Love is Foolish

Alex was sleeping when he heard someone call him. He opened his eyes to see Audra stand in the side of the room. She looked at him sadly before saying "Alex I love you. I'm so sorry for everything. " Alex didn't understand why she woke up in the middle of the night to say that.

Then he saw the gun in her hand, aimed to her head. Alex ran forward, trying to desperately stop her. He heard the click.

She smiled at him, a real smile unlike everything he'd seen in the basement. It was a beautiful smile.

The guns bang sounded. Alex had reached her but it was too late. Blood covered her head, splattering all over. Alex was shaking tears streaming down his face. She still had a weak pulse.

Alex desperately looked for a phone, finding one on the dresser he called 911. "Hello how may I help you?"

Alex tried to relax enough to answer "She she s-shot herself." Alex stuttered. Saying it out loud made it feel true and he couldn't believe it.

"Where are you located?" Alex realized he didn't even know where they were. He sprinted outside and looked at the street "We're at Baker street house 358. Please come quickly!" He said.

"We'll come as soon as possible. Try to stop the bleeding." Alex ran upstairs to her.

She was lying on the floor, a pool of blood next to her head. Her curls were soaked in it, her eyes closed. She was slowly becoming more and more paler. Alex grabbed a random shirt from the closet and put it next to the wound, trying to stop the flow.

She couldn't die. She just couldn't. She had to live. This couldn't be happening. She would smile and laugh and get better and love and lie and even smirk. Just not die.

"Please Audra. You're so strong. I know you can do it. Just please don't die on me. Don't leave me! I love you! Please Audra!" He was sobbing, holding the wet t-shirt, his hands full of her blood.

The ambulance came. They climbed up and grabbed her putting her on a stretcher. She looked so small on it, like a little girl. Alex went to the paramedic and asked what was happening.

"Well its not exactly good. We're going to try to attempt surgery on her,to remove the bullet and fix the skull as best as we can. We're going to hope she's going to make it. "

"Hope?! That's the fucking best you can do? Hope! She can't die!"

The paramedic who was probably used to people shouting at him simply said "We'll do our best." Then he looked closer at Alex. "What happened to you?"

"What?" Alex asked momentarily confused.

"Your face and arms. " The paramedic said. Alex didn't know how to answer.

"Just tell me she's going to be ok." Tears spilling out of his eyes.

The paramedic said "We really will do our best. Are you family?"

"No but I love her." He said. It may have been only a few hours but he loved her.

"Very well." Alex sat there on the ambulance next to her as they desperately tried to return life to her. Apparently she had a steady pulse but serious parts of her brain were injured.

Alex couldn't stop shaking. She was so amazing, so strong, so beautiful. And there she was, on stretcher bleeding, slowly losing life.

They arrived at the hospital, where she was quickly ushered to a surgical room for her surgery. A doctor meanwhile asked what happened.

"She tried to commit suicide." Just those words hurt. He couldn't grasp it. Couldn't believe she killed herself. He thought she was happier.

"I see." The doctor said. "And why?"

"I don't know." Alex answered tearfully. The doctor wrote something in his clipboard

"May I ask what happened to you? You seem to have some cuts that might need some attention."

"Nothing." Alex mumbled. He couldn't tell anyone what happened, especially since there was a chance she would live and Alex didn't want her to spend the rest of her life in jail.

"When will I know what's happening with her?"

"As soon as the doctors will tell us." The doctor said. "Now what's her name?"

"Audra."

"Audra what?"

"I don't know." Alex said.

The doctor frowned and said "Well I've already notified the police, as is protocol whenever we get a gun wound."

Alex nodded but really he was so worried. Not just about the police but about Audra. Alex couldn't believe she tried to kill herself. It just felt impossible to imagine.

Alex sat down on the uncomfortable chairs and waited. The time passed inanely slow. He couldn't stop worrying. Was she ok? She had to live. She couldn't die.

Alex loved her so much. He thought he loved her back when she pretended but now he was sure. He loved her. She loved him. They could have had their happily ever after, their love. Alex tried to convince himself she'd be ok. She'd live through it. She'd be perfectly fine. They'd get married one day and have beautiful children. They'd be happy together. It would happen. Nothing could stop them.

Then the doctor approached Alex.

"Well?" Alex asked anxiously.

"I'm very sorry. There was nothing we could do. She was losing too much blood. She passed away."

"W-what?" Alex asked.

"I'm very sorry." He could hear her voice say sharply "Don't apologize. It's a sign of weakness." Tears rolled down his face. He couldn't grasp it, couldn't believe she was gone.

"Do you want to say goodbye?" Alex nodded.

They walked over to a room and he opened the door. She laid on the bed. Her beautiful green brown eyes were closed. She was wearing a hospital gown. Her hair was a mess. Alex held her hand. She was cold, colder than she'd ever been.

With a sob he looked at her and said "I'm so sorry. I know apologizing is a sign of weakness but I am. I should have stopped you. I should have ran faster. I shouldn't have made you talk to me when you didn't want to. I forgive you for everything. I understand why you did it. I can't blame you for it.  I love you so much. I don't care about love being foolish. I love you. I thought I loved you but I didn't know you. Now I know you and I love you. You may not believe in love but I love you. If we had more time I could have shown you. We could have been happy. I can't believe you're gone. I could have helped you. We would have helped each other. I love you." He softly kissed her lips.

Tears flowing down as he realized it would be the last time. He stood up and looked at her one last time before leaving. Gone forever. So many things she never got to do. She was only 24. She was so young.

A police officer approached him with the doctor and said "We'd like to ask you a few questions. Could you come tomorrow to the station at 9?"

"Get some sleep." The doctor added. Alex nodded.

His home was close to the hospital so he just walked. He was so broken. He never thought she'd die, never thought shed kill herself. It never even occurred to him. She was so incredibly strong. Just using the past tense hurt him.

He arrived at his house. It felt like forever since he went there. The house felt dark and empty. He opened the lights and immediately stepped in the shower.

As he walk to it he saw himself in the mirror. His eyes were tear stained, he had a bandage on one side of his face and the cut on the other, bruises covered parts of his face, his hair was a mess, he looked gaunt, and thin.

It scared him, especially the look in his eyes. He barely recognized himself.

He entered the shower, took off his clothes and soaked in the warm water. It had been so long since he'd had a shower. It felt amazing.

But then it hit him again. Audra would never shower again. They could never shower together. They would never do anything together. He felt so crushed.  Sad didn't even begin to describe what he felt.

He left the shower and shaved quickly. Then he looked at his cut. It wasn't too deep but Alex put on some healing cream. He wanted to check the other cut but he didn't want to remove the bandage. She put it on.

Feeling more sadder he left the shower and checked his phone. He didn't bring it to the bar , in what felt like years ago. He checked the date. When she took him it was the 6th of May. It was the 19th of May now. He'd been there 13 days.

It was amazing yet sad. He'd spent so much time with yet so little time that she wasn't pretending. Alex felt like he was finally getting to know her and then she kills herself.

Alex tried to understand why. He knew there must have been a reason. She didn't do things without one. What went through  her head? She seemed happy that they were talking and were sort of together. What made her change her mind? Not knowing the answer killed him.

 He went to sleep. It was weird. A day ago he'd have dreamed about sleeping in his own bed with out her. Now he would have given anything to go back to that basement with her.

He wondered if that's what she felt about him, the disgusting man that ruined her life. He closed his eyes and went to sleep, trying forget the day.