Could It Be

Could it be that I’m the one who started this whole mess, the reason why we’re both living like this, hating each other and a family member.

See, James and I have been dating ever since high school, I guess you could say we were what you would call “high school sweethearts” and we just enjoyed each other so much. I was there for him when he was drafted to Dallas, I was there for his first game, first road trip, first goal, first fight, first win, first loss and first trade. We experienced every hill together and we did it by leaning on each other during tough times, but we can’t do that anymore because I went and ruined everything.

What happened was James and I went back to his hometown of Whitby for summer break, and everything seemed to be going perfect. James came and told me that he was going with his friend Adam for a boat trip up to his cottage for the day and he’d be back later. So, me being a girl and all, I went over to his parents’ house to see if his sister Rebecca was home so we could go shopping or swimming. No one was home expect his brother, Mike.

I was never close with Mike because I knew he kind of had a crush on me since I started dating James years ago, but I decided to chat with him to get to know him a little better. I told myself that he’s my boyfriend’s brother, I should know more about him besides his name, right?

We chatted and he seemed like a really cool guy and I was wondering why I didn’t started trying to be close to him like all of the other Neal’s, but he interrupted my thoughts by kissing me. I was beyond shocked that he would even attempt to do such a thing, not to me, but to his older brother who trusted him and did everything he could for. But what shocked me more was the fact that I liked it and was turned one by how wrong and dangerous it was. So me and Mike ended up having sex, and then we ended up hooking up every other night. I would even make dumb lame excuses to James about why I couldn’t go with him on little adventures, why I always tired and why I was guilty towards the end of the summer.

I eventually smartened up and tried to stop that “thing” with Mike, but I found him to irresistible that I just had to have more; so I did, until James walked in on us one day. He came back earlier than the three of us anticipated, to say he was mad, shocked, hurt and felt that he was betrayed by two people he loved was an understatement.

We packed out bags and flew back to Pittsburgh the next day. Obviously, we had a huge fight about the whole thing and everything he said to me was true. I was a whore, a slut, a cheating shank who decided that one dick was not enough and that James was too good for me. I tried to take the blame from Mike because they’re family, they have to stick together forever, me and James could break-up and never see each other again. But some way, we stayed together, James slept on the couch a lot, we never had any sex because every time I would make an advance he would tell me to go to Mike if I wanted it that bad which in turn led to another blow out argument which would make us both sour for weeks even though I knew it was all my fault.

I was unfaithful to a man that gave me everything, never left me wanting more, never giving anything less than perfect, and I still found a reason to cheat on him?

I thought about this in my head one hundred times.

He’s too perfect, and I convinced myself with all of my heart that James was not the one for me.