Love is Foolish

She didn't know what possessed her into asking Alex to sing. Maybe it was the fact when she came to the show she wasn't exactly focused on the music. Maybe she just wanted to hear Alex sing.

Whatever it was it, the words that left her mouth surprised her as well as Alex by the look on his face. He asked what to sing and she replied anything. She wanted to hear his voice.

"Do you want me or do you want me dead?" Alex sang.

She didn't miss the accusing tone of his voice. It was obvious he was singing about them. She didn't really care. Or so she told herself.

She recalled the hurt she felt when Alex tried to escape a few days ago. That hurt surprised her as much as the pang she felt right now when Alex asked her if she wanted him or if she wanted him dead.

She blocked her feelings immediately. There was no reason to feel like this. She didn't care. Alex's stupid feelings were not her concern.

But Alex's voice was a different story. It was simply angelic, better than on their recorded songs or anywhere else. Even angrily it was still full of passion. She just melted in it, letting the music flow inside her. Music always made her happy. It gave her a escape.

Alex finished singing, looking slightly calmer and happier than she'd ever seen him since he entered her basement. She couldn't have him stop. His voice was beautiful. She pasted on a adorable pout, knowing Alex wouldn't say no to her.

She enjoyed her victory as Alex started singing. This time his voice was sweeter calming and gentle. It didn't have the fire of the last song but it had charm and innocence, the kind she faked.

She listened to the words. Alex was singing about the first time he saw her, when she danced. It was all just a act for her, the dancing and the innocence but in Alexs words she saw honesty. She saw the way she reflected in his eyes.

Her first instinct was to laugh at it. Ha innocent and beautiful. That was how she was in Alexs naive eyes. But something about the way he sang kept her hooked despite the stupidity of his words. He finished the song and she just didn't want him to stop.

She felt another twinge of pride and victory when she managed to make Alex sing another song. Alex opened his mouth and she just felt happy. She was so focused at the song and its beauty.  Alex sang about breaking her walls, looking at her hopefully.

His intent was clear. He actually thought he could understand her,that silly love would solve it all. She smiled back at him but really she was snickering at his foolishness.

No one could break her walls. She didn't even consider them as walls. She had her story and her past and her life. It was simply her business. She did not have to share it with anyone and she wouldn't. The past is dead.

Like Alex would be in a while, she reminded herself. It really would be a pity, with that voice but it had to happen.

Alex finished the song and she looked at him ,wanting him to continue. The music helped her clear her thoughts and relax. It seemed to do the same for Alex.

The next song he sang only made it clearer, he fell for her. She'd done it.

She let the music take her thoughts. Alex didn't stop singing, flowing from one song to another. She was enjoying herself. Alex's voice made her feel weightless, her problems disappearing. It was passionate, sweet, clear, with occasional fire. She didn't remember last time she felt so free. She felt herself disappear. Nothing mattered anymore. Just the voice guiding her, singing happily as she floated.

Then it stopped. She felt herself get back to the situation at hand.

The dark basement, the chains on Alex's hands, the cut she did. She was feeling something unusual. It couldn't be. Yet she was feeling ashamed of the pain she inflicted. She was feeling guilty. She felt deeply unsettled by this.

Guilt about what? She could do whatever she wanted. It was her life. Rules, morality, humanity, compassion were all blocks, barricades for people not to do what they wished. Nothing could stop her. She decided something and she was going through with it.

"Why did you stop?" She asked, a bit too harshly. But she had to be in control. She'd have to get rid of the guilt and she couldn't have empathy.

Alex reminded her about the food she promised. She climbed upstairs. She was tempted just to leave, to let him starve for all she cared. She didn't owe him anything. But a bigger part of her knew it would be wrong.

It's not that she didn't have a right and wrong in her mind, like some thought. The truth was she had her own definition of wrong and right. It may not be compatible with others but she didn't care. After all she couldn't live her life by others definitions.

It would be wrong after Alex sang for two and a half hours not to give him food she decided. She quickly made two grilled cheese sandwiches, since she realized he hadn't eaten for quite a bit of time. Bringing a bottle of water with her, she went back down to the basement.

Alex was starring into space, sunk in his thoughts. "I brought food." She said, standing next to him, making him jump.

"Thanks." He said, offering a small smile. She smiled back, almost automatically.

She unlocked one of his hand while saying quietly "Try anything and it'll be worse than last time." Alex lowered his eyes and nodded.

She handed him the sandwich and he finished it almost immediately. He looked so ravenous.

"Slowly." She reminded him, knowing that eating too fast after not eating for a while can result in throwing it up and sometimes even death.

Alex raised his eyebrows then said "Thanks." and gave her another small smile. The eyebrow raising bothered her but she decided just to let it go.

After eating it, she handed him the water and the other sandwich. The look of satisfaction on Alexs face made her slightly happy. He looked so content and relaxed.

"Thank you." He said again. She smiled back. Alex's smile grew. She felt a flutter of warmth.

What? She couldn't feel like that. Why should his stupid smile make her happy? She shouldn't be feeling this, any of this. Emotions ruin everything. Even slightly liking him could ruin her life.

It couldn't happen. She couldn't feel anything. It would ruin everything. What would he say? He'd get angry, ashamed. She couldn't.

Feeling are foolish, for the weak. She was not weak.

She did not under any circumstances have feelings for Alex.

She couldn't. She was furious.

Violently she grabbed Alex's free hand that was drinking water, chained it back, ignoring his look of surprise. Without a second glance at him, she ran upstairs leaving Alex looking confused.