Baby Mine

Frank and Gerard spend three nights with the Toros, more than happy to be spending time with their old friends and to be helping out with the newborn, who has affectionately been named Jackson. Frank has actually become quite the expert on diaper changes and Gerard is slowly but surely getting the hang of putting clothes on a baby who doesn't seem to stop moving. It had taken him nearly an hour the first time he tried before the amusement became too much for Christa and the new mom stepped in to rescue him.

They almost hadn't wanted to leave, having gotten used to the sounds of someone cooing or a baby crying all hours of the day. However, Gerard in particular had to admit he was anxious to have their own, empty house back, free of interruptions. Having seen Frank spend a lot of time with baby Jackson too, he now understands where his husband's physical outburst had come from the other day.

When they arrive home, Gerard swings open the front door and eagerly steps inside the house. He shrugs off his faded denim jacket and hangs it on one of the hooks inside the door, kicks off his shoes and crosses the hall, grinning as he steps into the living room. He lets the atmosphere of their home surround him, and turns to share his grin with Frank as the young man enters the room behind him.

"You hear that?" mutters Gerard contentedly. Frank listens and shrugs, misunderstanding.

"I can't hear a thing," he answers, confused. Gerard laughs and takes the few short strides that lead him to standing directly in front of his lover, and he cups Frank's face in both hands, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the familiar lips.

"Exactly. Isn't it great to be home, just the two of us? No interruptions, no baby crying, no fussing?"

Frank immediately withdraws somewhat so his body is no longer in contact with Gerard's but his hands are still resting on the elder's forearms. He feels a stab of hurt in the pit of his stomach at the statement, although he can't really recognise why.

"Yeah, it's great," he agrees hesitantly, and he steps away completely, walking past Gerard and heading for the stairs. Gerard catches his wrist as he passes and pulls him back gently. He gives Frank a look that they both know is the 'are you okay?' look, and Frank just smiles.

"I'm gonna turn in," Frank says before Gerard can speak. "It's been a long few days. I'll see you up there."

"Alright," Gerard answers, frowning slightly but deciding not to ask questions for now. "I'll be up in a minute."

~

Frank is lying in bed staring up at the ceiling when Gerard enters the room, trying not to look like he was bothered. He watches from the corner of his eye as Gerard undresses in front of him, stripping down to his boxers before he slides onto the bed beside Frank, on top of the covers. Gerard is aware that something is troubling his husband, but he knows that Frank will bring it up when he's ready. They lay apart, but close enough for it to matter.

"So," Frank begins, keeping his tone light. His eyes remain fixed on the ceiling for a while, tracing the patterns in the raised paintwork as he tries to figure out how to word his next sentence, a problem that rarely arises when talking to Gerard. Gerard makes an approving hum for Frank to continue. "So you've never thought of having a kid? Like, ever?" he finally settles for, glancing towards Gerard.

Gerard contemplates the question for a moment before he replies. The tension in the room has suddenly become thick and very noticeable.

"I-.. Not really," Gerard tries, turning onto his side to face Frank, who smiles, prompting Gerard to carry on. "I never thought I'd find someone I loved or who loved me enough to have a family. Then I realized I was gay and just accepted that it probably wouldn't happen even if I did find someone I loved."

Frank's stomach drops then as he realizes that Gerard has simply never felt worthy enough of fatherhood. Somewhere inside himself he feels a kind of pity and sorrow for his husband at that point, but also hopes that he could be that someone Gerard loves enough. He certainly loves Gerard enough, more than enough, in fact.

"Things have changed since we were teenagers though," Frank mutters cautiously, wanting to give Gerard the idea without seeming as though he's forcing it upon him. "You know, it's easier for same sex couples to adopt nowadays, and there are other things that can be done like surrogates and stuff."

Gerard hesitates. He doesn't even know if he wants to be a father. He knows he'd love to bring a child into the world, into a loving home and watch it grow, but still he doesn't know if he feels worthy enough. Eventually, before he speaks, he leans across to kiss Frank lovingly.

"I guess you're right. Maybe one day, huh?"