Sehnsucht

“I missed you.”

Tim had never been quite the sentimental type. Emotions were just a waste of time, were they not? There was no underlying reason why he didn’t feel the need to show them at every moment, no deep emotional scarring from his past, he really just wasn’t the sort of person to display unneeded bursts of emotion. Did that make him a bad person? Nah, he knew that he had them, and even on the rare occasion, he’d show them.

It just so happened that the return of a certain singer from tour dug up those emotions. Enough emotions for Tim to convince Erin that she needed to be out for the rest of the night, she needed time with her friends – or horses. Well, they were practically the same thing. Either way, he had missed Michael, and he’d missed him a lot. There was something nice about hearing him say those words; it was nice to know someone had actually missed him, rather than only getting a “I miss you” because he’d said it first. It was just such a…nice feeling for Tim. Michael brought up a lot of nice feelings in Tim. Feelings that made him smile to himself when he thought of him, feelings that left him with his trousers down his ankles and his hand furiously trying to satisfy those feelings. They were also the sorts of feelings he’d promise himself to leave behind when he had left Manson, though he never really had much of them after John decided to kick up shit and leave the band. But, he never had been a man of his word. There had been a few encounters while producing Infamous, but they were nothing like how he felt around Michael. As much as he hated to admit it – even to himself – when he’d think of the dark haired singer, everything he felt was as much as he felt for Erin, if not even more. That made him a terrible person; he knew it. He had stronger feelings for a guy he had known for a year, at the most, over his wife. But then, it hadn’t exactly been the first time.

Tim sat in the corner of the leather couch, a cigarette perched between his fingers, the grey smoke curling upwards as he took a long drag. Any other Saturday night he would have been out with Erin, having an enjoyable time. Well, out with Erin and her friends, watching them have an enjoyable time as he watched on, a little bit of him missing Michael. No, that was a lie; a huge part of him missing Michael. Christ, he wasn’t some sentimental fuck. He was a grown man lusting after another man who was over 10 years younger than him. Weird mid life crisis or not, he still got what he wanted from Michael. He always tended to fool around with at least one band member of whatever band he happened to be associated with. It wasn’t exactly intentional, it just sort of…happened. And it happened a lot. Not that he was to complain, he’d had plenty of experiences that entertained him to say the least.

He peered over at the door, then to the clock, repeating that several times over the course of a few minutes before leaning back against the couch with a heavy sigh. Michael being on tour for so long had made him realize how much he really did miss having him around, even it was just for a few drinks with Erin. Or a trip out to bar sinister, or going to his show to support him, it just felt so…odd. The only way he could see him was going on his damn instagram and looking there like a fan would. Is that was he had been reduced to? Lusting over a man he knew over social networks? Oh yes, this had to be some mid life crisis.

But that didn’t stop him practically leaping to the door when he head a light knock and Michael’s voice outside. Snuffing out the cigarette in the little ash try by his feet, he almost stumbled over himself trying to reach the door. He was acting almost as if Michael would leave if he didn’t get there in a matter of seconds, which he knew was ridiculous, but it didn’t stop him nevertheless. Everyone was immature sometimes, right? The smirk that Tim usually carried soon turned into a grin as he saw Michael leaning against the doorframe, his hair tousled and his glasses resting on his face. Tim stepped aside, holding the door open for Michael, nodding to him slightly as he went past him, shrugging off his jacket and letting it drop against the couch as Tim shut the door.

“It’s good to have you back, Michael.” Tim smiled at the singer as he walked over to the cabinet on the wall, pulling out a small bottle of whiskey and setting it on the table. He turned back to Michael to see him quickly avert his eyes, a sheepish smile on his face as his cheeks filled with colour ever so slightly.

“It’s good to be back here, believe me.” He dropped down onto the couch, leaning back into the leather as he sighed, wriggling around slightly.

Tim dropped a few cubes of ice into the glasses before pouring the honey coloured liquid into the glass. It was Michael’s favourite whiskey, not that he knew that. Not that he went out deliberately earlier that morning because he knew he’d be coming over…no, not at all.

Setting the glasses down onto the glass table in front of the couch, he sunk down next to Michael, his position far more rigid than the one of his friend. He was afraid if he let himself relax, even by the most slight amount, he’d let his mind – or rather – hands wander to places that he wasn’t all too sure Michael would be comfortable with. It wasn’t as if they’d never fooled around in those sorts of ways, in fact, ‘fooled around’ would be a bit of an understatement. Their little meetings in Michael’s dressing room after shows tending to involve something more than a quick fuck, he really did bring out the sadist in Tim.

Tim knocked down the glass quickly, relishing in the feeling of the whiskey washing down his throat as he let his attention slip to the music playing faintly in the background from his stereo. He’d always had Rammstein playing when he was in Manson, it was his and Pogo’s choice of backstage music. Or rather, it was background music to whatever groupie was along that night. Or John. Either way, it was more of a fuck soundtrack than anything. Did that indicate Tim’s intentions with Michael? Possibly, and if he would have his way, he’d definitely get it.

The silence between the two men was making the swede uncomfortable, and he was pretty sure Michael felt it too. It wasn’t exactly normal for them to be this…well…awkward around each other. Tim scrapped his nails against the leather as he moved his foot slightly in time with the bass pumping from his stereo.

“What do you do

What do you feel

What are you

But an animal” *

It was surprising how apt the music ringing in his ears seemed to be. He was some sort of animal, lusting after something he knew he shouldn’t have. Fantasising about owning every single part of him, craving his taste and touch, carnal desire tearing up his insides, and who was he to disagree? He was nothing but an animal. But that was what he felt all the time, everyone knew how aggressive he was when it came to sexual actions. But somehow he felt being like that was Michael unfair, an injustice to him. He wasn’t just a groupie that spread her legs for him and how many other rock stars, part of him cared for Michael – and for once, maybe he’d let those emotions leak into the sexual side of him.

“Michael?”

“Hmm?” The singer looked up, a small smile still on his face as he met the blonde’s piercing eyes.

Tim leaned closer, pushing the doubt away in his mind as his pressed his lips down onto Michaels. His lips felt soft underneath his, the familiar taste of smoke and alcohol washing over him as he sighed, the singer opening his mouth to him. Tim reached out for him, his hand rested on his cheek as their tongues twisted together. He rubbed his finger over his cheek, earning a small sigh from Michael. He could taste the whiskey on his tongue as he felt Michael’s hand rest on his thigh, squeezing slightly as Tim felt a quick tightening in his pants.

Pulling away slowly, he felt Michael lean into his hand as he continued to rub against his cheek, his thumb running over the stubble as he felt the familiar warmth he missed so much under his fingertips. Everything about this was different. Different from every other time they had been together, different from how he had acted with anybody in a long, long time. Part of him, a very small part, felt guilty about doing this behind his wife’s back. But he was a sucker for giving into his own needs. However, this wasn’t just needs, and he knew it. If this was carnal need, he would have already had Michael screaming out his name, but this was something more than lust. Either way, he’d still have Michael screaming out his name by some point.

“I missed you Tim.” Michael murmured, opening his eyes slowly to look back up at him with a small sheepish smile. His glasses resting on his cheek bones as a small red flush crept up his face, his eyes dropping to his lap for a moment.

“I was worried if I said it, you’d call me a faggot or whatever…” he trailed off with a small laugh, shrugging slightly before moving closer to Tim, one hand resting against the buttons of his shirt as his fingers began pulling at the top button.

“But it seems both of us may just feel the same way.”

Tim reached forward, his fingers taking hold of his glasses and sliding them off his face gently before placing them on the table, next to their long discarded glasses. He pushed a few stray curls out of Michael’s eyes, the singer scrunching up his face slightly as Tim chuckled lightly.

“You never did like me doing that, but I’m sure you can compromise tonight.”

He kissed him softly, this time feeling Michael’s nimble fingers unbuttoning his shirt as he pushed back against the blonde. Tim fell back against the couch as the cold air hit his newly exposed chest. Tim ran his tongue against his bottom lip, a small whimper coming from Michael as he pressed his crotch down, rubbing it against the rough fabric of Tim’s jeans, trying to get a little friction. Tim’s hands gripped his hips as his nails dug into his belt as Michael scraped his teeth against his bottom lip. Fuck. He always did know how to turn him on. If he even needed turning on any more than he already was. Tim gasped into the kiss as he felt Michael’s warm hands run across his pale chest, his nails digging into his torso as his other hand began to move slowly downwards, tracing the V-line, dancing across the skin and making Tim squirm as ran his hands up Michael’s back, his fingers twisting in his black curls, pulling slightly at the roots as the singer groaned against his lips, sending vibrations through his body.

There was something much less rushed in this kiss compared with every other kiss they’d shared, every other heated moment. For once, they had time, time they weren’t going to waste by rushing through everything like they were stuck in some cramped back alley way. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t done that before, but things like this always were better taken slow. Those were words he never thought he’d think. Well fuck, Michael really was bringing out the emotional side of him he tried oh so hard not to big with sex. But well, it seemed that was already a lost cause.

His sighed against Tim’s mouth, lifting himself up on his elbows as he tried to bring himself closer; his leg slipping in between Tim’s parted ones as he entwined himself with the older man. Michael lifted his hands from his pale chest, bringing them up to cup his sharp jawline. The singers tattooed hands ran across his neck and jaw slowly, the finger tips leaving white-hot trails in their wake as Tim bucked up his hips involuntarily. The simple feeling of Michael’s finger tips was enough to send him reeling for more, there was something about how he moved his finger tips that sent him yearning for more, forgetting any doubt he had ever had about how absurd and ridiculous the thoughts in his mind had seemed earlier that day.

Tim reached up, his hand reaching up for Michael’s as he slipped his fingers into the singers – their hands entwined as they continued to kiss. His lips were so soft against his, and the alcohol and tobacco taste felt like home. He hadn’t realized how much he had even missed the small things about Michael until he had them back. Maybe he shouldn’t feel so ashamed about this all. Everything just felt so at ease, everything felt so natural. Everything just felt so damn right.

Tim began to try and sit up, his legs still entwined with Michael’s as he lifted himself up, the younger man clinging to his chest desperately, almost afraid that if he let go, he’d simply disappear. He moved his hands back to his cheeks, brushing away stray hairs and pulling his face away a little before brushing his lips softly against his once again, unable to keep away from the taste he was addicted to. He couldn’t get enough, he’d craved it so much while he was away, without even realising it, and he would take full advantage now he had Michael to himself.

“Michael, babe, wait-” he paused, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “I’m not rushing this, I’m not doing this down here on some damn cramped couch.” His eyes were heavy with lust as he looked up at Michael, his mind spinning with everything he wanted to do to him, with everything he was about to do to him.

“That’s new.” Michael chuckled slightly, shuffling out of older mans grip, all the time keeping his eyes on his. “Normally, a cramped couch would be a rare event for us – my dressing room table has seen more things than I’d care to admit.” He slipped off of the couch, stumbling slightly on unsteady legs as his tousled hair fell over his face, his shirt hiked up and his face had a red tinge.

And honestly, there was nothing more fucking hot than Michael in that moment.

“Oh but you know me-“ Tim paused to follow the singer, his arms circling his waist. “I’m just full of surprises.” He pulled the singers crotch against his as Michael’s head fell back with startled moan, his hands gripping the black material of his shirt, trying to pull to sleeves off of his pale shoulders. Tim reached up, his hands pressing down upon Michael’s and pulling them away, the younger man scowling as he did so.

“Patience, hm?” He leaned his face closer to his, his lips almost brushing over the other mans as Michael tried in vain to press them together once again. “You’ll get everything you want, as will I. Just have a little patience.” He tilted his head, as if about to kiss him, moving his face closer before pulling away at the last second, dropping their entwined hands and beginning to pull him backwards towards the stairs behind them both.

“Some how, I think having a little patience tonight could be worth it.” Michael matched Tim’s infamous smirk, his eyes moving down to the growing bulge in Tim’s crotch before quickly averting his eyes back up to his face, feigning innocence as he just simply chuckled.

Tim simply cocked his head to the side with a small smirk tugging at his lips. Oh, Michael certainly had the right idea – but where was the fun if he revealed that all too quickly? Even if Tim had missed him, ever so much, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tease just a little bit.

“If you’d just follow me.” Tim feigned a gentleman like manner as he let Michael pass him, his arms pointing further up the staircase as the singer simply shook his head and laughed shakily, quickly adjusting his pants as Tim’s eyes were drawn to the bulge there. It seemed that he had missed their little encounters just as much as Tim did.

As he followed Michael upstairs, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to that slightly softer side of him. There was something about seeing him lacking the make up and stage effect, just with his glasses and his natural hair with baggy shirts and jeans, that not only turned him on incredibly, but made him want to wrap his arms around his slender waist and never let go. But he was just being a stupid man. A stupid old man for lusting for so much more than just sex with a man over ten years younger than him. But Michael was the object of his desires, every single desire he could think of could only be fulfilled with Michael, and part of him hoped that he felt the same.

And he thought he’d left behind the emotional bullshit in that damn bottle of whiskey.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he found Michael shuffling slightly in front of the open doorway to his bedroom. Tim furrowed his brow as he approached, his arms snaking around his waste as he leant his nose against the top of small mans head, his lips brushing against his head softly.

“Tim, babe, I…this is so different. This is your bed, yours and your wife’s, the same wife I’m meant to be friends with.” His voice sounded so anxious, it was so different to the hot, quick and rough sex they’d had so many times before. Tim wasn’t quite sure if he even liked this, well of course he liked Michael and the sex, it was more the change of tone he didn’t like. It never hurt to try, though, and Tim was always up for trying new things.

“If I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have brought you up here, got it?” Tim murmured against his hair, letting Michael out of his grip as he nudged him forward into the room, his eyes trailing to his tight little ass as he walked. Shit. He really needed to learn how to focus on one train of thought. But when there were so…pleasing distractions, that became rather hard. Though, that wasn’t quite the only thing that was becoming hard.

Michael had perched himself on the edge of his bed, shirtless, with his hands folded in his lap and looking surprisingly nervous for a man he had seen naked, bent over and covered in red, red, welts from a whip. He shrugged off his dark shirt, already hanging off his slender arms, as it slid to the floor, his pants hanging low on his hips as he walked over to the beauty sitting on his bed. No matter how many people he’d see waiting for him between sheets, brunettes, blondes, chicks, guys, even his own goddamn wife, nothing could beat how he felt seeing Michael there.
Tim reached down, cupping his cheeks with his hands before pressing his lips back down to Michaels, more roughly this time as he pushed him back down onto the black sheets. His tongue slipped into Michael’s mouth, easily twisting together as he fought for the dominance as the singer moaning against his lips, sending vibrations through him as Tim grunted in response – pressing his crotch down onto the other mans. Their bodies were quickly entangled as they rolled on top of the once pristine bed as Michael scratched his nails down Tim’s pale back, leaving small marks as he gasped out.

He was surprised to feel Michael trying to roll them over, Tim looking confused and rather flustered as he pulled away – leaving his head reeling and his body yearning for his lips once again.

“Maybe it’s time I showed you how much I missed you.” Michael grinned up at him before sliding himself down his body, his lips leaving a trail of heat down his chest amongst the marks and scars. Tim grunted with every touch of his lips down onto his cold skin, it felt like he was leaving a white hot trail by the time he got to the ‘v’ at top of his pants. He could see where this was going, and oh fuck, he had no complaints about where this was about to end up. Michael’s tongue darted out from between his lips, Tim grunted at the flick of that sweet little tongue, his fingers fiddling with his belt buckle as he yanked down his jeans. He discarded them carelessly, leaving him completely on show.

“Oh babe, I really fucking missed you.”

Tim gasped out as he felt Michael’s lips around the tip of his cock. His tongue darted out in quick succession, humming slightly against him as he arched his back. Even with the slightest touch, he felt like he was on fire. He could feel his fingers clasp around the base as he slowly began to jerk his hand up and down, a loud groan escaping his parted his lips as his hand searched around the sheets to find those curls his fingers longed for.

“Oh fuck…” Tim gasped out as he felt him take all of him into his mouth, his stomach curling as he felt his tongue running circles over the length of his cock. Goddamn, he never even knew he had such a fucking good mouth on him. This can’t have been his first time doing it, no one picked up on how to do blow someone so fucking well out of thin air – but now wasn’t the time for the black beast of jealousy to raw in his chest, he was far too focused on the site of Michael’s curls bouncing between his legs. His fingers reached for his head, softly slipping into his hair as his hands slowly guiding his head, as he felt Michael’s teeth scrape slightly against him as he gasped out, shuddering as his eyes shot up. It seemed he remembered Tim’s love of a little pain.

How adorable of him.

“Babe, you’re so fucking…good!” His back arched as he felt his cock touch the back of his throat, his voice raising as his words trailing off, Michael just responding with a sharp chuckle. The vibrations going through his body felt like a fucking electrical current, he didn’t know how long he could take this. He pulled Michael’s head back up out from between his legs, his eyes wide and confused as his hands scrambled for the sheets to try and steady himself. But this was no act of cruelty towards him, and even if he had given him a bit of a start, it just wasn’t fair that he was doing all the work.

Michael crawled up to Tim, shrugging out of his loose pants as Tim let his eyes wander. Oh, how he’d missed him. Sure, he’d miss his presence – but damn, his fucking body. His legs, his hips and oh fucking Christ his chest. He could still faintly see the outlines of their past encounters scattered across his back and lower chest, and that gave him an odd sense of satisfaction. It was nice, just to think that if any groupie weaved their way to him, they’d see he was already marked by another. Hm, so maybe he was just a little possessive. But he had every right to, and he never objected.

He felt Michael straddle his chest, his legs rubbing against his hard cock as Tim grunted – his arms wrapping around his lower back as he rolled them over Michael’s curls splaying out on the pillow beneath him. He ducked his head into the crook of his neck, his tongue tracing over the pattern of the tattoos he had familiarised himself with over time, his teeth nibbling and lips sucking as Michael whimpered beneath him. He smirked against his skin as he gasped out, biting down at the soft skin at the crook of his neck, feeling the slight metallic taste on his lips as his tongue darted out quickly. He was as much as a sucker for pain as Tim was, and that really was such a good thing for them both.

Reaching down in between them, he felt Michael gasp out against his shoulder as he slipped a finger inside of him. His hands clawed on his pale back, almost sure to leave some sort of mark. He moved his fingers slowly, letting the younger man adjust as he squeezed his eyes shut, another finger slipping inside of him as he let out a sharp breath. Both of his arms clung to blonde’s back as Tim dipped his head to his jawline, sucking softly on the skin as Michael tilted his head, letting him have easier access as his tongue swept over the soft skin – tasting the familiar taste of whiskey and smoke.

Moving his hands slowly, his gripped his slender hips, raising them slightly as Michael wrapped his legs around Tim’s own hips, pulling him in closer.

“Please…”

It didn’t take more than one word for Tim to push into him, Michael’s head falling back into the pillow and his back arching as it took everything in the older man to stay steady, to not begin to thrust like his body craved. He gave him a few moments to adjust, his blunt nails digging into the skin of his hips as his breath heaved.

Cautiously he began to move, slowly rolling his hips in slow pace as Michael parted his lips, whimpering slowly as Tim increased his pace ever so slightly. All he could feel was his warmth and tightness surrounding him, unable to think of anything else as he almost unconsciously increased his pace. He gripped onto his hips as he began to angle his thrusts, his hips still rolling against Michaels as the singer began to move his hips in time.

Tim leant down; his chest flush against Michaels as he pointed his hips and thrust forward slightly, Michael screaming out in pleasure as he brushed the spot he knew would make him squirm. He deliberately moved to the side slightly, feeling Michael clench around him as he let a moan escape his own throat as he bit down once again on the soft skin. He knew he was leaving a trail of marks down Michael’s body, but it was only natural to claim what one most treasured. Lifting his head up, his lips found Michael’s once again, but the animalistic carnal lust had gone, despite everything in the heat of the moment. Their lips moved softly together, Tim savouring the taste as Michael whined against him, his arms wrapping tightly around the older mans back.

“I missed you, Michael.” Tim leant his forehead to the younger mans, one hand coming up to rest against his cheek. He leant into his touch as Michael opened his eyes slowly, looking up into Tim’s before gasping out as Tim rubbed against the spot he knew would make him squirm.

“I missed you.“

He punctuated each word with a thrust, grunting in between each word as their foreheads still touched.

“So.”

Rein.

“Fucking.”

Tiefer.

“Much.”

Raus.

Michael leant his head forward into Tim’s shoulder as he continued to roughly thrust, his hands coming down to lift up his hips and pull him fully against his own. His sharp bones resting against the soft skin of his thighs as Tim let his head fall back in pleasure. Everything was Michael. Everything he could feel was Michael; the warmth, the tightness, everything. And in reflection, Michael’s back was arched into every thrust, rolling his hips in sync with each thrust of Tim’s, and his lips running across his collarbones. His hands gripped onto Tim’s shoulders as he let out a rendition of “Oh fuck” mixed in with his name, and string of profanities.

“Michael…” Tim’s voice was cut off with a load moan of pleasure, his back arching into him as his head fell back, his jaw hanging slack as he continued to thrust sloppily as he let go inside of him. Michael screamed out beneath him as he let go, his thighs shuddering around him, and his insides clenching as Tim unevenly thrust, carrying it through as the singer left a mess between them both.

“Tim, babe…fucking…hell…” Michael’s voice was raspy and rough as Tim pulled out of him, still kneeling between the sheets as he looked down at him beneath him. His face was reddened and his hair was still splayed out beneath him, and honest to God, he had never been so fucking happy to have anyone in his bed before.

“Maybe I should go away more often!” He laughed dryly before looking back up to the ceiling, a small content smile on his face in the dim light of his room as Tim rolled down onto the bed next to him, his arms instinctively wrapping around his frame and pulled him against him.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t leave me behind this time…” he trailed off, realizing how pathetic he probably sounded to Michael. He nuzzled the back of his neck, moving the curls aside as he felt him shift slightly, his hands finding Tim’s own that was rested on his hip. He wasn’t quite sure what to feel when he felt his fingers entwine with his own, but it was…nice. Not nice in the sense he wanted to fuck him all over again (though he wouldn’t complain) but nice in the sense of, well…it just felt so damn nice to have someone in his arms that he knew wasn’t there for a quick fuck, or a way to get to another band member.

“I missed you too, you know that too right, a huge fucking lot.” Michael sighed slightly, twisted around in Tim’s grip to face him as he nuzzled into his chest, the sheets hanging low around his chest.

“Babe, you’re my boy.”

Tim looked down with a small smile, leaning his head down to kiss his forehead softly before pulling him closer to his chest with a small sigh. He felt Michael’s fingers once again slip into his.

“Stay for the night?” Tim stumbled over his words, that old fear of being laughed at twitching at his brain. “I mean, if you want to of course, I know that-“

He was cut off by Michael quickly putting his lips on his, rolling his eyes before burying his head in the crook of his neck, his arms pulling Tim closer.

“I’d love to, babe.”