The Darings

Every once in a while, Ash found herself wanting to get lost in London. There wasn’t much getting lost to be done in Marlborough, and though the big city intimidated her, it called her even more. It seemed almost criminal to ignore it, to keep herself distant when there were so many adventures to be had. And something about the last few weeks had brought out whatever sense of adventure Ash had buried deep within her.

Especially when going on an adventure was as easy as taking a step out of the front door of her dorm.

She slipped in her earbuds to either ear and pressed play on her music. It was already starting to get a little cold in London, fall coming fast and winter even faster. She needed to get out as long as the sun shone.

Immediately, she walked a path she hadn’t walked before, through the heart of their sprawling campus to the very outskirts, heading south toward Camden. There were a thousand places for her to get lost in Camden, and it was as easy as swiping her Oyster card to get back. She had no excuse to get lost.

And with such a great soundtrack, how couldn’t she get lost? Ash had such a thing for Vampire Weekend it almost crippled her music tastes otherwise, as embarrassed as she was to admit it. How stereotypical was it to like Vampire Weekend? But she couldn’t help her heart feeling a little lighter as she walked down the street, her lips parting slightly when the sun shone done on her just that slight amount. It kissed her skin and she was glad she was done with class for the day – the city was hers.

Until someone tapped her on her shoulder.

Ash jumped in response before turning around to find Harry Styles standing behind her with that smug smirk on his lips. Immediately, Ash found herself frazzled in his presence, not entirely sure what to do with herself. Harry had that effect on her sometimes.

The best she could do was pull her headphones out and eek out a meager, “Hey!”

“Vampire Weekend?” Harry questioned, and it was only then that Ash realized how loudly she’d been listening to her music. Her mother always chided her about damaging her hearing but Ash usually couldn’t help but get carried away.

“Yeah,” she replied with a little smile, not sure if it would be a good thing or a bad thing in Harry’s eyes.

His smirk turned into a grin. “They’re my favorite.”

Her smile turned to a grin as well. He was perfect, she was sure of it. “Well, what do you know? Mine too.”

“What are you doing all the way on this side of campus?” Harry questioned then, glancing around to the relatively unfamiliar surroundings, at least on Ash’s part. “Kind of a far walk from your part of town, yeah?”

Ash shrugged. “I just wanted to go explore. Sometimes I just feel kind of cooped up on campus, you know. It’s good to get out every once and a while.”

Harry raised his eyebrows before folding his arms across his broad chest, covered only in a grey UCL t-shirt. Ash cursed him for being able to look so good in something so simple when whenever she knew she was going to be around him, she put a good twenty minutes of extra thought into her every move, hoping he’d notice her. She felt meek in the dress she wore that day, her hair thrown up in a pony tail, not a speck of makeup to cover her freckled skin. She felt bare.

“Where are you headed?” he asked curiously.

“Camden,” she stated, and felt a little embarrassed when Harry’s expression turned surprised.

“You’re walking all the way to Camden?”

Ash shrugged. “It’s a nice day, for now at least. Thought I’d maybe take advantage of the market, maybe go spend some time on Primrose Hill.”

There was a pause between the two of them as Harry looked her up and down and Ash couldn’t help but feel especially exposed beneath the thumb of his gaze. Her breath caught in her lungs as he scanned her with those emerald green eyes, his tongue gliding smoothly between his lips.

“Alright, well let’s go then.”

She felt as though he’s spoken in a language she only just barely knew – the words jumbled and barely having any meaning, yet jarring in her heart. “What?”

“I don’t have anything better to be doing,” he confirmed with a shrug. “Unless you don’t want me to come along.”

Harry wanted to come along. “Oh,” she squeaked, trying her hardest to contain her excitement. “Of course you can come along.”

And as she cursed herself for not being able to come up with anything more clever or seductive, they began their trek to Camden. Harry babbled about football and parties and dares while Ash forced herself away from fantasies of him holding her hand and of them stealing kisses between Camden market stalls. It would be so simple for her to reach over and take his hand in hers, for him to lean over and press his lips to hers. She would tell Finn finally of her crush on Harry and it wouldn’t have to be an unachievable dream anymore…

“You alright, Ash? He questioned suddenly, snapping her out of her daydreams. She glanced to him, only to see his eyebrows knitted together beneath his mop of curls and lips lacking their normal smirk.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I’m good. Just enjoying having some company. Usually I do these kinds of things alone.”

Harry nodded back in response before nodding in the direction of their next turn. “I’d seen you on campus a few times before we’d started talking and you usually were alone with that same look in your eye, that one you had just now.”

Ash could feel her cheeks reddening as his words brushed against them. He’d seen her and noticed her, and her skin prickled with the happiness of the thought. But at the same time, he knew her loneliness and had recognized it before even knowing her in person. He had to have known that he, Finn, and Niall were her only real friends at UCL, that they alone were the ones who paid attention to her. Otherwise, she did things alone – otherwise, she ate alone, otherwise, she sat in her room alone, otherwise, she went to Camden alone.

“It’s cool to enjoy being alone,” he continued, not even noting the awkward pause Ash had sensed between them. “I wish I could be that way.”

His response caught Ash entirely off guard. “What’s so cool about being alone?”

Harry shrugged and walked in silence for a little while, making Ash’s nerves prickle, that desperate wish to take back things said aching in the back of her throat. He seemed to be thinking hard, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before finally settling on a response as they started to climb Primrose Hill.

“I guess… I just don’t get a lot of alone time,” he sighed, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, keeping his eye contact strictly away from Ash. “And I don’t mean to complain, because I really do have such awesome friends and I’m really lucky to get to do all the things I do…”

Ash, however, couldn’t take her eyes off him. “Harry, it’s okay to want to be alone.”

Harry laughed wryly. “I just want to be able to read a book, you know? Or listen to some music on my own without someone coming up to me to say hey.”

“Like you just did to me when I was walking over here,” Ash inserted in a gently teasing tone.

“Exactly,” Harry agreed before turning to her with an aghast expression. “Oh my god, like I just did to you. Shit, I’m so sorry. I should have known you just wanted to be left alone.”

“Oh god, no Harry it’s okay!” Ash exclaimed. “I was only teasing you. It’s okay, I like your company.”

They reached the top of Primrose Hill, only to look out on one of the best views in London Ash had ever encountered. It was in that moment, with Harry by her side, that she felt like the city could be her home – even for just that moment. Everything looked an amazing concoction of familiar and exciting, like she had just fallen in love and wanted to learn so much more through the years on days just like that day.

She could feel Harry’s gaze on her again, watching her patiently as she gawked at the city before them. He’d been there before, she could tell, probably to play Frisbee with the recreational footballers or something particularly Harry in that way. But it was that patience that allowed her to keep staring, to get that soft grin on her lips she sometimes got when she was thinking, to allow her heart to feel full.

“Sorry,” she murmured after she felt like it had gone on for just a moment too long, turning to give Harry the best smile she could muster.

“It’s okay,” Harry comforted, his sights not leaving her for a beat or two, his quizzical eyes scanning her again. “It’s just that look you get. There’s something about it.”

Ash blushed. “I guess it’s the look of a crazy person who spends so much time alone.”

Harry grinned. “I want it. Teach me.”

So they lay back on the hilltop and Ash told him of her best times on adventures alone – the time she took the train to the coast, just to put her feet in the ocean, the time she went to see the Arctic Monkeys by herself when she was sixteen, the time she took an impressionist art class without any knowledge of the subject. Harry wanted to know everything – the art of sitting at a table in a restaurant alone, how to watch a movie alone, how to sit on campus alone. And while Harry listened, all she could think about were his lips on hers.

After a while, they fell quiet, watching the world go around them. Harry didn’t know what it was like to sit without conversation and Ash could tell he was uncomfortable, shifting about and periodically opening his mouth. Finally, he sat still for a time, sighing contentedly.

“It’s kind of nice to just spend some time together not making myself look like an idiot,” he mused coyly, shooting Ash a grin.

“Making yourself look like an idiot!” Ash cried in protest, rolling her eyes. “Harry, you couldn’t look like an idiot if you tried.”

And they laughed and continued to sit there in silence until the sun went down and Harry, very kindly, walked her home.