Loving a Million Times Again

I trudged through the grass with a new book this time. Something I thought might catch anyone's attention if they saw me reading it. I looked up at the sky and let out a long needed sigh. I sat against the gray stone and smiled to it.
"This one I have today is called Fifty Shades of Grey," I said. I pulled my hair in to a ponytail and opened it to the first page. "What? No smart ass remark on this one Ryan? Well that's a first."
I started the book in my hand as I leaned on the gravestone that read:

Ryan Jeremy Anderson
Beloved son and friend
April 11, 1994-April 26, 2013

This was the book that he had left for me, he wanted me to read it apparently. I had no idea he was this in to books before. There were a lot of things I didn't know about him. How could you love someone you didn't know a lot about?
As I turned the page a envelope fell out. Written on it was: Robyn Hood. I rolled my eyes. The nickname would haunt me even in his death I guessed. I opened it diligently and inside was a long handwritten letter. It read:

Dear Robyn Hood,
If you're reading this that means that you did love me and will finish the book I have suggested you to read. It also means that you are curious as to why you are sitting here at my grave, reading such a sexy book! Wink! Well because I think you should. It's very informative and seeing as you will probably meet another guy (not better looking than me of course) you should be educated on the subject you have so little experience in. What that subject is, you'll know when you finish the book.
As for me, I want to tell you everything I didn't get to in life. And so it shall be a tradition to still share in death. That girl I was talking about on the beach that day. I was talking about my sister. She was older than me and had died in a car crash last year. My mom hardly talked about her because she was an illegitimate child if you catch what I mean. The only other girl I brought to that spot was you. (Feel special) Anyway, my father wasn't a mean man. He was a good person, which is why I'll never understand why he was taken away from us so suddenly. But what I do know is that bad things happen to good people sometimes and we just have to accept them how they are. I know you have been cutting yourself off to come see me everyday and that's cool I love your devotion. But there are people outside this lonely world your surrounding yourself in, people who love you as much and even more than I did. Like your mother, Helen, and even Sam (who has survived the bitter bite of cancer might I add).

This thing that I had, Sam had experienced it to. So I know how he felt. I know what he felt. He was angry at every one and anything just because there was truly no one to blame for him having that disease but himself. We can't always prevent the inevitable from happening. And we can't go back in time. What we can do is try to not make the same mistakes we made last time. So please promise me you won't fall in love with someone else who rides a motorcycle, because no one rides it better than me (and you know it). One last thing. Forgiveness is the only way you can move on from the past. So forgive Sam. I'm not saying you have to be in a relationship with him of any kind, but you will find it easier to move on if you forgive him. And I beg you to forgive me. Sometimes you must wake up and hate me for what I've put you through. But life isn't for everyone, only for those who make the most of it. And I've made life what it could be while I was alive. And now I only wish you to do the same.

I love you Robyn Jae Lewis, and I will for a million lifetimes later, and a million lifetimes more.

Your loving boyfriend,
Ryan.