Don't Worry, I'll Keep You Warm

"Out. I want you out!"

Those words kept repeating themselves over and over in Vic’s mind as he walked down the stairs. He heard no more from Kellin’s room. When he reached the bottom, he was about to go back to the living room and out the door, but a sudden appearance made him stop.

"Leaving?" asked Mrs. Quinn.

"Uh, yeah. My mom wants me home," he lied, not meeting her eyes.

"Oh, alright. Kellin is in his room? He’s alright, right?"

Vic nodded his head, still not able to look at her. He didn’t know if Kellin was alright. He was pissed, he knew that much. But he couldn’t help him, he could only leave so that he wouldn’t have to look at him anymore.

"Well, alright. You’ll be back tomorrow? I’m going to need your help, Vic. You know the skylights in the kitchen? I want them clean and me nor my husband can actually get them; he has no balance and I’m too short even with the step ladder. Can you come by in the afternoon?" she asked.

For a moment Vic wanted to say no. But he couldn’t let the woman down; he’d grown attached to this family in the past few months that he had known them, and before he knew it, he was nodding his head to say yes. She smiled, stepping aside to let him pass. “Get home safe!" she called as he went out the door. A strange thing to say, considering he only lived a few houses down the road.

—-

He didn’t know if the next afternoon came to soon or not soon enough. Either way, there was, pushing the front door open and walking in to the kitchen to greet Mrs. Quinn. She already had a step ladder ready and a few other cleaning supplies that Vic figured he would be using.

"Hello," she said, handing him a rag and a bottle of Windex with a smile on her face.

"Hi Mrs. Quinn," said Vic. “Shall I just dive right in then?"

"Just be careful! I’ll be right here in case you fall." She backed up a few steps, leaning against the counter to watch him carefully as he stood at the top of the step ladder. “Kellin hasn’t left his room. I almost miss seeing him being a lump on the couch," she joked.

Vic fake-chuckled a bit, raising his arms high to reach the window. In truth he hadn’t stopped thinking about the boy since he left the house yesterday.

"Vic?"

He’d been so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even hear her speak again. “Uh, sorry, what was that?" he said, stopping his work for a moment to look at her.

"I was wondering if it was alright to ask you a personal question," she repeated, crossing her arms. Her voice was a little quieter now.

"Uh, sure," he answered, turning his arms back up to the window.

"There’s not really a delicate way to put it. Are you gay?"

He was so caught off guard by the question he froze and almost fell off the ladder. Eyes wide, he frowned at her. “Uh… why d-do you ask?"

She smiled and took a step towards him. “Just curious. No one in this house has a problem with it," she winked. “By the way, maybe when you’re done, could you get Kellin to come down here?"

—-

"What?"

His voice sounded normal enough from inside the room. Vic cleared his throat and decided it was better to just open the door than ask to come in first, so he did just that. Kellin was sitting at his desk, a sketching pencil in his hand. It was good to see him drawing again, apparently without a problem. He turned when he heard the door opening and immediately, emotion clouded his eye. “What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice accusatory.

"Your mom sent me up."

"Of course she did." Kellin turned back to his drawing, but the pencil didn’t move. “I don’t want you here."

"Kellin, shut up." Vic moved closer to him and reached in to his pocket. “I wouldn’t have read your journal if I didn’t find this." He pulled out the paper box that he had taken God knows how long ago it was now.

His blue eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his skull as he stared at the box, and then at Vic. “You took it?"

"I wanted to know what could drive such a talented boy to want to do that to himself. So I snooped," Vic explained. “It’s not like I could ask you. And then the day came when your parents were talking about pulling the plug. I didn’t want them to find this and start blaming themselves for not knowing. I knew they’d… they’d be crushed."

The paler of the two didn’t say anything. His lips tightened in to a thin line as he glared at Vic. But he could see through it; he could see Kellin breaking behind that hard gaze.

"That’s not all," he said. “I think I knew deep in my heart that you were probably going to wake up. And when you did, I didn’t want you to have this anymore. But you’re right - I shouldn’t have gone snooping. So now its your choice, if you want it back again."

The silence and the tension in the room could have been cut with a knife. Kellin didn’t know if he should look at Vic or look away. Finally he lowered his stare to the box, daring it to say something with his eyes. After a few more seconds of a quiet so intense, Vic thought he heard is own blood pulsing through his veins, a pale hand swatted the box to the floor.

"I’m sorry," Kellin murmured.

"No, I’m sorry," said Vic, kneeling down so that he was eye-level with Kellin.

He shook his head, trying to turn around, and took a deep breath. “People always leave me. So I don’t get attached to them. I was looking for an excuse to push you away, I think." He took another deep breath. “I wrote about… me in my journal."

"I know," said Vic, cocking his head to the side to get a better look at Kellin’s face.

"I… people bullied me for being that weird gay kid, you know?" he said. “That’s… that’s why they hit me with that car." He was speaking whispers. “That’s why they hurt me. I didn’t want you to hurt me too."

"I wouldn’t hurt you for being gay."

"You already are," Kellin turned back to him, the saddest look hidden deep within those blue eyes that Vic had grown fond of looking at. “Cause…" He mumbled something that Vic couldn’t make out.

"Do you want to know why I was in your hospital room when you woke up?" Vic asked.

Frowning, Kellin cocked an eyebrow. “Cause you work for my parents?"

"Because I had to biggest fucking crush on you in the entire world." A smile cracked on Vic’s face. He blushed a little; it wasn’t really how he had ever imagined confessing his feelings to someone. He was never really the type to do just that.

"Y-you.. did?" Kellin turned his body to face Vic fully now.

"I did." He stood a little straighter, but bent over and placed a hand on the back of Kellin’s chair. “I still think you’re cute, even though you’re a whiny brat sometimes. I was hurt when you kicked me out, you know?" Kellin nodded, looking from Vic’s eyes to his lips. “Um. I wanna kiss you, but you look terrified," Vic chuckled, his own heart pounding in his chest.

A little smile came on to Kelin’s face and if it was possible, he looked paler still. “No.. yeah.. uh," he stuttered. Little chuckles tumbled out of their throats, but the distance between them never changed. And when they finally died down, Vic closed the gap and kissed him.

When he pulled away, Kellin was grinning, his eyes were shining. He moved his arms to Vic’s shoulders, and he stared at his lips before closing the space between them once more.

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

"For what?" asked Vic.

"For coming back and not just leaving me completely."

Vic giggled lightly and stood up straight, taking Kellin’s hands in his own. He pulled the weaker boy to his feet and held him steady. “Your mum wants you downstairs again. I think she just wants to see you moving around more," said Vic, starting to move towards the door.

"Not right now she doesn’t," Kellin smirked, stumbling to his bed and sitting down, patting the spot beside him. Vic sat down, smiling at him as well. “You’re my pillow again, for now." He rested his head on Vic’s shoulder. The tanner of the two reached over and linked their fingers together, gently stroking the skin with his thumb. Kellin’s hands were so much warmer than when they’d first met, when he was asleep in a hospital bed…

—-

A week passed. Kellin had his first physical therapy appointment. It turned out to be not as bad as he thought, even though moving around was harder than he expected. They were laying on Kellin’s bed, their fingers laced up, both of them staring at the ceiling while Kellin told the other all about it.

"The doctor lady was saying I was in a lot better shape than I should be," he said happily. “She said I’m some kind of miracle. That most people that come out of comas are total vegetables for years, or for the rest of their lives. Could you imagine if I was like that?"

"Let’s just be glad your not," said Vic, bringing Kellin’s hand to his lips and kissing his knuckled.

The boy kept chattering away, talking about the entire appointment. Vic let him go; he just liked hearing Kellin talk. He loved that he opened up to him about everything, but it raised a question he was a little afraid of asking.

"Hey," he said, breaking up Kellin’s jabbering.

"What?" Kellin turned his head to look at him, eyes sparkling.

"Don’t kill me," Vic started. “But uh… I’m just wondering. Before the accident, did you have… y’know, any friends at all?"

A misty look crossed Kellin’s face, and his smile dropped a little. He still had that shine that Vic loved about him though. “A couple. More so acquaintances that liked the same bands. They probably moved on and forgot about me while I was rotting away in the hospital though."

Shrugging, Vic kissed Kellin’s knuckles again. “You’ll make new friends when you get back to school," he suggested.

"IF I go back to school." He turned to Vic, smiling a little, inching closer so that he could press their lips together. “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad as long as you promise you won’t ever, ever let go of my hand and leave me alone…"

"I won’t," Vic promised. “As long as there’s no walls separating us. I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

They kissed again, and grinned a lot. A knock on the door made them break apart and return their hands to each other almost immediately before Kellin’s mother swung the door open. She still didn’t know; they weren’t going to tell her until they were ready. The knowing look she gave Vic, however, was all too familiar.

"Dinner?" she said. “Come on, I made your favorite, Vic!"

This woman, she’d almost become like a second mother to Vic. To think, he’d been so hesitant to start working for her and her husband. He didn’t really do much of that anymore. And if he did, he hated taking any sort of payment for it. A dinner or lunch here or there was good enough for him, especially when he got to spend those with Kellin.

—-

Another week passed.

The days seemed to melt together. Vic started sleeping over, sharing a bed with Kellin once or twice. Neither set of parents ever minded, especially Kellin’s. Thursday morning Kellin’s mother went in to wake them and grinned when she saw them facing each other, fast asleep. Vic had his arms around Kellin, who’s face was buried in Vic’s chest. It was precious. She couldn’t bring herself to wake them, and ended up walking away without a word.

That was the morning Kellin woke up and saw Vic asleep for the first time and he couldn’t help but wonder, what did he think when he watched Kellin lying in a hospital bed, unable to wake up? Right now, the only thought that crossed his mind was how fucking gorgeous his boyfriend was.

He grinned, wondering what he’d done to deserve such a blessing and silently thanked whatever higher power that might be listening for his luck. Finally, he lifted his head just a little bit more and kissed the tip of Vic’s nose, moving down to his lips.

The Hispanic boy took a deep breath and fluttered his eyes open, smiling in to the kiss and pulling Kellin even closer to him. “Good morning," he said softly, bringing a hand up to stroke Kellin’s hair.

"Hi," he answered, placing his hand over Vic’s. “I like waking up to your face so close to mine."

"Same," Vic chuckled.

They got out of bed and stretched. Kellin lent Vic another outfit - they were roughly the same size, it worked out well. On the nights that Vic wasn’t there, he had brought Kellin a sweatshirt to sleep in. He told him it was like he’d always be there giving him hugs in the night when he needed them. And secretly, Vic wasn’t actually forgetting to return one of the shirt Kellin had lent him, he just liked having it as well.

They went downstairs, where Mrs. Quinn was flipping pancakes. Kellin’s father was at the table, downing a stack of them. In a matter of minutes two plates would be set in front of them and they’d laugh and smile and crack jokes over every other thing that was said. Mr. Quinn would leave for work, and the boys would help clean up.

Well, mostly Vic. Kellin was too likely to fall and break something to be a liable source of help than anything, so Vic and Mrs. Quinn joked a little at him here or there. And when that was done or she sent them away, Vic and Kellin would travel to the living room and watch music videos and talk. Vic would tell Kellin he didn’t mean it about the jokes and they’d cuddle and kiss.

Those were the moments they liked the most. When they were cuddling and kissing. But eventually, Vic’s phone would go off. It would be his mum, wanting him home.

That was the day something different happened. Kellin stood up to say his goodbyes, rather than just staying comfortable on the couch.

"You really are starting to move around a lot more, aren’t you?" said Vic, a little teasingly.

"Hell yeah I am," Kellin would admit to proudly. “Let me walk you to the door, okay?"

Vic nodded and giggled, and there they went. They wrapped their arms around each other. Kellin rested his head on Vic’s shoulder a few minutes longer, gripped him a little tighter, kissed him a little harder.

"I’m so happy God gave me you," he whispered.

"If he’s really up there, than so am I." Vic kissed him again, sucking a little on his bottom lip as he pulled away. “I’ll call you later, okay Kells?" he winked.

"Alright," Kellin smiled, moving aside so he could open the door, stepping out in to the sunlight.

—

I watched him go. I always did, whether he knew it or not. Usually it was from the window, but today I stood at the door, following him with my eyes. I loved catching those last few glimpses of him, especially when he would turn around and look back at me, too. He did that today. Just before he was crossing the street.

He didn’t see the car coming. Later, I found out the driver was drunk, and probably didn’t see him either. How someone could get so wasted in the middle of the day was beyond me. I remember screaming, flinging the door open and nearly tripping down the steps. My mother followed me, I think she was already calling 911.

My heart fucking stopped in my chest when I saw his head slam against the hood of the car. His body went rolling over the windshield and flying off, hitting the road with a sickening thud. The rest is kind of a blur for me. I don’t want to remember it.

—-

"Kellin, it’s time-"

"A few more minutes."

"Okay."

His hands had grown cold. I imagined our roles were switched; he was the one sitting in the chair, and I was in the bed. It was already after visiting hours, but all the doctors and nurses knew me by now. They were okay with it. I think they liked having me around.

When Dr. Adams stepping in, his face was so grim, only a day or two after the accident. “His condition is so similar to yours," he told me. “It looks like we’re in it for the long term again, unless… unless you’d like to let him go," he looked at Mr. and Mrs. Fuentes when he spoke that time.

They shook their heads, and I was glad. I was living fucking proof that someone could recover, and because of me, they were going to give him a chance. I could only pray he made it as far as I did. But I had him when all that happened. But now, he had me too.

Every night, I sit here, right beside him with my hand placed firmly around his, warming it up. Tonight though, it really hit me.

Everything we have can be given and taken away in a matter of seconds. It was less than sixty seconds. He was there in front of me, kissing me. And not even a minute later, he was on the ground. He was gone. Nothing is a guarantee. He may recover, he may never wake up, he may be a vegetable forever. I can promise I’ll stay close to him no matter what though.

If he weren’t half-dead, he’d want me to be happy. But I’m perfectly fine sitting here next to him like this. “You’re a blessing, Vic," I whisper. “You’re a blessing that I never took for granted and you’re not something I’m going to give up on easily, okay?"

The nurse was waiting outside, giving me my last few minutes for the night before I’d have to walk down to where my mom or dad would be waiting for me. They would come and visit sometimes too, during hours.

"I want to tell you something when you wake up. It’s really important, and you need to hear it, okay? So wake up soon, please. I miss you." I speak so softly in to his head before I move my lips to his, kissing him good night.

I sit back in my chair, taking his hand again. It may be a while before he wakes up. His hands will stay cold, and his face will be pale, losing more of the color that the sun graced him with every day. Until the day those eyes open up again though, I’ll be here.

"Don’t worry, Vic," I tell him, stroking his hand. “I’ll keep you warm ‘til then."

I will. I promise.