I Can't Believe How Bad You Got Me
Super Pumped
Ryan had convinced me that this race was going to be amazing. I’m going to be glad I got out of the house and be happy and joyous and YES! Thursday wasn’t bad… neither was Friday. Kirstie and I hung out mostly. We stayed away from any supercross related activities. But on that chance that Ryan was with us, him and Kirstie were all cute and lovey and… I miss Jake!
But I’m ok! I’m doing good! I haven’t cried… yet. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle seeing him. It’s been a month without any contact of any kind. It’s been the worst. I don’t think I could have done it without Ryan though. He’s been great. Now, I have Kirstie though! As long as she doesn’t bring up… her other best friend, this should be great!
For the first time, I’m walking through the pits at Anaheim. Everything was going good. I was in a good mood. Kirstie was walking with me. We were going to go see my brother. Awesome, right? WRONG! The KTM pit was right next to the Monster/Kawi one. Are you kidding me? I caught sight of that big, green, M and kept my gaze to the ground. We had to pass it too. I didn’t want to see Jake. It would hurt too much. I made it to the Ryan’s setup though! When I got there, I went into the trailer and sat down… to let out a heavy sigh. That was torture!
“She did it!” Kirstie cheered once Ryan came in as well.
“I’m going to die tonight,” I muttered and ran my hand through my hair.
“You’re doing great!” Ryan smiled way too brightly.
“How are you doing?” I changed subjects.
“Great!” he kept that stupid grin on his face.
“I’d say he’s… super pumped,” Kirstie leaned over towards me to giggle.
“Oh my gosh,” I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh as well.
“I am!” he was just all excited to be back racing. It showed. I bet Jake is too…
“He is,” someone else spoke from behind Ryan since he was blocking the door.
Ryan stepped out of the way to let Ken Roczen in. He walked past Ryan and plopped down between Kirstie and I.
“I heard someone in this room is single…” he turned and looked at me. His accent seeming to be a little… adorable. But he’s just on the same team as my brother. I always thought he was kind of cute… but so not my type. Like I like blond guys with big blue eyes and big noses…
“Don’t start,” I replied.
“Someone can have fun this weekend!” he taunted on.
“Yeah, she’s going to have fun cheering me on,” Ryan stepped in, obviously noticing my discomfort.
“Or me…” Ken smiled at my with a cheeky grin.
I just rolled my eyes. He continued to sit here and hit on me… kind of. I didn’t want any part of it. I’m not supposed to be with anyone else… but Jake! Eventually, I got up and walked out to have a minute to myself. I went over to Ryan’s bike and acted like I was just looking over everything. But I really just wanted to glance up and… catch a quick glimpse at… him.
And I did. He was… looking back at me when I caught sight of him. It was from a distance, but it was enough to make my heart stop. I should have known better! That was a horrible idea. I really, really miss him. It was stupid of me to say we should be on a break. Can it be over? Can I just have him back now?
Refusing to look back up, I looked over Ryan’s bike again. I didn’t know where Jake went off to but I turned around and dabbed away at the tear that I felt collecting at the corner of my eye. Once it was gone, I reached into my pocket and brought out… my engagement ring. I haven’t worn it since Jake and I broke up, but… it hasn’t left my side. Something about today just told me that… I should put it back on. So, I… did. It felt weird, but… seeing it made me a little happier. I didn’t want anyone to know I had it on though. I kept that hand in my hoodie pocket before I went back to everyone. They don’t need to see that I’m still way too worked up about that whole situation. I just want it to go away. But that’s not going to happen this weekend with that Kawasaki trailer only feet from me.
But I’m ok! I’m doing good! I haven’t cried… yet. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle seeing him. It’s been a month without any contact of any kind. It’s been the worst. I don’t think I could have done it without Ryan though. He’s been great. Now, I have Kirstie though! As long as she doesn’t bring up… her other best friend, this should be great!
For the first time, I’m walking through the pits at Anaheim. Everything was going good. I was in a good mood. Kirstie was walking with me. We were going to go see my brother. Awesome, right? WRONG! The KTM pit was right next to the Monster/Kawi one. Are you kidding me? I caught sight of that big, green, M and kept my gaze to the ground. We had to pass it too. I didn’t want to see Jake. It would hurt too much. I made it to the Ryan’s setup though! When I got there, I went into the trailer and sat down… to let out a heavy sigh. That was torture!
“She did it!” Kirstie cheered once Ryan came in as well.
“I’m going to die tonight,” I muttered and ran my hand through my hair.
“You’re doing great!” Ryan smiled way too brightly.
“How are you doing?” I changed subjects.
“Great!” he kept that stupid grin on his face.
“I’d say he’s… super pumped,” Kirstie leaned over towards me to giggle.
“Oh my gosh,” I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh as well.
“I am!” he was just all excited to be back racing. It showed. I bet Jake is too…
“He is,” someone else spoke from behind Ryan since he was blocking the door.
Ryan stepped out of the way to let Ken Roczen in. He walked past Ryan and plopped down between Kirstie and I.
“I heard someone in this room is single…” he turned and looked at me. His accent seeming to be a little… adorable. But he’s just on the same team as my brother. I always thought he was kind of cute… but so not my type. Like I like blond guys with big blue eyes and big noses…
“Don’t start,” I replied.
“Someone can have fun this weekend!” he taunted on.
“Yeah, she’s going to have fun cheering me on,” Ryan stepped in, obviously noticing my discomfort.
“Or me…” Ken smiled at my with a cheeky grin.
I just rolled my eyes. He continued to sit here and hit on me… kind of. I didn’t want any part of it. I’m not supposed to be with anyone else… but Jake! Eventually, I got up and walked out to have a minute to myself. I went over to Ryan’s bike and acted like I was just looking over everything. But I really just wanted to glance up and… catch a quick glimpse at… him.
And I did. He was… looking back at me when I caught sight of him. It was from a distance, but it was enough to make my heart stop. I should have known better! That was a horrible idea. I really, really miss him. It was stupid of me to say we should be on a break. Can it be over? Can I just have him back now?
Refusing to look back up, I looked over Ryan’s bike again. I didn’t know where Jake went off to but I turned around and dabbed away at the tear that I felt collecting at the corner of my eye. Once it was gone, I reached into my pocket and brought out… my engagement ring. I haven’t worn it since Jake and I broke up, but… it hasn’t left my side. Something about today just told me that… I should put it back on. So, I… did. It felt weird, but… seeing it made me a little happier. I didn’t want anyone to know I had it on though. I kept that hand in my hoodie pocket before I went back to everyone. They don’t need to see that I’m still way too worked up about that whole situation. I just want it to go away. But that’s not going to happen this weekend with that Kawasaki trailer only feet from me.