I've Had It With This Game

READ AUTHOR NOTE(:

I tap my toe on the concrete, waiting for Alex. I would be better off talking to Rian about this, but right now, I just need to let it out. I mean, does Jack even see what I'm feeling?

I'm such a wimp. I hide behind the screen of “friends with benefits” to mask my feelings. I'm such a coward.

“What's up, Zee?” Alex says, raising one eyebrow. For once his phone isn't glued to his hand and he's not on Twitter or tumblr or whatever.

“Alex, don't you dare go all tumblr on me, but... I'm in love with Jack.” I say, looking as serious as possible.

“Woah, Zee. You're not fucking kidding, are you?” He says, eyes wide.

“No, I'm not, Alex. Um... last night we had sex and I told him I just needed a fuck and I'd rather have it from my best friend. And we did it a few months ago too. Lex... I can't be with him. If I asked him out now, it'd just fuck with his emotions.”

“So just keep having the friendly fucks.” Alex says after a few seconds of silence. I think it over. It's not a bad idea.

“I never thought about that.” I say plainly. He smiles and walks back onto the bus. Wow. That was easy.

But there's some part of me that wants to be able to hold hands with Jack in public, not just under the sheets in the middle of the night.

Later that night when I'm sitting in my bunk listening to Sleeping With Sirens' new album, Feel, with one earphone out, I hear someone open the door to the bus. There's giggling. I take out my earphone.

“I had fun, thanks, Jai.” I hear Jack say. My stomach revolts but I stay silent, locking my phone.

“Bye, Jacky.” Jaime says. The door closes and I can hear Jack stripping to his boxers and crawling under his covers in his bunk, beneath mine.

Rian is snoring and Alex's head phones are in full blast listening to Under The Cork Tree. I slip onto the floor once I hear Jack close his curtain and I open it, me also just in my boxers. I climb in next to Jack.

He doesn't even check to see who it is. I prop myself up on my elbow, facing his back, and softly kiss his neck, over and over again.

“Zack, stop.” He swats me away. I ignore him and start placing kisses on his jaw.

He rolls over so he's on his back and I pull back. On his neck are three or four fresh hickeys.

“You did not!” I whisper-yell.

“Do you have a problem, Zack? You and me aren't anything. I have something with Jai now.” Jack says.

“Did you two have-”

“Yeah. Now either go away or stay here and don't touch me.”

“How was it?” I ask, curious.

“Really fucking good, now shhh I'm tired.” He says. I nod and unconsciously drape my arm across his chest, me on my side, facing Jack, and Jack on his back.

He doesn't say anything or move. He lets me stay there.

After what seems like hours but is probably only minutes, I say something.

“Jack?”

“Hmm?”

Instead of saying something back I just lean over and kiss his chest. I don't know why, but I do.

He doesn't say anything in response, but I know he's still awake because of the shaky breath he lets out. I smile.

I'm going to get Jack to fall in love with me. Teasing him, little by little.

Eventually, he'll crack.

I wake up next to Jack and I smile. Our hands are intertwined under the covers and our legs are wrapped around each other, making a tangle of limbs. We're facing each other and our foreheads are pressed together. I look at him.

There's four hickeys on his neck. I close my eyes, trying to think about last night. Jaime. Jack. Sex.

I didn't do that.

Jack didn't want me to touch him last night, at all.

But I'm going to make him love me.

Because that's my only option.

I move my head away from his and kiss the spot next to/right under his ear, where Alex has HIS All Time Low tattoo. I pull back and Jack smiles in his sleep.

“Jai, I'm tired.” He mumbles. My stomach drops. No. That's not my name. So I kiss him again, the same place. He laughs a half-asleep-laugh and smiles slightly. One more. He opens his eyes and when he sees it's me, he pushes me off of him, eyes wide.

“Zack, no! I fucking thought you were Jaime.”

“Well then I have to change that.” I smirk. I lean in to kiss him and when I'm about to press my lips to his, I stop, less than an inch away. I wait for him to say “no” or pull back. Isn't that what he'd do if he was really with Jaime?

So I kiss him, smiling into his mouth. I slip my tongue into his mouth and Jack moans a little, turning me on.

Fuck.

I pull back, almost out of breath.

“Bye, Jack.” I say, smiling. I open the curtain and crawl out. I hear Jack shut it and I see a bright pink piece of paper on the table. I look at it “HEY LOVEBIRDS-- GOING TO A DINER CALLED LUNA PARK, GET YOUR ASSES UP AND MEET US THERE. IF NOT THERE, TEXT US. -Lex” I sigh. Of course they left to get breakfast without us.

Jeez.