If You Told Me To

Pain Fades

Sarah’s greatest fear about what happened that night was that it was going to change everything. Despite all of Harry’s promises, both at the beginning of the summer and after she and Harry had finished making out, that he didn’t expect anything and he wasn’t going to let their relationship fall into a rut of solely physical encounters, for the next few days, she could almost feel that he wanted to pick up right where they left off, with their shirts on the ground and him with his hands on her only-barely-clothed breasts.

But she didn’t allow herself to give in. Because, in her mind, she knew that was a one-time thing with him, and she didn’t want to betray herself to give him what she thought he wanted. It was possible that the expectations were all in her head, too, which she suspected every now and then.

On the second to last night before his departure, Harry was spending the night with Antonia, baking and watching movies, according to Harry’s sarcastic retelling earlier in the afternoon. Sarah had insisted that the quality time was a wonderful idea, especially since the two had already planned to spend the very last night together stargazing, and that he should try his hardest to be present with his great aunt while he still had her around.

Sarah hadn’t thought it was strange at all that she was spending at home, but it was a sentiment Jake didn’t share. “I have to say, I’m kind of surprised that you’re not with Harry. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but isn’t he leaving the day after tomorrow?”

She let out a sad sigh next to him, attempting to be soft enough to escape his attention. “Yeah, he is. But he needs to spend time with Antonia, and I can never get enough time with my daddy.”

He turned to give her a look, but she just grinned back at him, and after a moment, he laughed. “And I’ll take all the time I can get with my favorite daughter.”

They were quiet again for a few more minutes until the game went to a commercial. It was a blowout game, with the Twins losing by nine in the seventh inning, and judging from her father’s almost constant grumbles, he wasn’t exactly happy about it. Not that Sarah blamed him. Nothing hurt so much as losing something someone was passionate about.

And then, surprisingly, Jake leaned over to the coffee table and shut off the television in the middle of a Starbucks commercial. “Alright, Sarah, we have to talk about it.”

Sarah’s face immediately burned, wondering what, exactly, her father was talking about. Had she done something so embarrassingly wrong that he was procrastinating talking about? Or had her father heard about what she’d done with Harry three days earlier? She gulped and turned to face him, hoping that she wouldn’t start crying with humiliation. “Talk about what?” she asked, trying to remain as calm as possible, although she was sure her blush was betraying her.

“Harry was…is…your first boyfriend,” Jake started soothingly, which helped Sarah relax a little bit, but not much. “I’m sure you care about him, and he’s going to move back across the country the day after tomorrow. Are you okay?”

She wasn’t okay. She put on a smile all the time and tell herself that she shouldn’t be upset, since they’d decided back in July that they weren’t going to get too attached to the relationship, something she’d eagerly supported. But she also couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid July Sarah had been; she should have known how emotional and easily attached she got to the people close to her. Spending all day, every day, with the same person, even in a platonic way, would make her feel so connected to the person that she would be torn apart when he left, but adding romantic feelings to the mix just made it a hundred times more complicated.

“I’ll be okay,” Sarah finally answered, and she had to admit that she felt her response had been very mature. “Whenever I think about Harry not being here anymore, I feel empty and hurt, like I’m being abandoned, but I’ll be okay. I’m going to start high school soon, where I’ll probably meet friends, and I have you and Antonia, so I won’t be sad forever.”

“Abandoned,” Jake repeated, shaking his head. “Like when Mom left?”

Sarah felt a tingling all through her body at the mention of her mother. The two of them rarely, if ever, talked about her mother, and the reminder was unpleasant on countless levels. “No, nothing like Mom,” Sarah responded, maybe a little harsher than was appropriate. “When Mom left, I was relieved because she just made you miserable, and I didn’t want to see you miserable anymore. Harry leaving is more important to me. I might care about Harry like a boyfriend, but when it comes down to it, he’s my best friend, and I don’t want to be alone like that again.”

Before Harry, Sarah didn’t know what it was like to have a best friend. She never had anyone to laugh with, to talk to on the long summer days, to swim in the lake with, to talk about her drawing with. She never had anyone who trusted her enough to tell her about their unwanted virginity, their secret obsession with Teen Wolf, and personal details about their past romantic lives. She’d never felt a lack before because she hadn’t known what she was missing. After Harry, she was going to know, and the thought made her want to burst into tears.

“Oh, Sarah,” Jake whispered, pulling his daughter close to his chest and putting his hand to her hair, scratching softly at her scalp, the only way he knew to comfort her. “Please don’t feel alone. You’re going to make new friends at high school. I know you will. And once you do, you won’t even miss Harry anymore, I promise.”

Sarah just sniffled in response, trying her hardest to keep her tears at bay, so Jake rushed to come up with more soothing words. “I know it all seems important right now, when you’re fourteen and the worst part hasn’t even come yet. But I swear, in a couple of months, this won’t seem so bad. You’ll have a bunch of new friends, you’ll focus on schoolwork, you’ll be happy, and Harry will just be a fond memory. Not everyone who comes into your life is supposed to stay there.”

She knew he was right. She’d always respected her father’s advice, since he’d gone through so much more than she had, and it was obvious he wanted to make her life a little easier. But she also knew that her sadness had to run its course, and then she would be able to move forward with her life like her father suggested. “I just feel a little silly that I miss him when he hasn’t even left yet.”

“That’s normal.” He planted a kiss at the top of her head. “And you’re allowed to be sad, you know. When your mom left, I was sad for a really long while. Most of the time, it felt like all that time had been a waste, minus having you. But the longer I grieved, the more I realized that it was a part of my life that made me who I am now, and I should take the lessons I learned from it and move on. I think you should probably try to do the same. Don’t shove down your emotions; it makes it so much worse.”

Sarah swallowed and nodded against her father’s neck, blinking a couple of times to get rid of the last of the tears. She could cry when she was alone, safe in her room where her father couldn’t hear and worry. She couldn’t let him know how much she truly cared about Harry. Nobody could. Because it broke a rule. And considering the almost every one of the other rules had been broken without any acknowledgement from either of them, it was essential that the most important one remained intact.
There was a long, verging-on-uncomfortable silence between them, where Jake was probably waiting for Sarah to assure him that she was feeling better and that she would take his advice to heart. But the words never came, so they sat in silence until Jake announced he had to go to sleep for work the next day.

And then she was alone.
♠ ♠ ♠
Poor Sarah. This can't be easy for either of them, but at least Harry has something to go back to. :(

I loved how many comments I got last chapter! It made me giddy! Keep it up, guys. :D I appreciate it so much.

3 more chapters! Next one's up Wednesday. ^_^