Back for You

I sat comfortably on the couch with my favorite stuffed animal that I got from my best friend back in my hometown, Ami, on my birthday last year as I watched Sienna pacing back and forth with phone attached to her ear in amusement. She’s been doing it since like, 2 hours ago and I wondered when she would stop. I admitted that it’s pretty entertaining but I wondered if she got tired from pacing too much.

“I still don’t get why you’re freaking out about it so much, Si.” I spoke to her as I hugged my Panda tighter.

“Well, because it’s Forever 21, Jen. Can you believe it?!” She didn’t stop pacing, “Oh my God. I know it’s going to happen someday, I knew it.” She muttered under her breath.

“You deserve it, though.” I told her calmly, “Now, can you just sit? You’re blocking my view, Si. I’m trying to watch the tellie here.” She rolled her eyes playfully before finally taking a seat next to me. I changed to channel to MTV and much to my surprise, ‘Live While We’re Young’ music video was on.

A smile spread across my lips as I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and took a picture of what’s on the tellie before sending it to Liam. I hummed quietly to the song as I waited for Liam to text me back, “You know all the words to this song.” Sienna sounded pretty surprised, “I thought you only listen to Adele, Jen.”

“Duh, you clearly haven’t seen my iPod playlist, Si.” I laughed as I kept my gaze on the tellie, watching the boys singing happily.

“Hm, let me guess. The playlist is full of the boys’ songs, eh?” I turned my head to face Sienna and she just smirked at me.

“Majority, yes. They have beautiful voices and… the songs are catchy, you know?” I shrugged casually, “Anyway, I haven’t seen Ryan for like, 3 days. Where’s he?” It’s true. Ryan hadn’t come around to the flat since 3 days ago. I wondered where he was.

“His family came to visit him yesterday and won’t be back until Sunday. So, he’s, like, stuck with them for the whole weekend.” Sienna said with a weak smile, “and for your information, his little brother is here too.”

“Oh, yeah? Really?” I asked, getting curious because I’ve never heard Ryan talking about his family or even his little brother before.

“Yup,” she said, plopping the ‘p’, “By the way, he’s just a year younger than Ryan… which is still a year older than both of us. And, he’s single.” I gave her a weird look and she smirked at me. I didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue her words, “My point is, maybe we could go on a double date anytime soon. Who knows maybe his little brother would show any interest for you.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the couch, heading to my room, “Please don’t pull off this talk again, Si. I’m tired of being set up with a guy I don’t know.” I whined at her as I grabbed my backpack from under my desk and put some clean clothes in it. I couldn’t be here. I needed to get some fresh air for a little while. Things had been nothing but stressful these days. And I didn’t need Sienna to put another thing in my mind.

“Fine.” To my surprise, she caved in. I glanced at her who’s now standing in the doorway with her arms across her chest, “Where are you going, Jen? You’re not going to move out, are you?”

“Of course not,” I rolled my eyes and walked over to the bathroom to get my towel, “I’m going to clear my head, probably play badminton for a little while. Wanna come?” Eventually Sienna agreed to come with me. Besides being my only ride home, she could play with me too. I couldn’t just ask someone I don’t know to play with me like the last time I went alone.

Playing badminton at the sports club that got a badminton court near my campus was one of the things I always do whenever I’m homesick. It reminded me of home somehow. Back when I was younger, I always played badminton with Mike or Dad. It would always be me and Mike against Dad, while Mom would just happily watch us play. We would play on the bright summer morning or on every weekend and after that, we’d have breakfast in the backyard while talking and laughing.

And it’s been years since those days. As both Mike and I grew older, the rackets were left behind in my old room. I hung it on the wall along with Mike’s and never really used it again unless it’s urgently needed (like badminton competition that my school held every year). Besides getting older, the other problem was, we’re both too busy to do that.

Mike and I would always sleep in or do something with our friends on weekend. And on summer, despite having our own plans with friends, we spent the rest of our summer with the cousins or sleeping or having DVD marathon just me and Mike. The habit of playing badminton with Dad (which was the only quality time we could have with Dad) was never done again, even until Mike and I didn’t live in the same country as both of our parents did.

*****

The perks of playing badminton with Sienna were, she’s not a good player and I could win easily. Sienna never played badminton at all until I brought her to play with me, “You’re cheating!” She shouted at me as she caught her breath.

“How the hell could I cheat on this game?” I laughed at her, “Come on. One more round, Si!”

She groaned, “Fine. Just one more round then we’re out of here.” I laughed at her and shook my head faintly.

Taking a deep breath, I served the shuttlecock and it flew across the court. With a careful look, Sienna smashed it, sending it to me again but I smashed it again. And it flew faster that I thought it could be and Sienna, who was already tired and whiny since a half hour ago, wasn’t right on time to send it back to me. The shuttlecock fell down right on the line, signing that I got one score again.

“Okay that’s it. We have a deal, Jen.” As I promised, we both walked out from the field to the cold bench, “I don’t understand how the hell you can play that well.” Sienna spoke up as she grabbed her water bottle from her bag.

“Thanks to my Dad.” I shrugged before taking a big gulp of water. As I leaned on the cold wall, I grabbed my phone to check if I had any new text. But I was greeted by a sign that I just missed a call from Liam. And he didn’t call me once; he called me three times actually.

“Liam called you?” Sienna said from my left as she took a look on my phone, “You should call him back. In case he’s thinking to take you on a date or something.”

“Oh c’mon, Si.” I groaned at her which she only replied with a laugh. Feeling a bit curious, I decided to just call him back. And much to my luck, he answered it on the third ring.

“Hey,” he answered casually.

“Hi, Li. Um, I’m sorry to miss all your calls. I was playing badminton with Sienna.” Sienna snapped her head towards me and smirked at me.

“Oh? You play badminton? That’s rare.” He mumbled and I just chuckled, “Anyway, Niall is having movies night at his flat tonight. I’m just wondering if you would come… If you don’t have any quiz or assignment for tomorrow though…”

“Nah, I’ve finished that already.” I chuckled, “Is it okay if I bring Sienna with me?”

“That’s great!” He said cheerfully to the phone which made me to crack a smile, “Be here at 8, alright? I’ll text you the address.”

“Alright.” We said goodbye to each other and hung up. I put my phone back in my sports bag and greeted by Sienna’s knowing smile which only made me to sigh, “They want us to be at Niall’s for movies night.”

“They or only Liam?” Sienna asked with a smirk still on her face. I only rolled my eyes at her as I walked to the changing room with bag on my shoulder.

We walked to the changing room to take a quick shower and change our clothes with the clean ones. I didn’t bring my jeans or any decent clothes (because I wasn’t prepared to come to Niall’s), so I decided to just wear whatever I brought with me, still thankful that I didn’t forget to bring spare clothes. I’d be damned if I forgot to bring clean clothes. Just imagine… me wearing tight tank-top that drenched with sweat and short shorts walking into Niall’s flat where my friends were all wearing normal, clean clothes.

“Who’s going to be there?” Sienna asked when both of us were already in her car, ready to set off to Niall’s.

“Umm… I don’t know. But I bet all the boys will be there and maybe their girlfriends too.” I shrugged my shoulders as I kept my gaze on the street. After a while, I decided to pull a conversation that at first I didn’t really have intention to talk about, “Si…”

“Hmm?” I bit my lower lip, still debating whether should or shouldn’t I tell her about how I feel.

“Uh, I, uh…” I took a deep breath, “I feel kind of strange every time Liam’s near me.” Much to my surprise, Sienna laughed loudly like it was something funny, “Si, I’m serious.” I told her once again, looking down at now my shaking hands, “it’s strange and I’m scared.”

Her laughter died when she heard the sudden change of tone in my voice. She knew I wasn’t kidding, “Why?” She asked like it wasn’t obvious enough.

“It’s because I feel like this too when I met Joe.” I could feel my heart aching again when that name slipped out of my mouth. It’d been a long time since the last time I brought Joe up into a conversation with Sienna again. Whenever I remembered about Joe, I didn’t talk it out with Sienna. I’d lock myself in my room with my favorite music on and I’d write on my journal.

“Oh God, Jenna…” She trailed off and shook her head in disbelief, “You like him.”

“I knew Liam just broke up with his girlfriend that he dated for years just a few months ago. He told me about it when I hung out at his flat. But I also knew that the boys have tried to set him up on a date with a girl he doesn’t know a few times.” I ranted on.

“You hung out at his flat? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked in disbelief, giving a few glances.

“It was that night when you were preoccupied with Ryan and I had to go and find somewhere else to study and sleep.” I rolled my eyes at the memory of that night.

“You slept at his flat? Jenna! That’s a big move!”

“Sienna that’s not my point!” I scoffed and crossed my arms across my chest, “What should I do about this, Si? What should I do?” I was starting to get desperate because I didn’t want this strange feeling that I have for Liam to keep gluing on me. I knew what I could turn to if this strange feeling kept on continues. That’s why I wanted it gone.

“First of all, you should take deep breaths, Jen. Don’t get too overwhelmed and don’t overreact. It’s normal, Jen. You’re normal.”

“What’s normal, Si? This is obviously not normal.” I sighed heavily and ran my fingers through my damp hair shakily.

“Of course it’s normal! This means you’re a girl and you’re normal. It’s alright to feel this way again, Jen. It’s been such a long time, right?” She spoke up, trying to lighten me up a bit. I stayed silent in my seat, “Just don’t think about Joe ever again, okay? He’s different. He brought another different, bad story to you. This time’s different. Besides, not every man in this world is like Joe.”

I shut my eyes and was immediately deep in thoughts again. Slowly all the moments and memories that I pushed to the back of my mind came back to the surface again. I remembered about my old self, old feelings, Joe-

“Jenna!” Sienna’s voice pulled me back from my trance. The car stopped and it’s like we’re already at Niall’s, “Look at me.” I did what I was told, “I know what you did just now. Just don’t let yourself do that again, alright? You’ve spent a long time to get rid of it, and you’re sure you don’t want all those times you spent just waste away, right?”

I sunk in my seat and shook my head, “Good. Let’s get out of here. They’re all waiting for us.”

*****

Since the couch and loveseat are all taken, I decided to just sit on floor… with Liam. I wasn’t surprised though. I could sense all the boys (besides Liam) and Sienna team up on trying to get me and Liam close, or sometimes alone. Just like earlier, I was helping Niall with the food and Zayn just told Liam to help Niall too. And after a while, Niall excused himself by saying that he needed to pee so that it’s only me and Liam alone.

“Jenna is the only one who looks comfy right now,” Louis spoke up as I sat on the floor and Liam just scooted closer to me so he could put his arm around my shoulder. I turned to Louis and gave him a weird look, “Your clothes, I mean.”

I rolled my eyes at his words. I know he didn’t refer it to only my clothes, but my position too because Liam just casually slung his arm around my shoulder which made my heart to flip, “I wasn’t expecting this movie night. I was just finished beating Sienna’s arse on badminton when I got the call.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“You’re cheating, Jen.” Sienna spoke up from behind.

“How the hell could I cheat on that game? You’re ridiculous.” I laughed dryly, “Anyway, what are you guys doing today?” I changed the topic.

“Well, we’re practically stuck at the studio all day.” Liam spoke and shrugged his shoulders casually, “nothing special, really.”

“But, still.” I laughed and rolled my eyes playfully at him, “Anyway, what are we going to watch?” I asked as I laid my eyes on a stack of various DVDs that Niall put on the coffee table. I could see Harry Potter and Narnia there, but I was still completely clueless for the other.

“Let me see,” Niall got off of his comfy couch and grabbed all the DVDs, scanning all of them one by one, “So, we have the last Harry Potter, the first Narnia, Paranormal Activity 3, Toy Story 3, Mean Girls and Despicable Me.”

I could see that Liam was going to open his mouth and say something but got cut off by Zayn, “I don’t want to watch another round of Toy Story.”

“Yeah, Li. You should get rid of your weird obsession over Toy Story.” Louis added with a laugh.

“Hey!” Liam turned and threw a cushion at his mate.

“Guys, look what I just found in Jenna’s backpack.” Harry spoke up and I stood up from the ground so I could take a better look of him. He was just digging through my backpack with Sienna, an amused look on his face. He grabbed my Instax camera and waved it at the others.

“What the hell are you doing, Haz?! Who said you could just go through my stuff?” I groaned and Harry took the moment to take a picture of me, “Harry!”

“Jenna!” He mocked, taking another picture of me. As soon as the picture got out, he laughed at it, “This one’s good.” I snatched the picture from his hand and immediately scrunched up my nose at the picture of me with my mouth open, clearly in the middle of me talking.

I huffed, feeling defeated, “This isn’t too bad, really.” Liam said, examining the picture, and I just snorted.

“Harry, please don’t waste it. I only have 20 left and it seems like you already took about 10 pictures.” I told him as I tried to reach for my lovely camera but of course, I couldn’t get it that easily. I had to chase him around the room while he just kept on taking pictures of everything and everyone. I also could hear the others laughing like I just did something funny. Gosh.

“My God!” I rolled my eyes as I saw Harry took another picture of Liam tapping away on his phone, “Sienna! Could you please tell your cousin to act like his age?” Sienna just laughed and shook her head at me.

“Jen, he’s the youngest among all of us. What do you expect him to do?” She laughed again and I just collapsed next to Liam, getting more tired than I already was. Trying to get some help from Sienna wasn’t really helpful. I should’ve known that she would get on Harry’s side instead of me.

“Alright. You know what, Haz, I’m tired. You can do whatever you want and I won’t have to care, as long as my baby doesn’t get hurt or anything.” I took a deep breath, “Now can we just watch Paranormal Activity?”

“Paranormal Activity? Really, Jen?” Liam asked, clearly surprised of my pick for the movies night. I didn’t say anything but just shrugged my shoulders, “Guys, she’s serious.” He spoke out loud.

“Please, no.” I heard Sienna mutter under her breath, “How about we vote?” she suggested and everyone seemed like they had no problem. We started to vote and of course, majority won. Sienna had to sit on the couch and clung onto her beloved cousin for the next one and a half hour. Yes.

“You’re sure you want to watch this movie, Jen?” Liam whispered to me as the movie started. I could feel myself shiver when he whispered. God, he needed to stop doing that.

I turned to look at him and gave him a weird look, “Of course.” I replied smugly, “I’m not scared, Li. I’ve watched this four times already.”

“Hey, no talking!” Niall whispered loudly as he threw popcorn at me and Liam which made me to stick my tongue out at her. Liam and I didn’t say anything else, though. He kept his arm around me and pulled me closer to him so I could lean casually on his shoulder. I would be lying if I don’t feel my heart beat faster and my stomach flip.

And I was starting to feel uneasy, too. It’s really bothering me but it’s not like I had other options though. I just confessed all the feelings I have for Liam to Sienna earlier tonight and now I had to sit through a movie with his arm around my shoulder and me leaning casually for the next one and a half hour. I couldn’t even wrap my head around my feelings just yet but now I already had to face the fact that the boy I had crush on was sitting right next to me with our thighs touching. Dear God, what the hell just happened to me? Why did I have to over-think about everything?