Love is Foolish

Alex was starting to just feel drained. She had just left the room after burning his hand. It just hurt so fucking much.

Her smile was what he could see. That evil, taunting smile, just snickering at his pain. She seemed to find it all so funny. She didn't even care. She didn't seem to notice what she was doing was wrong.

Alex was just feeling hopeless. He didn't know what was going to happen. After today,he was terrified. She hated him. He hated her. What was wrong with her?  

She just seemed to enjoy watching him suffer. Alex couldn't understand what was going on in her head. What did she even find in it?

Alex was slowly getting used to just disappearing. To stare into space, relax and mentally leave the basement. While he could be physically trapped down there, in his mind he could be anywhere. With his band, with fans, singing, where ever he wanted to be.  It helped him pass the long dull alone hours in the basement. Just letting time flow.

Alex hated the uncertainty. Not knowing anything. He didn't even know if he'd make it out of there.

A part of him just didn't care. So what? So he'd leave and then what? Could he ever truly forget everything that happened? To truly be content and happy? Would the scars ever fade completely?

Alex knew he couldn't promise himself that. He simply didn't know, if by luck he could leave the basement, if he would ever forget it all. Just get back to his life of music and fun, without her.

He knew he was planning too far, seeing as right now he was still chained in her basement. But it honestly worried him. Deep inside he knew the answer was no.

How could he be the same? How could dick jokes and sex make him happy after all this? He could barely find himself happy. He was slowly falling into that pit of sadness. Slowly thinking less and less positively.

Of course he couldn't just skip out like nothing happened. He would forever carry the mental and physical scars. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, failing dismally.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw her smirk, laughing at him, her cold eyes staring at him, her hating expression as she told him she hated him.

"I hate you."
"You ruin everything."
"You belong to me."
"Because I can and I want to."

His mind repeated nonstop making him shudder. His mind kept repeated everything that happened, from the scratches, to the cut, to the beating up, to her fit of anger, to the burning, reliving every bit of pain he'd felt. It was as if his own mind was making fun of him.

Sleep or whatever was happening now, didn't help. It made it worse. To remember all her sweet moments, her dancing, her smile, their first kiss, everything and know it could never happen. She hated him. The memories and hope were his worst enemy. 

Alex wished there was a clock or something to help him judge time. Time didn't seem to work in there. It just froze. He wanted to run, to flee away from there. The fact he couldn't made him feel more desperate.

He saw the door open and she came down. He looked down after seeing her smirk. He didn't want to truly admit it, but that smirk sent fear through his entire body. She held the knife from last time.

"Good morning!" She said brightly smirking.

"Fuck off." Alex answered just sick of it all. Her smirk grew.

Alex felt sick. She took the knife and slowly pressed it to Alex's other cheek. The anticipation and excitement in her eyes made Alex feel awful. This was fun for her. He just didn't know what to do with himself.

He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the pain he knew would come. He knew it would be awful and hurt terribly. She slowly started to trace a line and Alex tried to hold in the scream that was building up inside of him knowing it would bring her pleasure.

But oh god it hurt. She traced the line again and again. Alex just wanted it all to end. He wanted to disappear, to run away from it all. He'd had enough of this pain, of this awful place. She'd never let him go.

Alex opened his eyes to see her smile at the blood dripping along his cheek. She just looked hypnotized as usual. Alex found it disgusting and repulsive. He didn't see a point.

Seeing her expression he realized she'd never stop hurting him. She liked it too much. Alex didn't want it. Above everything he hated the pain.

Ending it all sounded pretty good. To leave the basement, to leave her, to leave the world. He wanted to die. The thought may have scared him earlier but now he accepted it.

He wanted it to end. That was the only way to do it.

She cut him again, more blood dripping out. The pain was awful, more of a reason to end it all. Alex stated at her in her dazed amazed eyes.

"Kill me. Please." It was the least she could do. There was no will to live, no real point. He couldn't think of one reason to stay trapped in her basement.

"Don't you owe me at least one mercy? Kill me. Just stop it all." He said, almost emotionlessly. The world stopped making sense to him.

She stopped cutting him, looking extremely shocked. "Y-you don't mean that." Alex was surprised by her reaction but he just didn't care.

"I do. What's the point? I'm never leaving here, you're just going to continue hurting me, I don't see why I'm supposed to live." Alex said tonelessly.

Alex lifted his eyes from the floor and saw she had tears in her eyes. They were slowly rolling down her face. She was shaking, the knife in her hand dancing.

Alex saw for the first time, she looked weak. She looked fragile and small. She looked like she was desperately trying to repair herself, to look strong, but inside she was more broken than anything Alex had ever seen.

She threw the knife on the floor and ran upstairs. Alex just stared at her shocked. What had happened? He was just being honest with her. He wanted to die. He didn't expect for her to react like that.

In fact a part of him was hoping she'd take that knife, stab him in the heart and end it all. Her heart broken expression. She looked like a little confused girl, unsure of everything.

Alex realized she was so much more confusing than he'd thought. Alex assumed she was just a maniac with a fetish for blood, that occasionally controlled her, making her want to hurt someone.  That inside of her was the innocent girl he'd met.

But now he wasn't sure. What about the fact he wanted to die made her start crying, throw down the knife, and run away?

Alex wanted to understand. He was back to his old hopes of solving the mystery. Maybe not solve but just understand. If he couldn't die at least he could understand his captors motives.