Shaking and Waiting for Something More

“Hey Alex, where are you going?” I asked, watching him grab his keys. Bad news.
“That party I told you about at whatshisname’s house.” He threw his keys up on the air and grabbed them as he usually did. I saw him glance into the mirror, then look back again to spike his hot pink hair up a little more.
“But I thought we were gonna hang out tonight. You know, just you and me. For old time’s sake? Hey and shouldn’t you know the guy’s name before you just show up at his house?” I faked a laugh through my disappointment. Alex laughed too.
“I don’t have to know anyone’s name, I’m Tay’s guest tonight,” He smirked, pointing at me, “You can come if you’d like.”
“Nah,” I answered coolly, “I think I’ll just stay here and watch a couple of movies. Get it in, man.” I encouraged half-heartedly.
“You know it!” Alex leaned back triumphantly, “Bye, dude. Have fun being lonely!” And he was out the door.
“Good riddance, ass hole.” I mumbled to myself after he had closed the door. Great, another night alone while Alex fucks Tay at some random party. What could I do, I was the one who was never planning on telling him that I was in love with him and stuff, so he was stuck thinking I was straight and could just go fuck any girl I want, but it’s not that easy. Things aren’t easy. “Best friends” my ass. Best friends don’t ditch each other for some slut. Alex just didn’t get it. He never would. All those nights spent cuddling meant more to me than he could ever know. Sure, I’ll say that I prefer one night stands to relationships, but that’s because I don’t like chicks, and I don’t plan to come out any time soon, so one night stands just seem better for me. They’re more my taste, you know? I’ve been on tumblr, too. I’ve been there and I know what they say, and I know they’re right. Friends don’t look at each other like I look at Alex, and I won’t catch myself looking at him like that and this was all just stressing me out. I sighed as I put Home Alone into the DVD player and watched that for a while until I fell asleep.
*~*~*~*
I woke up to Alex crashing through the door and stumbling in with Tay under one arm, “Shhh, you’ll wake up Jack, and we donn’t want thaat.” He said just above a drunken whisper. I opened my eyes and checked the time. 3 o’ fucking clock. Nice work, Gaskarth. Alex must have noticed I was awake, because he looked at me worried and said, “Jack. This is a dream. Me and Tayy, we’re not really here, mmkay?”
“Yeah,” Tay slurred, “It’s a figmentation- figmentation of your imagination, okay Jack.” They walked into the back where all of the bunks were. I heard them laughing and giggling, until there was just the shouting of each other’s’ names. I cringed every time, and it wasn’t letting up. I went over to the fridge to grab a beer, because believe me, I needed one. The shouting turned into screaming, and the screaming finally let up into panting, which still made me sick. I made my bed on the couch, put in Aladdin, and watched that for a while, fighting back tears. I felt like such a pussy, but what could I do? I will personally tell you that the worse feeling in the world is the knowledge that the one you love will never ever under any circumstances love you back no matter what.
*~*~*~*
I woke up a second time at about 5:30 to the sound of Alex heaving his guts out onto the road just outside the tour bus. Every motherly instinct in me told me to go over and rub his back in a comforting way, bring him ginger ale and chicken noodle soup, and curl up with him covered in towels just in case he threw up again. Then again, every ass hole instinct in me was telling me to make him tough it out and deal with it because it was what he deserved. And he didn’t deserve it by not loving me, but I still had a grudge against him for blowing me off last night. I sighed, getting up to get a towel for Alex to wipe his mouth with. I came back over to him with a cup of water, a towel, and some aspirin.
“Alex,” I mumbled, still tired, “look at me.” He did so. He looked so miserable. I hated seeing him sick, and you’d think I’d be used to it by now. I wiped his mouth off with the towel, “Swish this in your mouth and spit it out.” I handed him the Dixie cup full of water. He drank a little and spit it out into his puddle of vomit, “Now take these.” And I handed him the three aspirins I had in my hand. He swallowed them down pretty quickly, “Come on,” I put my hand on his back and led him over to the couch. He sat down, I covered him in blankets, then got some towels and covered him in those too. I sat down right next to him and he laid his head on my chest. I turned Home Alone back on as Alex began falling asleep on me.
“Hey Jack?” Alex muttered from where he was laying.
“Yes Alex,” I petted his hair comfortingly.
“I love you.”
I sighed. “I love you too, Alex.” He’d never get it. He nuzzled his head into my chest more, and soon enough he fell asleep. I watched his chest go up and down with his breathing. ‘Why him?’ I thought to myself, ‘Of all people, why did I fall in love with Alex Gaskarth?’ I sighed and fell asleep one last time with my head leaning back on the back rest of the couch.