After the War

A scream woke Ben up.
He hadn't been sleeping very well, his dreams had been confused, but the scream achieved to wake him.
Someone opened his door, a tall silhouette appearing.

"Are you the one who screamed?" A masculine voice asked softly.

Gustav.

"N-No" Ben stuttered.

"You okay?"

Suddenly, his dream slapped him in the head and Ben gasped, the rush of memories weighing on him suddenly as his mind cleared up.

"Ben? Ben can I come in?"

Ben nodded rapidly.

Gus walked in quietly.

"You don't have to trust me" he said slowly. "I know I'm a man and I might do something that reminds you of what happened to you by error, so don't hesitate and tell me if I say something or behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable. I'm still learning."

Ben nodded again.

"Can I sit on the bed?"

"Yes. Yes, please." Ben said.

Gus sat down, and looked at Ben. Even with the dim light, Ben could see Gus' beautiful grey eyes, they were so mesmerizing, how could someone have such incredible eyes, and lips like that...
Ben snapped away from his almost daydream.

"I... Can I have a hug?" he whispered.

"Sure" Gus smiled.

Ben leaned into Gustav's strong arms. They reminded him of his father or his brother : protective, that would never harm him.
Ben knew he had been lucky in the horror - even if he was a bad student he had listened in psychology ; he didn't know his attacker when he got assaulted. Ben knew that with most victims it was a person they knew, trusted, cared about. And that it was terrible for their trust.

He pulled away from Gus, sighing.

"Is this normal for nurses to-"

"Yes, we do rounds, and if people aren't sleeping, we come, and sit with them. Sometimes it helps, you don't have to tell me anything."

"Aren't you tired in the morning?"

Gus chuckled.

"I'm on night shift until 3 AM. But tomorrow, I start my job at noon. I live near here."

"Isn't it a bit... Tiring and all?"

"I really like this job" Gus smirked at him. "I don't mind."

Ben nodded. There was a small, private silence.

"Do people here have nightmares a lot?"

"Yes." Gus said, very softly, almost sadly.

"Who? I mean in the guys?"

"I can't tell you Ben, I'm sorry."

Suddenly there was another scream in the room nextdoor. Gustav frowned, taking his beeper from his belt.

"Paige, do you need help?"

Moments later the response came.

"No, it's okay, he's not violent, he's just having a big fit, don't worry."

Gus acknowledged the message and looked back at Ben.

"Well, I can say Mike has them more than others. But why were you awake?"

Ben shrugged.

"I wasn't sleeping very well and the scream woke me up..."

He wasn't sure anymore about if he wanted to tell Gustav about his memory rush ; he didn't want Gustav to know just how weak and stupid he had been that night, just how he could have just behaved, and avoided everything that had happened.

"...But it's okay now." Ben croaked, lowering his eyes to the ground.

Gustav breathed out and Ben could feel empathy and questionement in that exhalation ; the young nurse stood up, his weight disappearing from the bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ben insisted.

"Well then, goodnight Ben."

"Goodnight."

The door closed, and from the other nextdoor room rose a series of discrete sobs.
Ben closed his eyes, and felt a tear glide on his cheek too.

--

The day after, Ben was tired. Mike didn't show up at breakfast but Ben didn't know if it was normal or if it was because of his fit from the night before. Lee had really red eyes, and since his room was next to Ben's, the young man deduced Lee had been the one crying.
Fraser seemed unwell too, and Jamie had tied his hair up into a ponytail, letting his silver earhoops be seen.

Ben didn't know if he wanted to see Gus. He was unsure about that. The very few words he had pronounced the night before made him feel quite self conscious.
Fraser sighed, and left the table. A nurse told Ben he had to go to see his psychologist, and so he did.

Miss Henry had blond hair. She was pretty, lipsticked, white-teethed.
And she asked questions.

"So Ben... Have you slept well?"

"Uh, I got woken up by one of the people here having a fit..."

"Oh, that's not pleasant... Have you managed grabbing some hours though?"

"Um, yeah."

"Right, that's good, don't cut out on sleep, but don't sleep too much either. Great... Well, would you mind telling me about... You told me about how you liked school, how was your social life at school? Had you already embraced your sexuality?"

Ben shrugged.

"I had friends, I mean, not really close, but friends. And, as for the sexuality, I had girlfriends, but then later on I had boyfriends, and it didn't bother people that much, I mean, my family was okay with it. I mean, I got the insults. But... Not that much."

Ben paused, realising he was talking a lot.

"What was your last relationship?"

Ben let the question hang for a second before answering.

"His name was Joey. I uh, I liked him a lot. He was this tall, funny guy, a bit chubby. We left eachother on good terms, he's still a friend. Or he was. I don't really talk to him anymore."

"Uh-uh. And your friends?"

"I... I haven't really talked to them since I got out from the tribunal. I mean... I still don't... Really... I don't really want to talk to them."

"How do you feel about them?"

Ben decided to put good will into it.

"Well... I don't know, I feel like... Disconnected. You know. I can't... I can't face them. It's like a wall between us, and everything I seem to connect back to... What happened. I can't talk."

The woman nodded.

"Yes, it's normal you know, you don't have to feel guilty."

"Yes but.. You know, it's a bit my fault all of that..."

"I'll stop you right there, Ben. You didn't ask for this to happen. No matter what was your attitude, it's your attacker who's responsible. I know a lot of people told you that, but it's true."

Ben crossed her gaze.

"You're NOT responsible for what happened, Ben."