hug her again,
"Its okay, hes not around anymore. No big deal." She said. India thought that maybe, maybe she had misjudged Alex. He had been through a lot, and she could tell not many people knew about his brother.
"How many people know about...?" She trailed off.
"About Tom? Just you and Jack."
"I guess it goes without saying that i wont tell anyone." She said,
"Thanks. Same for you." Alex smiled at her.
India let her head rest on his shoulder, her eyes fixed on their hands. She liked how this felt, how safe he managed to make her feel by hardly doing anything at all.
"You know, you didnt tell me your five words." He whispered after a while.
She sucked in a breath, trying to find five suitable words. She almost felt like she owed it to him to be somewhat honest, after what he had just shared.
"Hurt, shy, disgusting, fat, worthless."