Miss Missing You

My name is Hollie Oswin Oswald. I know Oswin is a male name, but I was named after my great-grandfather who was pretty much the coolest person back in WWII. As far as I know he saved hundreds of Germans, not matter where they were from, because he knew that it wasn’t their fault. But back to me, I was born in Yorkshire, somewhere where no one wants to be really, but it was nice. I had a good life and grew up in a large family, where everyone watched over the other one. I grew up with my parents and an older sister, whose name is Erika. She lives somewhere in Scotland with her husband David, so I never got to see her that often. I also have a younger sister who was born in 2008. I spend most of my life in Yorkshire. When I graduated from school my sister Erika and her husband booked me a ticket to America, because I always said that I wanted to see the world more than anything else. While I was in America I met John and right when I looked at him I knew that he was the one. He and no one else would be the one I wanted to marry. We hit it off right away. I told everyone that I would stay in America, because I wanted to be with John. I wanted to spend my life with him, be happy in this little village in Arizona. I had never been as happy as I had been with him, he was making me feel good, even when I didn’t feel like it. I knew that he was the one for me, because he knew about all of my flaws and still loved me with all he had. His pure mind and his poetic way of forming words into the most wonderful things were only an addition to the package. In 2009 he asked me to marry him, we were together for 4 years then and there was nothing else I could have imagine. When he asked me I started crying and told him that I would love him forever and that nothing could stop us. Back then I didn’t know how much things would change in a few years. It’s true what they say, the future is unpredictable, and you can never know what happens. Once in a while we would visit my family in England, mostly for my parents’ birthdays. One year I had to fly to England on my own, because John was busy and that’s when I met Tom again, after so many years and so many changes. I had never thought that I would ever see him again, but after all the things that had changed, my admiration for him still hadn’t completely worn off. When I was just 12 were in the same play, “A Streetcar Named Desire”, and he had become something like an older brother to me. Remember, when I was 12 he was 19. I didn’t know what he was doing on my mother’s birthday party, but I was glad that he was there. That night I got a call from a friend and band member of Johns band, he told me that John was sleeping with other girls and that he knew that he wouldn’t tell me on his own. Devastation was the first thing I felt, then anger, rage and finally pure sadness and worthlessness. Tom probably had known that I needed him that night. I knew, though that we hadn’t seen each other in a while, that he still knew what I was thinking. He knew how I felt, before I even got the chance to say something. His calming presence was the best thing that happened to me in that moment. I had guessed that John was flirting with some girls, just for the sake of being on tour and being able to do it without me being present and having to have the fear of being caught. I kinda understood it to be honest. Our relationship wasn’t always the best and we did fight at times, but nevertheless we always made up again and we’re good with each other. Knowing that it hurt me even more and in my pain and searched for help, warmth and most of all love. That night the only person that possibly could have given me all of that was Tom and so one thing led to another. I wasn’t proud of my acts, but it was kinda understandable. I left England again and went home as if nothing had happened, I wanted to talk to John first, confront him and let him see my pain and anger. When I confronted him he of course denied everything. I tried to shake it off, as I didn’t want to give up my life here and give him another chance; after all I had done the same.
I had almost forgotten about that night, when two months later I found out that I was pregnant. John was happy. We had tried it multiple times before, but it never worked out. I was happy as well, but I had and awful prediction. I guess it’s one of those things you just know. Somehow I knew that it wasn’t John’s baby, I just knew it. I decided to tell him everything and of course he flipped. We had a massive fight, which resulted in me throwing my engagement ring through the kitchen and then leaving. I went back to England. I missed home so much it was unbearable. I needed the support of my family and friends now more than ever. Again I found a safe haven in Tom. He gave me shelter and let me sleep in his guestroom. I had told him everything as soon as he had closed the door behind me and still he did all of this. Again this was a sign of true and loyal friendship to me; except for the fact that this friendship had turned into something rather difficult. Tom assured me that he would help me with everything as well as he could, which was more than I could have expected from John. Time passed, the bump grew and Tom and I became closer than I knew we would. It was as if he was always in front of me, but I never saw it. I never saw how much he was for me, how far he would go for me, what he would risk for me and most of all what he felt for me. He was incredible and somehow I knew that things would be good, everything would be fine. The baby would grow up with a mother and a father and I would have help. I wasn’t exactly sure if Tom knew how much all the things he did meant to me. All the support and love he gave me, us.
Eventually the baby was born and I had convinced Tom to name her after my grandmother, who was there for me when my parents couldn’t be and so her name was Matilda. And for the first time in a while I felt complete again. I had a family of my own, something I could run to, hold on to and be there for.
Every time Tom came home from one of his shoots I was there, Mati was there and when I needed him Tom was there for me. He actually was a great father; the way he cared about Mati was something I had never seen before in another person. He managed to make her stop crying in less than a minutes, just by pulling stupid face and making voices.