If You Told Me To

Antonia had let her bring some of the brownies home, and the look on Jake’s face when he came home from work and saw the saran-wrapped pieces of heaven on the kitchen island made Sarah’s heart soar with happiness. It had been a while since she’d seen him so incredibly elated, like a kid who had been given a present for no particular reason. And then he’d eaten four of them.

But since there were still a decent amount left, Sarah made a point of bringing a couple out to the barn with her when she went to draw, only to find that Harry had already arrived and was in the middle of typing something.

He heard her enter and looked up, only to grimace in what looked like pain. “Oh my God, please no. I’ve eaten so many of those things that just the smell is making me want to puke.”

Sarah tried not to feel embarrassed as she settled down and started to eat one. It wasn’t the most ideal breakfast, but she figured that she wasn’t going to be fourteen forever, so what did it matter if she had a horrible breakfast one morning? “Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten so many,” she pointed out after she’d swallowed her first bite.

He gave her a skeptical look. “Have you tried them? They’re kind of hard to resist.”

Sarah laughed in agreement before popping the rest in her mouth. “What are you up to?”

He shrugged. “Just a blog entry. It feels weird that I’m going home in a couple of weeks. It doesn’t feel real, you know? I miss my mom and my friends and everything, but it almost feels like I belong here now.”

“We knocked the city right out of you,” Sarah giggled, although she couldn’t completely ignore the steady pain that took root in her stomach whenever she thought or heard about Harry returning home. She’d grown so attached to him on more than just a romantic level, and the idea of being all alone again made her feel empty.

“I guess so,” he agreed with a smile, but Sarah could hear the sad tone.

She searched frantically for something to change the subject, and instead of settling on something even halfway normal, she burst out with something she’d been wondering for the past few days while tossing and turning as she tried to fall asleep. “Harry, why is it that we never seem to, like, touch?”

He froze, his fingers still poised over the keys of the keyboard, before looking up at her. “What?”

Her whole body burned, but it was too late to take it back now. “I don’t know. Like, think about it. We spend almost every day in here, sitting ten feet away, barely touching or kissing or anything. When you put your head on my shoulder the other day, you had to ask to make sure I was okay with it. Sometimes, it just seems like we barely like each other.”

She expected him to fumble for words or come up with a pre-planned answer, something to clear up the misunderstanding, but instead, he just laughed and shook his head. Then, painfully slowly, he put his laptop down next to him and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his folded legs. “You know, Sarah,” he sighed, “you confuse the fuck out of me.”

Her breath cut off for a second at his casual use of the f-word, but she tried to make it as subtle as possible. She couldn’t remember him saying it before. “What did I do?”

“I haven’t been making moves or anything because I’ve been afraid of making you uncomfortable,” he admitted. “When we first started this thing, you emphasized a hundred times how you didn’t want to rush things or go far with me or anything. I was afraid that if I showed you how much I want to touch you all the time that you’d get freaked out and stop spending time with me. So I wanted to make sure that you knew you had all the space you needed in the world, and I was happy enough just to spend time with you. I didn’t want you to feel like you kind of did at the beginning, that I only showed any interest in you because I thought you were attractive and I wanted to score with you.”

Sarah blinked and let out a long breath. She supposed she could understand that reasoning. After all, hadn’t she been petrified that he was a million times more experienced than her and she’d make a fool of herself? And that their relationship would blossom into something that depended solely on the physical aspects and ignored any kind of personality connection between the two of them?

“That’s sweet of you,” she whispered, making direct eye contact with the dusty floor underneath her. “I guess I was kind of afraid. But…um…” She thought back to the day at the lake, where he’d put his hand on her bare skin, as well as how often she’d thought about that moment since it happened, and she felt a bolt of electricity and bravery shot through her. “But I’m not afraid anymore.”

He cocked his head at her before standing and walking over to her, extending a hand to help her to her feet. She stood quickly, hoping Harry couldn’t feel her shake in anticipation, fully expecting that Harry would kiss her hard right then and there, just like something out of a movie.

But instead, he took his sweet time. He raised his thumb and traced it from her temple down to her chin, continuing the trail with the tips of his fingers down her neck, across her collarbones and shoulders, down the sides of her chest and stomach, landing on her hips. Her pulse was racing harder than she’d ever felt it, and it felt like every organ in her torso was shivering.

Then, gently, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the underside of her jaw. She swallowed and wrapped her arms around his neck, which he echoed by pulling her closer against his body with the hands still positioned on her hips.

He kissed down her neck, finally landing on a pulse point. Sarah felt him smile against her soft skin, probably laughing silently at how worked up she was getting over something so simple. But there was an intimacy to his movements, a slowness that Sarah couldn’t help but associate with more mature things, and she was uncomfortable with it in the most wonderful way.

“Harry,” she whispered, making him tighten his grip on her. “I’d like to kiss you now, if you don’t mind.”

He let out a breathy laugh before bringing his face back up to look down at her. “I can’t exactly say no, can I?”

To give her answer, Sarah went up on her tiptoes, tangling her fingers in his silky hair, and pressed a hard kiss against his mouth. He hesitated for a second, probably shocked at her initiative, but he eventually reciprocated enthusiastically.

She was breathless and dizzy, and she loved the feeling of him against her and the way his fingers were just a little shaky against a small strip of skin they’d found under her t-shirt, like this was just as new to him as it was to her, even though it wasn’t in the least. Part of her was so overwhelmed with all kinds of emotion that she wanted to cry, but she controlled herself as best as she could. She didn’t want to scare him away.

“Wow, this was totally worth giving you space for almost the whole summer,” Harry laughed, pulling back and resting his forehead against hers.

Her body was buzzing with energy, and she laughed a little too loudly. “I have to agree.”