One Step Closer To The Edge

It was a warm, early August night in New York. Night’s like these were Levi’s favorite. He enjoyed them because it gave him the opportunity to go to his favorite place; the rooftop of one of the old buildings a little ways down his street. He liked to go there at night to see the New York skyline twinkling like stars on earth. The view was great during the day, yes, but it didn’t come close to the sight that could be seen at night.

Levi waited in his room pretending to be asleep until he knew for sure that his mother had definitely fallen asleep. Levi is only nine, and the last time his mother found out about his late night wandering down the road she scolded him and forbid him from doing anymore such crazy antics. She went on about how dangerous the streets of New York can be with drug dealers and addicts, gangs, bums, prostitutes, and pedophiles. How she didn’t want anything to happen to her baby and she was just trying to look out for him; he was all she had left in truth. Levi however being the childish youth he was did not care, nor listen. He felt he knew what was best for him and he was going to go to his favorite spot regardless; nothing was going to hurt him, he’s mother should calm herself. And so, he climbed out his window and made his way down to the abandoned house with the rooftop he claimed as his own.

Once he got to the building he had so come accustomed to, he opened the door and began his usual walk up the 8 flights of familiar stairs. After all the times he had been there he still shivered with anticipation and excitement as he neared the last of the steps. He finally reached the top and thrust open the door as he ran out onto the roof, eyes closed, head back, breathing in the fresh air surrounding him. He let his breath all out and opened his eyes to the view, and as he scanned the familiar yet still breathtaking skyline something caught his eye - a boy - a boy that looked about his age, standing up on the edge of the building looking down. The lights from the city made the boys face visible, He had messy brown hair, and beautiful green eyes, and Levi could see tear tracks trailing down from those magnificent orbs.

“Hey kid, what are you doing up there?” Levi spoke, expecting the boy to turn to him, but he didn’t; the boy didn’t even flinch.

“Just thinking.” The boy answered, his eyes were empty, almost void of any emotion at all; and he just started at the ground, unmoving, as if in search of some greater solace or meaning.

Levi was taken aback by the young boy. He didn’t know why, but he felt bad for the boy. He seemed detached from the world they were both stapled to by gravity, almost as if one of those staples came loose and gravity forgot to come back and fix it – leaving the boy floating a little away from the rest of the world. He wanted to know what was going on with him, what was wrong.

“Thinking of what?” Levi replied, nervously.

“Of what it would be like to fall. Would I see my life flash before my eyes, or would it play out like a movie, or is that just bullshit. Would the fall seem long or would it feel like an eternity, I doubt it would be long, it’s just simple physics, really; then again, that’s something else I don’t really know much about. Then, when you finally hit the ground is it an instantaneous death, with no pain, or would you feel your bones shatter into many fragments as you splatter on the sidewalk.”

Levi was scared. He couldn’t imagine the pain the boy must be going through to be contemplating such morbid thoughts. Or the actions that might come with them. Yet he stayed glued to his spot and listened as the broken boy continue.

“After emergency personal pronounce me officially dead I wonder how long it would take for the coroners to show up, and drape that white death blanket over my body so people didn’t see the bloody details, as they prep a gurney for what’s left of me. I really wouldn’t want that blanket over me, I’ve been invisible for my whole life so far, I’d rather everyone see me in all my gory glory than be invisible from the world yet again. Oh, then there’s the funeral that would follow. How many people would be there, going on about how I was such an amazing boy and how much they loved me and wished I was still here, when they know shit all about me. They just want to feel better about themselves because they know the words they’re spilling are complete bullshit. Then they’ll write some cliché inscription on my gravestone and lay flowers down on the ground in front of it.” He chuckled at the last sentence – a hollow, emotionless chuckle.

“I mean, what use does a dead person have for flowers in all honesty?” the boy questioned rhetorically.

“I…. I’ve never thought about it really.” Levi answered looking up at the boy. He had only just realized he had moved over to where the boy was standing on the ledge of the building.

The strange boy turned his head then, and looked at Levi for the first time. Levi finally able to take in the full view of that beautiful face stained by tears.

“I guess you wouldn’t have. You look like you come from a full loving, middle class family. Probably living in one of the nice houses a little ways up the road. So no, I guess you wouldn’t think about things like that.”

“You might be surprised. I’m sure whatever you’re going through isn’t so bad. So come down from there, please. Maybe I can help, but for now please get down from there it’s not safe. I don’t want you – I don’t want you to fall. Please come down.” Levi pleaded; hysteria and desperation creeping into his voice towards the end. He extended his hand out to the boy.

“You don’t know anything about me, don’t just assume I’m over exaggerating.”

“Okay kid, give me the chance then. Give me the chance to know you, come down.” Levi said desperately.

The boy then stood staring, eyes wide open, at the boy begging him to get down off the ledge – the boy with the shaggy, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He actually wanted him to come down. He wanted him to be safe. He somehow cared about him. This stranger has shown more empathy to him in a matter of a few minutes than humanity has in his entire life. And with that, he took the boys hand and came down from the ledge.

“My name’s not Kid by the way. It’s Alistair.” He shyly smiled a small smile towards the boy who brought him down from the ledge

“Alistair… that’s a really nice name, I like it. My name’s Levi.” He smiled a big, bright smile back.

“So do you come here often Ally? Oh, I, umm… Is it okay if I call you Ally?” Levi rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He was just so excited he learned the boys’ name – he wanted to know so much more.

“No I don’t actually. I only just recently discovered this place, what about you? Oh, and yes, you can call me Ally; that’s fine.” He smiled sheepishly. Both boys then moved and lay down on the roof and look up at the sky.

“I’ve been coming here whenever it’s nice out for about a year. I love the view of the skyline. And some nights, like tonight, you can see all the stars in the sky. It’s really beautiful.”

Alistair scoffs emotionless at this.

“What’s so funny?”

“Stars, I don’t get everyone’s deal about them. They’re just a token of all the broken promises in the world.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Think about all the wishes that have been made upon stars. Now think about all the wishes that have been left unfulfilled. It’s all bullshit, I should know.”

Levi turns to look at the boy looking up to the sky, and thinks of all the stars that he must have wished upon, all the wishes that never came true and he wants nothing more than to make some of those wishes to come true. To see that beautiful smile on his face again. He doesn’t just want to see it, he needs to see it.

“Maybe you’re not right. Maybe you just need to keep wishing.”

“Uh huh, sure.”

"It's true, I'll show you... Someday."

With that, Alistair smiled because the someday indicated Levi would be staying for a while. A hopefully, permanent fixture he could anchor himself to because all he needed was a little hope and normality, and Levi seemed to be just that.