I Can't Believe How Bad You Got Me
I Just Don't Know
Over the next few days, I didn’t see much of Kirstie and Jake. The season’s starting soon. Ryan’s been training, so I’ve had to get everything ready for when that time comes. Plane tickets, hotel reservations, making sure we have transportation. It’s fun… NOT!
Today though, Ryan dragged me out to the test track with him. I really didn’t want to go. I had so much to do for him and he takes me away from it! Does he not understand?! All I did was sit on his tailgate and try and do stuff through an iPad. The sun was against me though. It was making it so difficult to see the screen and do what I needed to do. Eventually, I gave up and sat my focus on Ryan and a few of his teammates zipping around the track.
When the motor noises ended, I took my phone out to see what I had missed. A few texts from Kirstie and Jake. Sighing, I shoved it back into my pocket just in time to see Ryan tug his helmet off.
“Ignoring people still?” he teased and put his lid next to me.
“I’m not ignoring anyone,” I told him.
“Kirstie says she hasn’t really talked to you much since we’ve been home.”
“I’ve talked to her,” I corrected him. Not… much, but… I have!
“Not from what she’s told me…” he countered.
What has she told him?! What has… she told Jake? What has Ryan told Jake?! Oh my gosh… No! This is bad. I shouldn’t have told anyone to begin with!
“Where’s your ring?” he started up again.
I quickly cupped my right hand over my left, hiding the fact that… I didn’t put my ring on today. It just adds to my anxiety and… it’s not good.
“I… forgot to… put it on… after my shower,” I strung together.
“Mhm… talk to Jake lately?” he poked on.
“… Yeah,” I answered.
“Stop lying to me,” he chuckled.
“I’m not!” I groaned.
“Kirstie told me that… you’re a little nervous about everything,” he called me out.
“I’m not,” I shrugged.
“You can tell me. It’s ok.”
“I’m not,” I felt huffy now.
“If you weren’t ready, then… why would you say yes when he asked you?” he just wouldn’t let it go!
“I can’t say no to him like that! It was in front of everyone and I couldn’t imagine what he went through to muster up the courage to ask me like that. And the look in his eyes. I didn’t want to see hurt in them after they looked so hopeful. And he’s such a good guy. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But…” I kind of rambled.
“You can know who you want to be with without rushing to get married,” he stepped in softly.
“I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him if I talk to him about it,” I muttered.
“He may think that and he may not. But you just have to be honest with him. I’m sure the way you’ve been acting isn’t helping you at all though,” he had such a soft, brotherly tone. Darn it, Ryan!
“I just don’t know, Ry,” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.
“Talk to him,” he chuckled.
I glared at him playfully. He chuckled once more before he went back to his bike. He made me think! He wasn’t supposed to do that! He’s my brother! He’s just supposed to go beat guys up for me and ask questions later! Not spark a flame into my internal network! But… he was right… I should… probably talk to Jake about everything. I still don’t want to though!
Today though, Ryan dragged me out to the test track with him. I really didn’t want to go. I had so much to do for him and he takes me away from it! Does he not understand?! All I did was sit on his tailgate and try and do stuff through an iPad. The sun was against me though. It was making it so difficult to see the screen and do what I needed to do. Eventually, I gave up and sat my focus on Ryan and a few of his teammates zipping around the track.
When the motor noises ended, I took my phone out to see what I had missed. A few texts from Kirstie and Jake. Sighing, I shoved it back into my pocket just in time to see Ryan tug his helmet off.
“Ignoring people still?” he teased and put his lid next to me.
“I’m not ignoring anyone,” I told him.
“Kirstie says she hasn’t really talked to you much since we’ve been home.”
“I’ve talked to her,” I corrected him. Not… much, but… I have!
“Not from what she’s told me…” he countered.
What has she told him?! What has… she told Jake? What has Ryan told Jake?! Oh my gosh… No! This is bad. I shouldn’t have told anyone to begin with!
“Where’s your ring?” he started up again.
I quickly cupped my right hand over my left, hiding the fact that… I didn’t put my ring on today. It just adds to my anxiety and… it’s not good.
“I… forgot to… put it on… after my shower,” I strung together.
“Mhm… talk to Jake lately?” he poked on.
“… Yeah,” I answered.
“Stop lying to me,” he chuckled.
“I’m not!” I groaned.
“Kirstie told me that… you’re a little nervous about everything,” he called me out.
“I’m not,” I shrugged.
“You can tell me. It’s ok.”
“I’m not,” I felt huffy now.
“If you weren’t ready, then… why would you say yes when he asked you?” he just wouldn’t let it go!
“I can’t say no to him like that! It was in front of everyone and I couldn’t imagine what he went through to muster up the courage to ask me like that. And the look in his eyes. I didn’t want to see hurt in them after they looked so hopeful. And he’s such a good guy. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But…” I kind of rambled.
“You can know who you want to be with without rushing to get married,” he stepped in softly.
“I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him if I talk to him about it,” I muttered.
“He may think that and he may not. But you just have to be honest with him. I’m sure the way you’ve been acting isn’t helping you at all though,” he had such a soft, brotherly tone. Darn it, Ryan!
“I just don’t know, Ry,” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.
“Talk to him,” he chuckled.
I glared at him playfully. He chuckled once more before he went back to his bike. He made me think! He wasn’t supposed to do that! He’s my brother! He’s just supposed to go beat guys up for me and ask questions later! Not spark a flame into my internal network! But… he was right… I should… probably talk to Jake about everything. I still don’t want to though!
♠ ♠ ♠
Comment??