I Can't Believe How Bad You Got Me
Don't Do This
When Jake and I were inside, we stopped in the kitchen. I leaned against the counter to try and keep him at ease. I don’t even know how to bring this up. I guess I should… just tell him? Will that work? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. I care about him too much to do this bluntly.
“Is this about… why you’ve been acting so strange?” he was the one to start.
“Yeah,” I sighed and let my gaze fall to the floor.
“Are you ok?” he asked softly.
“I just… I don’t know how to say this,” I sighed and already felt tears starting to form.
“Babe,” he cooed and rushed over to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
I wasn’t going to cry! I don’t care how many tears threatened to come out. I wasn’t going to let myself cry. It’s not a crying matter. I just need to tell him how I feel. That’s it.
“Ever since you asked me to…” I paused, trying to contain my emotions all over again.
“To marry me?” he asked and rubbed my back gently.
Knowing if I said anything, I would just breakdown. Instead, I nodded my head. In reply, he pressed his lips to my forehead. I tried taking in deep breaths to calm myself. I knew this would be hard, but not like this.
“Do you… want to get married?” I questioned.
“Yes,” I was able to push out.
“But…”
“But… I’m just scared,” I strung together.
“Scared of what?” he wasn’t getting worked up.
“Just… everything. I’m feeling so many things and I don’t know how to deal with them,” I sniffled and was finally able to look up at him.
Hurt wasn’t flashing through his eyes, which made this a little easier. Dismay was there maybe. As long as he wasn’t hurt too much!
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t want you to be upset with me.”
“I would never be upset with you. If that’s how you’re feeling you shouldn’t hide it,” he replied and stroked my cheek with his calloused fingertips.
I nodded my head and tried to calm myself down once more. Ok, this was going well… for now.
“What do you… want to do about this?” he questioned first again.
“I don’t know,” I laughed at myself.
“Well… you took your ring off…” he said with a bit of sadness
“I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I love you so much,” I told him.
“Well, do you… want to take… like a break or something? Or go back to just being my girlfriend?” he started to show a bit of his frustration now.
“What do you want to do?” I countered.
“Whatever you want to,” he sighed and took a step away.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” I assured him.
“Tell me what you want to do, Kylee,” he got to it.
“Maybe we should take a break,” I just pushed out.
“Fine,” he said and then started to leave.
“Jake, don’t do this,” I sighed, knowing he was hurt now.
“On a break,” he threw over his shoulder without breaking stride.
I knew better than to go after him. He was worked up now. That’s not how I wanted it to go! I wanted this to go nicely and us… not be on a break! I love him and now… he thinks I don’t want any part of a relationship with him anymore.
“Is this about… why you’ve been acting so strange?” he was the one to start.
“Yeah,” I sighed and let my gaze fall to the floor.
“Are you ok?” he asked softly.
“I just… I don’t know how to say this,” I sighed and already felt tears starting to form.
“Babe,” he cooed and rushed over to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
I wasn’t going to cry! I don’t care how many tears threatened to come out. I wasn’t going to let myself cry. It’s not a crying matter. I just need to tell him how I feel. That’s it.
“Ever since you asked me to…” I paused, trying to contain my emotions all over again.
“To marry me?” he asked and rubbed my back gently.
Knowing if I said anything, I would just breakdown. Instead, I nodded my head. In reply, he pressed his lips to my forehead. I tried taking in deep breaths to calm myself. I knew this would be hard, but not like this.
“Do you… want to get married?” I questioned.
“Yes,” I was able to push out.
“But…”
“But… I’m just scared,” I strung together.
“Scared of what?” he wasn’t getting worked up.
“Just… everything. I’m feeling so many things and I don’t know how to deal with them,” I sniffled and was finally able to look up at him.
Hurt wasn’t flashing through his eyes, which made this a little easier. Dismay was there maybe. As long as he wasn’t hurt too much!
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t want you to be upset with me.”
“I would never be upset with you. If that’s how you’re feeling you shouldn’t hide it,” he replied and stroked my cheek with his calloused fingertips.
I nodded my head and tried to calm myself down once more. Ok, this was going well… for now.
“What do you… want to do about this?” he questioned first again.
“I don’t know,” I laughed at myself.
“Well… you took your ring off…” he said with a bit of sadness
“I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I love you so much,” I told him.
“Well, do you… want to take… like a break or something? Or go back to just being my girlfriend?” he started to show a bit of his frustration now.
“What do you want to do?” I countered.
“Whatever you want to,” he sighed and took a step away.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” I assured him.
“Tell me what you want to do, Kylee,” he got to it.
“Maybe we should take a break,” I just pushed out.
“Fine,” he said and then started to leave.
“Jake, don’t do this,” I sighed, knowing he was hurt now.
“On a break,” he threw over his shoulder without breaking stride.
I knew better than to go after him. He was worked up now. That’s not how I wanted it to go! I wanted this to go nicely and us… not be on a break! I love him and now… he thinks I don’t want any part of a relationship with him anymore.
♠ ♠ ♠
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