A Perfect Roundabout

The next week I spent bumbling around, talking to my RA and my counselor, setting up my schedule and classes and losing my way a lot. It was like the first day of school all over again, but in the best possible way. I was lost in the best possible way, I never wanted to be found. I enjoyed the anonymity. I had definitely made a small group of friends, despite what I thought, and I was content. Maybe even full-on happy, but I didn't know for sure. I was still dipping my toes in gently before jumping in wholly.

It only really sunk in on one random Saturday night, where I sat back on my bed realizing that for the first time in years I had no plans for the weekend. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do tonight, or tomorrow and it felt really good to not know. Usually, Chloe would hit me up and tell me what we were going to do- who's party we'd crash, what concert she scored us tickets for, or if it was a more lax weekend, then where she wanted to go and get drunk, just the two of us. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, going back a few years in time.

"Chloe, you are so gone," I grumbled, holding her up as she giggled and fell over herself.

"Shh! Stop yelling, the cat is sleeping," Chloe said, giggling uncontrollably.

I couldn't help but laugh myself, "I don't think Warner will mind," I said, though my old Persian cat looked more than just a little disgruntled by all the commotion.

"It-it's good your parents are out of town, or they'd see me and think I was a bad influence," Chloe slurred.

"You are a bad influence," I smirked, as I plopped her down on my bed and changed out of my jeans into a pair of boxers.

"The worst," she mumbled, smiling as she closed her eyes.

I turned off the lights and went and slept beside her in my queen-sized bed, my fluffy duvets feeling extra welcoming after a long night of under-aged drinking and bad decisions. She turned about and put her arm around me, as she always did when she slept over at my place.

"You're not allowed to leave me," she whispered, "Like, ever. Okay?"

I smiled, "Why would I even want to?"

"Everyone leaves, Gigi," she said, calling me by the nickname she had given me in second grade.

"We're different," I said, stubbornly.

Before Chloe could reply, the air was filled with the sounds of her heavy breathing and I realized that she had fallen asleep. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into unconsciousness too.

I was jerked out of my nostalgia by the sensation of my phone vibrating in my back pocket, I got up and looked at it. It was an unknown caller, but I had met so many new people in the last week I decided to pick it up in case it was someone I'd met.

"Hello?"

"Hey," a really unfamiliar voice called out to me. "Um..this is Alan? We met on the flight that day?"

I was confused for a few seconds before I remembered the really attractive, redheaded guy who had kept me entertained during my flight to California. I was a bit too preoccupied with thoughts of Chloe to pay too much attention to him, but he seemed really nice. I had totally forgotten that I'd given him my number.

"Hey, yeah, of course I remember," I said, surprised he called. I had Google-d his band when I got home and they seemed pretty big from what I could tell. I had definitely written off any inkling of hope that he would call me back after that night.

"I meant to call you earlier, but I sort of lost the jeans I put your number and then when I took it out of the wash the paper was all crumpled and..." his voice trailed. "Sorry, you probably don't care. I-um, can we meet?"

He seemed so nervous, which was absolutely hilarious to me. Why would anyone be intimidated of me? I was the most harmless person you could find. "Of course, what'd you have in mind, Alan?"

"Well, my band and a few other guys are meeting up for a bonfire tonight down at the beach front, at around 7:30. Would you like to come?"

Somehow I felt as though I should say no, for various reasons. One, because I didn't know this guy at all and he could be an an axe murderer and two, because I wanted to play hard to get. But for some reason the depressive nostalgic thoughts of Chloe made me really want to get drunk and sit around a fire, so I decided to accept his invite.

"Yeah, sure, I'll see you around eight," I said, trying to make it seem like I had things to do and would, hence, be late.

"Cool, see you," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

It was only after I hung up that I realized that a really good-looking band guy had just asked me out. Was this real life? This was not the type of thing that usually happened to me. I was typically the girl who guys would run to and confess their problems to. Throughout high school, I swear I probably had a sign on my forehead that said "Friend-zone me, please" because that was all that ever happened to me. I couldn't count the number of times that I had liked a friend and he told me that he thought Chloe was hot. Eventually, I just grew immune to it. I guess I just got used to being overlooked, so it was weird to know that there was someone out there who genuinely took a liking to me.

I sighed as I looked in my closet, fixating on what to wear. I decided on leggings and a loose white tank top. It was really simple, but I didn't really want to show up looking overdone, especially considering the given company. I figured it was a simple kickback and I didn't need to worry too much about attire.

By the time I reached the beach, it was around 08:15, as I'd gotten lost a little bit on my way there. Nonetheless, I could see the bonfire from a ways off, so I walked over to it shyly, hoping Alan would see me and come say hi so I didn't have to approach the whole group myself.

I vaguely heard someone yell something to the effect of- "Hey, Alan, is that your girl?" and it made me crack up a bit.

Alan showed up out of nowhere, looking a little red in the face and he greeted me quietly. "Hey, Grace," he said, giving me a hug.

"Hi," I said, sounding way more confident than I felt. "How are you?"

"Good," he smiled, "Do you want a drink?" he asked, gesturing to the cooler that I assumed was full of beers.

"Yes, please," I said, as we walked over to the cooler.

Luckily, by some stroke of luck, there was whiskey in there, along with Coke. I fixed myself a particularly pungent batch of whiskey and Coke and took a huge swig.

Alan smiled at me, "Don't be nervous, I'm harmless," he said.

"Trust me, this," I said, lifting my cup, "Has nothing to do with you."

"Oh, care to share what it is about?" he asked.

"Woah, slow down there, Romeo. I don't even know your last name yet," I joked.

"Oh," he said, getting shy again. "It's Ashby."

I laughed, "Alan, I was kidding, oh gosh. I'm sorry, my humor is the worst, isn't it? I'm pretty sure I insulted you on the plane too..."

He nodded, "Yeah, you did, but I can tell you don't mean to."

"Yeah," I smiled, "I never do."

I didn't even realize it, but we were walking along the coast, away from the bonfire. I didn't even bother meeting anyone else around the fire because I was so enraptured in our conversation.

"So you're a Law student?" he asked.

"Mhmm," I said, "It's all I've ever wanted to do."

"That's awesome, it's how it was for me too. I didn't really go down the college-route cause I knew this was where I wanted to be," he said.

"I like your band," I said, smiling up at him.

"Oh yeah?"

I nodded, "Yep, they're really awesome."

"Breaking news: Lonely mystery girl likes my band," Alan said, jokingly.

I laughed, as I thought to myself that he was so easy to talk to. He tapped my shoulder lightly and said, "I like your work."

"Thanks, I sneaked out of the house and got it done when I was seventeen with my best-" I stopped myself, "Yeah, I was pretty young," I said, smiling again.

"What does it symbolize?"

I shrugged, "Honestly? Nothing really. It's just a wolf because I like wolves and me and my...um, my friend had this joke that we were both raised by wolves, so we decided to get wolf tattoos."

He smiled, "I really like it."

"I like all of your's too," I said, politely.

"Oh, you haven't even seen the best ones yet," he winked, nudging me a bit.

I laughed, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I have a feeling you might...eventually."

"Don't hold your breath, Romeo," I said, playing hard to get.

He laughed slightly and then rubbed his hands together, saying, "You're so intimidating, you know that right?"

"What?! Me? I'm the most feeble person you've ever met in your life, dude, trust me."

He shook his head, "Nope. You're one of those mega beautiful, captivating girls that guys shit bricks trying to impress."

"Really? Because nineteen years of my life say otherwise," I joked.

"No luck in the love department?" he asked, and I couldn't help but notice that he sounded a little hopeful.

I shook my head, "Nah, a few weird dates here and there but nothing that panned out."

"Does it always have to pan out?"

I shrugged, "Well, if it doesn't, then what's the point? Love isn't easy, you know? It's hard work and I don't really want to take all of the effort for someone who's going to run to the hills when things get hard."

Alan looked taken aback, I guess my views were a bit too heavy for a first date (or whatever this was). "That's a good outlook, but a cowardly one," he noted.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you say you understand how love works but you're scared to fall in it because you don't want to get hurt. You don't want to be with someone unless that person commits themselves to you wholly, you're just scared of being left alone."

"Well, yeah," I said, obviously, "Aren't we all?"

"Yeah, it sucks but it's just part and parcel," he said, suddenly stopping in his tracks and facing me. "Grace, I'm not going to beat around the bush and do the whole 'let's be friends' thing. I really like you, I'm attracted to you and I have been since the flight. I just want you to know."

I suddenly felt really woozy, in a good way. "I-I don't know what to say, Alan," I said.

"How about this," he said, taking my free hand in his and interlocking his fingers with mine, "For now- just tell me that you'll think about giving this a chance, even if I'm not your perfect ideal guy, or even if you don't think this will pan out?"

I giggled, "So you basically want a 'Get out of Jail' free card?" I asked.

"Not exactly..."

"Alan, I don't do middle of the road relationships. I'm either in or out," I said, despite everything in my body telling me that I should shut the fuck up and go with whatever it was that he had in mind.

"You don't think I can be all in?" he asked, pulling me towards him with his left hand.

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out," I said, as he crashed his lips into mine, kissing me deeply.