Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

I gulped and stared at Jackson straight on. He was obviously serious and he seemed just as worried as I was. I drew in a breath to try to say something, but my lungs halted. I stood for a second with my mouth ajar as I tried to collect myself before I slapped him. “You what?”

“I may have forgotten to put the condom on,” he repeated slowly. The way he spoke made it sound as if it was a question. He kept playing with his fingers and messing with the new ring on his left hand.

Instead of screaming, which would be my initial reaction, I buried my face in my hands and let out a loud groan. I dropped to the chair next to the counter and kept my face down. “It was right in your nightstand”

“But I was a little distracted,” he said. He sounded just as discouraged as I did about the situation.

I looked up from the darkness of my palms that were pressed against my eyes. He meekly shrugged and his facial expression seemed abashed. I sighed again, taking a sip from the coffee mug. I sat it down and stared at it. I still wasn’t sure what to do.

“You’re not going get rid of it, right? I mean, if you are pregnant?” Jackson murmured, sitting up straight this time.

I took my locked eyes off of the cup and to him. Would I get an abortion? I wasn’t even think straight right now. I couldn’t be expected to make big decisions right now. The long silence of my thoughts made him wiggle around in his seat. I had a feeling he was uncomfortable with the idea of me aborting the baby.

“Well I don’t want my kid to be an accident,” I voiced, still in the process of thought. My mind was on a whirlwind of thoughts, as were my emotions.

Before I could even think of what to say next, Jackson flatly said, “Just tell me if you’re actually pregnant, okay? Before you make a hasty decision.”

I nodded solemnly and watched him pick up his mug and walk off. I didn’t feel pregnant, but it has only been less than two days. Was I supposed to feel something? I didn’t even know when symptoms could show up. And I most definitely didn’t know what I was to be looking for. These are the days I wish I had paid more attention in health class. I massaged my temples to try to relieve my stress so I could think straight.

I counted through all of the days and everything, unfortunately, added up. I could very well be pregnant. Our wedding night was timed up perfectly. That is, if we actually wanted to conceive. All I had to do was wait to see if I’d miss my period.

I decided I would go find Jackson again. Just so we could talk this out. I made up my mind I’d tell him about the Chase thing later tonight, once everything was settled down.

I started to walk up the stairs. I peeked into Jackson’s room. He was on the phone and was walking around. He didn’t see me so I kept watching from behind the door. He ran his fingers through his hair like he always did whenever he was in a panic. “I know Ben. It’s a huge deal,” he muttered into the phone. “She’s stressed about it, too.”

Jackson seemed absolutely ruffled. I knew Ben was judging his actions on the other line. Jackson probably thought I was, too. But I completely understand. The condom probably just fell and it was a complete accident. I knew he wouldn’t try to get me pregnant on purpose. Not at this point in our lives.

I heard a knock at the door. I swiftly left the doorway of Jackson’s room and headed down the stairs to answer the door.

To my surprise, it was Riley. I contorted my face when she stared back at me with a huge grin. She immediately took me in for an embrace. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck. I patted her back with one hand lightly.

“He proposed to me!” Riley squealed, flaunting the ring around. It was a lovely ring. A huge diamond in the center with other little stones around it. Her finger did look a little squeezed into it, though. I wondered if she would ever be able to take it off. Maybe that was part of Chase’s elaborate plan to keep her.

“Chase?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

She nodded up and down eagerly. “Yeah! Last night.”

“Nice,” I said lifelessly. I wasn’t in the mood to see her right now. I had vowed that next time I saw her, I would rip her head off. But now I don’t even want to bother.

She wrinkled in her eyebrows. “What’s your damage? Aren’t you suppose to be excited for me and shit?”

“No,” I said indifferently, leaning against the door frame.

That really pissed her off. She scoffed, “Yeah you are. Wasn’t I happy for you when you got married?”

“But then you threw stuff at all of my guests,” I said enthusiastically, rolling my eyes.

She laughed at that. “It was so funny! You should have seen the looks on their faces! Especially that gay guy!”

That made me boil with anger. Then I spat, “He’s my friend! And at least he didn’t lie to me about losing my virginity!”

She made a face at me as if I completely lost her with my last comment. “What the fuck are you yapping about?”

“You told me Chase and I had sex four years ago!” I yelled.

It took her a minute to understand what I was talking about. She looked up at the sky and thought. Once it clicked with her, she busted out in laughter again. Between her fits of amusement, she cackled, “You actually thought I was serious?”

“Well, yeah!” I screeched, even more angry because she was laughing. I stomped and threw my arms down.

“Nah, I just said it as a joke. Because I had slept with Chase actually, I think. I just found you the next morning and told you that. It was an inside joke Chase and I had. Same with all the times he beat you up. It just sounded so hilarious at the time,” She explained all of this with a huge grin on her face and a few chuckles. “I guess I didn’t think he would be so tough. But you lived, right?”

“Are you kidding me, Riley?” I hollered. I was about five steps from smacking her.

“No,” she started to reminisce. “Because what made us rekindle our old flame was all of those memories. For old time’s sake, I gave him your address. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but I guess he came at the perfect time when Jacky was outta town.” She licked her lips seductively. “Bad boys are so hot.”

“You let him do that to me?” I said, my voice was raspy. I was completely appalled.

“Yeah,” she said nonchalantly. “How’d you find out about the virginity thing? Did Chase tell you or did Jackson find out when you were too nervous to put out? Or did you fuck him?”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.” I was about to close the door on her before I lost control of my anger.

“I take it you did. Ick, he’s so boring and stiff. I tried to get him to loosen up at the reception. But he ignored me. I mean, how could he ignore these?” she held up her boobs in her white, falling tanktop.

“Tried to loosen him up?” I repeated back, opening the door wider again. “How?”

“Eh, I offered him a drink, tried to plant one on him. He didn’t go for it though. I kept trying but it didn’t work.” She shrugged.

She had obviously been drinking. The sober Riley wouldn’t be telling me this. She’s way too cunning and devious. How dare she try to kiss Jackson at our wedding. I felt the anger fume out of me as I gripped the door even tighter.

I shook my head as I took a breath, “You’re an idiot.”

“I am not. You’re husband just has a stick up his ass,” she said as she crossed her arms. She didn’t even think she did anything wrong. But she had another thing coming. I was completely sick of all the nonsense she’s put me through.

Without thinking, I threw my arm out and grabbed her by her hair. I tugged her head down so she’d fall to her knees. She started to fight back after a few seconds, pulling on the belt loops of my jeans and throwing me down the steps of the porch. I hit my head on the cement path. She jumped on me, but I held up my feet so they went into her stomach. It stunned her, but she still got a good punch at my face. I had enough and I was so built up with adrenaline that I kicked my legs up. She was flung off into the grass and I immediately crawled to her and pounced on top of her.

I started punching at her head before she could pry me off. She started to scream, but I clocked her in the mouth again. No one was really here to be able to hear her. “This is for all the times I had to put up with you,” I spat.

Within the next few seconds, I was flung off of her. Her upper lip was bleeding and so was the side of her face. She stumbled up and started kicking at my stomach and at my shoulders. I lurched around and tugged down the bottom of her jeans. She fell with a thud and I wound up my fist and punched her in the nose. She screeched again and I started to pounce at her.

Someone caught me by my armpits as I was in the air. I cocked my head up to see Jackson looking at me. He seemed distraught with my actions. We both looked back at Riley who had her hands over her nose. She started to push herself up off the ground with a shaky arm. Her jeans and shirt were covered in a mixture of grass stains and blood from her nose.

When she took her hand off of her face, blood covered her palm and upper lip. “You’re fucking nuts!” she seethed through clenched teeth and started off to her car.

I growled and tried to break free of Jackson’s grasp. But it was too tight and my feet just flailed around. He dragged me back into the house. He tossed me onto the couch.

“You seriously are nuts!” he agitated, pacing back and forth. “She could press charges!”

“You don’t understand,” I started to say. I could feel my lip start to throb and swell as I said that. I patted it gently with two of my fingers.

“What don’t I understand? That she wronged you in the past and that gives you a right to beat her up?” Jackson’s voice was starting to harden. “You’re already starting to bruise. Where’d she hit you?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, crossing my arms. “And you really, really don’t understand.”

“Oh, then why don’t you just enlighten me, darlin’?” his tone was acid and his eyes were like knives.

I rubbed over my eyes. The right one was tender from where she had pounded me. “Sit down.”

Jackson reluctantly obeyed. His arms were folded and he was clearly looking for any excuse to say that I was being childish.

I took a deep breath, “You were right. Riley had just told me a few things about my past and it had set me over. She also said some things about how she came onto you at the wedding.”

“Which I didn’t go for,” he added in briefly.

“I know.” I took a breath between the next thing I was going to say. “You remember Chase right? My ex-boyfriend that was at the wedding?”

He nodded, still unamused.

“Well, I haven’t been completely honest to you about him yet,” I started to say shyly.

“What is it?” Jackson said, suddenly concerned.

I began to explain everything. All of my memories from high school and from when he would come back to my house and, as Riley would put it, rough me up for no good reason. But I put up with it because I never thought he meant it. I just thought he would get angry sometimes. The next move I made really shocked Jackson. I lifted up my shirt and revealed the healed scar that was across my stomach from the intruder.

“Was that?” was all that Jackson could bear to ask before I cut him off with a nod.

Jackson’s eyes widened. He looked from the scar, to me. His eyebrows lowered and his forehead creased. Before he could say anything, he kind of stuttered a bit. His hand pressed itself on my thigh and rubbed back and forth. He could tell I had more to spill.

I continued on. “And that’s where this fight comes into play. Riley had just told me that her and Chase use to joke about all of this. It was some kind of sick joke between the two of them. She’d have him beat me up and then come back to her house where they’d joke over it while having sex behind my back. Both of them also lied to me telling me I slept with Chase when, in reality, I didn’t. I found that out recently, too.”

I took a deep breath after saying all that. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I closed my eyes for a second and took a few more breaths. Saying it outloud made it all seem much more real and way more fucked up. When I opened my eyes, Jackson’s expression was still hard.

“And those creeps came to our wedding?” he hissed. I looked down at his fist and it was clenched tight. All I could do was grimace. “Damn it, I should have said something when I had the chance!” He started to stand up, but I tugged him back down.

“No, Jackson. You didn’t know.” I could tell he felt bad about it. He felt bad about judging me for beating up Riley.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he snarled in a breath. I patted his shoulders and tried to calm him down.

“I just couldn’t. I’m so sorry. I know I should have.”

“You shouldn’t be apologizing.” He was clearly livid. “I should be. I let that girl get away. And I let Chase get away, too.”

I shook my head. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

“I’m gonna murder him. He can’t just show up to our house years later and stab you!”

“Jackson,” I said, sensing his tension. “Let’s just settle down for the night. A lot had been thrown at the both of us. The news that I was just told, the news I just told you, the fight, the possible pregnancy...” My voice trailed off.

“The pregnancy!” Jackson recalled. “Did she hit you in the stomach?”

I couldn’t really remember. I thought it over deeply. “I-I’m not sure.”

Jackson tugged up my shirt. higher up than the scar that Chase had caused a few weeks back was blotchy, purple and black marks. As I poked around further down, I could feel a sharp pain under my skin. Then I remembered, Riley had kicked me multiple times.

“She kicked me,” I recalled out loud.

Jackson looked up at me, boiling over with anger and guilt. “She kicked you?” he repeated back, his voice was in shock. I nodded. “God damn it.”

“Come on, Jackson. Maybe it didn’t do anything because it’s so soon. Maybe I’m not even pregnant. And it’s way too early to even know anything.”

“But the first month is the most important. We’re getting you checked out ASAP,” he growled. “And Riley’s definitely going to pay for this.”

“Can’t we just calm down for right now. And we still don’t even know if we’re going to keep the baby. Assuming that I’m pregnant.”

“You’re not aborting our child!” Jackson seethed, pointing at my stomach.

“Are we really even ready for a kid, Jackson? Think about it. We can barely get along now. Think about how our kid would be?”

“It’s still our child!”

“But we won’t even be able to tolerate it support it at this point in our lives! We barely can tolerate each other. With both of us working, your music career, and like I said, we fight way too much!”

He took a breath and glowered at me. I stared back at him sharply. He shook out his head. “You’re not doing anything drastic yet. Except for quitting your job.”

“I’m not quitting!”

“What if you’re pregnant. You just said we can’t handle it.”

“That’s not what I meant....” I muttered.

“But this is could be our baby.”

I took a deep breath. I had more figuring out to do.

Jackson could tell I was getting extremely tense and even more worried. He sighed, “Just don’t do anything drastic yet.”

“I know. I won’t. And you better not. Like don’t go do anything stupid and end up killing someone over this.”

It took him a minute, but he hesitantly said. “I wouldn’t do that, you know that.”

“I know.”

He looked at me for a long second, then pulled me in with his arm. I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. “It’s going to be fine,” he said soothingly.

“Let’s hope.”