Status: I love you.
Worth It
i swear.
She can see them sitting on top of the bus. Throngs of girls are crowded around the bottom, a few daring ones even venturing so close that she notices their fingernail polish chipped fingernails come close to grazing over palms of outstretched hands or snagging on some clothing. A string of desire slithers through her, and for a few seconds she wants to have that much courage. But she knows that she’d just be too intimidated—that the fear of actually meeting the people who’d helped her get here today would just be too much and then she’d freeze up.
The harmonic voices of the group are echoing out melodically even though the crowd is roaring with excitement. Clearly, she can hear each boy singing his solo, and then is able to make out a certain accent that goes with a member when the entire group harmonizes together. One or two of the lads are strumming out a rhythm on their thighs, while others settle for just bobbing their head. They’re taking turns leaning as far off the bus as their one lone bodyguard will allow and smiling big as they grab the hands of crying and shaking girls.
Again, when she notices how each member of the group is trying to show each fan who’d waited such long hours for them to arrive attention, that urge to be braver thumps at the back of her head. She even starts to make a plan. There was a little gap that rested in the middle of the crowd, where the gravel of the road was full of potholes and had cracked unpleasantly, and it gave enough room for her to slip through. Then it was a clear shot up to the front of the bus, where her idols were starting another song and perkily asking the entire group to sing along.
Swallowing to moisten her suddenly dry throat, she takes her bottom lip between her teeth. Her gaze travels away from the members for a few seconds and she scans the growing crowd. She doesn’t know a single soul here. They’re all strangers, girls who’d she faintly remembered sitting out in the cool evening temperatures and waiting to get a glimpse of the band with. Most just completely ignore her, but others who stand just a few feet in front of her send big smiles over their shoulders. When she considers walking up and taking a spot by them, she realizes that they brought a friend who liked the band as well, as they’ll cut from another part of the crowd and take the spot she was eyeing.
Now, the band members are standing and clapping, with their big, masculine hands raised over their heads. Their faces are alive with excitement and euphoria and awe; obviously they were just as much in wonder at their fans as the hundred and something girls and boys were of them. This makes her start to laugh and clap along. Her heart starts to thrum faster in her chest as she sings loudly with the much more talented group of boys, the thought that she was supporting five people who loved her for simply supporting them making her feel warm.
Seconds pass by, slinking by and drifting in to minutes. The band is wrapping up what they sadly informed would be the last song, but no one had left. People were now pushing themselves as close as they could get and her hope to be bold had been stalled and forgotten by the song and moments she’d now store away for a difficult day. It’s too late now, she decides with a mournful sigh, and they’ll more than likely be hoping of the bus and all the fans will be asked to step back.
She can’t help it, but she wishes the emotional tears gathering in her eyes would go away. This whole thing had meant a lot to her, though. These five boys had saved her when she’d been alone in her room and staring down at a razor blade gleaming on her wrinkled bedspread. They’d pulled her out of the depths of the darkest days and brought sunshine to her life. She’d felt important, like someone actually gave a damn about her when she found them because they just conveyed so much love and appreciation through all the things they’d done for their fans. They’d loved her and saved her and slowly helped to patch her back together, and she thought they ort to know.
So as the bodyguard is helping the only guitarist who’d accompanied the band pack up his instruments, she lurches forward. Many people are crowding around the front now, she sees, but she’s determined. People glare at her or curse and some even give a shove or two, and maybe it rattles her, maybe it stirs up some anxiety and brings a bad memory forward, but she keeps going.
It takes what feels like ages to finally get up to the front. Now that they all knew the boys were leaving, everyone wanted one last chance to touch them or talk to them. Just one, that was it; they just wanted a little something that they could tuck away. When she is just behind two other people, a girl and a boy she doesn’t remember seeing before, a big, hopeful grin springs onto her lips. Immediately, she stretches her arm out and begins to frantically wiggle her fingers towards the one band member who was daringly leaning off one side of the bus. He was only holding on with one hand, but he was grinning.
As he’s pulling half of his submerged body out of the crowd, he sends his hand in her direction and she screams in happiness. For a few short seconds she sees him grabbing her hand and sending a big smile in her direction. She pictures it all happening in her mind and that makes her nearly cry again. But just as she’s standing on her tiptoes, someone from behind grabs a hold of the hood of her thin jacket and yanks her out of the way. She stumbles back into the thick circle of people and loses her closeness to the boy who made up part of her world.
Tripping back, the tears she’d been feeling pushing at the corners of her orbs brim over and streak down her cheeks. She manages to steady her footing, but as she scans up sad eyes, her mouth gapes open a little. The girl who’d pulled her out of the way was now grasping the boys hand and he’s taking off one of the bracelets he was wearing and giving it to her. Her stomach twists and she thinks she’s going to be sick.
Spinning around, she tries to get out and back to the spot she was originally in, but there are too many people. Her breaths become hard while the t-shirt she was wearing rises with every gust of wind that gets sucked into her chest. The crowd turns her back around, pushes her forward once more, and squishes her up against someone. It’s just a haze of sound and rough hands catching on her shoulders. She can’t even see the boys anymore because so many fans have pushed in.
She has to shut her eyes, otherwise she’ll lose that scrap of sanity she’s managed so salvage after all these years. So she does. She shuts them tight and wraps her trembling arms around her frame, ducking her head. For a while she focuses on calming herself down and ignoring all the chaos that’s taking place around her. People continue to shove and push and rest themselves on her, but she blocks them out. It’s just breathing slowly, cherishing the concert she’d gotten to see, and trying to remember how excited she’d been earlier.
Then, before she knows it, her heart is slowed and her chest doesn’t ache anymore. She’s calmer, she deduces while wiping away stray pieces of wet hair that had gotten caught up in her tears, but still quite sad. Fumbling with her bag, she tries to put away the sharpie and crumpled piece of paper she’d had shoved in her pocket. It’s much quiet now, with only a few people lingering around and babbling and laughing. While she pulls out more papers from her bag in order to fold them more neatly and get everything to fit in so she could properly zip the old thing, she realizes that everyone’s probably already left.
Her cheeks burn in embarrassment as she pictures how she’d probably looked to everyone while she’d had her little breakdown. This makes her movements become clumsier and soon she’s getting too frustrated with the stupid pieces of paper and marker.
“Alright, I’ll sign it for ya, love. How are ya doin’ tonight? Enjoy that little bit?” The pieces of paper and permanent black pen are yanked out of her hand.
With widening eyes, she looks up and into the face of one of the band members. Her breathing accelerates again and her mouth falls open a little, but she manages to do a quick sweep with her gaze.
She’s standing in the middle of a small group of girls who’d remained afterwards with her, and most of them have singled out one band member and are pushing papers and pens and camera lenses into their faces. They were being quite, though, obviously in just as much awe as she currently was, and she figures that was why she hadn’t heard anything.
“Uhm,” she mutters while still looking ‘round.
“You want a picture too?” Looking back over to the band member, she shakes her head. She reminds herself to close her mouth, but can’t make her eyes shrink or the tears to stop. “Oh, hey, now!” cries the band member, pausing his signing of her piece of paper and taking her in his arms. He holds her close and tightly. “No tears, yea? Might even make me cry!”
This makes her laugh and she tries to bring up a shaking hand to wipe them away before his muscles arm stops her. Then his lips push against her forehead, he gives her one more squeeze, and is handing back her piece of paper. She takes it and smiles at him when he beams.
“Thank you.”
“Are ya kiddin’ me, love? We saw you lot standin’ out here for ages! Wouldn’t be right if we didn’t greet ya all.”
“Oh.”
He nods and grins again. Then some other girl comes scuttling over quite timidly and he exclaims loudly before throwing his arms around her.
Stumbling back, she grips the paper tightly, gently. She’s too stunned to do anything else and ends up just standing there for a few seconds, watching as others who’d gotten the privilege of meeting one of the lads go screaming by. But then her knees start to hurt and she turns with a dreamy sigh. That’s when he eyes lock on the small groups of others waiting a ways back.
There’s about ten or fifteen in each one, and they’re all waiting, fidgeting while watching as everyone else goes up and gets their moment. She tears up again, but this time it’s from happiness, and that warmth she’d felt before comes rushing back.
She may not be the most popular girl in school, or have good grades, or have tons of friends, but these five people love her without question.
The harmonic voices of the group are echoing out melodically even though the crowd is roaring with excitement. Clearly, she can hear each boy singing his solo, and then is able to make out a certain accent that goes with a member when the entire group harmonizes together. One or two of the lads are strumming out a rhythm on their thighs, while others settle for just bobbing their head. They’re taking turns leaning as far off the bus as their one lone bodyguard will allow and smiling big as they grab the hands of crying and shaking girls.
Again, when she notices how each member of the group is trying to show each fan who’d waited such long hours for them to arrive attention, that urge to be braver thumps at the back of her head. She even starts to make a plan. There was a little gap that rested in the middle of the crowd, where the gravel of the road was full of potholes and had cracked unpleasantly, and it gave enough room for her to slip through. Then it was a clear shot up to the front of the bus, where her idols were starting another song and perkily asking the entire group to sing along.
Swallowing to moisten her suddenly dry throat, she takes her bottom lip between her teeth. Her gaze travels away from the members for a few seconds and she scans the growing crowd. She doesn’t know a single soul here. They’re all strangers, girls who’d she faintly remembered sitting out in the cool evening temperatures and waiting to get a glimpse of the band with. Most just completely ignore her, but others who stand just a few feet in front of her send big smiles over their shoulders. When she considers walking up and taking a spot by them, she realizes that they brought a friend who liked the band as well, as they’ll cut from another part of the crowd and take the spot she was eyeing.
Now, the band members are standing and clapping, with their big, masculine hands raised over their heads. Their faces are alive with excitement and euphoria and awe; obviously they were just as much in wonder at their fans as the hundred and something girls and boys were of them. This makes her start to laugh and clap along. Her heart starts to thrum faster in her chest as she sings loudly with the much more talented group of boys, the thought that she was supporting five people who loved her for simply supporting them making her feel warm.
Seconds pass by, slinking by and drifting in to minutes. The band is wrapping up what they sadly informed would be the last song, but no one had left. People were now pushing themselves as close as they could get and her hope to be bold had been stalled and forgotten by the song and moments she’d now store away for a difficult day. It’s too late now, she decides with a mournful sigh, and they’ll more than likely be hoping of the bus and all the fans will be asked to step back.
She can’t help it, but she wishes the emotional tears gathering in her eyes would go away. This whole thing had meant a lot to her, though. These five boys had saved her when she’d been alone in her room and staring down at a razor blade gleaming on her wrinkled bedspread. They’d pulled her out of the depths of the darkest days and brought sunshine to her life. She’d felt important, like someone actually gave a damn about her when she found them because they just conveyed so much love and appreciation through all the things they’d done for their fans. They’d loved her and saved her and slowly helped to patch her back together, and she thought they ort to know.
So as the bodyguard is helping the only guitarist who’d accompanied the band pack up his instruments, she lurches forward. Many people are crowding around the front now, she sees, but she’s determined. People glare at her or curse and some even give a shove or two, and maybe it rattles her, maybe it stirs up some anxiety and brings a bad memory forward, but she keeps going.
It takes what feels like ages to finally get up to the front. Now that they all knew the boys were leaving, everyone wanted one last chance to touch them or talk to them. Just one, that was it; they just wanted a little something that they could tuck away. When she is just behind two other people, a girl and a boy she doesn’t remember seeing before, a big, hopeful grin springs onto her lips. Immediately, she stretches her arm out and begins to frantically wiggle her fingers towards the one band member who was daringly leaning off one side of the bus. He was only holding on with one hand, but he was grinning.
As he’s pulling half of his submerged body out of the crowd, he sends his hand in her direction and she screams in happiness. For a few short seconds she sees him grabbing her hand and sending a big smile in her direction. She pictures it all happening in her mind and that makes her nearly cry again. But just as she’s standing on her tiptoes, someone from behind grabs a hold of the hood of her thin jacket and yanks her out of the way. She stumbles back into the thick circle of people and loses her closeness to the boy who made up part of her world.
Tripping back, the tears she’d been feeling pushing at the corners of her orbs brim over and streak down her cheeks. She manages to steady her footing, but as she scans up sad eyes, her mouth gapes open a little. The girl who’d pulled her out of the way was now grasping the boys hand and he’s taking off one of the bracelets he was wearing and giving it to her. Her stomach twists and she thinks she’s going to be sick.
Spinning around, she tries to get out and back to the spot she was originally in, but there are too many people. Her breaths become hard while the t-shirt she was wearing rises with every gust of wind that gets sucked into her chest. The crowd turns her back around, pushes her forward once more, and squishes her up against someone. It’s just a haze of sound and rough hands catching on her shoulders. She can’t even see the boys anymore because so many fans have pushed in.
She has to shut her eyes, otherwise she’ll lose that scrap of sanity she’s managed so salvage after all these years. So she does. She shuts them tight and wraps her trembling arms around her frame, ducking her head. For a while she focuses on calming herself down and ignoring all the chaos that’s taking place around her. People continue to shove and push and rest themselves on her, but she blocks them out. It’s just breathing slowly, cherishing the concert she’d gotten to see, and trying to remember how excited she’d been earlier.
Then, before she knows it, her heart is slowed and her chest doesn’t ache anymore. She’s calmer, she deduces while wiping away stray pieces of wet hair that had gotten caught up in her tears, but still quite sad. Fumbling with her bag, she tries to put away the sharpie and crumpled piece of paper she’d had shoved in her pocket. It’s much quiet now, with only a few people lingering around and babbling and laughing. While she pulls out more papers from her bag in order to fold them more neatly and get everything to fit in so she could properly zip the old thing, she realizes that everyone’s probably already left.
Her cheeks burn in embarrassment as she pictures how she’d probably looked to everyone while she’d had her little breakdown. This makes her movements become clumsier and soon she’s getting too frustrated with the stupid pieces of paper and marker.
“Alright, I’ll sign it for ya, love. How are ya doin’ tonight? Enjoy that little bit?” The pieces of paper and permanent black pen are yanked out of her hand.
With widening eyes, she looks up and into the face of one of the band members. Her breathing accelerates again and her mouth falls open a little, but she manages to do a quick sweep with her gaze.
She’s standing in the middle of a small group of girls who’d remained afterwards with her, and most of them have singled out one band member and are pushing papers and pens and camera lenses into their faces. They were being quite, though, obviously in just as much awe as she currently was, and she figures that was why she hadn’t heard anything.
“Uhm,” she mutters while still looking ‘round.
“You want a picture too?” Looking back over to the band member, she shakes her head. She reminds herself to close her mouth, but can’t make her eyes shrink or the tears to stop. “Oh, hey, now!” cries the band member, pausing his signing of her piece of paper and taking her in his arms. He holds her close and tightly. “No tears, yea? Might even make me cry!”
This makes her laugh and she tries to bring up a shaking hand to wipe them away before his muscles arm stops her. Then his lips push against her forehead, he gives her one more squeeze, and is handing back her piece of paper. She takes it and smiles at him when he beams.
“Thank you.”
“Are ya kiddin’ me, love? We saw you lot standin’ out here for ages! Wouldn’t be right if we didn’t greet ya all.”
“Oh.”
He nods and grins again. Then some other girl comes scuttling over quite timidly and he exclaims loudly before throwing his arms around her.
Stumbling back, she grips the paper tightly, gently. She’s too stunned to do anything else and ends up just standing there for a few seconds, watching as others who’d gotten the privilege of meeting one of the lads go screaming by. But then her knees start to hurt and she turns with a dreamy sigh. That’s when he eyes lock on the small groups of others waiting a ways back.
There’s about ten or fifteen in each one, and they’re all waiting, fidgeting while watching as everyone else goes up and gets their moment. She tears up again, but this time it’s from happiness, and that warmth she’d felt before comes rushing back.
She may not be the most popular girl in school, or have good grades, or have tons of friends, but these five people love her without question.