I Can't Believe How Bad You Got Me

Going to Ryan and Kirstie’s so that our oldest babies could ride was fun. With the babies being so needy, Riley hasn’t gotten the attention that she usually does. I try! I think this day with her uncle made her rather happy though. I just really wish… Jake could have been here.

Once it was time to go, I started packing the mini Weimer army up. Ryan and Kirstie helped me out. I assured them that I didn’t need them to, but they did anyway. When everyone was buckled in, I went to hope into the driver’s seat. Ryan stopped me though.

“I really wish… you would talk to Jake,” he spoke.

“I don’t… need to,” was my reply.

“I think you do,” he kept going.

I hardened my look towards him. I know he cares, but… I can handle Jake and I’s relationship. I don’t need to talk to him about anything! We’re fine!

“Ryan just… doesn’t like how he’s… kind of not helping you when you really need him right now,” Kirstie tried to lighten the mood.

“Exactly!” Ryan responded.

“You guys don’t need to worry about me. You have a baby on the way,” I just wanted it to end!

“Yeah, but… your babies need to be taken care of by their mom and dad,” he kept going.

I just shook my head and opened the door of my car. We’re fine! I’m fine! Jake and I are ok! I don’t need my brother sticking his nose in!

“Either you talk to him or I will,” he said once I fell into the seat.

“You don’t need to talk to him,” I threw back.

“Then talk to him!” he was getting worked up.

I just rolled my eyes and said goodbye to Kirstie and Jackson. Of course Riley had to shout goodbye to them too. I managed to smile from Jackson’s reply. He waved, shaking his little hand violently. Kirstie giggled and lifted him to so that he could still wave as we drove away. Once on the road, I… thought about what Ryan had said. And I… really do need to talk to Jake.

When we got home, I got everyone some dinner. With Riley still eating, I started getting the boys around for bed. They were being rather simple tonight. After they were fed, they fell asleep. I put them in bed… and had some time to cradle my little girl. For the first time in a long time, she fell asleep in my arms. Before I got up off the couch, I gave her little forehead a soft kiss and then took her upstairs into her bed.

Since everyone was sleeping, I went into Jake and I’s room and threw on some sweats and tank, ready for bed myself. Just as I had curled up under the covers, I heard Jake’s truck pull into the drive. As I heard him making his way through the house, I got… a bit nervous. What do I say?

Once he opened the door, I sat up, catching his beautiful gaze. When he saw me, he smiled and came over. He crawled up to me, puckering out his lips until they met mine. I pecked at his, but I knew it wasn’t exactly what he wanted.

“Let me shower and I’ll…”

“No, I need to talk to you,” I cut him off.

“Just let me shower first…” he started to get up.

“Please,” I tugged at his arm.

The look in his eyes softened as he sat on the bed across from me. It made me feel better, but… I didn’t know how to put this!

“What’s up?” he was the one to ask.

“I need you,” was what I settled with, taking no hesitation with blurting that out.

“Babe, I’m here,” he started to let his smile shine through.

“No,” I shook my head. He’s making me talk more! That’s all I wanted to say and he would be like ‘aw, ok. Babe, I’ll be here more’. That’s not how it’s working though! “I need you here more,” I tried again.

“But I have to…”

“I know. You have to ride and workout and test, but… I can’t do all of this on my own,” I cut him off once more.

“But there’s no way to… have one without the other…” he wrinkled his features up.

“Too bad. I need you here,” I was starting to lose it. Oh, this is going to get bad…

“Ky, I can’t just…”

“It’s your family, Jake.” I just couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth right now.

“I know. But I need to…”

“If you say ride, I am walking out that door. You need to be here, with your family. When you have time, you ride,” I could tell that my gaze had intensified as I went on.

“But I need to ride to…”

I didn’t need to hear anymore. I was upset to begin with and this didn’t help. I should have just not said anything at all! Look what I get from listening to my brother! Now, I’m mad at my husband and I’m currently leaving the house… at night… while my babies are tucked into bed. But he just… upset me so much. I just want a little more help… Why are you putting your riding before your family?

When I pulled away, I… didn’t know what I was doing. I shouldn’t have left, but… I felt like staying would have just made things worse and then wake the babies up. After I had collected myself, I… called… Ryan. I told him the bare minimum of what happened and he told me that I could stay there for the night and let things cool off. I wasn’t sure, but… I ended up in the arms of my brother’s within the next fifteen minutes. One night away wouldn’t hurt anything… Jake can deal with all the babies by himself. Things needed to cool down before we talked though… I just hope everything will be ok in the morning.