Love is Foolish

Blood was beautiful, simple gorgeous, breathtakingly amazing. It dripped past the cut on Alex's cheek. It was hypnotizing. She took the knife and traced the line again, making more blood drip out.

Until suddenly Alex said "Kill me please."

The hopelessness in his voice, the surrendering. It all sounded so familiar. It threw her back, years back, to a different basement, a different cut, a different set of chains, a different person, a different life.

Back when she was young. Back when she didn't know. Back when she couldn't control or manipulate. Back when she was weak.

The memories made her shake. She couldn't have done that. Impossible. She wasn't like him. She wasn't as evil. This wasn't her doing.

Alex continued tonelessly "Don't you owe me at least one mercy? Kill me. Just stop it all."

That night. She could have killed him. But she didn't. She could kill him. And now thanks to her, Alex wanted to die. Alex couldn't really want that. She tried to convince herself. It wasn't her fault.

"Y-you don't mean that." She said fearfully. The stutter in her voice made her cringe. She sounded weak. She can't be weak. But she had to know Alex didn't mean it.

"I do. What's the point? I'm never leaving here, you're just going to continue hurting me, I don't see why I'm supposed to live." Alex said, staring at the floor, in a detached voice.

She felt her entire body shake. She was as bad as he was. She was as evil as he was. She had managed to make someone want to die. It was her fault. He had done it always. Now she was fully stepping into his shoes. She couldn't.

Tears entered her eyes as she saw Alex's head hanging down, red splatters on the floor. His life filled eyes were dead inside, like a skeleton. He was thinner, only adding to it.

She remembered the strong, happy, man on stage, replaced by the broken man in front of her. All her doings. The guilt was eating her.

Tears slowly fell down as she remembered what people used to say about her. "Never the same." "Used to be so joyful."

She'd done the same to Alex. There was no one to blame but her. Alex looked up on her. She couldn't stay here, not so broken. For a second she felt like she was her 12 year old self again, scared and small. And she hated it.

She threw the knife on the floor and ran upstairs, tears flowing down her cheeks. She had to escape her house.

Sobs cutting her throat, making her breaths jagged, she ran to her car and started driving. At first she didn't know where.

Than she found herself in the cementry. Tears still rolling down her face, she ran to the end of it, and there it was. The small gravestone. There wasn't any name. It was just a stone, with the date of his death engraved on it. That was the only thing they knew about him.

She knew more of course, but she didn't tell anyone. She was best at keeping secrets. He always said "My best secret keepers are dead or you. Tell one of them and you'll be dead."

He taught her everything she knew. The year she spent with him changed her life. As she looked down on the gravestone, she couldn't help but wonder what he'd think.

He'd be proud of her smooth abduction, of her control, of the blood, of the fact she made Alex want to die. But would he be happy of her refusal to kill him, of her weak escape. She knew the answer was no.

He'd tell her again how emotions were weak. He'd explain about love being for the foolish. He'd tell her they were above it. They were free because they could do whatever they wanted. Nothing could stop them. She wanted to believe him more than anything. She wanted him to be right.

But making Alex admit he wanted to die didn't make her feel good. It made her feel disgusting. Breaking him didn't feel good. She didn't enjoy it. She had to get rid of it. But she couldn't kill him.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was truly wrong. For the first time in 12 years, she let herself think maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was another way. But she could have Alex stay with her.

She made a decision. She knew he'd be angry. She felt ashamed. But it was right.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm sorry for failing you. I'll do better next time. I'll bring you honor. I'm sorry about Alex. I messed up. But I'll be better. I'll be better for you."

She drove on back to her house, cleaning her tears, reminding herself to be strong, because she couldn't be weak. Never ever.

She entered the basement content with her decision.