Give Your Heart a Break

The next evening, Claire checked herself in the mirror again. She had on a simple purple autumn dress under a black cardigan. She sucked a shaky breath in.

The sun had set not too long ago, washing the sky in beautiful hues of oranges, reds and purples. It was a romantic scene, a huge contrast to her raging nerves. She felt like she was getting ready for a battle. All’s fair in love and war, right?

It was a Sunday and it was supposed to be their bi-weekly movie outing. Fridays were held at her place, and on Sundays, at his place. For a moment, she felt like the eyeliner was a slight overkill since they were just going to stay in his living room and watch stupid chick flicks but she decided if she was going to war, she might as well look good while doing it.

By the time she reached his small semi-detached house, it was already 10 minutes past their appointed timing. Lights were still on and for the first time in their 20 years of friendship, she felt nervous as hell. She wondered how he would react around her now, knowing that she had feelings for him. She could only hope that everything would go well. If he started acting awkward around her, she would just have to try to maintain the normalcy between them.

Claire rang the doorbell.

Sounds from the television blared towards her as the door opened. She was about to smile when she paused upon seeing the stranger that had greeted her. Claire felt like she was one of those animals in the zoo under the scrutinizing stare of the woman in front of her.

An odd suspicion skirted through her mind at the idea of the woman in front of her being Catherine number 16. Beautiful, tall and thin.

‘Yes?’

‘Ah-’

Her words died in her throat when George appeared beside the woman and wrapped his arm around her waist. She stared at the contact for a few long seconds.

‘Wow, I’ve totally forgotten today’s meet up. Sorry, Claire; I’ll take a rain check, though. I’m with her tonight.’

Claire shifted her eyes slowly to George’s handsome face. He had that same smile that he’d given her at dinner the night before; the one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. They remained humourless. Funny how she confessed to him barely twenty four hours ago and here he was, with another woman in his arms. But Claire didn’t find it the slightest bit funny at all. She felt numb.

It was clear to her then, that he was throwing her feelings back. George Anderson simply didn’t know how to love.

Her left hand crept up towards a place where her heart was and clutched at her cardigan, as if trying to hold her shattering heart in place. When she spoke, she sounded strangely disembodied.

‘Never mind.’ She took a step backward and her eyes burned from trying to hold the tears in.

She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t make him feel bad because she’d already promised him that she wouldn’t force him nor was she expecting anything from him.

‘Yeah? Maybe-‘

Claire shut him out as she turned from him and started running blindly away. Away from him, away from her eternal heartbreaker.

As George made himself watch her run away from him, he decided that it was better that way. Better to let her get hurt now than later.

He made himself feel his insides rip apart at the knowledge that she might leave him forever.

He didn’t deserve her, even if he had been in love with her for the past two years. She needed someone who wasn’t such a coward with his feelings. She needed someone better.

--

Her eye twitched at her lacy bed linens her mother had taken the initiative to change without anyone’s permission. Of all the patterned bed linens her mother could have decided on, it just had to be laces. She shook her head and marched towards her cupboard and started rummaging through, trying to find another set of linens.

It had been five weeks since the fallout in front of George’s house. After that day, she’d crawled home and cried for 3 whole days, just to let herself feel better; just to cry out after holding on for so long only to slip and fall without a cushion.

Then, she’d gotten back up on her feet… and waited. Unfortunately, he hadn’t called nor made any efforts of trying to see her. She had to use all of her willpower not to contact him first but she was a woman of her words. No expectations, no forcing.

She wasn’t surprised when he had missed their Friday movie marathons at her house. And being the hypocrite that she was, she didn’t dare go to his either ever since that horrible Sunday. Still, the loud silence in her house was unbearable. Unable to stand the change in routine on the third Friday, she’d immediately packed – leaving her phone behind – and made her way to her parents’ house, cutting all means of contact to her. They didn’t ask her questions when she’d reached their house and she didn’t explain to them anything. They just welcomed her in and coddled her like they used to when she was still living with them. She had no idea where she would be if it hadn’t been for her parents.

She was fairly settled in her parents’ house – apart from her trying to get used to her mother over-babying her – and she couldn’t have been calmer than she was for the past few days, but there would always be this empty feeling in her heart. In the end, she realised that she would never be able to get over the heartache of loving George. He was already carved too deep in her heart that when he’d pulled himself away from her that day, he’d created a big hole in it and Claire simply had no idea how to fill it up. As days passed by, she finally accepted the fact that he would never love her back.

Claire sighed loudly. Frustrated at only finding laced bed linens, she harrumphed in mild indignation. Obviously, her mother had thought switching her plain bed linens with lacy ones would cure her of her anguish.

‘Mom!’ she called out, dragging the vowel like she always did when she was annoyed.

She closed the wardrobe shut and made her way towards the stairs. Muffled voices from the front door distracted her for awhile but the thought of her mother exchanging her bed linens renewed her determination to get back those darned cloths.

‘Mother!’ she continued as she marched her way down the curvy stairs-

And halted at the landing towards the first floor when she saw the unexpected guest at the entryway with her mother. Her chest suddenly felt like it might implode and shatter all at once.

He looked up at her with an expression Claire didn’t quite understand. Nor did she want to stay and find out what it was.

‘Clai-‘

‘Never mind,’ she mumbled, interrupting her mother, before turning her back on them and hastily made her retreat to her room.

Once she stepped through her safe haven, grabbed the door and pushed it hard behind her and waited for the comforting sound of the door slamming but it never came. Instead, it shut with a soft click. Claire whirled around at the oddity of it and came face to face with her heartbreaker.

Feeling like she’d been sucker punched, she took a few steps backward instinctively until she hit her vanity chair.

How did he get there so fast?

‘What do you want?’

George stuck his hands in his pockets, looking as unsure as the day he’d stood on the platform in the wedding hall, getting his heart broken by another woman.

‘I want to talk to you.’

Claire straightened up as she recomposed herself. She tried to smile but felt like it came out more of a grimace so she gave up altogether.

‘I know, I know.’ She waved a dismissive hand in the air. ‘You’ve got yourself a new girlfriend, right? Got’cha!’ she nodded her head but couldn’t quite look him in the eyes.

‘That’s not what I wanted to talk about.’

Her cheeks puffed out as she blew out a lungful of air, looking like she could barely stand his presence. ‘Then what is it?’

‘I want to apologize for that day. I know I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry.’

‘Okay. Apology accepted. Anything else?’

‘Yeah.’

He covered the ground between them in two big steps before she could even react. She had nowhere to go except press her butt deeper into the chair as she stared up into his intense hazel eyes in shock. He was so close, she could feel his body heat even through their clothes.

‘I love you,’ he declared.

Claire felt everything inside her go still. She wanted to believe him, but for some reason, something was holding her back. Then, a horrifying thought came to her mind: He was just there because he needed a friend to fall back to during his times of despair.

‘You don’t love me, George. ’

He stared at her, flabbergasted. ‘I do, Claire. I love you.’

‘No, you don’t. Please, stop saying that.’ He was killing her and he didn’t even know it. ‘It’s alright, George. You don’t have to force yourself to get me back. We can go back to being friends. Best friends, like we used to. Just don’t say things you don’t mean, okay?’

He shook his head and his heart ached. No, he wasn’t going to give up just like that.

‘Claire, I’ve been in love with you for two years. You told me you would give me time. You told me you’d give me a break. And I took advantage of it. I’m not even sure if I’m doing the right thing. What if I make a mistake and get the both of us hurt before we even start? I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t deserve you at all. You’re an amazing woman and you deserve better Claire, but I guess I’m more selfish than I thought.’ His voice shook as he said the last word. ‘All I could think of for the past five weeks was how much I love you. How much I love your amazing smile and strong heart. How much I love having you by my side. And just the thought of you not being in my life anymore almost killed me. I know I’m a coward for coming out only after five weeks after your confession but if you still love me, even if it’s just a little, please- Please teach me how to love properly.’

Her vision blurred and her nails dug into her palms as she tightened her fists. How could she not believe him when he was holding his heart out on his sleeves.

Two years… She wanted to throw herself at him as much as she wanted to punch him. Her love hadn’t been one sided for the past two years after all! Yet, he still chose to act all mighty with his string of girlfriends and-

Claire flung herself at him and buried her face in his neck. His arms went around her waist and it felt so natural to have them there. He tightened his hold, nuzzled against her shoulder and hugged the life out of her.

‘Just a little?’ she managed to choke out. ‘I love you so much, I can’t think of anything else.’

‘Claire…’

‘You already know how to love, George. I’m as inept at relationships as you are but we’ll get through this together.’

George set her down and kissed her gently, tasting her lips for the first time. They tasted so good too. It was the best kiss he’d ever experienced and he thought he could kiss her forever.

There’s no turning back now… He thought, not that he would ever. He would never turn his back on Claire. Neither would he let her get away; He would hold her tight, always. She was his best friend, his lover, his soulmate.

When your lips are on my lips,
Our hearts beat as one.