Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

I anxiously bit my fingernails as I sat in the waiting room chair. My legs were curled up against my body and I hugged my shins tightly with one arm. I was alone for now. I couldn’t manage to find my phone in time to hop into the ambulance, so I went without it. There was no way to contact anyone. No Ben, no Johnny. No Steven, no Laurie. No Jackson, as of now.

I bleakly stared as each passing person walked by. It’d be a little girl, clinging tightly onto her little teddy bear and her mother’s hand. An elderly couple sitting in peace, waiting for their turn so patiently. Or it’d be another person running into the hospital with tears flooding down their cheeks. I was that person, except I was frozen in this chair.

The doctor had told me they had to perform an operation on Jackson’s wounds. Most importantly, the one in his abdomen. He had lost a lot of blood. The doctor said it was an emergency right before I watched him get pulled away into the elevator. It was a surreal feeling. Surreal in the worst way possible.

I couldn’t help but to sniffle. I was getting weird glares from the elder people around me when I started to cry harder. You’d think the hospital would understand. But they didn’t. They made me go outside because I was disrupting the waiting room.

“You can’t kick me out,” I rebuffed. “My husband is dying in there!”

“Ma’am, if you resist our orders, we will have security come and get you,” the lady rudely stated.

“Wait ‘til your ex-boyfriend comes and attacks you. Then you’ll see how it feels,” I grumbled as I started to walk outside.

On the outside was another lady. She was knelt against the wall with a cigarette puffing from her lips. Her black bangs covered her eyes. When she pushed them back, it revealed brilliantly blue eyes, flooded with tears. Black makeup was smeared around her eyes and down her cheeks. I imagined I looked like that as well.

“They kick you out, too?” she asked in a raspy, saddened voice. The cigarette was now bouncing between her anxious fingers.

I grimly nodded. “They’re just unemotional pricks,” she complained more. I smirked to the side lightly. “Want a cig?” She sniffed her nose right after she offered. She was crying just as hard as I was.

I took the one she was holding out for me and sat beside her, leaning against the wall. She lit the tip for me and I drew a breath, blowing it out in the other direction. The smoke spread out immediately, along with my breath. I could see them more clearly in the cold atmosphere. We could have been warm and happy on the cruise. But now I’m here, frozen, and Jackson could be on his deathbed.

“My fiance is in there,” she solemnly stated. Both of us looking forward. “I don’t know if he’s going to make it.” She pressed the cigarette to her lips, now tapping her foot slightly in distress. I think this must have been the first time she uttered those words out loud. It made the situation real.

I cocked my head over into her direction. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking,” I politely asked, trying to strike up conversation.

Her face still faced forward. She blew out her breath of smoke through her nostrils. “Mark,” she started to say as her voice faded out. She wiped her eyes once more with her long sleeve. I automatically assumed that Mark was her fiance. “He’s just been having some crazy symptoms. Like mood changes, chest pain, and really bad stomach aches. I mean, just awful. I don’t even know what this has to do with anything, but he also had a voice change and some weight gain. Apparently that was important to the doctors, I don’t know. He went into one of his stomach episodes and started coughing up some blood. I rushed him over here as soon as I could. They’re giving him an ultrasound right now.”

I felt bad for her. Really bad. “I’m so sorry,” I sincerely murmured. I wanted to give her a hug, but I knew it’d probably be weird. But I bet we could both go for one right now. “Is it just you here?”

She nodded. “Everyone else is out of town.”

“I’m sorry,” I consoled again, pulling the cigarette from my lips. “I’ll be here all night, I bet. I’ll keep you company.”

She smiled lightly and quickly at that. “Thanks.”

I lifted up the corner of my mouth up into a little grin. I turned my face away shortly after to blow out my puff of smoke.

“Um,” she hesitantly asked. “What about you? What brings you here?”

I faced her again, tapping my cigarette on the ground. “My husband is here. It’s kind of a long and hectic story.” Which was true. How do you explain to one that your abusive ex-boyfriend and your ‘best friend’ were hitmen for your mother? It’s just not a logical story.

“I can try to keep up,” she mumbled with a hint of a caring smile.

I decided just to sum it up quickly. “My ex and his crazy girlfriend, they attacked us tonight out of the blue. They both were practically psychopaths. Jackson, my husband, got the worst end of it I guess. But we didn’t let them get away.”

She seemed aghast at my whole story. “Jeez, I’m sorry. You’ve definitely had it rough.”

I drew a breath again. “Yeah.”

After a short silence, she brought up, “Sometimes, it helps to bring up the good things rather than sit here and dwell on the bad.” I wasn’t sure where she was getting at, but her sincere, quiet voice told me she only meant well. “How’d the two of you meet?”

“Another crazy story,” I began with a small chuckle. “It was an arranged thing. I completely hated the idea of it at first and him, but I guess I came around. Now I can hardly stand to be away from him.”

She smiled at my little story. “That’s always good to hear. I just met Mark at a concert. Nothing really crazy.”

There was another short pause. I filled it with, “I never caught your name.”

“Jewels. I prefer Jude,” she answered.

“Marissa,” I greeted.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Back at you,” I grinned.

She pulled out another cigarette and lit it between her lips. “So do you usually smoke?” she asked in a muffled tone. The cigarette was still in the corner of her mouth.

“Only when I’m stressed,” I explained.

“Ah,” she sounded. “I should probably quit soon. Nasty habit.”

We sat in silence for awhile after she handed me another smoke. Time passed and the amount of cars coming into the visit area started to decrease. It had to be at least an hour with only small chit-chat back and forth. What interrupted us was someone coming outside.

“Why are you out here?” a man asked. Jude and I looked up to see a doctor hovering over us with a clipboard in his hand. It was Jackson’s doctor. I immediately stood up and dusted myself off.

“They kicked us out for being hysterical,” Jude complained in a sarcastic tone. She puffed out another blow and rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“What’s going on with Jackson?” I curtly asked. I started to play with my fingers in nervousness. I didn’t even want to ask because I knew nothing but bad news would come from his mouth.

“He’s still in a critical state. We couldn’t locate the bullet easily so we did some scans. It tore him up badly. Even on the shoulder as well,” he solemnly answered.

My heart sank again. I crouched down a little. “He’s not going to make it, is he?”

“There’s a chance. We’re doing the best we can. That’s all I can say as of now.”

I felt more tears run down my cheeks as a lump built up in my throat. I felt Jude’s hand pat my back lightly. I sat down on my butt and curled up into a ball again.

“I’m sorry, miss,” the doctor stated. It wasn’t very apologetically. “We’re still trying. I just don’t know if it can help at this point.”

I didn’t bother to say anything back. I had lost it. I balled my fist up and held down on the back of my neck, rocking back and forth. I was sobbing loudly.

“At least you killed those bastards,” Jude mentioned. All I could help to think was that they still managed to kill Jackson.

The doctor left promptly. “Wait!” I called in a weeping voice. He stopped and turned around.

“Yes?”

“Can I use the phone? I need to call someone important,” I asked.

“They’re not going to let you back in.”

“Just give me a fucking phone!” I demanded.

He shot me a glare, but reluctantly handed me a small phone from his front pocket. I look it and dialed Ben. As quickly as I possibly could through my shaking voice, I told him what had happened.

“Holy shit,” I heard him say. He seemed distraught and started to freak out. “I’m coming.”

“Hurry,” I said back, clicking the phone off.

“Who was that?” Jude asked.

“Jackson’s best friend. And my friend, too.”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured again.

“It’s not your fault.”

When Ben arrived, he was as frantic as I was. I introduced him to Jude and we all had to sit outside. Ben didn’t want to go in and face what was going on. I couldn’t blame him. Even his eyes were red from tearing up and crying, too. It just broke my heart more.

“I wish I could find out what was going on with Mark,” I said to Jude. I didn’t want to seem too self-absorbed into Jackson right now.

She took a deep breath. “Me too.”

I must have dozed off. I shook my head out lightly and rubbed my eyes. To my left was Ben, in the chair beside me. To the right, Jude. Ben was sprawled out in the tiny seat with his arms crossed. His head dangled down in slumber. Jude and I were the opposite. Both of us were curled up in tiny balls, heads tucked down between our knees. Her huge sweats enveloped her little frame and she looked like a small child.

I stretched out, remembering the night. Ben had finally convinced the hospital to let Jude and I back in once it started to pour down rain. We got our good share of the down pour, but we dried off soon enough. My hair felt stuck together and nappy as I sat up. All I wanted at this point was a nice shower. But I knew I wouldn't leave unless I received any sign of how Jackson was doing.

Getting up aimlessly, I walked up to the front desk. It was a different lady this time, but she still didn’t seem pleased to see me. I had a feeling they all were aware with who I was. I leaned over the front of the desk to see what time it was. The clock read eight. Way too early for me to be up. But the seats were far too uncomfortable for me to try to go back to sleep.

“Can I help you?” the receptionist said in a chipper voice.

“Uh,” I muttered out, scratching the back of my head. “Any information on Jackson Rathbone?”

She typed away on her computer. “Nope. You should see the person in the I.C.U section. He might be in there. Or he might still be in the Emergency Care Center.”

I sighed heavily, sauntering away from the front desk. I took a quick glance over to the two, still sleeping. They wouldn't even know I was gone. Turning away, I made my way up the elevator and to the I.C.U.

The lady at the desk there said Jackson was in there and was getting out of surgery. The fact that she said he made it out of surgery made me feel ten times better. But she also said the recovery was what they were most worried about. I wanted to go in there and see how he was doing, but she said now was not a good time. I decided to go back on the long venture to go see Jude and Ben again. Hopefully they’d be up and I could tell them the news.

But before I did, I asked about another patient to the same woman. “How’s Mark?”

She gave me a weird look. “Which Mark?”

Duh, Marissa. You need a last name. I thought it over quickly, searching my brain. Jude didn’t give me a last name. “He’s married to a girl name Jewels.”

The lady tapped on the keys to her computer. “Mark Summers?” she suggested.

“Yeah.... I guess,” I agreed quietly.

“Didn’t a doctor tell you already?”

I shook my head. “No. No one even told Jewels.”

“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely, frowning at this point. I raised an eyebrow as to why she was being so apologetic. It made me start to panic a little, even though I hardly even knew Jude and have only heard stories about this strange man for a night.

“Huh?” I was confused. Didn’t he just have some stomach aches?

She looked up from the computer. “He’s been diagnosed with Adrenal cancer.”

I was stunned. I didn’t even know the poor guy, but that was awful. I dreaded how Jude would react. She’d probably go crazy. I felt like I should have someone wake her up and tell her, the sooner the better. But I didn’t want her to wake up to it. I nodded lightly and gulped.

“That’s terrible,” I murmured softly. The lady shook her head.

“I know. It’s pretty far along. But we might have caught it just in time. Hopefully, at least. We still need to take a biopsy.”

Still worried for Jude’s sake, I just nodded. After that, decided to go back downstairs.

Once I was there, I saw that Ben and Jude were up. Both had a small cup of coffee from the table in the waiting room. They were conversing lightly. I smiled slightly to know that I had people that I could talk to, rather than be alone.

Up from behind me was a tall doctor. He rushed past and walked straight to Jude. I had a feeling he found out he was suppose to tell her the news. I felt my body tense up because I knew there was going to be a bad reaction.

I patiently watched from a distance until the doctor walked away. Her hands were buried in her face and she was shaking lightly. Ben watched her with a sad face and patted her back lightly. That’s when I decided to come over.

She must have heard my footsteps because she peered up at me. Her eyes lingered with distraught. Whatever was left of her makeup was smeared around her cheeks and eyes. I frowned and sat next to her. Her eyes watched me as she sniffled through her sobs. “It’s going to be okay,” I soothed.

She looked at me, puzzled. “You already know?” she sniffed, coughing on her own tears.

I nodded. “I asked when I went to go check on Jackson.”

That had Ben look up at me instantly. “How’s he doing?”

I shook my hand in front of my neck, signalling to ‘cut it out’ because it wasn’t the right time. “Ixnay on the Jackson-ay,” I hissed through clenched teeth. He looked back down. I lightly held my arm around Jude’s back.

“I just didn’t think it’d end up being this bad,” she cried, cupping her chin.

“It’ll work out okay. Don’t worry,” I kept consoling. I was never good at comforting others. I never knew what to say. I always felt like I’d just make it worse. What do you even say at times like this? Because even I don’t know if it’ll really work out alright in the end. But I can’t tell her that.

Ben and I sat for awhile, comforting Jude through the news. And eventually, she was able to go visit him in the I.C.U. We let her go by herself. It’d be tough on Mark to just meet two new people after that awful news.

However, Ben and I did decide to go see if we could visit Jackson. I went back up to the same area and the same lady was there. She called the doctor and he said that we could go see Jackson, but he would probably be either asleep or exhausted. I was thrilled, but trembling at the same time. I wondered how he would look? I still felt horrible. All of this was my fault.

Quietly, Ben and I stepped into the room. It was small and white with three chairs next to the bed. When I saw Jackson, I wanted to start crying, but I tried to hold it together so I could stay silent for he was still asleep. I just looked up to Ben and he seemed to be feeling the same way.

God, this was all my fault.

I sneaked over into one of the chairs and Ben followed. Jackson was shirtless, but had bandage around his upper arm, shoulder, and diagonally around his chest. All to cover up his wound on his shoulder/upper chest. I took his hand into mine and pecked it lightly.

I didn’t even want to see the rest of him. The bandaging was already slightly red on his shoulder. I couldn’t imagine the one around his stomach. His face had some scratches, too.

Ben sighed heavily and put his arm around me. He must have sensed my panic. I wanted to throw up, cry, die, and everything else in between. I still kept his hand in mine and I didn’t want to let it go. I hoped they’d let me stay in here. But I had a feeling they’d tell me I need to get out soon.

But as my mind drifted off about trying to come up with ways to stay in here, I felt a little movement. Ben sat up straight as I still stared off, not thinking much of it. “Marissa,” Ben quietly whispered.

I snapped out of it. “What?”

I moved my eyes to Jackson as his fluttered open. I felt my mouth form into an open smile. I sat up onto my knees in the chair. “Jackson,” I happily, but quietly, spoke.

He still seemed out of it, but he lightly smiled to the side. Only his face moved. “Hi darlin’,” he said in a raspy, tired voice.

“Do I not get a ‘hello?’” Ben said, slightly offended. He crossed his arms and slumped back down. I smiled through my sniffles and Jackson let out a very quiet chuckle.

“Hi Benny,” Jackson teased. He started to seem to be himself again. Himself, but a lot more pale and dead looking.

“Thanks. I feel a lot better now,” Ben said sarcastically.

Looking at both of us, Jackson asked, “So what happened?”

I looked at him, almost shocked. “You don’t remember anything?”

“I remember the fighting, but not anything after. For the obvious reasons. But what happened at the hospital?”

“Oh,” I understood. “You had to get some surgeries. You have wounds on your shoulder, stomach, and leg. You got the worst of it. They said you weren’t going to make it.” Speaking of that, I feel like we should call a doctor in or something and let them know he’s awake. I didn’t want to be interrupted right now. Everything felt better and surreal.

“It was an unfair fight, that’s why I lost.” Jackson said in his defense. “He had a gun.”

I laughed. “You totally could have beat him. If you had a gun.”

He smiled again. “What ended up happening after I passed out?”

I kind of looked away, not wanting to talk about it. I coughed and tried to stall time. “Marissa....” Jackson said again.

“They’re both dead,” I said guiltly.

“You killed them?” Ben exclaimed. Holding up his hand for a high-five, he said, “You go, girl.”

I face-palmed. “Ben I told you that over the phone last night.”

“Oh, yeah,” he recalled dumbly.

“You killed them?” Jackson said, now repeating Ben.

“God, I had to!” I breathed, still feeling weird talking about it. “Riley like, came back from the dead after she tried to kill me, then came after me in a raging fury. I had to do something in my defense. Then I just got so angry with Chase because I thought you were a goner!” I paused for a minute. Then tried to tastefully say, “It was all in self-defense.”

Jackson slightly nodded. “I know. I understand.”

“Thanks.”

After I said that, a doctor came in. He seemed shocked that Jackson was awake. He looked to Ben and I and said, “We should probably have Jackson rest.”

I didn’t want to leave, but I reluctantly got up and so did Ben. I leaned over Jackson before leaving and pecked his lips. “See you later,” I sighed before leaving.

After we left the room, I smiled to Ben and he smiled back. “That was such a relief.”

He nodded. “Let’s just hope Mark is alright now. For Jude's sake.”