Love is Foolish

Alex woke up feeling sick. Today he'd see his friend/captor/love covered under ground. He felt highly unsettled. He couldn't believe it was her funeral.

In those two weeks he'd tried to accept her death. Most of the time he did, but he still thought about her all the time. It just was unbelievable she was dead.

All his friends were so supportive. They still couldn't believe all this had happened while they were gone. Jack jokingly suggested never leaving him alone but really Rian and Jack barely gave him a minute alone without looking concerned or sharing worried looks.

He was trying to be back to normal. It just was so hard. Thinking that she went through the same thing only she was 13 years old and it ruined her life made him worse.

He understood her so much better. He even managed to understand the reason for her suicide. She was torn between him and what she learned for her old captor. She was feeling lost and scared. Alex wished he was awake, that he helped her.

But she was dead. There was nothing he could do but regret it. It wouldn't bring her back.

Alex put on a suit and went to the cemetery. Her parents, who Alex hadn't met, and wasn't exactly looking forward to meet, said she didn't want a funeral with a church. She just wanted to be buried.

Apparently she hated fire so being cremated was out of question. After the burns on his hand, Alex understood her. Lighter and knives still sent a wave of fear through him.

Alex found the funeral and sat down. Rian, Jack and Zack had offered numerous times to go with him but he refused. This was something he wanted to do alone, just him and her.

Alex looked at the crowd. There were a few older people who Alex assumed were her relatives by their red hair. There were a few younger girls, who Alex guessed were friends or something. And that was mostly it. It made him sad that such a little amount of people knew her.

They brought the coffin and slowly buried her. The thing was the song that was playing was Thnks fr th mmrs by Fall Out Boy. It made him smile. Her parents didn't find it funny, by the expressions on their face but it was more of a reason for Alex to admire her.

People started to talk about her. Her mom talked about her endless kindness, her endless goodwill. Her father discussed how beautiful she was. Alex slowly understood why she broke touch with them. Her friends said she was sweet and cute. Alex could just imagine the way she'd roll her eyes.

Then came Alex's turn. "I loved how strong Audra was. She was never ever weak. I think we can all take something from her. She knew how to love with strength and meaning."

Her parents frowned at the name. Everyone refered to her as Kalina. Alex could see her frown.

He couldn't and wouldn't call her Kalina when she asked for Audra, espcially after learning Audra meant stregnth while Kalina meant love. Alex knew she didn't want to love but to be strong. She managed to do both but it was her stregnth that fed her love.

The rest of the funeral was just a blur. He had a chance to see her one last time. She was still gorgeous and beautiful. She looked calm and full of serenity, untroubled.

Alex hoped she finally found peace. He couldn't think of another person that deserve peace like her.

As he gave his condolences to her parents they asked who he was. He simply said a friend.

The father looked at his face, frowned and said "What happened to you? Who are you really?"

"Its nothing." Alex said immediately.

"She did it right?" The father asked. "We always knew she was evil inside."

"She was not evil inside!" Alex said angrily.

"You don't know her. She was truly black inside. Maybe this was a good thing."

Alex couldn't believe her father, the one that's supposed to love her, just said her death was a good thing. Alex just turned around and walked away. There wasn't a point to fight about it.

Alex just felt so sad about her. She never had anyone who truly loved her. Alex would have showed her. Alex just was crushed about the he could never help her. He wanted to scream and cry, to curse and shout.

One of the younger looking girls, looking about 18 after the funeral ran to him. She was the one who said Audra was cute.

"You're Alex Gaskarth right? I love your music."

Alex smiled automatically as he signed the piece of paper she gave him. When he finished she asked about the scars. Alex just shrugged, not wanting it to be all over tumblr.

"She did it right?"

Alex asked her how she knew.

She answered that she knew something was wrong with Kalina since she met her.

Alex restrained himself from punching her as he said "She was better than normal. She was incredible."

Alex turned around. He felt wrong not saying goodbye. He walked over to the grave.

Sitting next to it, he whispered "Audra. I love you. We never got the time we should have gotten but it doesn't change anything. I can't stop thinking about you. You're always in my mind. I wish I had the chance to know you completely. I'll never know your favorite movie or food but I know what was inside of you and it was more beautiful than any one of your looks. I hope you're happy where ever you are. I'm sure you're kicking ass. I love you. Good bye."

With that he turned around, feeling like a heavy weight was lifted.

He was sad, truly heart broken but he knew what Audra would tell him. "Stop being weak and get over it."

With that he made himself face the future. He knew he'd never forget Audra, never forget what had happened.

But he had to move on. He wouldn't stay stuck in the past like Audra.

He slowly left her grave.