Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

I waited as patiently as possible for Jackson to wake up. Which wouldn’t take too long because he usually never slept in. I sat on the couch, legs crossed, foot tapping in anger. The letter was clenched between my fingers and was slightly crumpled. I didn’t care, though. I wanted to burn the money. Along with Jackson. My legs tingled with the anxiousness of getting up and going to go off on him right now. The letter kept repeating itself in my mind.

Thanks for helping us with this mess.

Eventually, Jackson did wake up and come downstairs. I heard his footsteps come down the stairs. I felt the hatred build inside of me. Anything remotely good between us was gone now. I was waiting for a moment like this. One where I can just yell and scream at him because for once, I wasn’t the bad guy.

He looked at me with a smile. He was still oblivious to the whole situation. He started to come closer. He must have noticed my expression because his smile turned to a concerned frown. I stood up before he could sit beside me. I took a few steps towards him.

“Morning, darlin’.” His face was bright and cheery. He had finally caught up on sleep. I was about to wind up my fist and knock him out again.

“What’s this?” I hissed icily. I held up the letter right in front of his face. It crumpled even more between my trembling fingers.

He stared at the paper and examined it. “I don’t know,” he said truthfully and confused. He tried to take it, but I moved it just in time. Then I tossed it and it hit him square in the face. He caught right before it fell.

“Read it,” I spat, pacing around with my hands on my hips. My eyes were focused on him. I was ready to lash out at any second.

He opened the envelope and began to scan over the letter. His eyes widen when he realized I had found out. He set the letter on the coffee table and bit his lip. He looked at me hand held his hands up in defense. He knew I could get angry. But I knew he could get angry, too. I didn’t care, though. I wanted him to get angry. I wanted the both of us to never see each other again.

“Okay,” he tried to explain as he neared me.

“Don’t even try it,” I seethed, picking the letter back up. I pointed at him with it. “You lied to me!”

“I couldn’t tell you right then that I was getting paid for this,” he replied, his voice had a sharp edge, but was still trying to calm me down. It didn’t help this time. “You were so upset already.”

“So you lied to me about it and waited for me to find out on my own?” Yeah, that would really help. Not. My brain was throwing out thoughts and ideas at a million miles per hour.

“I didn’t think you’d find out,” muttered Jackson under his breath. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

I still glared at him, fuming and boiling with anger. I wanted to launch myself at him and rip that Southern accent right from his throat and strangle him along the way.

“So that’s why you stuck around, huh?” I shouted lividly. “That’s why you saved me from the train and that’s why you act like you care. You don’t care, do you? You just want me to stay around so you can get your money.”

I ripped the money out of the envelope and slammed it against his chest, pushing him back so he couldn’t grab on to me. “There. Take it! I’m leaving.” I charged out of the room.

Good luck with the “marriage.”

I spun around and marched toward the front door. Jackson’s hand latched onto my wrist and tugged me back. I almost fell over. I twisted my head around and scowled. I was going to keep going, but he took both of my arms in his grasp and turned me towards him. “It’s not like that,” he stated gravely. His eyes were intense.

“Oh, then what’s it like?” I roared. My hands were trying to break free of his grip.

He sighed and looked around the room. He was trying to come up with something to say. It sickened me that he couldn’t just say that he didn’t want to be around me and that it was all for the money. I could see the excuses whirl around in his ignorant mind. I let him into my life and trusted him. Now he can’t even be honest about why he even came into this relationship. He never even remotely liked me. I was kept around for the money. I was of no importance.

His grip loosened and dropped my hands. I nodded, moving my head slightly as I thought up something to say. With a lack of better words, I seethed lowly, “I fucking hate you!” and took off.

“Marissa!”

I didn’t turn around. I grabbed my jacket and started to open the door. He called my name again, chasing after me this time. I slammed the door in his face and started to run away, putting my jacket on as I ran. I forgot I was in the middle of nowhere. I pulled out my phone and was going to dial Riley. I don’t care if she pissed me off, I needed a ride.

From behind, Jackson snatched the phone from me and stuffed it into his back pocket. I snarled and tried to grab it back. He dodged me. I went around the other way, but he jumped again. He got a tight hold on me and dictated, “Can you just listen for one second?”

“Why should I?” I avoided his eyes and looked around. I didn’t care what he had to say. I knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“Because it’s really not what you think.”

“No. It is exactly how it seems.” Before I could get away, he took me back into his grasp. I thrashed around, but it was pointless. I stared at him bleakly.

“I-I,” he mumbled desperately. “I didn’t know it would end up being like this.”

I narrowed my eyes and gave him a disgusted look. “Like what?” I said darkly.

“I’d end up actually feeling something for you,” he whispered as his eyes looked down for a moment. They immediately looked back into my eyes.

I scoffed and glanced the other way. When I looked at him once more, I repeated back, “Feel something? Bullshit.” Then bitterly laughed and snarled, “The only thing you liked was feeling the extra money, that you didn’t need, in your pocket!”

“No!” He huffed. I slapped him away finally. I started to get away and he ran after me. I took off even faster.

“Don’t follow me,” I breathed as I ran behind the house. “Don’t follow me!”

He followed me against my will until we both reached the back of the house and were in front of the porch. His hand reached out to hold me, but missed. Stumbling at the momentum, he almost fell over completely.

As he caught himself, he looked up at me. I was far away. He couldn’t catch up now. So I stopped to turn around. “Fuck you, Jackson,” I sneered, trying to not let the lump in my throat affect my voice. Then I twirled around and took off again.

When I looked back over my shoulder quickly, he was still standing perfectly still in the grass. I rolled my eyes to myself and kept going. Serves him right. I hoped he was torn up inside. But on the other hand, it was only about the money. I doubt he actually cared. I could get eaten by a pack of wolves or a bear and he’d be just fine with it. He already got all of his money. Unless there was more to come.

I think I’d rather be eaten by some beast than go back to that stupid house with stupid Jackson. I never want to be around him again. He tricked me.

I slowed down to a quick walk eventually. And that slowed down once I was very far out in the woods. It opened to a small clearing. It looked as if no one had ever been in it before. Blue flowers bloomed all over the place. I usually would try my hardest to avoid stepping on the beautiful, delicate plants. But I was so pissed I just ignored the flowers and walked where I pleased, crushing a few of them.

I sat down in the middle of it and let out a breath of air that felt like I’ve been holding in forever. I sat down and bent my elbows on my knees. My hands ran through my hair. A few tears ran down my cheeks and I sniffled. Why in the hell did I trust him? I knew he wouldn’t do it to help his family and his family’s friend. He did it to help himself. I mean, it’s not like he needed the money. He’s an actor for Pete’s sake. He was just the self-absorbed ass that I took him for in the beginning.

Looking up at the sky, I glowered. I laid back and closed my eyes, trying to push the tears from my eyes and the ache from my heart.

”Marriage.”

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, and as much I would deny it if anyone would ask, my heart was breaking. I didn’t know I could feel so empty and torn up over someone who I didn’t love. Is that even possible? Most people would say it wasn’t. Debating that I either had to love him like crazy, or I wasn’t even hurting.

I could feel my heart pound in my ears. The pain radiated through my chest. Those people who think that the pain doesn’t exist, they didn’t know anything. More tears flooded my cheeks. My heart was aching. And it was because the one person I decided to trust in this world, turned on me and lied.

I had to be the only person in the world who wasn’t meant for love. Unless it was paid for. Maybe I wasn’t even good enough for that.