Status: Am still trying to write, but school is keeping me really busy
Hopeless Wanderer
Thirteen
He grabbed my hand tightly as he led me into the prison. Everybody else had gone to sleep while Daryl took first watch. Carl lay in his room, sleeping soundly next to Judith. I hesitated, my feet faltering as we left the cell block.
“What are we doing?” I whispered, both scared and curious. Even in the faint light I could see a mischievous grin and he impatiently tugged on my hand. “What about the rotters?” I winced a bit at my words, afraid I was going to wake somebody up. With the axe in his free hand he pointed at the crowbar hanging off my side. He tugged again, but this time I followed. I concentrated on the way his boots collided with the concrete floor. He walked at a brisk pace not wanting to waste another second, not even on caution against rotters inside a pitch black prison. I concentrated on his low, heavy breaths. I concentrated on my heavy, terrified heart pounding against its cage. I thought we were getting along. Hell, there were nights I would come in from my shift with Rick only to find Carl asleep in my cot.
So why was he doing this to me now? I had changed my mind since coming here. I can’t die until I discover Will’s fate. Surely Rick didn’t think I was suddenly a threat because I need to find my probably dead boyfriend?
My mind swam in the confusion, not paying any attention to the path he took. He could let go of my hand right now and I may never find my way out. We stopped in front of a door, which he gingerly pulled open. The room, somewhat surprisingly, was clear. Why go to the trouble of clearing this section just to kill me here?
I hadn’t noticed when he’d entered, but he yanked me from my thoughts and into the room with a firm grip on my forearm. Then he barricaded the door behind us. I returned to concentrate on his heavy breath and my terrified heart.
“Rick, I-” The axe clattered to the floor and his lips crashed down on mine. A new wave of terror spread over me. I couldn’t help but remember Pete and my body went rigid. Rick pulled away, one hand still lightly cupping my right cheek.
“Jenn?” The concern in his voice couldn’t be further from Pete, but my body didn’t seem to care. He was an intruder. I stammered out a string of words that made no sense. He leaned in close. My breath caught in my lungs. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly lost being in such close proximity to this man. Usually if we were alone, we were outside in the open. Neither fight nor flight kicked in, just an awful sense of being frozen and helpless in space. He tentatively leaned in and lightly kissed my lower jaw.
“Do you mean to tell me you don’t like when I touch you?” He found the sensitive skin behind my ear, leaving another short kiss as if to test me. The combination of his ticklish voice and soft lips sent a shudder down my spine. I couldn’t respond any other way. He continued to whisper in my ear, but didn’t make another attempt to touch me. I couldn’t really hear what he was saying. I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of blood buzzing in my ears.
He melted the icy fear just enough to bend my limbs. I found myself laying on a thin blanket with my shirt pushed up enough to expose my abdomen. A chilled hand lightly ran along the curve in my side. Tears he couldn’t see rolled down into my hair. Finally flight kicked in. I squirmed out from under his weight and semi-hid in the corner of the room. I clutched my knees close to my chest, fingers interlocked in a weak attempt to keep my hands from shaking. Heavy sobs shook my body while tears burst through the dam and flooded out. I had to concentrate on actually taking oxygen into my lungs. So much more cautious than the trip down here, Rick’s boots still clacked against the floor. He reached out to touch my shoulder lightly. I had to turn to the side to vomit.
“Jennifer, what’s wrong?” He tried to pull me forward enough to drape the blanket behind me, over my shoulders. Again I turned to the side and dry heaved over the contents of my emptied stomach. He didn’t even try to touch me again. He retreated to the other side of the room, giving me some much needed space. When I could finally stop the tears and breath fairly regularly, I stumbled my way over to the door. The strength in my legs was slow to return and I had to make my way slowly.
Rick handed me his axe to hold. Then, careful to keep the blanket between his touch and my body, he scooped me up. He carried me as far from his body as his strength would allow. He carried me all the way into my cell. It wasn’t a long walk, but my exhausted body fell asleep to the cadence of his steps. I awoke when he deposited me on the cot and carefully brushed the hair from my face. His face had contorted with concern and confusion. I couldn’t really blame him. Tears sprang back into my eyes.
“Rick, I was raped,” I whispered my confession. He gave a clumsy but loud string of nonsense as a reply.
“Shh, it was before you found me. I prefer rotters to people because I was raped.” I hadn’t anticipated his reaction, but it struck me deep in my stomach when he stormed out of the cell, letting the door bang deafeningly behind him. I fought back the urge to vomit again but not the tears. At some point they exhausted my eyes and I fell asleep. I awoke several times through the night, each time hoping to no avail to catch my keeper slouched against the door.
When the sun finally woke me for good, he still hadn’t returned. My chest felt as if it were imploding. Maybe I should’ve let him think whatever he had thought of me. Maybe I should’ve said I came down with rapid onset stomach flu. Whatever I should’ve said, I shouldn’t have told him my secret.
“What are we doing?” I whispered, both scared and curious. Even in the faint light I could see a mischievous grin and he impatiently tugged on my hand. “What about the rotters?” I winced a bit at my words, afraid I was going to wake somebody up. With the axe in his free hand he pointed at the crowbar hanging off my side. He tugged again, but this time I followed. I concentrated on the way his boots collided with the concrete floor. He walked at a brisk pace not wanting to waste another second, not even on caution against rotters inside a pitch black prison. I concentrated on his low, heavy breaths. I concentrated on my heavy, terrified heart pounding against its cage. I thought we were getting along. Hell, there were nights I would come in from my shift with Rick only to find Carl asleep in my cot.
So why was he doing this to me now? I had changed my mind since coming here. I can’t die until I discover Will’s fate. Surely Rick didn’t think I was suddenly a threat because I need to find my probably dead boyfriend?
My mind swam in the confusion, not paying any attention to the path he took. He could let go of my hand right now and I may never find my way out. We stopped in front of a door, which he gingerly pulled open. The room, somewhat surprisingly, was clear. Why go to the trouble of clearing this section just to kill me here?
I hadn’t noticed when he’d entered, but he yanked me from my thoughts and into the room with a firm grip on my forearm. Then he barricaded the door behind us. I returned to concentrate on his heavy breath and my terrified heart.
“Rick, I-” The axe clattered to the floor and his lips crashed down on mine. A new wave of terror spread over me. I couldn’t help but remember Pete and my body went rigid. Rick pulled away, one hand still lightly cupping my right cheek.
“Jenn?” The concern in his voice couldn’t be further from Pete, but my body didn’t seem to care. He was an intruder. I stammered out a string of words that made no sense. He leaned in close. My breath caught in my lungs. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly lost being in such close proximity to this man. Usually if we were alone, we were outside in the open. Neither fight nor flight kicked in, just an awful sense of being frozen and helpless in space. He tentatively leaned in and lightly kissed my lower jaw.
“Do you mean to tell me you don’t like when I touch you?” He found the sensitive skin behind my ear, leaving another short kiss as if to test me. The combination of his ticklish voice and soft lips sent a shudder down my spine. I couldn’t respond any other way. He continued to whisper in my ear, but didn’t make another attempt to touch me. I couldn’t really hear what he was saying. I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of blood buzzing in my ears.
He melted the icy fear just enough to bend my limbs. I found myself laying on a thin blanket with my shirt pushed up enough to expose my abdomen. A chilled hand lightly ran along the curve in my side. Tears he couldn’t see rolled down into my hair. Finally flight kicked in. I squirmed out from under his weight and semi-hid in the corner of the room. I clutched my knees close to my chest, fingers interlocked in a weak attempt to keep my hands from shaking. Heavy sobs shook my body while tears burst through the dam and flooded out. I had to concentrate on actually taking oxygen into my lungs. So much more cautious than the trip down here, Rick’s boots still clacked against the floor. He reached out to touch my shoulder lightly. I had to turn to the side to vomit.
“Jennifer, what’s wrong?” He tried to pull me forward enough to drape the blanket behind me, over my shoulders. Again I turned to the side and dry heaved over the contents of my emptied stomach. He didn’t even try to touch me again. He retreated to the other side of the room, giving me some much needed space. When I could finally stop the tears and breath fairly regularly, I stumbled my way over to the door. The strength in my legs was slow to return and I had to make my way slowly.
Rick handed me his axe to hold. Then, careful to keep the blanket between his touch and my body, he scooped me up. He carried me as far from his body as his strength would allow. He carried me all the way into my cell. It wasn’t a long walk, but my exhausted body fell asleep to the cadence of his steps. I awoke when he deposited me on the cot and carefully brushed the hair from my face. His face had contorted with concern and confusion. I couldn’t really blame him. Tears sprang back into my eyes.
“Rick, I was raped,” I whispered my confession. He gave a clumsy but loud string of nonsense as a reply.
“Shh, it was before you found me. I prefer rotters to people because I was raped.” I hadn’t anticipated his reaction, but it struck me deep in my stomach when he stormed out of the cell, letting the door bang deafeningly behind him. I fought back the urge to vomit again but not the tears. At some point they exhausted my eyes and I fell asleep. I awoke several times through the night, each time hoping to no avail to catch my keeper slouched against the door.
When the sun finally woke me for good, he still hadn’t returned. My chest felt as if it were imploding. Maybe I should’ve let him think whatever he had thought of me. Maybe I should’ve said I came down with rapid onset stomach flu. Whatever I should’ve said, I shouldn’t have told him my secret.