Never Leave My Side
CHAPTER ONE
I was ready to scream. I didn't want to be here. No, sorry, rephrase that, I didn't want HIM to be here. It was awful. Tubes. Doctors. Nurses. A stupid machine that beeped 24 fucking 7. And then, right there, in the Intensive Care Ward, was Nathaniel. The guy that I knew since I was born. The guy that was my best friend, and yet my worst enemy at times. And it hurt to know he was hanging onto life by a thread.
"Clover," he croaked, reaching for my hand. He shouldn't really be talking, but I didn't have the will to tell him to shut up. I took his cold hand, and held it tight, wanting to never let go. But I knew that, one day, one day soon, I would have to.
"Clover, remember that time we went sledding? You didn't want to, but I made you and you fell off and did an amazing flip. I swear, it was of Olympics quality!" He said hoarsely. The greatest thing about Nathaniel was that he had a sense of humor in the most dire times.
"That hurt!" I teased him, trying to hide the tears running down my face, but it was no use.
"Aw Clover," he cooed while I wailed. He sat up and held me. "It's okay, shhhh..." He gently kissed my wet cheek, damp with sweat and tear.
I sat back in my seat and calmed myself down, but the tears insisted on rocketing down my face. My eyes shut closed and I remembered my twentieth birthday last year. Nate had taken me to a snowy hill, in the middle of winter, even when I didn't want to be there. An orange wooly hat had been plonked on my head and I my face told everyone that I was PISSED.
"I wanted to take you here so that you can remember what it looks like. You know, before we move." Nate sniffled. Ah yes, moving out of the mothers nest or something like that. My mom always dragged on about it, but she was covered in tears when I left.
"Get on with it!" I said grouchily.
"Well, believe it or not, it's your birthday," he laughed, because Nate knew no one was worried about it. So far the only present I got was the stupid fluro-orange hat from my grandma.
"So I decided to get you a present, ya know?" Nate grinned. I laughed like a wolf, not because of the joke, but of the prospect of Nate and I living together (as flatmates, and as a couple). Nate presented me with a crimson box. My shivering hands shook it open to reveal a blue locket on a silver chain.
"It might be in bad nick, mostly because I'm cheap and I bought it from the thrift store," he shivered, closing the clasp around my neck.
"It's-it's wonderful," I quivered, smoothing my hand over the locket. Nate started coughing and wheezing, so I helped him inside. Indeed, that was the last time I saw the hill. Alongside a healthy Nathaniel.
I snapped back to reality and realised the doom Nate was facing. He was going to die. And once he was dead, there was no dragging him back. I stared at the clock, realising my visiting time was almost up.
"Nate," I said desperately, clutching his hand. "Nate, I want you to promise me one thing." He immediately tried to sit up, but groaned.
"Yes, Clove?" He enquired weakly.
"I want you to promise me that you will never leave my side, please." I said, now in hysteria.
"Clover, as much as I would-" he began, trying to explain the current conditions, but I wouldn't let him.
"Please, please Nate!" I begged, tears rolling down my face.
"Yes," Nate smiled, tears running. He wasn't one to cry, but I let him, considering he was hanging onto life by a thread. "Of course." He held me close, squeezing my hand. He spotted my locket, and kissed it. A nurse came in, telling me my time was up. I kissed him quickly, unfurled my hand and tried not to cry as I saw his desperate look.
"Never leave my side," I whispered to him, and he nodded to me. I quickly walked out the door, back to my flat and bawled. I didn't want to lose him, but I knew I would. Soon.
*******
Sweet, soft notes of piano floated gently into my ear. I took a deep breath, tried not to cry, and lay back in my bed.
"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," I repeated quietly to myself, but it didn't help. The river of Eye burst its banks and tears flooded quickly onto my face.
Nate Ruess' voice was slowly calming me down, singing with a sweet tone and the melody helped me up, out of my pillow.
The Gambler (although it had nothing to do with poker, Vegas or the Mafia) was soon one of my favourite songs. I listened to it everyday (which was possible because my boss had fired me because I was an emotional wreck).
Then came the line. The line that was so meaningful. The line that summed up the years so far in a couple of lines. The line that hit me so hard, right in the gut, which caused more tears to rocket down. The line that went like,
It was the winter of '86, all the fields had frozen over
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
And now he's turned into a man, though he thinks just like his mother
He believes we're all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone.
It reminded me of Nate. How we moved here, not only to move forward as a pair, but to get away from the cold. But there was one thing wrong with the paragraph. One thing that caused me to be in such a state of madness. That thing was that we hadn't (or rather, the doctors hadn't) saved Nate. We only heard yesterday.
We only heard that Nathaniel Somerville had slipped into the menacing claws of fate, so quickly and too fast for my liking, yesterday.
That meant one thing.
That Nate was gone.
Dead.
Never to come back.
"Clover," he croaked, reaching for my hand. He shouldn't really be talking, but I didn't have the will to tell him to shut up. I took his cold hand, and held it tight, wanting to never let go. But I knew that, one day, one day soon, I would have to.
"Clover, remember that time we went sledding? You didn't want to, but I made you and you fell off and did an amazing flip. I swear, it was of Olympics quality!" He said hoarsely. The greatest thing about Nathaniel was that he had a sense of humor in the most dire times.
"That hurt!" I teased him, trying to hide the tears running down my face, but it was no use.
"Aw Clover," he cooed while I wailed. He sat up and held me. "It's okay, shhhh..." He gently kissed my wet cheek, damp with sweat and tear.
I sat back in my seat and calmed myself down, but the tears insisted on rocketing down my face. My eyes shut closed and I remembered my twentieth birthday last year. Nate had taken me to a snowy hill, in the middle of winter, even when I didn't want to be there. An orange wooly hat had been plonked on my head and I my face told everyone that I was PISSED.
"I wanted to take you here so that you can remember what it looks like. You know, before we move." Nate sniffled. Ah yes, moving out of the mothers nest or something like that. My mom always dragged on about it, but she was covered in tears when I left.
"Get on with it!" I said grouchily.
"Well, believe it or not, it's your birthday," he laughed, because Nate knew no one was worried about it. So far the only present I got was the stupid fluro-orange hat from my grandma.
"So I decided to get you a present, ya know?" Nate grinned. I laughed like a wolf, not because of the joke, but of the prospect of Nate and I living together (as flatmates, and as a couple). Nate presented me with a crimson box. My shivering hands shook it open to reveal a blue locket on a silver chain.
"It might be in bad nick, mostly because I'm cheap and I bought it from the thrift store," he shivered, closing the clasp around my neck.
"It's-it's wonderful," I quivered, smoothing my hand over the locket. Nate started coughing and wheezing, so I helped him inside. Indeed, that was the last time I saw the hill. Alongside a healthy Nathaniel.
I snapped back to reality and realised the doom Nate was facing. He was going to die. And once he was dead, there was no dragging him back. I stared at the clock, realising my visiting time was almost up.
"Nate," I said desperately, clutching his hand. "Nate, I want you to promise me one thing." He immediately tried to sit up, but groaned.
"Yes, Clove?" He enquired weakly.
"I want you to promise me that you will never leave my side, please." I said, now in hysteria.
"Clover, as much as I would-" he began, trying to explain the current conditions, but I wouldn't let him.
"Please, please Nate!" I begged, tears rolling down my face.
"Yes," Nate smiled, tears running. He wasn't one to cry, but I let him, considering he was hanging onto life by a thread. "Of course." He held me close, squeezing my hand. He spotted my locket, and kissed it. A nurse came in, telling me my time was up. I kissed him quickly, unfurled my hand and tried not to cry as I saw his desperate look.
"Never leave my side," I whispered to him, and he nodded to me. I quickly walked out the door, back to my flat and bawled. I didn't want to lose him, but I knew I would. Soon.
*******
Sweet, soft notes of piano floated gently into my ear. I took a deep breath, tried not to cry, and lay back in my bed.
"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," I repeated quietly to myself, but it didn't help. The river of Eye burst its banks and tears flooded quickly onto my face.
Nate Ruess' voice was slowly calming me down, singing with a sweet tone and the melody helped me up, out of my pillow.
The Gambler (although it had nothing to do with poker, Vegas or the Mafia) was soon one of my favourite songs. I listened to it everyday (which was possible because my boss had fired me because I was an emotional wreck).
Then came the line. The line that was so meaningful. The line that summed up the years so far in a couple of lines. The line that hit me so hard, right in the gut, which caused more tears to rocket down. The line that went like,
It was the winter of '86, all the fields had frozen over
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
And now he's turned into a man, though he thinks just like his mother
He believes we're all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone.
It reminded me of Nate. How we moved here, not only to move forward as a pair, but to get away from the cold. But there was one thing wrong with the paragraph. One thing that caused me to be in such a state of madness. That thing was that we hadn't (or rather, the doctors hadn't) saved Nate. We only heard yesterday.
We only heard that Nathaniel Somerville had slipped into the menacing claws of fate, so quickly and too fast for my liking, yesterday.
That meant one thing.
That Nate was gone.
Dead.
Never to come back.