Love is Foolish

Alex woke up feeling highly unsettled. The entire night his unconscious mind seemed to make fun of him, showing him her smile, her laugh, repeating her voice as it said "I love you.". Alex found tear stains on his pillow. Yep today would be awful.

He threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, enjoying the feel of new clothes that he hadn't stayed  in for two weeks, went downstairs and ate breakfast. He could recall her voice telling him to eat slower. He wished they hadn't spent all that time fighting.

He headed on to the police station. The officer intruduced herself and said they were trying to understand the causes of her death.

Than she explained while searching her home she found a number of unpleasent things. Alex found himself wishing she hadn't cut him in such easily seen places.

"We happened to find a number of fake IDs, a few weapons including the gun she used, and a basement where we found chains, blood stains, blood filled knifes, and many other unsettling things. Tell me from where did you meet Miss Collins."

"That's her last name?" Alex asked in surprise. Kalina Audra Collins. That was such a unique beautiful name.  

He couldn't help but think Kalina Audra Gaskarth sounded nice too. They never even talked about it but Alex loved her and could see himself staying with her forever, helping her heal. But she was dead. She'd never get better.

The officers voice interrupted his thoughts as she said "Where did you get those cuts bruises and burns?"

"Does it matter? She's d-" Alex couldn't get the word out. "Shes gone."

The officer frowned at him and said "Did she do them? We can do a blood test and match the DNA to the one on the knifes if it comes to it."

Alex sighed. It felt like betrayal to talk to them. But she was gone. There was nothing he could do.

"Yes she did them. What does it matter?"

"Hurting someone is a very serious offense."

"But she's fucking dead! What can you do already?" Alex asked angrily.

"Let's keep our language clean. Now what happened?"

"Whatever happened is in the past. She was a amazing beautiful person and I wouldn't want to press charges anyway." Alex said.

"While that may be true, we need to understand what happened. So why did she give you those cuts?" Alex didn't want to explain. He felt like he couldn't.

"We knew Miss Collins had a hard childhood but she seemed to be improving. That poor innocent girl. Did she say anything about her motives?"

Calling her innocent made Alex want to laugh. He could imagine her laughing at it too.

"No she never told me why she did it."

Alex didn't feel any guilt at all. He remembered her saying she lied to the police too to protect his secrets. He would do the same.

Taking a deep breath he said "She a was insane horrible person. She hurt me endlessly. But then one day she let me out. She didn't want me to leave her. So I didn't. We talked more. She was beautiful and I wanted to know her. Then that night she shot herself. I don't know why."

Alex let the lies slip out. It felt easy, just pretending to be poor and innocent, the tragic victim.

"We should get those checked after finishing here. How did you get to her basement?"

"She just took me one day." The officer wrote more things in her notebook.

"And you don't know why she killed herself?"

"No."

"Where exactly did she harm you?" She asked. Alex pointed out all the places, the officer writing it all.

"Very well. I think we're done. I suggest you head on to the hospital to check everything's ok."

Alex nodded and went to the hospital. The check up was pretty normal. Alex remembered days when taking blood scared him. Nowadays he was so used to pain , he barely felt it.

The doctor announced he was ok, he should drink a lot seeing as he was dehydrated, eat a lot of small meals as his weight had dropped and put on medicine on his cuts and burns.

Despite his requests the doctor removed her bandage. He complimented him on the bandage though, saying it saved his life so he wouldn't bleed out. Just another thing he owed her. His life again. They wanted to give him stitches but he didn't want to.

The doctor seemed troubled by the fact he had scratches all over his arm but now it comforted Alex. He had her hands all over his hand, as weird as that was, he liked it.

The doctor said there was a chance there wouldn't be any permanent scarring which relaxed Alex but still made him sad he would have anything that truly reminded him of her but memories and nightmares.

The doctor released him and Alex went back home. They told him the funeral would be in a week. By then, everyone would be back in Baltimore. It would be two days before their Europe tour.

Alex didn't know how he could do it. Stand up on that stage and sing the same songs he sang to her, to remember everyday about their meeting in the Meet and Greet everyday again and again.

He spent the two weeks trying to return to his old life. Everything reminded him of her and made him want to cry. The scars slowly faded. But the mental scars were a different story.

He still couldn't sleep without meeting her in his dreams. He heard her voice occasionally reminding him, giving advice, and just talking. Alex knew it might be insane but he didn't care as long as he could hear her voice again.

And soon enough the day of the funeral came.