Status: Am still trying to write, but school is keeping me really busy
Hopeless Wanderer
Eighteen
Faint rays of sun danced along my eyelids. They fluttered open, eliciting a groan upon realization. I’d been lost in such a lovely dream that I’d forgotten about the prison walls keeping the end of the world at bay. Instead, I’d lost myself to the banquet hall of my grandparents’ church, celebrating their anniversary. It was years after my mom’s funeral, but these sorts of events always made my dad sulk a little on his own, bitter to see his parents’ love outlast his own. The warm emotions slowly faded away as I readjusted to reality.
Rick was already gone.That seemed like a blessing because I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to talk about this sort of thing or just let it go. Not knowing what else to do, I quietly snuck outside to get some exercise in while Carl slept in my cell. Somehow stretching the tight muscles out and working them properly brought me back to focus. Upon finishing I splayed out in the yard, eyes closed, listening to the rotters moan behind the perimeter fence.
The sun beat down on my exposed flesh and I remembered what it was like to go suntanning with Katy. She was obsessed with golden skin. I joined her for the delectable feel of the sun baking my skin. It was like being hugged by nature. Nobody now cares much about how dark or pale your skin is, as long as its still the healthy color of living flesh. Unlike those rotters moaning in the background.
As I almost knew he would, a man laid down beside me and reached for my hand. I could swear I felt his ring wrapped around his finger. My left thumb reached for my own naked ring finger. Will was spending all of his money on his master’s degree, so we were waiting until he’d graduated to purchase a ring. It seemed like such a prudent decision at the time, but now I regret not having that piece of him with me. I regret not having that proof that he existed and loved me and wanted to marry me. Instead, Will has no degree and I have no ring. I painfully withdrew my hand from Rick’s and sat up to look at him. For a minute my eyes could only find his glinting ring.
Once they moved on, my shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t realized I was tensed up. His right arm was draped over his face, shielding his bright eyes from the sun. His hair was slightly damp from sweat. His clothes looked like he washed in dirt and I could see a streak of mud on his cheek. I couldn’t stop the small smile from finding my lips. He had been playing farmer all morning.
“Did you know you’re a bed hog?” He asked without moving. I snorted slightly at his accusation. “It’s true; I almost had to go fight Carl for your bed.”
“Well did you know you snore?” He sat up, an expression of disbelief shading all of his features.
“I wasn’t last night. I was too busy being pushed out of bed,” he retorted. I laughed and leaned into him like I’d done with Will so many times before. My body was expecting an arm to wrap around my shoulders and squeeze me in close, just like Will did so many times before. When that didn’t happen I quickly made space between us. Maybe I’d allowed my confused feelings to blur the lines of our friendship. I realized I needed to get out of here if I wanted to avoid getting hurt by another man again. I started to open my mouth but he spoke first. “You know you can stay if you want. Or if you find Will you can come back. You can always come back.”
Rick was already gone.That seemed like a blessing because I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to talk about this sort of thing or just let it go. Not knowing what else to do, I quietly snuck outside to get some exercise in while Carl slept in my cell. Somehow stretching the tight muscles out and working them properly brought me back to focus. Upon finishing I splayed out in the yard, eyes closed, listening to the rotters moan behind the perimeter fence.
The sun beat down on my exposed flesh and I remembered what it was like to go suntanning with Katy. She was obsessed with golden skin. I joined her for the delectable feel of the sun baking my skin. It was like being hugged by nature. Nobody now cares much about how dark or pale your skin is, as long as its still the healthy color of living flesh. Unlike those rotters moaning in the background.
As I almost knew he would, a man laid down beside me and reached for my hand. I could swear I felt his ring wrapped around his finger. My left thumb reached for my own naked ring finger. Will was spending all of his money on his master’s degree, so we were waiting until he’d graduated to purchase a ring. It seemed like such a prudent decision at the time, but now I regret not having that piece of him with me. I regret not having that proof that he existed and loved me and wanted to marry me. Instead, Will has no degree and I have no ring. I painfully withdrew my hand from Rick’s and sat up to look at him. For a minute my eyes could only find his glinting ring.
Once they moved on, my shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t realized I was tensed up. His right arm was draped over his face, shielding his bright eyes from the sun. His hair was slightly damp from sweat. His clothes looked like he washed in dirt and I could see a streak of mud on his cheek. I couldn’t stop the small smile from finding my lips. He had been playing farmer all morning.
“Did you know you’re a bed hog?” He asked without moving. I snorted slightly at his accusation. “It’s true; I almost had to go fight Carl for your bed.”
“Well did you know you snore?” He sat up, an expression of disbelief shading all of his features.
“I wasn’t last night. I was too busy being pushed out of bed,” he retorted. I laughed and leaned into him like I’d done with Will so many times before. My body was expecting an arm to wrap around my shoulders and squeeze me in close, just like Will did so many times before. When that didn’t happen I quickly made space between us. Maybe I’d allowed my confused feelings to blur the lines of our friendship. I realized I needed to get out of here if I wanted to avoid getting hurt by another man again. I started to open my mouth but he spoke first. “You know you can stay if you want. Or if you find Will you can come back. You can always come back.”