Streak of Black

Zeeva stays down for a few days. She wakes up every now and again, but she had the bullet in her for much longer than Ryder did, and she was fighting while it was there. The whole battle took a lot out of her, and we don't know if any piece of the bullet fragmented off while it was inside her. All bets are off, and Monique isn't helping. She doesn't actually talk to me at all for a few days. She disappeared, and I'm glad for it.

No one shuts me out anymore, now it's the other way around. Not like it really matters, anyway—no one really talks much anymore to begin with. I've taken to hiding and sleeping in the study. I don't even know why. I try to make sense of my reasoning, but my brain is becoming a kind of useless. I tell myself that I'm just avoiding everyone because I don't want anyone else to get hurt, but really, I just can’t bear to look at any of them with the guilt that I may one day cause on of them to sustain serious injury, or even to die. I block out everyone, well everyone except Ryder. I'd probably block him out too if he didn't hang around me whenever he can.

He brings me food every day, sits with me even if I ignore him, and tries to pull me out of it. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm scaring myself, but I can't seem to drag myself out of it.
* * * * *
When Zeeva finally pulls herself up and around, I still refuse to leave the study, but the house seems to be alive again. She's still weak, but laughter fills the halls, and chatter is everywhere. I can't stand the sound of it. It gives me headaches and echoes through the taunting walls.

I'm sick of it. I can't hide in the study anymore, but I don't want to go out there. I don't want to be around those I love because I know that something bad will happen if I forget who I am, forget about my past. And besides that, I feel like if I tried to expose myself to them, I'd just end up screaming at them out of pure frustration with myself and the noise that they create. I do the one thing that usually helps—if only slightly—in situations of confusion and uncertainty. I call upon Monique.

I wait until late at night, when the house and its inhabitants are asleep, and lock the door to the study. I don't want anyone to walk in on this.

Having never gone literally into my head willingly, I have no idea how to do this. I'm too jittery to sit perfectly still, but I try my best. I sit cross-legged on the floor with my hands resting on my knees, my eyes closed. I steady my breathing and focus on what I want.

'LETMEIN. LETMEIN. LETMEIN. LETMEIN. LETMEIN. LETMEIN.' It repeats over and over in my head, a little mantra. And then I open my eyes and stand in an unlit corridor.

I'm in.

I walk around, looking for her. I still maintain some control of my head, but now this is her turf—she makes the rules. It's actually pretty weird, being in my head. It's like a huge system of passages and caverns filled with different things behind different doors. There are little symbols or words on each door signifying what's inside. After a few of them, I stop opening peeking. I saw some memories that I'd much rather stay repressed.

Finally, I come to a door with an 'M' in fancy script written on it, and I know this is it. The door has no handle, so I push and it opens. I know I've found the place when I glance at the far wall and see the tell-tale archway.

"Monique!" I call, looking around. The door that I entered through closes, leaving no visible seam in the cavern wall. I suddenly feel trapped, but I continue calling out for her nevertheless. "I'm here! You win! Show yourself! I want my answers!"

For a second, I believe she's just going to ignore me and let me stay there in my head screaming. Wind from the archway ruffles my hair, and it temporarily changes from blank wall to a bright light. It blinds me, and she enters the cavern. "You called?" She looks unimpressed.

"I want my answers. You've taken my sanity. Answering my questions is the least you can do."

She sighs in exasperation, leaning against the archway that now shows only plain wall once again. "Fine, ask away and I'll answer anything that I can without upsetting the natural order of things."

I look skeptical, but her impatient wave urges me on. "Where is Damien's father?" I ask, beginning with easy questions, questions that can't possibly do me any harm.

"He's still in France. Right now, he's still in the forest, trying to calm his angry men—well, at least those who are left. Many deserted, and others plot to kill him."

"Will they? Kill him, that is."

"No."

"Who will?"

"One in your family. I am not permitted to reveal who."

"When? Will it be in another battle?"

"Soon he will fall dishonorably in battle with the face of that which he hates most as the final image he sees."

"Will anybody that I care about die?"

She considers. "Yes, but I do not know who yet. No matter what, though, it will again be one in your family. It depends on the path you all decide on after tonight."

"Can we avoid the death or is it inevitable?"

"An eye for an eye—a life for a life." She says it in the same way that she did in the forest, and I realize that in order to kill Damien's father, one of us will have to die. That's going to go over well.

"Can you tell me where we will fight?"

"I cannot. That's undecided as of now."

"I thought you can see the future. Are those visions avoidable?"

"I show you what you need to know so that you can go down the proper path. What I show and tell you is set in stone. You—well, you and your brother—are the only people I cannot lie to. I can evade, but I cannot lie out right." Well that's comforting. At least she has to be honest. By the look on her face, she's not very happy about it. "There is something in particular that you want to ask me, the reason you really came here tonight, further risking your own mental welfare. Spit it out. I grow weary of this exchange."

"You know what I want to know."

"Yes, but do you?"

I pause. Do I? I want to know what's wrong with me, but what about me?

"That right there is the question."

"What's the question?"

"What about you is wrong? In a way, the answer is me. As I've told you in the past, no other mind—of any race or breed, mind you—can hold me other than yours and your brother's. It takes a hybrid. That is the reason that I cannot lie to you and you still hold some control over me. But, because of this battle that you wage against me daily, whether you are aware or not, is what drains and depresses you. It isn't Death that follows you, it is you that follows Death. He leads you through life. Because you have me, you are cursed to be his slave for all of eternity in any life you live because I will always be there."

I'm shocked. I didn't want this—any of this! My head is beginning to pound, and I suddenly feel exhausted. "Is there any way to free myself? Is my brother tied to this curse as well?"

"He isn't important, so quit worrying about everyone else. You, my dear, are the only person that that particular piece pertains to, the part about Death. The only way to free yourself is to tear away the thing that ties you to your fate. The only way to take that piece of you away is to grant Death a piece of your soul. But without even that fragment, you will forever be a slave to the darkness."

"So the answer is no."

"Precisely."

"There is absolutely no way around it—no way to kill you without it destroying me."

"The only way to destroy me is to destroy that who can contain me. In order to kill me, there are two people who can die."

"So in order to free myself and get rid of you, I either have to give part of my soul to Death and forget who I am, kill myself, or kill my brother."

"Clever, little wolf. I'm impressed. You aren't usually this bright."

"So in order to have some fragmented piece of humanity in me, I have to keep you, the very thing that makes me behave inhumanely? There's no other way? At all."

"I knew you'd figure it out. As far as is known thus far about this whole Prophecy thing, there's no way to keep your soul intact or stay alive while still getting rid of me."

"Great." I feel tears begin filling my eyes.

She cocks her head gazes curiously at me. "There’s one thing more that’s bothering you. Tell me dear: what’s been on your mind?"

"What, other than you?" She gives me a knowing look, and I sigh, considering for a moment. "What's with the reckless behavior the past few weeks? I never would've dared that running stunt and leaping onto a moving van, nor would I have taunted those guys in that old building or tried that lone wolf howl thing the other night, let alone slapping Ryder and taunting him. What's going on with me?"

"You may never have even considered things like that. But in your shoes, I most certainly would." An eerie smirk creeps across her lips.

"Wait, are you saying that you took over my mind again?" I gulp, becoming panicked.

"Relax and try to keep your tail from bunching up." She chuckles to herself, and I glare harshly. "In all seriousness, as you and I become more and more Bonded, you will begin to think and behave more and more like I would if I was in a physical form. Think of yourself as…for lack of a better word, as my bitch. You're mannerisms will continue to morph and become a kind of mash-up of our combined behaviors. Soon enough, I'll be able to slip easily in and out of control of your mind, and the transition will be like that." She snaps her fingers.

I sigh. "Awesome. Thanks," I whisper before closing my eyes and trying to get back out of my head.

I distantly hear the gentle murmur, "Any time," before sleep drags me into its blissful clutches.