Streak of Black

I awaken with wrapped in the warm embrace of my thin blue blanket with the smell of frying, scrambled eggs and crispy bacon filling my nose. Despite the intoxicating aroma, the thought of eating anything right now sickens me. I really don't want to do this. I don’t want to risk the lives of my Pack mates, let alone myself. But that girl and child have already been there for almost three weeks with no one looking out for either of them. I don't know how much longer she can take.

We left her there for the extra time for three reasons. First of all, we wanted to go in after the Cycle so as not to terrify her so soon after we met her. We want her to get used to the human us. The second reason is that we wanted a little time to prepare. We've been sparring daily and trying to figure out ways to avoid weapons. The men that we'll be going against will have knives and guns while we'll only have physical strength and speed on our side. The third reason is that we needed to be sure that we know what we're walking into—at least from the outside. We knew that we'd be doing this at night; we just didn't know what we'd be up against. Guards patrol the grounds at night at about a one mile radius from the mansion. They each have certain parts that they go over, and none ever meet each other, but there are a lot of men. Ryder says we're lucky they don't have spotlights or watch towers.

Sighing, I rise and follow the aroma of food to the kitchen where Rudi is finishing breakfast. She glances at me and offers a smile that can’t seem to reach her eyes. “Morning insomniac,” she teases. I must have a nervous look on my face because she quickly adds, “Ryder and Nyx said that you couldn’t sleep last night. But you’re up just in time—can you set the table please? They’ve been ‘hounding’ me all morning.” She glances at me sheepishly and laughs slightly. “Bad pun?”

I shake my head—even though it was—and do as she asked since she seems to not be frustrated with me for once. I quickly pull out mix-matched plates and forks for everyone, setting places out for everyone in the Pack. Rudi soon follows, loading the plates high with eggs. I take the bacon from her and add a few slices to each plate. As if on command, the Pack cautiously creeps into the room, practically walking on each other’s heels as they try to measure each serving and find the plate with the most food.

“Would you all relax,” Rudi calls, plopping down next to Nox. “They’re all even, you vultures.”

I sit down between Ryder and Lovett, rolling my eyes and offering my brother a brief smile before he digs into his breakfast. Ryder comfortingly squeezes my thigh before following my brother’s example. I begin a staring contest with the plate of food before me, unable to convince my stomach that it’s hungry even with the waft of Rudi’s delectable and always perfect eggs filling my nose.

'How can you eat?' I ask Ryder. 'I feel like I’m going to be sick any moment! I can’t even stand the thought of eating.'

'Same here,' he replies with an anxious glance. 'But we have to act normal—for their sakes, not ours.'

'I hate lying and acting like everything’s okay! I’m a nervous wreck and just want to get out of here.' Despite my mental words, I at least pick up my fork and begin playing with my food.

'I know, but you are getting better at hiding your emotions from everyone else. And it does suck, but it’s just something we have to deal with. Acting normal is a lot easier than telling them where I was last night.'

I mentally sigh and finally begin shoveling the food into my mouth. 'Or telling them about my nightmare.'

'Yeah, especially when you won’t even tell me about what you saw.' His voice in my mind sounds hurt, but I really don’t want to deal with it right now.

'Ryder, I don’t want to talk about it.'

'If you want to hide it from me so badly, then why did you call out for me? What were you trying to tell me?'

I nearly drop the fork as a wave of anxious nausea clutches me. 'What are you talking about?' I feel cornered and annoyed, two very bad things for me to feel.

'You said, “Ryder, I—” and then stopped. Tell me what you were trying to say.'

I freeze, trying not to become defensive. I realize that that’s when Ryder said he loved me in the dream and I was about to respond. But not even I know what I was about to say. I don’t know if I was going to return as our lives ended in the vivid dream world or if I was just going to break his heart again. Realizing that I had stopped moving entirely, I resume eating and acting like I don’t feel like I’m about to have a heart attack. How does no one hear my heart thumping in my chest?

'Louve, what is it?'

Monique decides to finally make an appearance, and I cringe. 'Yes, Louve, what did you want to say?' I decide to address her first.

'Shut the hell up and stay out of this. It has nothing to do with you!'

'Actually, I kind of caused it.'

'Leave me alone!'

'Ryder, you were dying beside me.' I try not to physically sob as I picture the blood streaming out of the gunshot wound.

'What?'

'That was part of the dream. I was...I was going to apologize. It was my fault. You were only there in the mansion because you were with me, and I felt guilty and scared.'

'Nice save,' Monique commends. I honestly don’t know how I’m able to keep up two mental conversations without getting confused and transmitting the wrong messages to Ryder.

'Stay. Out. Of. This! I don’t need your help or congratulations.'

'But how would my existence stay as amusing as it is if I actually listened to you whenever you told me to leave you alone?'

'Louve.' Ryder’s gentle voice in my head calls my attention back to him, and I realize that I finished my food during the course of all of the mental conversations. 'I’m fine, and I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens to me, it’s not your fault. I’ll be happy as long as you stay by my side, no matter what goes down. You have no control over fate so stop beating yourself up for things that you can’t prevent. Just be with me, and we’ll be okay.'

'I just care about you so much. I hate thinking about anything bad happening to you.' I vaguely realize that everyone is staring at me, waiting for any command I may have for the day. I stand and look at my Pack, at my family.

“Alright, guys. The day is yours, but be ready by about five and meet in the living room. We’ll prepare for the night then and make sure that we have everything we need. We leave at sunset.”

I turn and begin walking to my room. Ryder grabs my arm as everyone begins clearing away, and I gently shake out of his grasp, caressing his face. 'Go get some rest. You need it as much as I do.'

Reluctantly, he nods, and we make our way down the hallway to our respective bedrooms where we separate. I sigh and throw myself onto my bed. Despite struggling to sleep, I can’t seem to make my eyes stay shut. Every time I close them, all I see is Ryder dying in the middle of the forest. When my eyes are open, all I can do is go through a wide variety of scenarios in which different things go wrong to make the plan fall though thanks to a week of nightmares courtesy of Monique.

Everyone's on edge, but I have to be the worse off thanks to this freaking Voice. I can hardly sit still as I wait for the sun to set. It's like waiting to try to leave the mansion the first time. Except now, we're trying to break back in.

I eventually quit torturing myself and seek out the comfort that Ryder will no doubt provide. For a second, I figure he's sleeping and decide to leave him alone, but a quick check of the Bond assures me that he’s having as tough a time sleeping as I am.

“Care for some company?” I ask, slipping into the room and closing the door nervously.

"I always do when that company is you. Besides, spending time with you is better than the torture I would endure if I accomplish my mission to fall asleep."

I smile at him as he dramatically turns onto his back and drapes his arm over his eyes. "Is my face red?" I tease. "I'm flattered that I'm considered just slightly above witnessing nightmares to you."

He opens his eyes and gazes adoringly at me as I sit on the edge of the bed, both of us blushing. "You ready for this?" he asks me gently.

"No," I admit, lying down next to him as he wraps his thick, muscular arms around me. "But what choice do I have? I planned this, and now I have to see it through."

“You’re right; you did kind of dig this grave.” I glare at him, and he looks away. “Sorry, poor word choice.”

“You think?” Nevertheless, I curl up deeper into his side.

“Why don’t we go for a walk? Good way to clear our minds.” I look up at him, and he gazes back with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“When you say walk—”

“Yes, I mean walk. For a little while.”

“I’m sure.” I finally sigh. “Sure, why not?”

He lifts me off of the rickety spring bed and places me of the floor. “Don’t sound so enthusiastic.” He opens the door for me, grabbing my hand and following me out. “After you, milady.”

I roll my eyes and smile at him before walking out of the empty house by his side. We don’t pass anyone as we make our way through the forest past several layers of trees until we wind up at the tree where he kissed me the first time after we arrived home from Damien’s mansion. He stops, and I get the feeling it’s not by accident.

“I thought we were going for a walk,” I whisper as he steps closer to me. I feel breathless at his close proximity and the fact that he leaned down so that is lips are mere inches from my own. I could just get up on my tip toes and…

“I said 'for a little while.' Besides, I figured we’d be doing so much walking tonight, a little relaxation would be good for us both."

I gaze up into his deep, pale blue eyes, suddenly unwilling to stay still or inactive. Unable to control myself, I leap on him, transforming into a beast full of carnal passion. Unsuspecting of my attack, he quickly backs up against our tree as my lips latch onto his and we’re locked in a heavenly oblivion of animal instinct. My tongue darts into his mouth, and his does the same as the kiss continues to deepen.

He tangles the fingers of his right hand in my hair, keeping his left hand on the small of my back. I respond by tightening my legs around his waist and wrapping my arms around his neck to make sure that our bodies remain locked together with absolutely no space left between us.

In our minds, there’s no one but us—that is until Monique makes a throat clearing sound in my mind. 'So sorry to interrupt—believe me, I am—but you might want to pause. We’ve got company!'

I quickly untangle myself from Ryder, jerking away from him and comically leaping off. 'Someone’s coming!' I tell him silently as I straighten out my wavy hair to the best of my ability. Nyx comes skipping into the clearing and immediately blushes, our guilty faces more than likely giving away what we were just up to.

“I’m so sorry, I was just, um...” she looks like she wants to bolt, and I feel the same way.

“Oh, um, don’t worry. We were just—” I pause, groping for an appropriate verb other than ‘having a make-out session.’

“—weather watching,” Ryder finishes. I nod and glance up at the thick canopy above us that prevents very much light from creeping through.

“Oh, okay. Well, I was just going back to the house. It looks to be about five or close to.” She quickly hurries off, not looking back, and I lean my head against a tree in humiliation.

“Weather watching? Really? Tell me how that works in the forest?” I cross my arms and glare playfully at him.

“It was just the first excuse that came to mind.” He shrugs guiltily. “Ready to go back? Are you going to be alright for tonight?”

“Well, I will admit that a lot of stress was just worked out—thank you. But yeah, I think I’ll be okay. I think that I’m just really worked up because of these nightmares I’ve been having, but I’ll forget about them for tonight.”

“I know you will, you always put everyone else before yourself.” He begins running his fingers through my hair. “I just wish you’d tell me what at least this one was about.”

“Trust me: you don’t want to see what I do.”

“Louve, please, just tell me so that I can understand. I want to be able to help you but I can’t when you won’t let me.

I wrap my arms around myself. “Ryder, I can’t. For now, all of these nightmares and horrible feelings are just in my head—none of it is real. But if I let you in on it all, it will be real. And that can’t happen, Ryder, it just can’t.” I silently add that he can never see the end of that dream. “Please just let it go.”

“But—”

“No, Ryder! That’s my final word on this. But if you want to talk to bad, why don’t you tell me why it matters so much to you what your stupid brother thinks of you?”

He stares me down defiantly. “As a kid, I always looked up to him, just like you do with Lovett. Now that I’m older, I don’t know, maybe I just want him to be proud of me and the man that I’ve become. I want him to see that I gave up on all of that shit that I used to be into when I was just some stupid, angry kid. Tell me about the dream, Louve—quid pro quo.”

“You died! Happy now?” Afraid of the others hearing and worrying, I revert to mental communication. 'You died and then Damien's father killed me. That’s what happened in that dream that you wanted to hear about so badly! He shot us. And the image of you falling to the floor in agony while waiting to see if the poisonous bullet or blood loss will be what kills you first will be forever etched into my brain. I hope that you’re happy now, because I am really not. You have absolutely no idea how realistic these dreams are. Everything I experience in them, every ounce of pain and fear and agony, feels like it’s really happening to the point that when I’m wounded in my dreams, I actually check myself in real life to make sure that the wounds didn’t come through to the real world along with the memories of how they were caused.'

He sighs. 'I keep forgetting how much this thing loves torturing you.'

'Yeah, well, I wish I could do the same.'

'I’m sorry. I hate making you suffer, even if it’s just in a dream.'

'A dream that feels real, to me at least.'

'I’ll stop badgering you.' “Come on, they’re probably waiting for you.” He holds out his hand with an apologetic look in his eyes. I accept it and wrap myself around his arm. He smiles comfortingly down at me and rubs my back as we make our way back to the house.