The Last of Us

Over the next few days I fell into a rhythm with these three people fate threw me together with. Louis and Eleanor “call me El,” were real welcoming. Almost uncomfortably so, but I guess going a long time without other human contact will do that too you. I just wasn’t used to it, I’ve gotten used to just it being me and Brady, or alone as it was up until a few days ago.

We got to know each other. I learned that El, Louis and I were the same age, 21, and that she was also a college, or ‘Uni’ student. Really, aside from the whole international pop star thing we seemed to live similar lives.

…Not that being famous meant anything anymore, at least I don’t think it did.

They told me that they’d seen most of their crew die, and all they had left were each other. I told them about how I was in Charlotte, North Carolina when my dorm building was attacked by walkers. About how Brady and I ran out together and then how he died and that I’d been walking alone for about a week now.

Harry was still somewhat distant, not the lovely, overly pleasing boy I saw on the pages of tumblr. He’d partake in some of the conversations but I could tell he was still guarded. I don’t know if it was all because of me or just this apocalyptic world we were all thrown into. But I totally understood, this new world changes you. I went from being someone with many friends, to having no one and being weary of getting close to anyone, even if it meant survival.

The roles in the house became clear real fast. Eleanor cleaned and made sure the food was stocked and ready for every meal, and the boys patrolled and scoped out the fields for vegetables and fresh fruits. I wasn’t really okay with this. It may have been in El’s nature to be a homemaker but it wasn’t in mine, never had been. I hated cleaning and I could hardly use a microwave back in college. But I sucked it up, out of pure survival, and I was glad I wasn’t alone anymore.

After two days Harry, begrudgingly, gave me my bow and gun back. I was so grateful to have them back in my possession I didn’t even comment of is sour mood swings. That and he also gave up the bed he’d been sleeping in to me in exchange for the dingy couch downstairs. “It’ll be easier to keep watch at night,” was his excuse when I told him I was fine with the floor or couch. But he ended the conversation without giving me much say.

We hadn’t seen a whole lot of dead around either. Which was a relief, but unsettling at the same time. Because it was only a matter of time before a huge group of them stumbled upon us.

It was a really nice day out, not too hot. I was sitting on the back porch looking out into the corn field that lay beyond. I could see Eleanor and Louis were walking around, hand and hand, in and out between the tall stocks. Every so often they would stop and hold each other or kiss, or just show any each other affection. Watching them pulled at my heart almost painfully. It reminded me of the people I’d already lost. My friends I’d met in college, I’d watched them all die or run off into the unknown. Brady and the last words he screamed at me that still echoed in my mind. Payton! Run!

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Harry, who sat himself on the steps next to me. I casted a fleeting glance his way, he was staring out at the couple in front of us, before I turned back. I sure wasn’t sure how to react around him, he was so hot and cold all the time. “She’s all he’s got, you know?” he said in a low murmur. I’ve noticed it’s basically how he talked all the time. “I don’t know what he’d do if he lost her, you know?”

I nodded, “I can imagine.” Because I could, I’d seen a lot of people I cared about die.

“That guy you were with before,” He said after a long pause, “Was he your boyfriend?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t know him all that well before this all happened actually.” I ran a hand through my hair, shaking it out a bit, “He was friends with this guy I was kind of seeing, Jason.” I shrugged, “We never defined what we were. Doesn’t matter now I guess.” Jason was this pompous frat boy, but he broke the mold because he was also really into his classes and really sweet to me. He was a nursing major, which looking at him, you’d never guess. I hadn’t through about him since the night at the dorms. It was easier just to push it out of my mind.

I could feel him looking at me but I couldn’t bring myself to match his stare. “I’m sorry for the people you lost.”

I did look at him then, “It’s not your fault Harry,” I smiled weakly.

“You said your family was back in California though, yeah?” He asked. “They’re probably fine, in the safe area.”

I shrugged, “Maybe my parents.”

“Do you have siblings?”

I nodded, “I did. I had a sister, Raven. But before the phone lines went down, I got through to my mom.” I winced at the memory. I picked at a string on my jeans trying to keep it together, “My mom said that Raven didn’t make it. There was an attack at her work or something.” I looked at over at Harry and he had an unreadable expression on his face, “She said they were being evacuated into a place in Organ.”

“Organ?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I haven’t heard anything about it, but maybe that’s a good thing.”

“It probably is,” he agreed. “Don’t lose hope Payton. It’s all we got in this.”

I tried to let his words sink in but I was already past the point of hope. I’d lost everyone and everything in such a short time I didn’t even want to give myself a little bit or hope. Before I could form a reply Eleanor and Louis walked over, “I hate to admit this but we probably need to make a supply run soon. We need to stock up on first aid stuff before we attempt to get across the country,” Louis said.

“I was thinking about that too,” Harry nodded.

Eleanor clung to Louis’ arm, “Don’t you think it’ll be safer to just wait until we all are on the move?”

“It’ll be better if just two of us go babe,” Lou tried to say comfortingly.

“We can go now, we still have a few hours of sunlight left,” Harry said standing up.

“Wait, we don’t even know where the nearest town is,” El argued.

I cleared my throat, “I uh, I came through a town. It’s about a twenty minute walk from here.” El shot me a tested look.

“You think you can draw us a map?” I nodded at Harry’s words as I stood up and followed him inside.

*****

There wasn’t much for us to do with the boys gone. I sat on the couch, leafing through an old copy of Catcher In The Rye I found up in the bedroom I was sleeping in. I had to read it in high school and I wasn’t a huge fan, but there wasn’t much else to do. Eleanor on the other hand, wouldn’t stop pacing around. “El, why don’t you sit or something?”

“I can’t,” she didn’t even bother to look up from her pacing. “They’ve been gone almost 3 hours!”

I nodded, “Yeah, but it takes about an hour of walking there and back.”

“What if something happened to them?” she panicked.

I set the book down, “Nothing’s happened to them. They’re probably just making sure they look through all the shops and buildings for supplies. It’s a long trek across the country after all.”

She sat down on the couch across from me and buried her face in her hands. Her breath was quick and she was starting to shake, “I can’t lose him Payton. I can’t.”

I went over and sat next to her. I put an arm around her shoulder in what I hoped was somewhat comforting, “Eleanor, you need to calm down. You’re going to have an anxiety attack. Just breathe okay? Breathe, in and out, deep breathes.” I started to do deep breaths to couch her to do it with me, and after a moment, she did. “Louis is fine alright? Harry wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

She nodded and brushed her hair out of her face, “Thanks,” she sighed out. “I just… we can’t lose anyone else you know?”

“Yeah…”

She latched onto my hand, “You’re coming with us right? To the safe place in LA?”

I faltered. I had been debating if I wanted to go with them, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth it to get all the way to California just to be let down when we realized there was no safe place for the living. “Oh, uh…”

“We need you,” she urged. “I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but we need you. We’d get completely lost! And there’s nothing here!”

“I don’t know. I don’t wanna step on any toes.”

She scoffed, “If this is about Harry, just don’t worry about him. He gets moody but it’s only because he’s battling his own issues.”

“Aren’t we all,” I sighed leaning back into the couch. I thought over everything that’d I’d seen since this whole thing happened. People ribbed apart; physically and metaphorically. The scared desperation in my mom’s voice the last time I talked to her. Brady’s scared face before he-, “I’ll come.” I shrugged trying to shake away the mental images running through my brain, “What have I got to lose?”

She sent me a small smile, “We’ve got to create our own families now.”

I was touched by her words. That she wanted me with them because I was maybe a part of their family now. Before I could say anything the door banged open and the boys rushed in, dumping all the bags and supplies they had with them. They were dirty and sweaty and… bloody. Especially Louis. There was blood dripping down his arm.

Eleanor and I shot up from our seats, “What happened?” she asked rushing to Louis’ side.

I stayed where I was glancing at Lou’s face and arm with caution, “Were you bit?”

“If he was, I wouldn’t have brought him back here,” Harry snapped at me. “Give me some credit.”

Louis and El sent him a look, “I got cut pretty bad on some glass trying to get into a RiteAid,” Lou said to me.

Harry started digging through a bag, “I found a sewing kit so I can stitch his arm.”

“Are you joking?” Eleanor wailed, “You can’t just stitch up his arm Haz! You’ve never sewn anything in your life!”

“You got a better idea?” he snapped.

“I do,” I volunteered. They all turned to look at me, “This guy I was seeing before all this… he was in the nursing program. I’ve seen him do stitches. I can do it.”

“Thanks but, I’ll do it.”

“No offence Haz,” Louis mumbled, “But maybe she’s better equipped for this…”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Fine.” He tossed the sewing kit at me, “Have a go,” he shot before he stomped up the stairs.

I didn’t even bother to let his attitude phase me. I was getting used to his hot and cold attitude. I turned back to Louis, “Did you guys get any peroxide or alcohol? We should probably clean that, it looks gnarly.”

He nodded before digging around in one of the bags, “Yeah we grabbed a couple of bottles of peroxide.”

“I’ll go get towels,” Eleanor said before running up the stairs.

I walked over and instructed Lou to sit on the kitchen table. I finally got to get a good look at his arm. It was covered in blood, but I could see the cut ran from right above his wrist almost up to his elbow. Right through the bird tattoo on his arm. “Doesn’t look too deep,” I said as I pulled at the skin a bit. Some blood oozed out, but it looked like it was done heavily bleeding at least.

Eleanor came into the kitchen handing me a few towels, “Harry’s in the shower,” she announced.

I took one of the towels, ignoring her declaration about the curly headed bipolar guy, and poured a moderate amount of peroxide on it, “This is gonna sting,” I warned.

“I can handle it.” Though as soon as the towel touched his skin he flinched pretty bad.

I carefully dabbed and whipped away the dirt and blood until I could clearly see the cut. The skin was a bit jagged from the glass he scrapped it on, but it was savable. “This is gonna suck Louis. We have nothing to numb your arm with.”

He took a deep breath, “I figured.” El came over and grabbed his free hand.

“Maybe you should talk to him,” I offered. “Distract him from what I’m doing.” I finished cleaning off his arm and started threading a needle. “You have a preference color on the thread?” I joked.

“Pink please!” he smirked. I laughed as I pulled the thread through the tiny hole of the needle and tied it off. I got his arm into position and he and El started talking to keep his mind elsewhere. As I started pushing the needle through his skin, he tensed but didn’t comment on it. He started telling us about the state of the town they scavenged through. They’d run into a few walkers but not more than they could handle. Which was good to hear, it meant when we left we probably wouldn’t run into any trouble for at least a few miles.

When I was halfway through stitching Louis’ arm, Harry came back down, hair damp. He sat at the end of the table and didn’t make comment as he watched my work. It was a little nerve-racking to feel his gaze on me, scrutinizing what I was doing, but I tried not to think about him.

Once I was finished stitching his whole arm, with limited protest coming from him (yes, I was surprised), Harry wordlessly rolled a tube gauze tape my way and I rolled it over the stitches. “You should be good,” I said. “Not sure how long we should leave those in for, but hopefully we’ll be in the company of others when we cross that bridge,” I wasn’t sure if that were true, but I thought better than to voice my doubts.

“Thanks babe,” Louis said placing a kiss on my cheek. “Hurt like a bitch, but thank you.” I just smiled in return.

*****

After we cleaned up the kitchen from playing doctor, and had dinner, I excused myself and headed out to the back porch. I have to say, if things were different, I would love to live here permanently. The country is just so pretty and peaceful.

I curled up on the porch swing with my journal. I’ve had it since I was probably 15, and it had all my favorite quotes and lyrics and things. I was never a real diary entry kind of girl, but I enjoyed keeping my favorite quotes close to me. It was one of the only things I grabbed before leaving the dorms.

It was a nice night out, it wasn’t quite dark out yet and there was just a small breeze. A little chilly honestly but I tried not to focus on that. It was the impending doom of winter to come.

“Hey,” I heard a deep voice that could only belong to Harry say. I turned and he was standing a few feet away from the swing. He nodded to the spot next to me, “Mind if I join you?”

I shrugged, moving my legs down, “Go for it.”

He sat down and stared off into the distance. I noticed his hands were a bit fidgety in his lap, but I didn’t think commenting on it would be a good idea. I wasn’t sure what Harry I was dealing with. He must have felt my stare because he turned his gaze on me and our eyes locked. I noticed a light sheet of red ghost across his cheeks. “What’s that?” He pointed to the leather bound book in my hands.

“It’s sort of a journal,” I shrugged. “Just something I keep with me and jot down my favorite quotes or sayings I like.”

He nodded staring down at it, “I had something like that. It was mostly something I kept and wrote lyrics for potential songs in.”

“You guys wrote your own songs?” I didn’t ask to be an asshole. I was genuinely curious.

He shrugged, “We wrote on some songs. Our new album was gonna be all us. But… well I guess that’s not happening.”

I felt for the kid. I really did, my life was thrown to shit too, “Do you think we’ll ever go back to normal?”

“I hope so. There has to be a cure for this eventually right?”

“It spread so fast. It came out of nowhere and now… there’s like no life.”

“Well there still is some life,” he argued. “We just can’t lose hope that there’s no one out there to find the cure. There has to be somewhere out there where the survivors are. Maybe even whole countries left untouched by this.”

I hummed, “It’s hard to keep that hope sometimes.”

“You have to try Payton.” He was looking at me with this intense gaze that I honestly thought he cared about my well being. He was the first to break the eye contact, instead choosing to look back over the farm we were temporarily calling home. “So you’re coming with us right?”

“I told El I would, but if that’s a problem-”

“Why would it be a problem?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s hard to figure you out sometimes. I feel like I’m just in your way half the time.”

I saw him wince, “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I don’t know, I don’t know who to trust.”

“I feel you on that.”

We were quiet then, he staring off and I leafed through random pages of my journal. “You’re welcome to come with us,” he said after a long time. I turned and he was staring at me, “Just to be clear.” A small smile appeared on his lips, “Could use your map and compass reading skills yeah?”

I chuckled, “Yeah, thanks.”

“So,” he sighed, “What’s your favorite quote in there?”

I bit my lip in thought for a second. I turned page after page trying to pick out a favorite. “Well, there’s so many different favorites but… Oh this one!” I said as I fell on a page with just 3 quotes on it, “It’s from the show One Tree Hill.”

“I used to like that show.”

“You’ve seen it?” I said a bit shocked. He nodded, “Maybe we could be friends after all Styles.”

He rolled his eyes at me, “Yeah sure. So what’s the quote?”

I cleared my throat and read my sloppy handwriting, “’You know it’s been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments in our lives while they’re happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted and it’s usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you’ve realized how wrong you’ve been, that you’ve realized how much you need it, how much you love it.’”

He was quite for a moment after I stopped reading. The look on his face looked like he was deep in thought, “It’s quite fitting yeah?”

I shrugged, “Yeah I guess so.”

He held out his hand, “May I?” I stared at his outstretched hand before I tentatively handed over my journal. “There’s a lot of One Tree Hill quotes in here,” he smirked as he turned page after page.

“Lucas Scott said some epic shit okay?”

He chuckled as he stopped on one page reading over my quotes, “I really like this one,” he said. “’Music is a total constant. That’s why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.’Sarah Dessen.”

“I miss music,” I sighed.

“Preaching to the choir yeah?”

I chuckled, “Yeah I suppose.”

“We’ll get our world back,” he stated. “I know it.”