My Story
Middle school
Small back story, there won’t be much because my early childhood was pretty normal. When I was young I was a cute little kid, I had blue eyes, smiled at everyone, and had literally white hair. I made friends easily, my parents actually were worried about me because I loved to talk to everyone, kids or adults. Looking back at this I’m not sure whether I want to laugh or cry… Anyway, I had a lot of friends, I mean I wasn’t popular, I had the chance to be in the popular crowd because I used to be best friends with the most popular girl, but I didn’t, I stuck to my outcast friends and for that I was shunned by everyone else.
In 4th grade I started to be bullied because I had ADHD. I had an extremely overactive imagination. Looking at this again now I see why I ended up so fucked up. As a kid I didn’t want to be human, I always pretended to be animals, to think I was part other animals. I said I was part wolf, horse, and hawk, and for this I was bullied every day at recess. The boys would come up to me and say things like “Where’s your wolf pack?” or “Why don’t you summon your horse friends? I need a ride home.” And me being a stupid little child who didn’t understand they were making fun of me went along with it, making stupid animal noises and running around like a horse. My mom always told me they weren’t laughing at me, they were laughing with me. How stupid I was to believe it.
As 5th grade started I finally understood they were laughing at me, not with me. My grandpa, who I was extremely close to passed away. The bullying got worse, not just making fun of me for my animal noises, but now that boys started liking girls and vise versa they decide to start making fun of me by laughing at my crushes. If I had a crush on you, not only would I be made fun of everyday but you would, too, and because of this I lost all my friends but one. For privacy we will call her Izzy. Izzy has stuck with me though it all even though as the years went on the bullying got worse. In 5th grade my depression started and it didn’t go easy on me. I missed days at a time because I was so upset. I went 5 hours straight of crying then finally stopped for maybe an hour but then it started again, being a 10 year old that’s pretty fucked up.
One day in class I remember I was talking about how much I liked our music teacher to Izzy when some boys came over to me and say to me. “Why do you keep talking about him? You must be in love with him or something!” I turn away from them not saying anything. I look at a guy walking by because he got a paper cut on his finger and was walking over to the sink. He turns to me and says “Why do you keep looking at me? You must like me!” He yells to the whole class. One of the other boys then turns to the class and says “She likes him!” And they all bust out laughing at me. They point and laugh at me as I run out of the room crying. (This is a really painful memory for me and makes me cry thinking about it.) I go to my guidance teacher because she is the only one I trusted and when I went back to class no one would look at me. When I talked to Izzy apparently my teacher had gotten extremely pissed off and screamed at the class for doing that to me, but no one apologized.
All my memory of 6th grade is gone, I had blocked the memories, so I’ll just skip to 7th grade when the new boy came in. We will call him Matt. Matt knew nothing about me so I thought it would be perfect. I talked to him and started passing notes with him in class. At first he was really nice and funny… until I passed him a note asking him to go to the school dance with me. It was during book reports and I was up next when I passed him the simple note “Do you want to go to the dance with me on Friday? Please don’t show this to Sam.” (Sam was a kid who bullied me to no end.) I got up to do my book report just to see him passing the note around the whole class. The all laughed when they read it. I remember my face was bright red and when I got back to my seat there was a note with “Heck no!” Written on it. I don’t remember it well, but I know that Sam made fun of me the rest of the day. On my way home on my bike I passed a guy that made fun of me and he told me to move my little chicken legs out of there. I know it sounds silly but as broken as I was then, it was enough to break me more.
At the dance I was asked out by a really nerdy guy, but looks can be deceiving… After a few time of hanging out we were in my room alone, my parents were downstairs. He was kissing me and it was getting pretty intense, I told him to stop but he kept going… he unzipped his pants then mine. I tried to get away, but I couldn’t. My mom is my savior because she called up to us that it was time for him to go home and he stopped then. I felt dirty and that was the first time I cut myself… and the next day I broke up with him in math. He started to cry and my teacher made ME apologize to HIM. I didn’t tell anyone my story until much later when I told my mom.
8th grade was just as bad if not worse. Almost every day the guys would come up to me and say “Will you go out with me?” I knew it was a trap just to make fun of me so I kept saying no, and one day they wouldn’t stop, they just kept going and I just kept saying no, but I was getting annoyed so I say to them “What if I say yes?” They all laugh really hard and say “As if we would ever go out with you!” At this point ice had built up inside me so I didn’t hurt as bad. I hated myself though I didn’t want to be me, so I went to get my hair cut and dyed, I dyed half of it black and chopped it. That was the day before the graduation dance. There was a guy I really liked and I thought he liked me back and I wanted to ask him to dance, so when a slow dance came on I found him and asked him to dance. He looked at me, made a disgusted face said no and walked away.
These were the beginning of my weird, sad story. Now into high school…
In 4th grade I started to be bullied because I had ADHD. I had an extremely overactive imagination. Looking at this again now I see why I ended up so fucked up. As a kid I didn’t want to be human, I always pretended to be animals, to think I was part other animals. I said I was part wolf, horse, and hawk, and for this I was bullied every day at recess. The boys would come up to me and say things like “Where’s your wolf pack?” or “Why don’t you summon your horse friends? I need a ride home.” And me being a stupid little child who didn’t understand they were making fun of me went along with it, making stupid animal noises and running around like a horse. My mom always told me they weren’t laughing at me, they were laughing with me. How stupid I was to believe it.
As 5th grade started I finally understood they were laughing at me, not with me. My grandpa, who I was extremely close to passed away. The bullying got worse, not just making fun of me for my animal noises, but now that boys started liking girls and vise versa they decide to start making fun of me by laughing at my crushes. If I had a crush on you, not only would I be made fun of everyday but you would, too, and because of this I lost all my friends but one. For privacy we will call her Izzy. Izzy has stuck with me though it all even though as the years went on the bullying got worse. In 5th grade my depression started and it didn’t go easy on me. I missed days at a time because I was so upset. I went 5 hours straight of crying then finally stopped for maybe an hour but then it started again, being a 10 year old that’s pretty fucked up.
One day in class I remember I was talking about how much I liked our music teacher to Izzy when some boys came over to me and say to me. “Why do you keep talking about him? You must be in love with him or something!” I turn away from them not saying anything. I look at a guy walking by because he got a paper cut on his finger and was walking over to the sink. He turns to me and says “Why do you keep looking at me? You must like me!” He yells to the whole class. One of the other boys then turns to the class and says “She likes him!” And they all bust out laughing at me. They point and laugh at me as I run out of the room crying. (This is a really painful memory for me and makes me cry thinking about it.) I go to my guidance teacher because she is the only one I trusted and when I went back to class no one would look at me. When I talked to Izzy apparently my teacher had gotten extremely pissed off and screamed at the class for doing that to me, but no one apologized.
All my memory of 6th grade is gone, I had blocked the memories, so I’ll just skip to 7th grade when the new boy came in. We will call him Matt. Matt knew nothing about me so I thought it would be perfect. I talked to him and started passing notes with him in class. At first he was really nice and funny… until I passed him a note asking him to go to the school dance with me. It was during book reports and I was up next when I passed him the simple note “Do you want to go to the dance with me on Friday? Please don’t show this to Sam.” (Sam was a kid who bullied me to no end.) I got up to do my book report just to see him passing the note around the whole class. The all laughed when they read it. I remember my face was bright red and when I got back to my seat there was a note with “Heck no!” Written on it. I don’t remember it well, but I know that Sam made fun of me the rest of the day. On my way home on my bike I passed a guy that made fun of me and he told me to move my little chicken legs out of there. I know it sounds silly but as broken as I was then, it was enough to break me more.
At the dance I was asked out by a really nerdy guy, but looks can be deceiving… After a few time of hanging out we were in my room alone, my parents were downstairs. He was kissing me and it was getting pretty intense, I told him to stop but he kept going… he unzipped his pants then mine. I tried to get away, but I couldn’t. My mom is my savior because she called up to us that it was time for him to go home and he stopped then. I felt dirty and that was the first time I cut myself… and the next day I broke up with him in math. He started to cry and my teacher made ME apologize to HIM. I didn’t tell anyone my story until much later when I told my mom.
8th grade was just as bad if not worse. Almost every day the guys would come up to me and say “Will you go out with me?” I knew it was a trap just to make fun of me so I kept saying no, and one day they wouldn’t stop, they just kept going and I just kept saying no, but I was getting annoyed so I say to them “What if I say yes?” They all laugh really hard and say “As if we would ever go out with you!” At this point ice had built up inside me so I didn’t hurt as bad. I hated myself though I didn’t want to be me, so I went to get my hair cut and dyed, I dyed half of it black and chopped it. That was the day before the graduation dance. There was a guy I really liked and I thought he liked me back and I wanted to ask him to dance, so when a slow dance came on I found him and asked him to dance. He looked at me, made a disgusted face said no and walked away.
These were the beginning of my weird, sad story. Now into high school…