Big Girl Panties

By eleven in the morning, Trixie had finished everything she penned on her “To Do List.” She had done four loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and picked up the family room and had picked out most of the items she wanted in the BabiesRUs magazine her mother had sent to her. It hadn’t been her intention to get up a quarter after six but there was no way she would have been able to fall back to sleep as she was too far beyond uncomfortable. The one thing she was thankful for was that she and Dan had a few days to spend together before the second was to start. Their opponent was still unknown, but Trixie was rooting for the Red Wings, dying to see the epic rivalry match up.

Sitting on sectional sofa with her knees bent and the magazine in her lap, Trixie alternated between watching reruns of Scrubs and picking out things she was interested in registering for her baby shower. The date had been officially set for July 13th and she couldn’t be any more excited. Abby Sharp and the soon-to-be Amanda Bickell had taken full control of the preparations and planning. Her shower would be one of those rare occasions where the very few friends Trixie had outside of the hockey world would bravely intertwine with her hockey family.

Occasionally, Trixie reach over and scratch Chief’s head when he would nudge at her hand looking for some much needed attention. She felt bad for the canine, as she and Dan and hadn’t been home nearly as much as they normally were. At least they would have each other to keep company for the remainder of the season.

Upon hearing the hardwood stairs creak, Trixie looked up from the Sharpie marked page to find Dan sluggishly walked down. He looked like hell. His hair was disheveled, bag beneath his eyes and clearly suffering from a hangover. Kane had dragged (dragged being a loose term) a few of the guys out to celebrate the win over Minnesota. Trixie slightly feared they would take the partying a little too hard; knowing both Dan and Patrick have a tendency to party harder than Trixie would approve…especially Dan. She had heard some rather stomach knotting rumors about her husband in the past and she chose to ignore them, being naïve and hoping that’s what they simply were. Rumors.

“How are you feeling?” Trixie asked; her voice laced with laughter.

Pulling the magazine from her hands and straightening her legs, Dan crawled between them and snuggled against her. He only groaned. “My head is pounding and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

The days of staying out and partying until after three in the morning seemed like almost a lifetime ago for Trixie. She wondered if those days would ever return as she honestly did miss those days.

Her voice turned soft and comforting as she ran her fingers through his long brown locks. “Do you want me to get you some Tylenol?”

“Yeah.” Dan answered; shutting his eyes as the sunlight almost blinded him.

Moving Dan out from between her legs, Trixie hoisted herself up off the couch and walked with heavy footsteps to the kitchen where she rummaged through a cabinet until she found a bottle of the pain reliever. Palming two and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, Trixie marched back into the family room. Dan was curled in a ball; one eye closed and the other slightly focused on the television.

Sitting on the edge of the sofa, Trixie handed Dan the pills and water. She swiped hair from his face as he swallowed the pills. “I take it you won’t be up for going baby shopping with me later?”

Dan draped himself with the blanket Trixie had folded over the back of the sofa. It felt like heaven when his head it the throw pillow. “I’ll be ready by three. I promise.”

Rolling her eyes, Trixie stood up and fixed the blanket for Dan before leaning down and kissing his temple and leaving him alone for a nap while she showered.



True to his word, Dan was ready to go by three and half past four they were roaming the aisles of BabiesRUs. Dan was still suffering from the hangover and by the amount of bitching he was doing, Trixie was wishing she had left him at home. It seemed as if his hormones were raging more than her pregnancy hormones. She was rather close to giving his cash and telling him to take the CTA home.

“Why are we doing this now? The shower isn’t for another two months.”

Trixie was busy looking for the dresser she had circled in the magazine. She decided on black and white furniture to go with the teal paint they had picked. “That’s not a whole lot of time.”

When Dan grunted, Trixie’s final nerve had disappeared. Turning to him, she pointed to her belly. “Do you not see me right now? I am four months—sixteen weeks—away from giving birth. I am scared and stressed out and I would really appreciate it if you could help me out during the few days that you’re not at the rink or on the road.”

He had no idea she was still scared about giving birth. Dan thought for sure she had gotten over than months ago but with his mind being way too preoccupied with all things hockey, he realized it wasn’t that hard for him to forget to ask Trixie how she was emotionally holding up, not just physically. Pulling her into his arms, Dan held her tight and rubbed a hand up and down her back for comfort.

“What are you freaking out about?”

Looking up at Dan, Trixie batted her eyes. “Do you know you’ll only be home with the baby and I for less than two weeks after I give birth? Preseason games will probably start mid-September and the season will start early October which means I’ll be home…alone caring for tiny human being who will probably cry almost non-stop and we both know I’m not very comforting.”

He couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. He would probably be freaking out if it were him in Trixie’s position. “Everything will be just fine. When I’m gone, you can have your mom spend the night with you and I know for a fact my mom would have no problem coming in from King City to help too.”

Dan wasn’t sure how to break it to Trixie that his mother was already planning on spending the entire month of September with them to ensure she didn’t miss the birth of her grandchild and to be there as an extra pair of hands. Lacing his fingers with hers, Dan softly pecked Trixie’s lips to assure her everything was going to be okay.

“I guess this would be a bad time to tell you Pat texted me asking if the two of us would meet him at McFadden’s later.” Dan said coyly

Trixie knew nothing ever turned out good when she went to McFadden’s. The amount of drunken fights she had almost either gotten into or actually caused was too many to count on two hands. She had celebrated the last five Saint Patrick’s Day’s at McFadden’s and she was on a first name basis with most of the bartenders and never paid a full tab when she went there as her liquor was always discounted. Considering she was experiencing a nine month prohibition, she wasn’t sure how much fun she would have sipping on her Shirley Temples. Trixie could hear the eagerness in his voice. He wanted to go and he wanted Trixie to come with.

“Tell him we’ll come by. Only under the condition you help me pick out the rest of the things I want to register for and you take me to dinner first because I’m starving.”

Dan agreed. “Done and done.”

McFadden’s was just as crowded as Trixie had suspected by the time they showed up. Dan held on to Trixie’s hand tightly as he led the way through the crowd to the bar where Patrick and Jonathan had saved two seats for their friends. Before Trixie had a chance to hug and kiss Jon and Pat hello, Patrick handed Dan a shot of Fireball Whiskey. The three men clinked glasses and shot it back. While Patrick and Jon got the liquor down easy, it was Dan who struggled.

“You want another?” Pat asked over the loud music. He was clearly intoxicated, as well as Jon. It was only nine in the evening.

“Fuck yeah.” Dan exclaimed, knowing a few shots wouldn’t hurt in an attempt to ease the hangover.

Trixie rolled her eyes as she let go of Dan’s hand (he didn’t seem to notice she had) and slid into the empty barstool beside Jon. Although he had his back turned to Trixie as he entertained a conversation with Pat and Dan. It took her several minutes to get the attention of the new bartender and when she finally did, the slutty looking blonde looked at Trixie as though she had three heads when she ordered a Shirley Temple. There was no doubting she was out of her comfort zone and regretted her decision on saying yes.

After nearly three weeks of nonstop work and sleeping when she had a few minutes to spare, Trixie had been looking forward to spending some alone time with her husband. She had invested in some lavender and vanilla bubble bath and candles and new lace lingerie. The idea of a dinner by candle light in the kitchen Trixie had worked hard to get in working order seemed like it would only exist in her dreams. All she wanted was a night for them to spend as real man and wife; not at McFadden’s surrounded by loud, foul mouthed people. It wasn’t until Trixie was forced to stop drinking did it dawn on her what her behavior was like when she was intoxicated. Sometimes she found it disgusting, others beyond hilarious.

About an hour after sitting there and being completely ignored by Dan, Pat and Jon, Trixie was so beyond annoyed and frustrated that she was ready to go home. She figured she’d just take the train and walk. Telling the bartender to add her drinks to Dan’s tab, Trixie hopped off the stool and slung her Coach cross-body bag over her chest and tapped Patrick on the shoulder when her husband was nowhere in sight.

“Have you seen Dan?”

Patrick shrugged his shoulders. His eyes were glossy and red in the corners. He had paused his conversation with the two women who had attached themselves to him to answer her. Trixie didn’t care that the women stood there annoyed. “Probably went out for a smoke or he’s in the bathroom.”

Trixie hugged Patrick goodbye and waved to Jonathan as he too was busy sweet talking another member of the opposite sex. As she made her way through the crowd, Trixie decided to check the bathroom first before heading outside. When she approached the men’s room, Trixie knocked on the wood door with her knuckle and listened carefully for who was inside. She heard Dan’s voice call out that that the bathroom was occupied, but for some reason, her intuition was telling her something wasn’t right. The free spirit that she is, Trixie had always followed the gut feeling first for as long as she was old enough to make her own decisions.

She was surprised to find he hadn’t locked the door behind him and Trixie opened it just enough for her to slip in. When she slipped in, Trixie couldn’t believe her eyes. She wanted to slap herself to make sure it wasn’t a dream and that her eyes weren’t playing a trick on her.

“What the fuck, you idiot I said—.”

Dan froze when he saw Trixie standing in front of the closed door. She looked shell shocked, not sure how to react. Her eyes darted from him, (straddling the toilet backwards) to the rolled bill in his right hand, the line and a half of white powder and back to Dan. Trixie knew exactly what he was doing; clearly it wasn’t something he had left behind in Philadelphia.

“Trixie, I can explain.” Dan shot up to his feet, wiping away any residue the cocaine had left under his right nostril.

Trixie tried to speak but no words formed in her brain for her to say. When Dan said her name, Trixie was so beyond disgusted of the way it sounded rolling off his tongue that did the only thing her brain allowed her to do. She slapped him.

“Daniel Carcillo,” Trixie couldn’t even look at him as she turned to leave the bathroom. “You disgust me."