If You Told Me To

Sarah wasn’t sure what she expected after Harry made the first move to make their friendship something more, but it certainly wasn’t nothing. After that night, Harry made no mention of his feelings or intentions with Sarah, falling back into step of their original relationship, two buddies spending time together in the summer.

A few times, Sarah almost brought it up, when it was quiet in the barn, just the sound of Harry’s clacking keys filling the space. She wanted to know what he wanted, where he stood, but she couldn’t muster up the courage to ask him. She had no idea why she was afraid, since he was just the same Harry she’d been goofing around with for the past few weeks, but it didn’t stop her from feeling that way.

“Did you want to go to the lake today?” Harry suggested three days after the confusing Fourth of July night. “It’s kind of hot, and I thought it’d be a cool idea.”

Sarah looked up at him before climbing to her feet, dropping her sketchpad on the ground. “Um, sure. Let me just go get changed into my bathing suit.”

Without another word, she disappeared into her house, closing and locking the door behind her to make sure Harry didn’t come in without permission. The thought of him accidentally walking in on her undressed made her flush with extreme mortification, and she could only imagine how horrified and angry her father would be.

Once in her room, she shut the door behind her and went over to the smallest drawer in her bureau, the one that held the three suits she owned. One was her favorite, the blue and white polka dot bikini that she’d bought the summer before. It was padded and added a cup size to her modest breasts, and it had always made her feel like a supermodel. The other two were one-pieces, old ones from her childhood that she’d used in summers past, when her only company had been herself and her own mind.

After debating for a minute, she finally pulled out the bikini and dressed, pulling on a pair of high-waisted jean shorts and an old black t-shirt to cover herself up until they reached the water. She quickly piled her hair on top of her head in a bun before making her way back out to where Harry was standing patiently.

“Hi,” he greeted with a smile when he saw her. “Ready to go?”

She nodded and led the way once again. Unlike on the Fourth, Harry was chatty as he stomped behind her, filling her in on the awkward dinner the night before where Antonia had tried to tell Harry embarrassing stories from his mother’s youth. “I mean, I laughed when she told me about my mom ripping her pants on her first day of high school, but I really didn’t need to know about the time Aunt Tony walked in my mom making out with a guy in her room.”

Sarah giggled, slightly uncomfortable, and shrugged. “Maybe she thought it was funny.” There was a short pause before she spoke again. “But can I ask you a question?”

His tone was unassuming as he replied, “Yeah, of course.”

“You call Antonia your aunt, but she seems kind of old to be your aunt. Is she really your mother’s sister, or is she a family friend, or…?” Sarah trailed off, unsure what else she could list as an option.

Thankfully, Harry picked up on the cue and jumped in. “Technically, she’s my great aunt, which means that she’s my grandfather’s sister. But saying ‘Great Aunt Tony’ all the time would be kind of a mouthful, so we just all call her ‘Aunt Tony.’ Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does. Way more sense than there being fifteen years between her and your mom.”

Harry nodded as the two of them stepped into the lake clearing. As usual, the place was deserted, but Sarah liked it better that way. Harry was much more open and funny and friendly when they didn’t have an audience. “She’s basically like my aunt, though. Since she and my mom were so close growing up, they really do act more like sisters than aunt and niece, even though they live so far away from one another.”

“That’s sweet.” Sarah felt a pang in her heart when she thought about how her family didn’t have connections like that. When her mother left, it was like she took all of her family with her. Sarah had never met her mother’s siblings, and although her maternal grandparents had sent a couple of holiday cards after her mother left, they eventually cut off all ties completely. And since Sarah’s dad didn’t have any siblings and both his parents were dead, it really was like it was just Sarah and her dad against the world.

“Can I ask you something, too?” Harry questioned, and his tone made Sarah’s ears perk up. He sounded sweet and sensitive, and she couldn’t help but hope that she was finally going to get the perfect romantic moment that she’d been waiting for. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Sure,” Sarah agreed, tucking a lock hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear.

“What happened to your mom?”

Sarah felt her stomach turn to ice as she thought back to that late night. It wasn’t something she liked to think about it, and she felt like, although it had been an important moment in her life, it by no means defined her. But since Harry had asked, she felt she had to answer. What would she gain by hiding things from him, anyway?

“She left,” she stated plainly, consciously keeping herself from getting emotional. “When I was eleven, my parents fought a lot. My dad was going through some issues that he never told me about, and my mom had no patience for them. I used to hide in my room when she screamed at him, and I always cried when it sunk in that no matter how cruel she was to him, he would never raise his voice to her. My dad may not be perfect, but he’s one of the strongest and kindest people I’ve ever met.” Harry gave her a sympathetic look, but she just shrugged before continuing. “Anyway, one night, things got really bad. She threw a crystal lamp that his mother had given them as a wedding gift at him because she was frustrated that he wasn’t insulting her or shouting back or showing any emotional at all. It shattered all over the place, right next to his face, since he didn’t move when he saw it coming for him. If you look carefully, you can see the light scars on his cheek, forehead, and neck.”

“Holy shit,” Harry muttered, but Sarah just finished her story without commenting.

“After it landed, my dad just said, ‘I think it would be best if you left.’ And she must have agreed, because she packed up her stuff, put it in her little Toyota Corolla, and left. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

“I’m so sorry, Sarah. That must have been so hard, growing up without a mom.”

“It wasn’t, actually.” Sarah had never said the words before, but there was something about Harry’s vulnerability that made the sentences pour out of her without a second thought. “My dad was more than everything I needed, and after I saw him putting rubbing alcohol on the slices all over his face, telling me that everything was okay when it wasn’t, I started to hate her. I have no desire to speak with her or meet with her, and I think she feels the same way. She probably knows how I feel. How could she not?”

Harry swallowed, as if he weren’t sure what to say. Sarah was just about to decide that the conversation was over and strip down to her bathing suit when Harry finally said, “Your mother really missed out, you know. She has an incredible daughter.”

Sarah turned and smiled at him, showing off her white teeth. “Thanks, Harry. That means a lot.”

He nodded and took a couple steps toward her cautiously. Before Sarah could ask what he was doing, he finally closed the distance and wrapped his arms around her. It was a comforting gesture, his attempt to calm what he thought were tumultuous feelings inside her. She didn’t need it, since she’d long gotten over what happened between her parents, but she appreciated it all the same.