Big Girl Panties

There was only one other time in his life that Dan could remember feeling this hopeless. He had been ten and his puppy had run away. Just like his puppy had, Dan silently prayed that Trixie would find her way home. She had left her cell phone sitting on the stairs leaving no way for anyone to get a hold of her. The action had been intentional as she wanted a few hours where she could disappear from the world she knew and just for a while be someone else.

Dan had gone out looking for her three hours after Trixie had left. He didn’t think she could have gone far but there had been no Trixie Carcillo sightings in any of the bars near their townhouse. So, out of curiosity, Dan sent text messages to a few bartenders he knew who were working at several bars downtown. None of them had seen her. His stomach knotted with nervousness as the sun settled and the moon rose high in the city sky.

For a while Dan contemplated calling Jack as it wasn’t too far-fetched of an idea that Trixie was with her father. However, if that weren’t the case, Dan didn’t want to worry Jack that his daughter was out roaming the streets, possibly heavily intoxicated with no cell phone.

Sitting down at the kitchen table, Dan set his head in his hands and closed his eyes in an attempt to clear his mind in order to keep him thinking rationally. Out of desperation, Dan picked up his cell phone and scrolled until he found the number he was looking for.

It was time to call in reinforcements.

“Any luck?” Patrick Kane had let himself in and sat at the kitchen table beside Dan. Chief jumped up scratching at Patrick’s leg begging to be petted by the young man. Patrick obliged, scratching the canine behind his ear.

Dan shook his head in defeat. He was still in a state of shock that Trixie was nowhere to be found. This wasn’t like her; never before had she done something like this. “I have no idea where she could possibly be.”

“Don’t worry, dude, we’ll find her.” Patrick reassured not only Dan, but himself.

When Patrick had seen Trixie the pervious morning after she had come home for the hospital, it wasn’t hard to see that something was off with her. As she lay in bed curled up in the quilt Dan’s mother had gotten the couple, Trixie stared blankly at Patrick not answering any of his questions. He blamed it on the pain killers at first, but now it was clear the issue was way bigger than the pain killers.

“Andrew and Brandon are going to take the Loop and Johnny and I are going to walk around Lakeview. Maybe she’s in Wrigleyville or Boystown.” Patrick stood up and placed a hand on Dan shoulder. “I’ll call you with updates so keep your phone on you. Have a beer or something to calm your nerves.”

Dan wanted to be out on the streets walking around looking for her, but someone had to be at the house in case she showed up. “My nerves won’t be calm until she’s home.”

Realizing there was nothing left he could say, Patrick headed out into the night to meet Jonathan at Wrigley Field. Taking Patrick’s advice, Dan got up and opened the cabinet above the microwave where he and Trixie kept the liquor. Pouring himself a tumbler of Johnnie Walker, he grabbed his hidden pack of cigarettes and headed outside. Dan finished his drink in a few nips and flicked his cigarette over the railing of the balcony.

The air conditioning felt good as he reentered the house. June in Chicago was always miserable. Placing the tumbler on the countertop Dan realized having another wasn’t the best of idea and pulled open the fridge for a bottle of Vitamin Water. When the stainless steel door closed, there was something underneath a magnetized photo of him and Trixie that caught Dan’s eye. In big bold letters, the flyer read, “Best Daiquiris In Town!!!” That’s where she was. Ripping the flyer off the fridge, Dan grabbed his keys and wallet and set out to get Trixie.

Fourteen miles from home, Dan found a parking spot in front of the bar in Skokie that advertised the best daiquiris in town. Dan knew for a fact that this place did not have the best daiquiris in town. It was a hole-in-the-wall place and as he approached the door he could hear the chatter, laughter and music coming from inside. The familiar smell of pot flooded Dan’s nose the second he walked in. It was fairly crowded but that was expected for a Friday night. Standing out amongst the crappy music playing from the jukebox and the other conversations taking place, Dan immediately heard Trixie’s infectious laughter.

Standing up on his tip-toes, Dan looked over the heads of other patrons and relief waved over him when he spotted Trixie sitting at the end of the bar. What he didn’t appreciate, however, was the group of shady looking males surrounding the only beautiful woman in the entire place. At least she was still wearing her wedding ring. This was not a bar she should have gone to alone.

The straw of her strawberry banana daiquiri was placed firmly between her lips as she sucked the sweet alcoholic drink. She nodded and muttered “mmmhmmm” as she intently listened the problem one of her new found friends was having. Just as she had set her drink down to give him her drunken advice, Trixie spotted her husband.

“Danny!” Trixie squealed.

Getting off the barstool, she pushed her way past the group of burley men and wrapped her arms around his neck. When she kissed his lips, Dan could taste the rum from her drink. “What are you doing here?”

Raising his hand to the bartender, Dan signaled for him to close Trixie’s tab and pulled out his debit card.

“I’m here to bring you home.”

“But, I don’t want to go home.” Trixie protested like a teenage girl. “I still have more than half of my drink left and I’m in the middle of a conversation.”

Her words were slurred and her eyes were bloodshot. It frightened Dan as he thought about how this night would have turned out had he not gotten the hunch he did. Dan took the drink from Trixie’s hand; she had had more than enough. “I’ll buy you a beer at the game tomorrow.”

If the bartender was any slower at getting Trixie’s check to him, he thought he may miss tomorrow night’s game at this point. Dan’s annoyance with Trixie only grew as she wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his shoulder. To the seemingly criminal crowd, Trixie said loudly,

“He plays hockey for the Blackhawks.” She let Dan go and pointed to the men. “When they win the Stanley Cup, we’ll bring it here and drink strawberry banana daiquiris from it!”

Dan gritted his teeth as he signed the check. He wanted to kick her to keep her voice down. This wasn’t necessarily the kind of crowd to go around bragging about how she and her husband were employed by the Blackhawks. Not only were their bank accounts padded, but their wallets were flush, too. Tossing the pen down on the counter, Dan wasted no time grabbing her Coach bag and Chanel sunglasses from the bar before grabbing her wrist. Trixie put up no fight as Dan pulled her out of the bar.

Outside, the humidity hit Trixie like a ton of bricks and she stopped to put her hair up and light a cigarette. “Where do you want to go to now? McFadden’s?”

“Trixie, we’re going home.” Dan grabbed her hand again to make sure she didn’t disappear.

“Why are you being such a downer? It’s fucking Friday night.”

Having had enough and deciding it was time to bite her new behavior in the ass, Dan pushed Trixie against a brick wall near where he had parked his car. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Grow up, Trixie and stop acting like a teenager. You’re a mother now. You should be home with me right now doing things around the house to get ready for when Jack comes home. C’mon, what would your dad think if he found out you were acting like this?”

Trixie pointed her finger at Dan, choking back tears. “You leave my dad out this. And, there’s no point in us doing any baby proofing to that house or bother setting up a nursery considering in two months we won’t even be living here and it could be longer than two months that Jack is in the hospital.”

“Bowman is working out a deal right now with the Kings. I promise you in two months, the three of us will be walking the shore in Venice Beach.”

Pushing her way past Dan to head to his car, Trixie turned her head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

It was midnight by the time Dan and Trixie arrived home. The thirty minute drive had been silent although Trixie hadn’t pulled her hand away when Dan grabbed it and laced their fingers together. She couldn’t keep her eyes out of the rearview mirror the entire right either as she found Dan had already installed an infant car seat in the center of his backseat.

“I’ll be up in a minute.” Trixie assured Dan as he headed up the stairs. “I’m going to make some tea.”

Dan gave Trixie a gentle nod as he took the steps two at a time. In the kitchen, Trixie put the kettle on and grabbed a mug and tea bag before sitting on the counter top. Noticing her forgotten phone sitting beside her, Trixie grabbed it and unlocked the screen. There was one missed call from Dan. She did feel guilty now that she was home for running away like she did. And, she only felt that way when she saw two photos on the fridge. One was an ultrasound and the other was of Trixie holding Jack in the NICU with Dan by her side. A nurse had taken the family’s first picture.

He was right, she concluded. She should have been home washing all of Jack’s clothes and getting everything ready for when he did get to come home. With his arrival not expected for another two months more, the pressure was on more than ever to make sure all was perfect. Her baby shower was still on for July 13th.

The whistle of the kettle brought Trixie back to reality and she carefully brought her cup of tea up with her to the bedroom. Setting the mug down on her nightstand, Trixie walked into the bathroom where she found Dan filling the clawfoot tub with hot water.

“What are you doing?” She asked while resting her shoulder against the doorframe.

Baths weren’t Dan’s thing.

“I figured you could use a hot bath.” When the water was just deep enough, he turned off the taps. “Get undressed; I’ll be right back.”

Dan disappeared from the bathroom and Trixie did just want she was told. Tossing her soiled clothes into the hamper she tested the water with her fingers before fully submerging her body in the water. It was a perfect temperature and the few drops of lavender oil he had put in the water relaxed her mind and muscles. Sinking her shoulders beneath the water, Trixie carefully ran her fingers along her incision on her abdomen. It was incredibly sore and reddened with irritation as she had disregarded her doctor’s orders.

He was right; she did need to grow up. Trixie realized that if she couldn’t even take care of herself now, how the hell was she going to take care of a child? Internally, she scolded herself for her behavior over the last thirty six hours. If Dan were up to it, they would consider the last day and a half lost and forget that it ever happened.

When Dan returned, he plopped down a plush towel on the vanity and dropped a large yellow rubber duck in to the water. Trixie picked it up noticing that on the ducks side, Jack was written in blue.

“My mom picked it up before she headed back home.”

Dan kneeled beside the tub and kissed Trixie’s temple.

“I’m sorry.” She blurted out. Turning her head to look at him, she continued. “I’m really sorry for acting the way I have been.”

Drowning a washcloth, Dan squirted a fair amount of Trixie’s eucalyptus spearmint body wash into the center and rubbed the cloth together until suds foamed. The relaxing scent of the body wash filled the damp air in the bathroom as Dan began to wash Trixie’s worn out body.

“You may do stupid shit that I’ll never understand but one thing is true. I love you, Trix.”

Trixie told Dan that she loved him, too. The couple took in every precious second they had alone together as it wouldn’t be long until their attention would be undivided on their son. When Dan finished washing the last two days off Trixie’s skin, he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a plush towel. Being in more pain than she was comfortable with being in, Trixie popped a pain killer after dressing in cotton panties and an oversized t-shirt. Dan crawled under the covers not too long after Trixie. As he wrapped her in his arms and placed a goodnight kiss to her lips, it was the first time in months that Trixie had been fully relaxed before drifting off to sleep.